|posted on 14-Aug-2002 6:11:28 AM|
Title:You Were Mine~~Part 1/1
Disclaimer:You and I both know I don't own a thing. The idea comes from the song, "You Were Mine" by the Dixie Chicks. Lyrics posted below.
Summary:It's in the future, and that's all I'm gonna say. You can figure out who it is on your own.
Awesome banner by Meagzie.
I Can't Find A Reason To Let Go
Even Though You've Found A New Love
And She's What Your Dreams Are Made Of
I Can Find A Reason To Hang On
What Went Wrong Can Be Forgiven
Without You, It Ain't Worth Livin' Alone
Sometimes I Wake Up Crying At Night
And Sometimes I Scream Out Your Name
What Right Does She Have To Take You Away
When For So Long, You Were Mine
I Took Out All The Pictures Of Our Wedding Day
It Was A Time Of Love And Laughter
Happy Ever After
But Even Those Old Pictures Have Begun To Fade
Please Tell Me She's Not Real
And That You're Really Coming Home To Stay
I Can Give You Two Good Reasons
To Show You Love's Not Blind
He's Two And She's Four, And You Know They Adore You
So How Can I Tell Them You've Changed Your Mind
I Remember When You Were Mine
I saw you once. Years ago. In passing. A chance meeting. And you saw me. She stepped back while you greeted me like an old friend. While you shook my hand like I was just someone you used to know. And then it was my turn. To step back and watch while you went back to her. While you clasped her hand like a lifeline, much like you had once held mine. And I felt my heart break yet again as I watched her walk away with the life she stole from me firmly within her grasp.
I remember what it was like before. And sometimes, I wonder how you could have forgotten.
The two years we spent on the run were the years we spent building our own little family. Just the six of us. Remember how we used to sit in the dark, all of us staring at the sky? How we'd count the stars and hang our dreams on them thinking they'd be safe there. That we could look up and pull them down whenever we wanted.
I remember how we'd all sit up and pass the darkest hours just before dawn keeping ourselves grounded with just the strength we were able to draw from just being together. How we kept ourselves sane with just each other's company.
And I remember how we became one. A unit. A family. Not based on physical ties. Our family wasn't based on bloodlines or genealogy. No, our family was based on something much more powerful. Much bigger. Something we thought was much, much stronger. Our family was based on the bonds of the heart.
How young and naive we all were then. To think that true love lasted forever, or even that there was such a thing. To think that happily ever after did exist. To think that the bonds between us all would keep us always close.
I remember how you'd catch my crying late at night. After I'd spent the day watching over everyone else. Keeping us all from going mad with the fear, the anxiety, the running. You'd hold me in your arms and sooth away my exhaustion. Drown out my uneasiness. Kiss away my tears. And then, I would foolishly believe that everything would be okay.
I remember the night little Jenna was created. How you whispered your sweet words of love over and over in my ear as we gave ourselves to each other. How my skin burned with your gentle caresses. How my lips ached with your passionate kisses. And I remember how we couldn't bear to close our eyes because we wanted to watch the emotions play across the face of the one person we loved more than life itself. Do you remember how we celebrated the next day? How we were so happy because somehow, we knew we were going to have a baby? You held my hand to tightly that day, not letting go of it even once. Not even when we told our friends and they took us out to celebrate.
And oh, how I've cherished that day. The one when we realized we could go back. Home. To Roswell. Back to everything we had ever know. Our parents, our memories, our homes. We even were excited to go back to the Crashdown. Where all our lives had crossed paths. I remember how you picked me up and twirled me in the air, laughing and crying and rejoicing. We were like two little kids that day. The day we finally went back.
I remember again how happy we were when we found out about our baby. When we found out that our family was going to grow yet again. I remember how you cried when you held little Jacob for the first time. And how you couldn't take your eyes off him. I can still hear your voice when you whispered to him about how much you loved me. I can still see the sparkle in your eyes when you told our baby boy how much your loved his mother.
Two years. Seven hundred and thirty days. That's how long we had. That's how long we were a family. The four of us. You, me, Jenna, and Jacob. And those were the most precious two years of my life. Even now. After everything.
Jacob's first birthday. And how you laughed and I cried when he fell asleep in his birthday cake.
