|posted on 3-Jan-2003 7:30:27 PM|
|Title: Not A Virgin|
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Roswell characters, just the storyline.
Rating: PG for now because of language. Will be NC~17 later on though.
Summary: Look at the title. It's Max and Liz of course.
Authors Note: I was reading over this story last week when a horrible realization crawled up my spine. That realization was that my story was totally messed up. The chapters didn't go together, they weren't numbered right, nothing made sense and I couldn't let something so messed up saty under my name so I've revised it. There are less chapters now because I added some together, and took some out. I hope you all like the revisions, there aren't that many.
Here I was yet again, in front of the consulers office. God, you flip a teacher off and they immediately throw you out even if they were totally asking for it.
I pulled up the teeny skirt I'd donned today and unbuttoned the top button on my cartigan. They thought I was a girl in trouble because I was "loose" as I'd heard my bitch homeroom teacher call me.
They thought I was acting out. I shook a cigarette from the pack and lit it. I inhaled deeply and felt myself relax.
Mr. Skippwith wouldn't say anything, he was the only half cool teacher in this whole school. I flipped my hair back in that way that brung all the guy's to their knees and glanced around me.
Where in the hell was Mr. Skippwith, he knew I hated having to wait for him. Just then the consulers door opened and a guy stepped through. He sure in the hell was not Mr. Skippwith.
He was tall with black hair, He wore a white T shirt and blue jeans with a chain hanging from the pocket.
Who the hell was this?
"I hope you enjoy Roswell High Maxwell." The guy, Maxwell, didn't even glance back at him but the thing that shocked me was that he didn't even glance at me either.
Back again Ms. Parker," he asked me and I turned toward him. Sexy smile back in place, "you know I love to come and visit you."
I sashayed past him into his office, not forgetting that Maxwell kid. I'd have to find him later on today, it wasn't often a new kid came to Roswell High, and I planned on making full use of it.
I walked past the girl and didn't even glance back at her. I know that wasn't a usual occurance for her. You could tell she was the type of girl who always garnered attention.
Those big brown eyes and short skirts, the girls probably hated her here.
I smiled secretly as I walked past a pair of girls in the hall and felt their eyes burning into my back. I had to find her later on today.
The school day was pretty much mundane after their meeting or near meeting anyway. I scanned the hallls but didn't see him.
I pulled at the hem of my skirt as I scanned the lunchroom for Maxwell. Where in the fuck was he, I don't like to be kept waiting.
I glance over the grounds again ignoreing the death looks from the girls and from one or two of the boys and looking over the lustful stares of most of the boys and some of the girls.
I spot him.
He was sitting under a tree all alone. It looked like he was reading something over as I seductively started to make my way over to him. That was when she jumped into my line of vision.
"Hi, I hear you're new and I just thought I'd give you a tour of the school and maybe, if you want to, the city."
If theres one thing I hate, it's a shy girl. If she wanted to ask him she should've just done it. Oh well cause he's mine now. I step from behind...... what's her name.....and smile at him.
"What Ms. Student Body means is that she wants to fuck you." The look that came across Maxwells face when I said that was pricless. I then glanced over at her to see her beat red cheeks and anger sparking in her eyes.
"That is not what I meant when I asked you that, please don't pay this .........," she looked at me as if I were a bad taste in her mouth and turned back to him, "female, any attention. She's not exactly known for her virtue and honesty."
"That stung, really it did," I said trying to cover a smile and pressing my hand over my heart. "I'll come back and speak to you later O.K.," she whispered to him and stalked off in the direction of her freinds table.
He didn't even glance up at her exit and after 5 minutes of him not recognizing my presence, I spoke up. "That was the president of the student body and the cheerleading team. I think her names Margie, Maggie, Maria, something like that."
He looked up at me and smiled one of those smiles that really means, please get the hell outta my face, before going back to reading. God this guy didn't get me at all. I wasn't put off by his seemingly lack of interest,it only spurred me on.
I plopped down on the cool grass next to him and pulled the book from his grasp, "What 'cha reading?" He didn't grab for it or try to answer my question so I skimmed through the chapters.
"I've read this," I said and handed it back to him, "freshman year, English Honors."
"You were in Honors classes?"
He said as if that were the most ridiculous and unexpected thing in the world for me to ever be in.
I was pissed.
"Yes, I did and still do have Honor's classes, Mr. Maxwell," I got up quickly and brushed off my backside as I turned toward him to finish reeming him out.
"I would appreciate it if you didn't act like that were the most obsurd thing you've ever heard and yes, I did learn the word obsurd from those Honor's classes." I was about to storm away in high fashion when I felt him grab my arm and hold me back.
I hadn't noticed during my tirade that he'd gotten up. "I'm sorry," he said softly, "I didn't mean to sound like such an ass, I just never would've guessed you'd have Honor's classes."
