posted on 14-Sep-2001 4:02:38 PM
I thought I'd take Liesel's lead and post all my 1-part fics on one thread....
Here's the order for you:
Stumbling Closer To You
Pictures and Memories
Take My Hand
Breathing
Betrayals and Lies
Wounded
Together Forever
Never Let You Go
Max and Liz's Dreamy Reunion
Another Ditch in the Road



Title: Stumbling Closer to You
Summary: After the events in Departure, Max and Liz REALLY need to talk!
Background: Post-Departure…if you haven’t seen Departure or aren’t spoiled to the core…you may want to avoid this fic!
Category: M/L
Rating: PG-13
Author: AnneB
E-mail: dreambehr⊕yahoo.com
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. As much as in my wildest dreams I would love to dictate every move that Max and Liz make on the painfully slow path back to one another…it is nothing but a dream. Max and Liz belong to Fox, WB, UPN whoever owns them, not to mention Melinda Metz who we all adore, and of course the almighty wonderful Jason Katims. The song Fool is by Lifehouse…it belongs to them.

~Author’s Note~

Fool is an unpublished Lifehouse song and I could not find the lyrics to it ANYWHERE. I want to thank Addison for helping me with the lyrics. They may not be exactly correct, but they’re my interpretation of the song.

Also major thanks goes to RosDeidre for helping me with my writing and giving me inspiration to be a better writer than I settle to be…here is attempt number one at me growing in my writing…I hope! And thanks to Carol for beta reading…*hugs to my soon to be LA roomie*

Fool

Seems my own arrogance
Has knocked me off my feet again
When you know, I'm crawling to you
As fast as I can
First teach me to walk
And then I'll learn to dance for you
Like an honest clumsy clown
Tripping along the way

‘Cause I am reaching for you
But my arms aren't long enough
And I am running to you
If I could go a little faster
And I am crying to you
But I can't hear my own voice
And I am waiting for you
Trying not fall asleep now

‘Cause I am clumsily dancing away this fear
I am stumbling closer to you
And I’m tumbling over my pride
And I will be a fool for you

What are you thinking
As you look down on me
Are you frustrated with my emphasis conceived
Or intrigued that I can find the will to get back on
Or maybe all of this is simply amusing

‘Cause I am reaching for you
But my arms aren't long enough
And I am running to you
If I could go a little faster
And I am crying to you
But I can't hear my own voice
And I am waiting for you
Trying not fall asleep now

‘Cause I'm clumsily dancing away this fear
I am stumbling closer to you
And I’m tumbling over my pride
And I will be a fool for you

And I’m clumsily dancing away this fear,
I am stumbling closer to you
And I’m tumbling over my pride
And I will be a fool for you




Stumbling Closer to You


The warm spring desert wind came whirling and flying through the dark alley, rushing past where Max Evans stood, his back pressed up against the brick wall behind him. The brick was still warm from the scorching heat of that May afternoon, but the breeze was cooler, offering a strange contrast to each other, as Max leaned back, staring up to the balcony above.

It felt strange, standing below her window in the dead of night like this…it had been so long, and so much had changed between them. A year before this would have seemed natural…to him, to Liz, to any of their friends or family…but now, Max felt almost out of place so close to her. It made his heart ache with pain, to know that he had let things get so out of control.

Staring up into the night, Max studied the wall edging around her window, blocking his view, and all the while he could help wondering what she was doing. Was she sitting outside, writing in her diary like she used to a year before? Was she waiting for him, expecting him? Or did she not want to see him at all…

Max sighed, swallowing nervously, as he tried not to linger on the butterflies that had invaded his stomach. He knew he had hurt her…more than he had ever imagined that he would ever be capable of hurting her. Everything that had happened between him and Tess these past few weeks were like Liz’s worst nightmare come to life and beyond…just like his had been the thought of Liz and Kyle. The only difference was his was real, while Liz’s had just been a setup.

Max’s heart ached at the thought of all of the lies, all of the betrayals that they had suffered through over the last year. What made it all the harder, was that they had both suffered silently, alone, never willing to turn back to the one person that they needed the most…each other.

Was anything ever just as it seemed?

Max answered his own question instantly, without a second thought, the answer screaming loud and clear straight from the depths of his heart and soul. The only thing that was ever real, that was ever completely trustworthy, was his and Liz’s love for one another. They had both made so many mistakes, wasted so much time, but through it all their feelings had never faded.

Max just hoped that it was enough…that their love was enough…because he knew that otherwise his actions would be unforgivable, especially considering the other feelings consuming his heart right now…the feelings that remained for his son.

Sighing, Max pushed those thoughts out of his head. There was plenty of time to focus on that later. Right now he needed to fix things with Liz…because without her, he was lost. The last year proved that if nothing else.

