Title: It's All a Dream
Author: Justine
Disclaimer: Own nothing
Rating: PG-13
Category: Max centered. Max POV
Summary: What Max thinks after he sleep with Tess.
Author's Note: I rewatch Cry Your Name, It's too late and it's too bad and Baby it's you. I'm pissed at it. How can they let Alex die? and then make Max sleep with Tess? Evil. Anyway, feedbacks please!

It's All a Dream- Part 1 of 1

I don't know why I did it. It wasn't lust. It wasn't love. It wasn't anything. That night when she came, when she told me that she'll be here for eternity. I didn't think about what she said. I didn't think of nothing. It was just words. Words that supposed to mean something. It didn't mean anything to me. But I kissed her.

It would mean more if it was someone else. Someone that I loved. But now we have nothing. Not even friendship. I didn't believe her. I didn't have faith in her. It was wrong. I still love her. I loved her since I was 7. The first time I saw her. I knew it was her. But I didn't know things will turn out this way.

I thought I'll never have her. But one day I did. I was free to love her. But some things are too good to be true. That's when she came. That's when things change. That's when I let her go.

I let her go. I found out my destiny. A destiny that didn't include her. I didn't go after her when she left. I stayed and pray she come back. When she did she push her towards me. I make my own destiny. That's what I told her. But instead I end up with who I was supposed to be with.

I saw a memory flash. We got married at Vegas. She looked beautiful. I told her about it. I dance with her. I didn't tell her I wanted it to be true. She didn't tell me either. But I knew she did. She was going to tell me something. But it ended. I never found out. I never ask.

Prom was supposed to be the night. She was in pain. She was suffocating. I let her go again. I had a second chance but I let go. I never seem to go back. Just waiting to see what's going to happen. She saw me sitting there by myself. I remember our first kiss. It wasn't meant to happen. But it did.

That was the night. That was the night I gave up on her. Gave up on everything. I gave up on her. No faith. No nothing. A feeling of love that's gone. It didn't stop completely. Deep down I know I still love her. No matter what.

An accident.

After we kissed. Things went further. Further than I ever knew. I lost my virginity. I always thought my first time will be with someone special. But it wasn't her. The one I wanted. I did my duty in destiny. I didn't know few words can make me do something unexpected. I don't even remember any I love you's. If I said it, it doesn't mean anything. Nothing does. I didn't even know why.

I remember her. The past year. Everything that happen. And it all comes down that I cause it. Everything single thing that breaks her heart was me. I cause her pain. It was all me. Nobody else but me. I betray her. I did it. I hurt her like I always did. I screwed up everything when all she did was make things right. I screwed our relationship up. But what relationship? Our connection?

If things were different. If it wasn't the way it is. If I never gave up. If I had faith. It would all be different.

I love Liz Parker and Tess Harding is pregnant.

It's all a dream.

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 19-Oct-2002 1:27:21 PM ]