"Why," I asked angrilly, "because of the way I dress?" He looked at me without answering and that was the answer in itself.
"I'm sorry," he said as I tried to break from his grasp, "it was stupid and...I'm just sorry. Can you forgive me?"
I looked back at him and saw that sad totally practiced puppy dogg face and knew that I should resist but just couldn't. I smiled up at him slowly, "O.K."
the song that's being played in this chapter is the song that inspired this entire story. It's by Poe on the Haunted L.P
I smiled softly back at her as she accepted my apology, "I would love to sit here and chat with you...Elana, Eliza?"
I watched as she sneered at me and had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.
"Well whatever your name is I'll see you around."
I didn't turn back but I knew she was fuming, this game was going to be much more fun then I'd originally anticipated.
I balled my hands into to tight fists at his dismissal of me as I stalked to the library. No one dimissed Liz Parker and got away with it. I slowly relaxed and unbuttoned another of my cartigans buttons.
He thought he was the only one playing this game. I pulled out the chair to the table I was sittting at and smiled, he was sorely mistaken.
I tuned out the librarian, Mrs. Ortega and turned up my theme song,
~*I'm not a virgin anymore
I just thought you should know
Darlin' I've been around
Yeah, I've been up and down your block
In fact I have been all over town
Down by the lake
And underneath the table in my living room
Outside by the blue blue moon*~
I was quietly singing as *He* came in with none other than Maria DeLucca, the teen dream, hanging all him.
I felt anger coming to the surface again until I saw him glance at me and the self satisfied smile that covered his face afterwards.I giggled disbeleivingly, he really was trying to play a game with me.
~*You can call me what you will
Call me a slut call me a jaded pill
But darlin I've got your number now*~
I stared at him until I caught his eye and let myself slide into sex kitten mode. He seemed to notice the change in my body at once because he straitened and the innocent look dissapeared from his features.
~*I'm not a virgin anymore
I've been taken
I've been hung up
I get down and start it over again
I've been open
And I've been closed like a book
And burned down like a written sin*~
I gently bit my bottom lip as I got up slowly and made my way toward him. His mouth was agape by this time. He had the look of a man who couldn't beleive what he was seeing.
I smiled to myself, he was about to see alot more.
~*I just thought you should know my darling
Before we begin
I'm not a virgin anymore*~
I sat in the seat behind of him and Maria as she gabbed away never noticing the two of us.
"I think Maxwell, that you're trying to play a game with me."
~*Just thought you should know
Before you let another lie
Slip through those crooked little teeth
I don't think you wanna start that shit with me*~
"I wanted to tell you," I leaned in really close until I could smell his minty breath.
~*Much better yet
Tell me something dangerous and true
Oh yeah that looks much sexier on you*~
"Stop fucking around with me, you'll never win," and I touched his lips to my own.
~*Careful what it is you say
'Cause I can see right through you
On a cloudy day and darlin' I think you wanna play
I'm not a virgin anymore*~
He leaned into me trying to deepen it when I pulled away, "it's been real nice Max but it's over now."
~* Been there done that
Get the hang of it
I screw you I had a whole lot of fun with it
I've had enough now so you better take a bow
It's gonna be a new experience if you wanna play with me*~
"Don't talk to me again."
He looked like he wanted to say somthing but I didn't give him the chance before getting up and making my way toward the libraries exit. I thought he was like me, that we could be together.
~*Daisy chains and maryjanes
Happy ending fairy tales
Cannot fool me now*~
I straitened, guess not. Seeing as though he wasn't coming after me. Oh well, I'd been alone before he got here, I could be alone again.
~*Hell I've been divided
Out of my mind and reinvented again
I've been ignited and then uninvited
You break it up
I'm gonna put it back together again*~
I stepped from the library and tried to ignore the pain that went through me. What was wrong, I'd been with tons of guys. Guys that worshipped at my feet, what was so diffrent with this one.
This guy who's last name I didn't even know. I put my headphones back on and began to go down the stairs when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
~*I just thought you should know my darling
Before we begin*~
I turned and there he was, "Elizabeth." That's all he had to say before stood toe to toe with him and flipped him before charging down the stairs, no man got the better of Elizabeth Parker.
~*I'm not a virgin anymore*~
I sat on the hard cool floor in disbeleif. Had I, an 160 pound 6 foot male just got my ass kicked by a girl that couldn't weigh more than 115.
I stood up and wiped the seat of my jeans, "This isn't over Liz," I screamed down the empty stairwell."
I was sure she wasn't there, that she couldn't hear me but I had to say it anyways.
"This isn't over," I repeated to myself and went back inside.
I heard him yell to me and pushed back into the corner. He was my type, a guy I could really like, a guy just like me.