Mustering up the courage within him, Max stepped away from the alley wall, crossing the space between him and Liz’s ladder in two long strides, as he gripped the cool metal and began to pull himself upward. He needed to have this talk with Liz…he wouldn’t be able to rest until he knew where they stood with one another.

As he climbed closer and closer to her window, Max smiled wistfully, remembering all of the times in his life that he had climbed this same ladder, preparing himself for some important, mind blowing moment…many of which succeeded in changing his life. Every single time he prepared himself to make a move with Liz, he climbed the ladder, his stomach tumbling with nervous energy at the same time as his mind focused on her, on how important she was to him, on how special she was.

Their first kiss was on this balcony, their first break up, their first time sneaking out together. This was where Max’s heart was broken for the first time, and where he in turn deeply hurt Liz, by walking away from her so completely, as he ran as far from her as possible…all the way to New York City. It hadn’t been far enough to escape his pain, to escape her. She had still found him there…and saved his life, from three thousand miles away.

And now it was time to change things between them once again, permanently this time, establishing where they stood with one another, where they would always stand for the rest of time. Max knew for certain, without any doubt in his mind now, how important Liz Parker was to him, and he intended to prove it to her, and do everything in his power to make up for all the pain he had caused her…assuming she would let him.

Peeking his head up over the edge of the brick wall, Max gasped to see Liz sitting on the edge of her lawn chair, her hands folded in her lap, as she stared directly at him, their eyes locking for an instant.

“I was wondering how long you were going to just stand down there.” Liz commented softly.

Pulling himself the rest of the way onto her balcony, Max quickly tried to compose himself, surprised that she knew he was there, before taking a few steps towards her.

“Well…I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me or not.” Max replied, his eyes dropping as he studied his feet awkwardly.

“I wasn’t sure either.” Liz admitted carefully. “But I don’t think that really matters at this point, Max. We really need to talk about this.”

Max nodded in agreement. “I know…that’s what finally got me up here.” Max paused, trying to gather the courage to say everything that he needed to say, taking a deep breath before he finally began to speak.

“Listen…Liz. I know how much I hurt you. I understand completely, believe me, I do. I really can’t ask you to just take me back after all this time, after all that has happened. But here’s the thing, Liz. I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. And I need you. If anything, all that has happened this past year has taught me just how important, how critical, you are to me.”

Max paused, taking a deep breath, as he finally raised his eyes to meet hers.

“I’ll do anything you want, Liz, anything you need.” He continued quickly. “If you want a break, I’ll give you a break. You won’t have to see me at all if you want. If you need space, it’s yours. I’ll stay away as much as you want, or be here whenever you need me. And if you want more, then I swear to you, Liz Parker, that I will love you and honor you until the end of time.”

The air grew silent, still, as Max waited, watching the emotions fly through Liz’s features…shock, fear, overwhelming joy, deep sadness. It was one of the things he had always loved about her…the way he could read her. He had lost that over the last year…her face always said one thing, while her voice said another, and it confused him beyond understanding, leaving him miserable and filled with doubt…doubt in himself and his love, and doubt in her, that maybe things had changed with her, that maybe the Liz Parker he knew had died along with his heart back on the rocks, the day that she had run away from him.

Now though, her eyes had sprung to life once again, leaving Max amazed at the depths of her emotions…and once again Max was filled with overwhelming love and amazement in the woman standing before him.

“Max…” Liz finally started carefully, breaking the silence. “This isn’t right.”

Max’s eyes widened in shock…he couldn’t let it end like that, he couldn’t let her think that they still didn’t belong together, when she was all he wanted in life anymore. Quickly, he interrupted her, needing to find a way to convince her that things are now right between them.

“Liz…” Max instantly argued. “Don’t…”

“Max, let me finish.” Liz demanded, making Max halt instantly, staring into her strong, determined eyes in amazement.

“You misunderstood me.” She continued. “It’s not right that you should hold all of the blame for all of this on your own shoulders. That’s always been your greatest weakness, Max. The belief that you have to be responsible for everything and everyone. This whole situation…all that has happened…it’s all more my fault than yours…even down to your…” Liz hesitated, uncertain if she could say the words. Desperately trying to ignore the sick feeling in her stomach, she choked out the words she hated saying, knowing that they were real. “Even down to your night with Tess.”

“That’s not true.” Max cried, his voice cracking as his heart ached, seeing the raw pain openly pouring from Liz’s beautiful, dark eyes.

“Yes it is!” Liz exploded. “It’s entirely my fault Max! I’m the one who pushed you and Tess together, Max. You wanted me, all you could think of was me, and I purposefully broke your heart to get the two of you together. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing, but how could we have ever known that she was truly the enemy? I practically forced her on you, Max.”