Jenna's first day of preschool. And how we cried because we couldn't bear to watch her go.
Our first family photo. When Jenna wouldn't smile and Jacob wouldn't stop screaming. But those moments are the ones dearest to my heart. The moments when family came first. The moments our love and devotion to our children overcame all else.
But then she came. She came breezing into our lives one day, and just as suddenly, you were gone with her.
I remember the day you left. To start your life with her. It was much too bright and sunny a day to be filled with so much sadness and despair. You said you didn't love me anymore. That the life we'd made together no longer fulfilled your needs. You just...changed your mind. And like a snowflake on a hot summer's day, you disappeared. I felt my world crumble at my feet. All the pain and heartache I'd ever had to endure couldn't have compared to that day.
You let her come in shake up our world so badly that the pieces would never again fall into place. You let her destroy not only us, but the lives of everyone around us. You let her destroy the people we loved most.
Michael left when you did. Unable to deal with the fact that the one person in the world he looked up to the most had abandoned us all. He never came back.
And Maria? She just went crazy. She's been in an institution since Michael left. Sits for hours on end and rocks in front of the window, Alex's music CD playing in the background. No doubtedly thinking of the life that never was.
Kyle became an alcoholic. He used the high that alcohol gave him to forget the pain his friends were going through. He blamed himself for putting so much faith and respect in you. He blamed himself for believing in you. He had come to think of you as his King. And you let him down. He was drunk the day he died. Alone.
Isabel? Your sister was perhaps the worst. She used men to try and erase her troubles. Night after night, she sought freedom. Acceptance. Love. In the arms of a different man. She's spent her whole life trying to fill the void you left in her soul with every man that's ever crossed her path. And she's paid with it with her health. Her beauty. Her pride. She's been beaten by many of them. And with all her capabilities, she just let them hurt her.
And me? I've spent my life raising the two precious gems the love we once shared gave us. How could you do it, Max? How could you walk out on our babies? How could you abandon the two little children who mimicked your every move and hung on your every word? They worshiped the ground you walked on. And you ripped it right out from under their feet.
Little Jenna Elizabeth grew into a beautiful woman. She's much like Isabel once was. She's smart and successful, and....happy. She's married now, and has a family of her own. Four children. All boys. The youngest one named Max. After the father she never stopped hoping for, and the grandfather he's never met.
And Jacob Maxwell? He's grown into strong, healthy man. He's just like me. He loves Science. He's a molecular biologist. And a father. Of three beautiful children.
You're a grandfather, you know. And you've never even bothered to meet them.
I sometimes wonder if you ever stopped to think of us. F you ever stopped to wonder how your kids were doing. If they were safe. Healthy. Happy.
And I wonder if it was worth it for you. If she made you happy the way I and our children could not. I wonder if she loved you unconditionally the way I did. The way I never stopped. I tried. To stop loving you. But I couldn't. It was impossible for me to stop loving someone who I'd given my heart and soul to.
Fate has a funny way of working, though. Because when you were old and tired and your body was failing, it wasn't her that you asked for. When you felt your life slipping away, it wasn't her that you wanted by your side. It was me. And without question, I came.
And it was me who cried with you when you took your last breath. It was me who watched your eyes flutter closed for the last time. It was my hand that felt your fingers go limp in my own when the energy finally left your body.
It's been only a day since then, and I am tiring too. The connection that once bound us together so closely once, the one I thought disappeared the same day you did is taking me. I feel it with ever fiber of my being. When you died, our connection felt it. Without you it can't survive, and without it, I can't survive. All this time, I thought when I thought we had lost each other forever, I realize that we were just as deeply connected as ever.
We bury you tomorrow, and I am putting this journal with you. This letter I write now will be its last entry. I started keeping this the day you left. It has my whole life in it. I want my life to be buried with you.
I don't blame you, Max. I don't blame one thing on you. In a way, I wonder if I should blame myself. If I am the reason she took you away from me. My actions all those years ago changed the events of my life and yours. Somehow, I can't help but wonder if I caused all this pain.
Because she was my friend. Once. But not this time. No, this time, Serena wasn't my friend at all. This time, she was yours.
[ edited 1 time(s), last at 17-Sep-2002 12:36:56 AM ]