He had to be destroyed.
It was trully disconcerting for someone else to be doing the same things you do to other people to you. Does that make sense? One minute I was practically drooling over him and barely stopping myself from jumping into his lap.
Then theres the times when I want to....I don't know, castrate him. Well maybe not that far but..... I slipped into a seated position on the floor under the stairs. I want him, but I don't.
I remember when everything was so simple. Flirt with em, fuck with em, then run from em. The thing was, I wasn't so sure that when I got through with phases one and two, that I'd be able to go through with phase three.
I sighed and thought sadly, that'll be the day that everything changes, that'll be the day that the ubtouchable Liz Parker will be in love.
I pulled the aquamarine skirt higher over my thighs as some older men watched with barely concealed lust. Guy's were so stupid, they always let the brain in their pant's do the thinking.
I turned toward them slowly and let my hair fall around my face in chesnut waves, I know they're stupid but that makes messing with them even funnier.
I started towards them slowly while slipping into wallflower mode. Theres nothing old dirty men like more than a young woman except a young woman who doesn't know her beauty.
"May I take your order?"
I never looked up at them as they placed their order and I walked away toward the back.
Nothing to it.
I stretched as I went through the back doors and started when I heard loud clapping.
"Bravo Liz, those guys were all over you."
He stepped up until we were chest to chest and I had to look up into his eyes. "Little do they know you want a young man.." he paused, "..one with stamina."
He smiled that lacivious smile at me and I had to clamp down on the tempting flares of heat that were already bursting in my abdomen.
"Didn't I just beat your ass? You come back for more?"
"I think I did because with you, I seem to like it rough."
Max: 1, Liz: 0
"What do you want?"
He smiled because he knew that I knew that when you changed the subject in a game of one upping, that pretty much meant that you'd lost.
"Just came to see my girl," he said while throwing an arm around my shoulders.
I immediately threw it off even though my entire being protested, "I'm not your girl and if you don't leave now I'm calling the manager."
We stood there, neither one of us moving when I broke the quiet struggle between us.
"Fine," with that I moved to go to the office when he turned me back towards him and let some white cloth in his hand unfold. It looked like an apron.
I felt my stomach clence at the realization of what it was.
"I can't go now Liz, this is my very first shift as a busboy and if I took my first day off. Well I don't think the employer would be happy."
I watched him fold back up his apron and make his way to the bathroom to change.
Max: 2, Liz: 0
"Have you ever heard that expression, 'it is better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all?"'
As I stand across the room watching Maria as she drapes herself all over Max with no shame what so ever.
I think that that is possibly the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard....not that I'm in love with Max....cause I'm absolutlely not.
I took a deep gulp of the warm alcohol in my plastic cup. I'm not sure what it is, I don't care what it is, as long as it gets me dead ass drunk.
Kyle swaggers toward me and I'm wearing my trademark half smile without even realizing it. He's totally out of it and that's fine with me because I really don't feel like talking tonight.
I take a look over at Max and he catches my eye.
'I feel like fucking tonight.'
"Hey Liz. What's up?"
His words are slightly slurred but otherwise he's O.K.
"Fine. You seem better though."
He starts to chuckle loudly and almost trips off of the steps we're standing on.
"I am better. I feel better than I've felt in a long time."
I nod and take a drink from my cup again as I try not to seek Max out on the floor. We hadn't spoken since that day in The Crash when....The Incident....occured.
Theres a loud silence between us for a moment before he moves in toward me and puts his arm around my shoulder.
"You wanna go upstairs?"
"Wow," I think bitterly, "that was strait to the point."
I arched toward him letting the smile cross my face, "maybe."
He licks his lips and I watch as an almost desperate look enters his eyes. I feel a horrible pang of guilt then. I know that he likes me, more than just some fuck buddy, and I know that I'm using him.
"Really," he asks in an pleading voice.
Then I suddenly realize that I don't care in the least.
I let my eyes wander to where Max and Maria are dancing. I see his eyes are locked on us, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Yeah really," I grab his hand, "lets go upsatirs."
He lets me lead him through the throng of people on the steps and in the upstairs hall. I look back down at the floor just before I enter the room. Max is nowhere to be seen.
I had been watching her all night but I couldn't seem to catch her eyes. She was wearing a very V necked little black dress with shirley temple curls in her hair and a big cup of some illegal substance in her hand.
She was stunning.
She was a contradiction.
She was everything I wanted.
I had been trying to talk to her since....That Thing....that happened at work but she'd been nearly impossible to catch up with lately.
Maria let her hand wander to my crotch and I momentarily lost my track of thought. It was when I was pulling her away and catching her as she almost fell when I looked up and finally saw her, seeing me, seeing her.