“You didn’t force us into bed.” Max softly reminded her, studying her eyes carefully, as he tried to emphasize his point. “I did that one on my own. And it was the second biggest mistake of my life.”

“Only the second?” Liz’s eyes dropped awkwardly. Max noted her reaction, and mentally slapped himself, knowing that she misunderstood him.

“Yes…only the second.” Max confirmed, closing the distance between them, as he knelt in front of her, tilting her face upward so that he could look into her eyes. He wanted, no, he needed her to understand.

“Liz…the biggest mistake of my life was to let you get away from me.” Max whispered, his voice weighted down with all the regret that he had felt as he suffered through the whole year alone. “I will never, ever forgive myself for that…for letting you walk away in the desert last year…for believing that you slept with Kyle…for giving up on us.”

Tears filled Liz’s eyes, even as she beamed up at him, making Max’s heart ache with happiness.

It thrilled him to know that she was finally forgiving him, even as for the first time he began to show her the conflict within him. He was struggling within, caught between his shame and regret for the current state of their relationship, and his need to take responsibility for the consequences of his own actions.

Soon, though…much too soon for Max, the light in her eyes faded into fear and doubt, as she shook her head wildly in denial.

“No…no…this isn’t right, Max. I don’t deserve this.” Liz insisted, her eyes wild with emotion. “I don’t deserve your faith. You have no doubts, but I do, Max. I have so many doubts that it’s driving me crazy with fear.”

“Liz...” Max interrupted, as the cold hand of fear gripped his heart. He hated seeing her in so much pain. It especially tore him up to know that he was the cause of that pain. He desperately wanted to ease her fears, but she didn’t give him an opportunity to try.

“Do you know why I pretended to sleep with Kyle, Max?” Liz rushed on. “Do you? You have no idea do you? You don’t know because I never allowed anyone to ever find out…except Maria because I couldn’t stand lying to her. Even Alex I never trusted to know this, Max…I had to make sure that you would never, ever find out why.”

“You don’t need to do that anymore, Liz. You can tell me. It’s tearing you apart, Liz…I can tell just by looking at you. Tell me.” Max pleaded.

Raising her teary eyes to focus on him, Liz let the whole story pour out.

“I had a…visitor…from the future. Not just any visitor…it was you. Max Evans straight from the year 2014.”

Max’s eyes widened in surprise. The things she was saying sounded impossible…but if he learned anything over the course of his life, it was that sometimes, even the impossible became reality.

Remaining silent, he urged her on with his eyes, curious to see where her story lead…besides to pain and heartache for them both.

“He used the granolith to come back in time and convince me to break your heart…because in his future the world was about to end…all because of us…and how we dealt with Tess. That was why I kept pushing you to Tess…because if I didn’t, we were all going to die.”
Pain filled Liz’s eyes, and Max took a step forward, desperate to do whatever he could to ease her suffering. She stilled him with a quick gesture, and Max paused, waiting for her to continue.

“Instead, we lost Alex.” Liz mumbled in an even, emotionless voice. “In that world, he lived, Max. Alex lived, and you and I were married and happy…and it caused the end of the world. Here we’re both miserable, and Alex is dead, and now we know that Tess is the enemy.”

Liz’s voice began to trail off, as a distant look filled her eyes.

“And now, as we’re standing here in this new world, with all of this newfound knowledge, I can’t help wondering if it was all worth it. I pushed you two together to keep her here, so that she would be there to fight with us down to the end…to keep us strong, but it seems like it was pointless now, because either way, she was always the enemy.”

“Even now, Max, after it’s all over, I can’t help consuming myself with the fear that somehow, by being with you, it will make things even worse.” Liz sighed. “I’m terrified that it will come down to the same ending…to the end of the world. All because of you and I loving each other. No good can ever come from this, Max.”

“Don’t say that.” Max insisted, cupping Liz’s face in his hands. “Don’t ever say that, love. We don’t know that. We don’t know if our love could cause it all over again. This is a different world. Maybe things are different now.”

Max paused for a moment, his mind whirling, as he just let all of the possibilities pour from his lips.

“The skins want the granolith, and we don’t have it anymore. They’re weak, and it won’t be long before they’re gone…permanently. Khivar is still out there somewhere, and my people still need me, but we can’t rely on Tess. She is the enemy, Liz.” Max agreed, emphasizing Liz’s point. “She always has been. Maybe we’ve lost the strengths she brought to the group, but we also have new strengths, Liz. We have each other. We have passion. We have love.”

Max met her eyes and offered her a half-grin. It was strange, that it had taken exploring his alien side to discover that his human traits were his biggest strength. Even as he spoke though, other, new possibilities occurred to him, as the ideas just kept flowing right out of him.

“We have you, Liz.” Max reminded her gently. “You and Kyle are capable of things that other humans aren’t, all because of me. Maybe with enough work, you two can add more to the fight. And even if we aren’t together, Liz, I know you. I know you can never walk away from this fight. I know you will be there until the end.”

Smiling sadly, Max continued on, desperately trying to justify their love.

“It won’t matter if we’re not together, Liz. Either way, things will still be just as they are today…and at least if we’re together we have that extra bond, that lack of tension. Our strength is each other, Liz… you still haven’t given me a good reason to stay apart. You still haven’t expressed any doubts in your love for me, or my love for you…just on the world around us. Our relationship shouldn’t be based on anything besides our feelings for each other. Please, Liz…don’t let this keep us apart.”

“I know…” Liz gasped out. “I know I shouldn’t…I’m just so scared…”

“It’s okay to be scared, Liz…I’m scared too.” Max admitted, as his own eyes began to sting from the intense emotions within him. “I’m so scared…of so many things. I try so hard to hide it, but sometimes I just can’t hide it anymore. I can’t hold it all back.”

“You shouldn’t have to hide it, Max.” Liz cried out, her eyes pleading desperately with him. “Please, don’t ever hide it from me. I want you to be able to be real with me…always real, Max.”

Max nodded, trying to blink back the tears that were shining brightly in his eyes, yet he remained silent, unable to say the words that were consuming his mind, afraid that expressing his own fears could completely destroy her.

“Talk to me, Max.” She suggested softly. “You haven’t talked to anyone yet, have you? About everything that happened this afternoon at the cave? It had to have been harder on you than anyone else, Max…you need to do it…just let it all out.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Max cried.

“Max…I need to learn to deal with it. Our relationship isn’t going to go anywhere if we can’t be open and honest with each other about everything. I’ve told you my deepest darkest fears, Max…now it’s your turn. Talk to me.”

Max met her eyes hopefully. “Our relationship?” He asked in amazement.

Smiling softly, Liz pressed on. “Talk to me, Max.”

Max nodded, and twisted around to sit more comfortably, his back to Liz, as he leaned back against the chair just to the side of her. Max slowly began to speak, his voice drifting off in a sad, wistful tone.

“I’m worried, Liz…about him.”

“Him?” Liz asked gently.

“My…my son.” Max admitted carefully, still having difficulty saying the words. He could barely comprehend the fact that he was going to be a father…and Liz was the hardest person to admit it to. Especially since she wasn’t the mother.

“I know there was no other choice” Max continued quickly. “He needed to get off of this planet, but now he’s out there somewhere, and there’s no way for me to protect him.”

“I’m so scared about what’s going to happen to him.” Max cried softly. “He’s on the other side of the galaxy, growing up with Tess as a mother and Khivar right there. She’s a known murderer, and Khivar will be completely able to control him, to control his thoughts, his actions.”

“How can I be sure that he’ll turn out okay?” Max moaned fearfully. “He’s a part of me…an unexpected part, but he’s still my responsibility, my flesh and blood. I never knew my father, and I don’t want him to have to grow up the same way. I want to be able to be a part of his life. But it’s impossible. I’m stuck here and he’s stuck there.”

“Max…” Liz started hesitantly. “The way you’re feeling…it’s totally natural, because of who you are. You’re a good person, you always take responsibility for your own actions, and you always are there to support and protect the people you love…and for the first time in your life you can’t. I don’t blame you for feeling that way, as much as it hurts me…as much as I wish that it was all just a horrible nightmare, or a mind warp or something.”

“That’s the thing, Liz.” Max whispered, voicing the fear that haunted his mind and consumed his soul with guilt. “I can’t help wishing that it was all a mind warp too…and that desire is tearing me apart…like I don’t love my son enough, because a part of me wishes that he didn’t exist.”

“Max…” Liz sighed, but he didn’t listen, just rambling on, as his fears continued to pour from within him.

“Part of it is just natural fear, though.” Max argued. “I mean, logically speaking, she didn’t hesitate to mind warp half the group to get what she wanted, which was me, so how do we know she didn’t try it on me too? I mean, it could have all been her control, and I wouldn’t even know, because that’s how a mind warp works, after all. It feels like it’s coming naturally from inside of you, when in reality, she’s controlling your mind, your feelings, your actions.”

“It is possible.” Liz agreed.

“But on the other hand, it could be wishful thinking on my part.” Max sighed in frustration. “I mean, the whole idea of this all is terrifying to me, Liz. I don’t want to be a father yet. And if I did want to be a father, I wouldn’t want Tess to be the mother…ever. She would be a horrible mother…she’s a murderer, a liar…what kind of morals would that teach our child? Plus…I don’t love her, and a family has to come from love. There’s only one person I have ever wanted that with, and it’s not her…never her.”

Turning to face Liz, he studied her compassion filled eyes, and smiled gently at her. “Thank you…for listening. You’re right…I did need that. I feel a little better, just saying it.”