We stayed that way for a moment until she turned her attention to Kyle and I slowly kept dancing with Maria. The only reason I'd even brought her was to catch Liz's attention but as I watched them walking toward a room I realized that maybe that'd been a mistake.
I caught her eye again and her face was blank as she turned away and continued their journey.
"What's up baby?"
Maria was grinding her pelvis into mine and I grabbed her shoulders to hold her away from me.
"Nothing, I just need to go have a breather."
I saw her about to ask to accompany me and quickly added, "alone."
She nodded and turned to dance with another guy as I made my way outside and breathed in the cool New Mexico air. "What was she doing up there with him?" I mentally slapped myself, "what do you think they're doing up there?"
I went in my pocket and got out a ciggerate. I went back to search for a light when I saw one there in front of me. I leaned forward, lighted it, and thanked the person.
The voice was feminine and I didn't recognize it so I turned toward her and took her in. She was about Liz's height, blond, blue eyes, in a tight pink wrap around dress.
"Do I know you?"
I put out my hand and she took it with a smile.
I looked him up and down. Black jeans, black shirt, silver chain around his neck, silver chain on his jeans.
He was hot.
He introduced himself and I smiled. I thought people only named their dogs Max.
It was quiet for a moment.
"Go after her."
He looked at me confused for a moment, "men are so dumb."
I repeated myself slowly, "go after them. I've watched you watching her all night and it's only been what...15 minutes. They couldn't have done that much yet."
He raised an eyebrow.
"You can do alot in 15 minutes."
I shrugged, "so what, It's not like she hadn't done any of that or had any of that done to her before."
He spun toward me angrily and I put my hands up in surrender.
"I'm just saying it wasn't like she was a vigin when you met her."
The anger melted from his face, "but..."
"No but's," I turned him toward me.
"I won't be angry if you desert me for her and here," she took the ciggerate from his mouth, "now that's not keeping you either."
He stood there for a moment beofre breaking toward the house. I leaned against the brick and took a drag with a smile.
I tried hard to think about something.
Puppies, kitties, cake....anything besides the fact that Kyle had his face between my thighs and we were both naked and sweating and in a moment he'd be inside me.
I tried to think about anything but that.
I concentrated on how good it felt and tried to picture someone else there.
Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, that really hot guy Jason Behr from that show....Max. I tried to shake him from my thought's but he just wouldn't leave.
My eyes fluttered open as the lights flashed on over my head and a chill creeped over my body where Kyle had been. I listened to groans and the sound of flesh slapping flesh but I couldn't quite stand.
The liquor was now pounding through my veins and I could hardly sit up as someone started to dress me and bring me down the steps.
People were gawking, staring, pointing, talking behind their hands with evil glints in their eyes. Why was Kyle doing this?
We were outside and he was putting me in his car and that's when I realized that it wasn't Kyle, it was Max. That sobered me up real quick.
I jumped from the car, "what are you doing?"
He looked slightly freaked by my outburst but began to follow me.
"Saving you. You were drunk and I really needed to speak to...."
"Don't even Max. I never asked for a knight. Just leave me alone O.K."
"Don't Liz me. You don't care about me you were just angry that he was getting what you wanted but guess what...he's gotten it before."
I stopped walking away and turned in a circle, "everyones gotten it and guess what....you never will."
"Liz please...that's not what I want from you..."
I stopped dead in my tracks then, turned, and slapped him across the face.
"Stop lying, that's what everyone wants from everyone else. They don't want love or commentmit and if you think that'll get me your dead wrong. Someones already fed me that line."
"LIZ!!!" I didn't turn back, "fine, I don't need this."
"Leave me ALONE," I screamed and listened as he got into is car and drove away.
There was another poet that once said, "the things that don't kill you....make you want to die." Now that guy was living in the real world.
The song in this chapter is By: Fiona Apple-The way things are
I wouldn't know what to do with
If you gave it to me
I've been avoiding him.
Two weeks of running and hiding and skipping school. It's not like I don't usually skip school but I don't like having to keep a low profile.
"Hey Miss, can I have a refill?"
I looked up at the burly truck driver and nodded.
I couldn't take the embrace of
a real romance...
It'd race right through me
He smiled and took the cup to bring to the back when he stepped into my view.
"Liz, I really need to speak you."
I looked up into Max's face and wanted to decline his offer. I wanted to scream and shout and tell him to leave me the hell alone but instead I found myself taking off my apron and telling Betty, an older waitress at The CrashDown, to watch my shift for a few moments.
We stepped out the side of the building and stood there for a few moments, not talking.
I'm much better off the way
"Look Liz, I know what you've done and I know that you're hurting and I wanna help."
I looked at him for a moment, marveling at the tenacity of this...this...stranger.
"Who do you think you are?"
He looked at me for a moment, his face a portrait for stunned and a smug smile covered my face.