“It’s the least I can do.” Liz replied softly.

“I would feel even better if I knew where we stand with each other.”

Max could see Liz hesitating as his plea, and he didn’t blame her for being so uncertain. Things had been so complicated for so long, that a part of him wondered if things would ever be right again. It seemed though, it was finally time for he and Liz to return home to each other’s embrace.

“I love you.” Liz responded simply. “I’ve never denied that, Max. I love you. But we can’t ever go back, Max. We can start over though, and I think that’s what I need, is for us to start over, from scratch, take small steps, slowly, on the path back to each other.”

“Whatever you need.” Max agreed. “Slow would probably be best…we need to reacquaint ourselves with each other, slowly learn to trust each other again. We took some pretty big steps tonight, Liz…but I think we’re both far from being completely ready. We need to erase all doubts…learn each other’s hearts all over again.”

Liz nodded silently in agreement.

Max’s lips suddenly curled up in an playful half-grin.

“So…a guy just can’t help, but ask. Is it okay…can I…can I…” Max’s voice trailed off, as he couldn’t even get the question out. He slid up to sit beside Liz, and turned to face her, only to find her staring back at her through eyes glazed with tears, even as her eyes shined with happiness.

“Yes.” She whispered passionately.

His eyes dropped to her lips, as his eyes fell to half lids, and his hand slid up to cup her cheek, the tips of his fingers tangling with the silky trestles of her dark, shining hair. His thumb slid back and forth over her cheek in a feather light caress, as their heads slowly inched closer together.

The first touch of their lips, a light brush against each other, caused a shock wave of electricity to spark through them both, as Max instantly pulled back, staring down into Liz’s eyes, in amazement, as the first tears began to trail down her cheeks. Max felt his heart aching at the sight. Unable to do anything else, Max did the one thing he could think of to ease her fears. He leaned in and captured her lips again, this time with fire, possession, love pouring straight from his soul, as he instantly reminded her how a simple kiss could take her breath away, not from the action, but from the emotion that came with it.

In an instant, Max felt completely at peace, like he had finally come home. Kissing Liz like this, with complete and total unbridled passion, had always been the moments where he felt as if his human and alien side were in complete balance with one another, as the human action of the kiss melded together with the alien act of the connection, and flashes poured between their minds mixed with the powerful, undeniable sensations of their love for one another, inside their minds as they were one.

Sucking her lower lip into his mouth, Max lingered there for a moment, reluctant to end the moment, even as he knew he had to let her go.

“I love you too.” Max whispered against her lips as he finally released her from his kiss, letting his hand slip from her face, to wrap around her shoulder, as he pulled her close to him, her head resting on his shoulder, as his chin settled on the crown of her head.

He sat there silently for a long while, just holding Liz close, as his fingers traveled their way through her silky hair. No more words were spoken between them. They both had just what they needed, the comfort of each other’s embrace. Max could have sat there for hours, just reveling in the feel of Liz in his arms once again, but he knew that he needed to go home.
Reluctantly, Max extracted himself from Liz’s arms.

“I should go.” He sighed. “I don’t want to, but I haven’t been home yet…I don’t really know what happened with Mom and Dad yet.”

“Go.” Liz agreed. “We’ll see each other later.”

Max nodded in agreement, as he stood and made his way back to the ladder, crawling over the edge.

“Max?” Liz called, standing and turning to stop his departure. He paused, holding on to the metal rails as he returned his attention to her. “I just want you to know that you can count on me…to do whatever you need to help your son.”

Smiling gently at her, Max couldn’t disguise just how much he loved her at that exact moment, as it shined from his eyes with an intensity that took her breath away.

“Thank you.” He replied simply, before climbing down and starting on the short walk home.

I’m clumsily dancing away this fear,
I am stumbling closer to you
And I’m tumbling over my pride
And I will be a fool for you






You forget, I go to college! Translation: Drunken orgies with occasional Cliff Notes."
We are feedback junkies! It's like crack only harder to get! -EMK

[ edited 1 time(s), last at 15-Oct-2001 12:47:26 PM ]
posted on 14-Sep-2001 4:03:19 PM
Title: Pictures and Memories
Author: AnneB.
E-mail: dreambehr⊕yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13
Category: Liz POV with Alex friendship
Summary: Cry Your Name….from the 5 min of the episode I got to see…
Disclaimer: As much as I’d love to take creative control of the show Roswell and end all of our pain…sadly none of this belongs to me…Roswell belongs to the WB, Jason Katims, and all of those producer people, and Melinda Metz…please don’t sue me…you’ve caused me enough pain already!

Pictures and Memories 1/1

Pictures…photographs…

They’re nothing except shiny pieces of paper, but somehow pictures have the ability to capture your memories…

Emotions spill out of them, out of people’s actions, people’s eyes, people’s hearts, and pictures are forever holding them, trapping them in that single instant for the rest of time.

And somehow, these simple shiny pieces of paper have managed to become your most cherished possession…your only link to the past times…to better times…to happier times.

So here I am, tonight, sitting alone in the Crashdown, surrounded by these pictures, and overwhelmed by memories of better times…Memories of days where things didn’t seem so hopeless. Remembering times when I didn’t feel quite so lost.

Alone…that’s what I am. Completely alone. It seems to be a pretty popular position for me these days.

I’m constantly left alone with my own memories.

It’s a miracle that I haven’t broken down yet. Some people seem to think that because I’m not crying, sobbing, wailing, that I don’t care…that his death doesn’t effect me. To be honest, I don’t know why I haven’t broken down yet…but somehow, as I sit here and let the memories overtake my soul…I can feel the crash coming.

How much longer before I let it sink in that he’s actually gone? How long before I learn to accept the pain in my heart?

I’ve been numb for days now…

I’m keeping myself moving, going through the actions of my everyday routine, but I’m not here, not really. I’m not really functioning.

During the day I absorb myself with investigating his death, searching for signs, clues, anything to help me understand why he had to be taken from me. I’m numb as I search for answers… I know the pain is there, somewhere deep in my heart, but I can’t let it sink in…I can’t let it take over. I have to be strong. I have to survive. So I have to keep searching.

At night though…oh, at night…I surround myself with pictures, engross myself in the memories of happier times.

He was my best friend…from the first time we connected way back in elementary school he always stood by my side, and I by his. He, Maria, and I…we were the Three Musketeers…friends with a bond so strong that no one could break us apart.

No human at least…but let’s not go there. I can’t think about them…this isn’t about them. This isn’t about him.

This is about Alex. This is about my best friend. This is about standing beside him and supporting him even beyond the grave. Alex needs me right now…Alex needs me to figure out why.

A soft smile passes my face. It feels strange, unfamiliar. When was the last time I smiled? Only a few days before, but it feels like a lifetime ago already…a lifetime where once upon a time I was happy with my best friend.

But even as unfamiliar as the feeling is, the smile is just a natural reaction as I stare at the pictures…at the hundreds of shiny pieces of paper, which somehow have captured my best friend into eternity. He lives on in these pictures, in my heart, in my memory.

Hundreds upon hundreds of images of his face, of that silly grin plastered across his beautiful face. It feels like he’s smiling at me, like he did every day of our life together, and I can’t help smiling back at him, even if he is no longer there.

That was always his gift. He was always able to make me smile, make me laugh…anytime, even when I thought all hope was gone…like I do right now…Alex’s soul is still here with me, smiling at me through these pictures…and making me smile.

He lit up the world for all of the people around him…for anyone like me who was lucky enough to be a part of his life.

As I flip through the pictures, memories flash across my mind…memories of better times, some long gone, some in the not so distant past.

Prom night…was it only just a few days before? Alex was so full of life…so at peace with himself…and he was just SO Alex, the way he was there for Isabel in the end…the way he was there with all of his friends.

He was an incredible friend…an incredible person. He always came through for me, anytime I needed him. It was just natural to him, like he couldn’t do anything else. Even if I wasn’t totally open with him, he still trusted me, supported me…loved me.

Suddenly, fear clenches my heart… Alex is gone…forever. Who can I count on now? Who will be there for me now? Am I doomed to sit alone for the rest of my life?

Pain clenches my soul, and I can feel it coming…the crash…the breakdown…the tears.

Leaping up, I run from the pictures, and collapse in a side booth, leaning my elbows on the table as I bury my face in my hands.

He’s gone…he’s really gone…

And for the first time I let myself cry…

For the first time it begins to sink in…

And right as I think that I can’t deal with it anymore…with the pain…with the loss…with going through my everyday routine as if my life hasn’t been torn to pieces…there’s a knock on the door of the café….

The End…


You forget, I go to college! Translation: Drunken orgies with occasional Cliff Notes."
We are feedback junkies! It's like crack only harder to get! -EMK
posted on 14-Sep-2001 4:11:34 PM
Title: Take My Hand
Author: AnneB.
E-mail: dreambehr⊕yahoo.com
Rating: NC-17
Category: M/L (duh…who’s the author?)
Summary: Prequel to “Breathing”…M/L get back together…romantic fluff! Ain’t it fun?
Disclaimer: As much as I’d love to take creative control of the show Roswell and end all of our pain…sadly none of this belongs to me…Roswell belongs to the WB, Jason Katims, and all of those producer people, and Melinda Metz…please don’t sue me…you’ve caused me enough pain already! The song Take My Hand is by Dido. I don’t own that either, surprise, surprise!