"You don't know who I am, you have no idea, and I don't appreciate you saying that you know what I've been through. You. Know. Nothing."
Much much better off, better by far,
"Max don't, I know that you think you understand and in a lot of ways we are a lot alike but it's not the same for us. The world treats us diffrently Max and if people knew some of the things I've done...they wouldn't know how to take it."
His voice was soft, so earnest. I looked in his eyes and I could see that he wanted to understand what I was going through. I wanted to want to tell him, to feel something, wanted to be normal but instead of gratitude at his careing, all I felt was anger.
I wouldn't know what to say to
a gentle voice...
It'd roll right past me
"Oh shut up, you can do anything that walks and get away with it, me, if I don't wait until marriage, if I'm not the chased virgin, I'm a dirty whore."
I looked at him and lowered my voice.
"I walk throiugh the halls and girls cross to the other side as if slut is contagious.Guy's I fucked just the night before pretend not to know me the next day. I'm the dirty secret in everyones closet." I laughed cruelly, "I'm a fucking pariah."
"You're not a slut Liz."
I looked at him with blank eyes, "you know that I am."
And if you chalk it up you'll see
I don't really have a choice...
So don't even ask me
He put his head down and I felt of something in my chest, I hadn't been expecting him to give in so easily.
"Wow, you sure gave in easily."
Helloked across the alley at me and some of the gentlness was gone from his eyes.
"You are a slut Liz. You know who you are better than I do and I don't care if you are. Doesn't that make a diffrence?"
"What was that Max? Was that supposed to be tough love? That's really not what I need right now."
I'm much better off, the
way things are
Much much better off, better by far
I sneered, "now be a good boy and run along to your mansion in the hills and leave us lowly servents about our duties."
I courtseyed in front of him mockingly.
So keep on calling me names, keep on,
I laughed when I saw his hurt face. So what if he was in pain, nobody cared when I was.
"I was just trying to help."
It was a whispered plea, but it was as loud as a drill in my ears. Max hadn't ever done anything to me. I sighed, to bad he was a guy.
To bad he had to pay for all the others.
And I'll keep kicking the crap
till it's gone
There was another long bout of silence.
"Look Max, don't worry about me. You don't have to put my name down on the list of the damned O.K. I have a boyfriend, Sean, he'ds coming home at the end of this month so there'll be someone taking care of me. Don't worry."
If you keep on killing, you could
get me to settle
And as soon as I settle, I bet I'll be
Able to move on
I looked up at her.
"You have a boyfriend?"
She turned away from me as if some huge secret had just been revealed and she was ashamed.
"yeah, he's been upstate in a boy's home for robbing a convient store. He's been there two years."
I watched her until she started to squirm under my scrutiny, "do you really think some convict is going to be able to help you?"
I watched her face flame in anger and humiliation.
"You telling me you've never been to Juvy?"
I licked my lips ans looked down.
"Look everyone, it's the pot calling the kettle black."
How can I fight, when we're on
the same side...
How can I fight beside you
"Leave me alone."
"God," I turned in frustration, "is that always your answer? Run off when people are asking you hard questions?"
She didn't answer.
"You know what Liz? Fuck. You. I'm sick of being attacked for trying to help you."
So keep on calling me names,
keep on, keep on
And I'll keep kicking the crap
till it's gone
"No one asked for your help!"
"Fine then Liz. I'm sick of being cut down and you know what else? I'm sick of you. Maybe I will take that date that Maria offered me this weekend."
If you keep on killing, you could
get me to settle
I stiffened up at that and hoped he hadn't noiticed. I turned toward him and the smug smile on his face said that my hope was unfounded.
"Good Max, I hope you have a nice time."
And as soon as I settle...
I walked back toward the building and the last thing I heard from him before the door shut was, "Oh I will. I hope you have a nice life without me!"
I bet I'll be
Able to move on
R chapter- giving you all a little M/L. Beware though, it's never that easy.
Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.
I stared at a couple mouthing in the middle of the hall and grimaced.
"Get a room!"
They didn't even look up at my yell, just kept making a total spectacle of themselves, in front of half the student body.
Even I had class enough not to french in front of everyone.
The guy pushed his girl up against the locker and I looked away. Not because I was upset but because it made me so ill I...,whatever.
The bell chimed for first period and I went toward my new A Period class, Biology. I trotted there, this was always my favorite subject.
Ms. Simone smiled at the kids that were seated at the many tables.
"Welcome to Honor's Biology kiddies. This class will not be a walk in the park and you will get the grade you've earned whether it's a 100.00 or a 68.99 because guess what children, I don't grade up."
There was a loud groan accompanying her words and she smiled and quieted them down.
"But there will be alot of fun to. Today I'm putting you in groups and......"