Take My Hand

Touch my skin and tell me what you’re thinking
Take my hand and show me where we’re going
Lie down next to me look into my eyes
And tell me, oh tell me what you’re seeing


“So…I had a really, really good time tonight.” Liz commented as she turned to smile up into Max’s mesmerizing, dark eyes.

“Yeah…me too.” Max agreed with a soft, loving gaze.

“I just…I really don’t want it to end.” Liz admitted. “If we’ve learned anything this past year, it’s that we have to make the most of our time together…take advantage of every opportunity we have together.”

The words were barely out of Liz’s mouth before Max had crushed his lips against hers, drinking in the familiar feeling of her lips deeply, as the incredible feelings that burned like fire flowed through Max’s body and mind, just like they did every time they kissed. Suddenly, he felt dizzy, fevered…the rest of world faded away and all that mattered was Liz and the sensations surging through him. He could feel himself reacting to her in a way that was less than gentlemanly…but at the moment he didn’t care. All that mattered was Liz.

After the initial surprise passed, Liz responded eagerly, tipping her head back to allow Max more access to her mouth. With every thrust of Max’s tongue into her mouth, Liz responded with an equally hungry thrust, followed by a soft moan, as Max devoured her as completely as he could. Her whole body felt like it was on fire, as Liz abandoned herself completely to the feeling of Max all around her.

Their breathing raspy, and hearts now racing, they slowed their kisses, eventually pulling away reluctantly, as they both tried desperately to calm their bodies down. Both Max and Liz knew that they needed to control their desires…particularly when they were standing outside of the back door of the Crashdown, where the Parkers could see them at any moment.

“What was that for?” Liz gasped out between slow deep breaths as she willed herself for enough control to go inside and face her parents, who were less than pleased that she was dating Max again.

“Just making the most of our time together…taking advantage of the opportunity.” Max grinned, noticing the dazed expression on her face.

Liz gave him a pleased smile. “I think you’ve gotten the point.” She replied, amused. “So…meet me upstairs.” She suggested softly, before turning and stepping inside the door, her eyes never leaving his until the door was shut between them.

So sit on top of the world and tell me how you’re feeling
What you feel now is what I feel for you
Take my hand and if I’m lying to you
I’ll always be alone if I’m lying to you

Max stood still for a moment, staring at the door blocking the way from him to his Liz, while his mind whirled, thinking about how much things had taken such a complete turn around in such a short period of time.

One week before he had been trapped inside his worst nightmare…forced to fulfill his destiny, to step up to the role of the leader, when in reality he felt weak, and totally incapable of the responsibility.

But now it was all over. He was in control of his own life again. It seemed like a dream, like all of his fantasies had finally come true. His destiny was fulfilled, Liz was his again. Nothing could pull him down off of the cloud that he was floating on.

And all of it in just one week…

The weekend before the small, disorganized remains of the skins had attacked under Kivar’s lead. The skins thought that even though they were weak they’d still have the upper advantage against just four, underdeveloped Antarans. They didn’t realize they’d be going up against four Antarans, plus five humans.

The eight friends, plus Sheriff Valenti, together formed a unified front…together they were strong. The skins had totally underestimated them. It had been a hard battle, but finally in the end all the skins had been destroyed.

Using knowledge gained from the skins, they were able to use the granolith to contact home, informing their people, and Max and Isabel’s mother, of Kivar’s demise.

In a moment of personal strength mustered up from deep inside his heart, Max knew what he and the rest of his alien family needed….he asked his mother, and his people, to leave them alone, and let them live out the remainder of their lives in peace on earth. Not one of them had any desire to leave what they now knew to be their true home.

And it had all led up to this.

Monday morning at school, feeling newfound faith in himself, Max pulled Liz into the eraser room, surprising her with a deep, passionate kiss that took her breath away. With a fiery look in his eyes, Max stared down into Liz’s dazed eyes as he declared his love to her.

“I love you, Liz. I always have and I always will. No matter how hard you try, you will never be able to change that…and I know you feel the same way about me, even if you’re trying to deny it, trying to hide it. So it’s come down to this. There is nothing left to keep us apart…no destiny, no wars, no one else. Please stop fighting this, Liz. Will you give us another chance?”

There was nothing left for Liz to say…no battle left to be fought. She knew that he was right, and had given into him completely. For the past week all of their time had been spent together. They had been constantly touching, whenever possible…finding a corner to steal a kiss in, away from the prying eyes of the outside world. They talked on the phone every single night…sometimes even falling asleep on the line with one another. And of course Max had resumed his mode of being in the Crashdown for hours on end, watching Liz work. After so long apart…now Max and Liz couldn’t stand to be away from each other at all.

Tonight had been their first official date, this time around. It had been in every sense of the word, a normal, stereotypical date…a sign from Max of returning to a normal life…getting away from the craziness that had come constantly over the duration of their relationship. Max had taken Liz to a quiet, romantic dinner at Senior Chows, and then to the movies.