That's when Maxwell Evan's decided to come stumbling in the room 15 minutes late looking slightly disheveled. He scanned the students and when his eyes landed on mine a small smile formed.
Great, he had sucessfully ruined my entire day in 5 seconds.
Ms. Simone watched him walk toward my table and began to talk.
"This is and was the first and last chance for any of you to be late. Do it again, and it's an automatic detention."
She turned toward us, "got it Mr. Evans?"
He stood up tall and saluted her, "yes mam."
She smiled, "good, now let's get at it."
She went down the line putting everyone into groups of two. I prayed harder then I've prayed in my entire life that she would put me with someone else, anyone else.
"Helen & Charlie, Liz & Maxwell...."
I pretty much stopped listening after that.
Why was the universe so against me?
"Guess it's you and me."
I looked at him to see that stupid assinine grin slathered across his face and decided that breaking his jaw would give him the satisfaction that he had gotten to me. There was no way in hell I was giving him any sort of satisfaction so I smiled tightly and turned toward the front of the classroom to wait for instructions on the lab.
30 minutes into the class everyone was done. It had just been a little questionaire about what we knew and what we wanted to learn while we were here. You know, the regular bullshit.
The only problem was that she'd given us a free period and now I had nothing to do except sit by Max for an hour. I looked up and watched with fascination as the little hand went forward one then back three.
If that was any indication, it was going to be a very long day.
We'd been sitting by eachother for maybe 5 seconds totally quiet until he rose his hand, "Can I go to the restroom."
She nodded absently and before he disappeared around the corner of the door, I'm sure he looked at me and nodded to follow him out. I sat back and crossed my arms, he was crazy if he thought I would actually do that.
10 min's later
'Where the hell is he?'
I've been wandering through these fucking empty halls for like 2 minutes and he's nowhere. I'm about to go back to class when someone grabs me by the middle, covers my mouth ,and pulls me back into a closet. My first thought.
'Sweet Jesus, Crazy Psycho janitor on the loose.'
I toward him ready fight when I realized it was Max ready to topple over laughing at me.
"You should've seen your face."
I hit him on the arm a little more playfully then I'd intended and waited for him to calm down.
"How are you?"
I tilted my head to him and was about to leave when he stopped me.
"No really I called you in here for a reason."
After time had passed and he still hadn't elaborated I pushed a little.
He licked his lips and leaned into me, "for this."
And he kissed me.
And I kissed her.
Just like that I leaned forward and touched those lips that I'd been daydreaming about all through class to my own and they all paled in comparison. If I had known it would be this easy I woulda done it earlier.
She had on some sort of strawberry lipgloss and it tasted so good. I wanted to beleive that she'd worn it for me and so I did.
Liz had worn strawberry lipgloss today that tasted like heaven because she'd known. On some unconcious level...she'd known what was going to happen.
I knew it was stupid but I really did think that.
She made this sound in the back of her throat that was so little but ohhh sooo sexy that I felt my already straining jeans get even tighter.
I pushed her up against a small table and lifted her onto it. I spread her legs and stood inbetween them.
"What are you doing?"
She started to tense up.
I ran the pad of my thumb along the lacy hyme of her panties. The juncture between her torso and thigh damp already.
"God Max stop."
There was no force behind her tone though, it was more breathless. Less Get-The-Hell-Off-Of-Me and more God-Please-continue.
"You don't mean that."
She didn't deny it and I got bolder. I pushed the palm of my hand against her wettest part and felt her jerk violently against me.
"You liked that?"
She just glared at me and I laughed. I even could've sworn she smiled before looking away.
"Look at me."
She just tightened her jaw and turned her face as far away as she could. The smile slipped from my face and I let my hand slid beneath the elastic to touch her bare skin.
She tightened slightly and almost inaudibly gasped.
But I'd heard it.
I nuzzled my face into her nack and let my index finger rub inside her and used my thumb to touch her clit. She started making these desperate sounds and grabbing at my cloths. I pulled back so I could watch her face.
I wished that I could be inside her when she came, leave a little part of me that she'd never be able to get rid of.
I watched her fall apart in my arms and lean against me as if I was her lifeboat and wandered if she'd ever let anyone alse watch her after they fingered her till she came. Was it possible I was the first?
Liz raised her head and looked at me looking at her and the thought seemed more possible, she looked absolutely freaked.
She jumped off of the table and didn't try to smoother the smile that came to my face when she wobbled beofre finding her balance.
'Finding it hard to walk are ya?'
She must've known my thoughts direction when she stopped moving and fixed her cloths quickly.
"You go out first, I'll come back to class a little later.
"God Max, we'll talk about this later."
I didn't believe her but we couldn't talk about this now.
I looked back at her once before I went back to class.
I leaned against the door and tried to get the memory of the look on his face after I'd come out of my mind. I didn't like it when they looked at me, but he wasn't like the others now was he?
I clamped down on that line of thought. No time, just get back to class. I will talk to him later on tonight, he deserves that. I'll tell him why we can't be and everything will be fine.
My racing heart said otherwise.
I took a deep breath and exited the closet. I turned to go back to class when someone grabbed me, covered my eyes and mouth, and pushed me against the wall.
I was about to tell Max to let go when he dropped his hands and ran his fingers down my face. I looked up at him, my mouth open like a fish but I didn't care.
"Hey baby, daddies home."
I looked up with disbeleiving eyes, "Sean?"
There is a condition worse than blindness, and that is, seeing something that isn't there.
-L. Ron Hubbard
"Mr. Evans, please get your finger out of your mouth. This is not Pre K."
I let the diget slide out slowly, swirling my tongue around the tip to catch every last bit of her left. I closed my eyes and relived the entire scene again.
Her clutching at me, how slick she felt, how her face looked afterward. I sighed and tried to ajust myself without anyone noticing.
This was going to be a new start for us, I smiled, I know it will.
Ms. Simone came in front of me and leaned across the desk.
"If I have to tell you to to stop sucking your finger again, I'm going to put you in the corner."
A ripple of laughter went through the classroom and I let it slide out again, I hadn't even realized I'd put it back in.
There would be lot's of times in the future that I could taste her.
He licked around the shell of my earlobe and squeezed my side.
He moved down toward my neck and sucked fervently while his hand moved steadily downward.
I licked my lips and looked out of the window at the desert around us. Why was this so diffrent now. We used to come out here all the time for necking and sex and now things were just....diffrent.
Two months ago I was dreaming of the moment when we would be back out here, in his truck, doing exactly this.
His hand moved to my upper inner thigh, I grasped his wrist, and pulled it away.
His face was all red and he was sweatig slightly. My mouth was in a o of shock. I'd never stopped him before and I wasn't quite sure why I'd stopped him now.
"I don't know."
The only thing I did know was that, in some way, this was all Maxwell Evans' fault.
I was staring to worry.
She never came back from the closet and I hadn't seen her in the halls. Had she ditched? Why hadn't she invited me? Were we a couple now?
So many questions to ask and she was nowhere.
The bell for B period rang and I ignored as I jogged toward the swinging doors that would lead to freedom. I pushed them open when I felt a pull backward.
I looked up into Mr. Duran, the angry Dean Of Discipline's, face.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Just stop trying to explain O.K. We'll talk later."
He didn't wait for my reply, just sped away and left me alone in the parking lot. I watched the dust behind his car for a moment before I went into the school and headed toward the Lunch Room.
"Where have you been?"
I looked down at the pattern of the tiles.
"I've been looking for you everywhere."
I turned toward Max and shrugged my shoulders, "just around."
He looked like he was about to get angry before he smiled instead.
I was vaguely suspicious at how easily he'd given up.
"Maybe we can go out tonight..."
I cut in, "can't make it, I'm sorry."
I looked away at the look that crossed his face.
I was pretty sure he hadn't meant for the words to come out that way but they had been slightly cracked, hurt, and I felt a little peice of me hurting too.
I looked at him pointedly, "Sean."
There was a blank then realization dawned.
He looked away with a sad smile.
I didn't answer because I knew that he already knew it.
I saw that he wouldn't meet my eyes.
"Well I guess that's for the best then. It really never would've worked out between us. You have Sean, I have....Maria."
He smiled at me and I tried to smile back but this...it just hurt to much.
"Yeah I guess."
He nodded and began to walk away from me, from us.
"I guess I'll see you around."
I had begun to walk in the other direction and turned back toward him.
There was only 20 paces seperating us but it felt like an eternity.
"Yeah...I gues so."
With that we went our seperate ways.
The song in this chapter is By: Marilyn Manson-Scuicide is painless
Later that night I laid across the width of my bed and stared up at the ceiling. I thought about Liz and how her boyfriend was now back in the picture.It would be so much easier if he could just let her go but as a picture of her floated through his mind he knew with conviction that he could never do that.
I groaned loudly and turned on my side when someone knocked on the door.
Jeffrey opened the door and stood before me in his tailed black coat and pants with a white dress shirt underneath. He pulled out a large bell and shook it twice.
"Dinner is served Mr. Evans."
I sighed and got up from my comfortable position.
"Thank you Jeffrey."
He nodded without ever looking my way and exited the room quickly. I guess thoughts of Liz would have to wait until later when I had time to trully appreciate them.
As I exited my room one thought crossed my mind.
I wander what she's doing?
*Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be*
I looked at myself in the fogged over window and tried to tune out my moms and her boyfreinds screams.
Why hadn't I taken Sean up on his offer to come and live with him at his tiny apartment over "Dales Motorcycle repair Shop?"
Why was I even asking myself a question that I already knew the answer to?
*The pains that are withheld for me
I realise and I can see...*
I shook my head and opened the trailers rickety medicine when there it was, right in from of me.
My mothers Seconal.
*That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please*
My eyes were on fire, I'd kept them open so long, but I couldn't seem to get them to close. That little white bottle held so many diffrent roads I could choose to travel.
Take one so that I could drown out mom and Gray's voices but if she came in and found out....a grimace crossed my face. She'd go absolutely beserk. It wouldn't matter that I'd used it so that I could actually get some sleep in this house.
Something bitter and anger peirced my stomach and I was finally able to close my eyes against the onslaught of feeling.
*I try to find a way to make all our little joys relate
Without that ever-present hate*
I try to remember the good times...and come up empty.
I try to think of something in my life that's good and pure...and come up with the same hand as before.
I brought my hand slowly up and grasped the bottle in a slow caress, that of a fond lover.
The answer to all my problems.
*But now I know that it's to late, and...
That suicide is painless*
My tongue poked out and lubricated my lips involluntarilly. Suddenly my throat was dry, nipples hard, body taut. This was the moment that it all came down to really.
It was time to make a choice.
*It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please*
I looked at the bottle with something akin to awe and fear mixed crazily together.
Thoughts raced through my mind.
What was I doing?
Why hadn't I thought of this sooner?
*The game of life is hard to play
I'm going to lose it anyway*
The sound in the front room had changed from loud bickering to low shreiks and moans. I looked at the door with a disgusted look.
didn't they know I was here?
I reached out and locked the door.
Of course they knew, they just didn't care.
*The losing card I'll someday lay
So this is all I have to say...*
I looked back at the bottle with narrowed, scared, but determined eyes and slowed unscrewed the lid and looked down at the cotton inside.
It was a new bottle.
I smiled a little.
*That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes*
I pulled the cotten free and smelled it's medincinal scent wafting free.
I began to tilt the bottle into my cupped left hand when I stopped short with a burst of panic.
Why was I doing this?
Maybe there was another way.
*...and I can take or leave it if I please*
"Hey titless," he knocked gailly and I heard my mother chuckle.
"You in there?"
I balled my hand and rubbed at my eyes, praying for them to just go away.
*The only way to win is cheat
and lay it down before I'm beat*
"I asked if you were in there girl. You best answer me."
I heard my moms slow bored voice.
"Leave her be, she always was boring."
I heard them walk away from the door and felt my body loosen.
*...and to another give my seat
for that's the only painless feat
That suicide is painless*
I looked in the mirror at my flat brown hair, then looked down toward the baby blue tee I was wearing, I really was titless.
I licked my lips again and let one of the pills fall into my hand. I glanced at it with empty eyes before bringing it to my mouth and swallowing it.
*The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins*
I sat at the table and felt a sudden need to call Liz. I'd felt this beofre but now...it was diffrent.
"May I be excused?"
My parents stared down at their plate, not even glancing up.
"Thanx," I said sarcastically and made my way tomy bedroom.
Now to find out what her number was. The urging to call her was getting frantic.
*But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger...watch it grin...*
I rubbed my face.
Two were down the hatch, 21 to go, but I was already getting groggy. Maybe this wasn't the best idea.
I pushed it away.
Of course it was.
*It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please*
I poured out a third and fourth and was bringing to my lips when my cells sudden shrill ringing startled me into dropping them.
"Get that Liz!"
My mother screamed when on the 3rd ring it still hadn't been answered.
*A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key*
"Stupid ungratful bitch," she muttered just loud enough for the whole park to hear.
"Ge the fucking phone. I'm pretty sure it's for you," she said with undisguised sarcasam and disgust.
I closed my eyes against the pricks that were suddenly filling them.
*Is it to be or not to be
and I replied 'oh why ask me?*
I looked between my jeans and my hand that held the two retreived pills with panic.
Why was there this sudden undecision?
It should have been easy.
*Cause suicide is painless
It brings on many changes*
At the 6th ring I sat the pills on the counter top and tentatively reached for my cell.
*and I can take or leave it if I please ...*
"...Liz? I'm sorry to be bothering you Liz but...I really had to call you for some reason."
There was silence.
"Um...I just wanted...needed to tell you that I can't wait to see you and that...that I think you're beautiful.
I listened to the dial tone after his abrupt disconnection.
"Thank you Max."
I topped up the bottle and replaced it in the cabinet as I made my way to my room.
Thing's had changed.
*and you can do the same thing if you please*
Please reply on the thread in the link. Just made a new one for this story and I need some replies, it'll only take a second:
[ edited 3 time(s), last at 6-Jan-2003 1:40:05 PM ]