And as boring as it would have seemed to any other couple in Roswell, New Mexico, for Max and Liz it was perfection…just a quiet night, alone together.

See my eyes they carry your reflection
Watch my lips and hear the words I’m telling you
Give your trust to me and look into my heart
And show me, show me what you’re doing


Climbing up onto Liz’s balcony, Max sighed happily, a dreamy expression on his face…until his eyes wandered towards her bedroom, where her window framed the image of her perfectly made bed.

Suddenly the smile slipped away from Max’s face…and things didn’t seem quite so perfect. There was one thing that would never be quite right between him and Liz, no matter how good everything else was.

Max wanted to punch himself for being so stupid. He felt petty for still feeling such pain after all this time….but he couldn’t help it. It was always the same, every time he set foot on her balcony since that night, every time he was in her bedroom…he always felt hurt, jealous.

It was the constant image…the reminder. He could still see it flashing into his mind’s eye like it was yesterday: the painful image of Liz and Kyle in bed together.

Max knew it was stupid of him to be lingering on past pains…he and Liz were together now. They were happy. Nothing could ever come between them ever again. But he couldn’t seem to let it go.

He would never be Liz’s first…he couldn’t forget that no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he wanted to. Liz had thrown her virginity away to Kyle, even while Max had waited all this time for her. It hurt…like a dull ache deep in his stomach…the very idea of it made him queasy. And it drove him nuts to be so effected by something so petty. But he was…

So sit on top of the world and tell me how you’re feeling
What you feel is what I feel for you
Take my hand and if I’m lying to you
I’ll always be alone if I’m lying to you


Liz stepped into her bedroom with a sad sigh. Her parents were waiting up for her, which had resulted in another argument between them on whether she was doing the right thing by getting involved with Max again. They were so protective of her…and they didn’t like Max at all, particularly after watching the ups and downs of their relationship with scrutiny for the last year…and not knowing the truth behind it all.

Closing her door gently, Liz stood in the doorway on the side of her room. She could just barely see Max through the window, and he hadn’t noticed her yet. There was a sad, distant look on his face, as his eyes were locked on her bed from where he stood frozen on her balcony. He looked like a sad, lost little boy…so different from the playful smile he had given her on her porch before kissing her goodnight.

Liz stepped out of the shadows by her bedroom door, and into the moonlight streaming in from her window. Max’s eyes met hers, and quickly he masked the pain, so apparent in his features a moment earlier, watching as she made her way to the window, and slid it open to let him crawl into her bedroom.

Liz smiled softly at him as he sat down on the floor, resting his back against the wall beneath the window, and stretching his legs out in front of him.

Pulling a pair of sweats out of her dresser, Liz gestured to the bathroom. “I’m going to slip into something more comfortable…I’ll be right back.”

Max nodded and waited, watching as Liz changed, and then busied herself organizing around her room, hanging up her dress, putting away her shoes, letting her hair down from their date. To him it was just fascinating, watching her just go about in the simple motions of her life. It was something he didn’t think he’d ever get sick of.

Liz was watching Max as well, although less obviously. She was studying him as she busied herself around in his room, trying to decide what her next move with him was going to be. You always had to have a plan about that kind of thing.

She couldn’t help noticing in particular though, the way Max’s eyes darkened slightly in painful agony every time his eyes slid past her bed. He was trying so hard not to show her how much being in her bedroom was effecting him, but to Liz, the effects were as plain as day.

Finally Liz stopped looking for ways to occupy herself, and just stood studying Max’s face from across the room. He watched her back, trying to figure out what was going on inside her head. Unfortunately though, her face completely masked whatever it was she was thinking…Max had absolutely no idea what was on her mind.

Liz, on the other hand, was absorbed with thoughts of Max. The past week had been absolutely amazing as she watched Max, Michael, Isabel, and Tess…but particularly Max. The weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders, and it was apparent in this aura all around him. For the first time in his life, Max Evans had the freedom to do as he pleased, to live his life the way he wanted to…to make all his dreams come true. Liz couldn’t remember ever seeing Max smile and laugh so much before.

It had been a therapeutic experience for Liz. When Max was happy and relaxed, the whole world just seemed like a brighter place.

Now though…he was somber again, and all Liz knew was that she needed to fix this. She had to do something to make him smile again.

Touch my skin and tell me what you’re thinking
Take my hand and show me where we’re going
Lie down next to me look into my eyes
And tell me, oh tell me what you’re seeing


Making a decision, Liz settled herself down beside Max, mimicking his position with her back against the wall and her legs out in front of her, smiling, as they didn’t stretch out nearly as far as Max’s did. Turning to him, she gave him a little half-smile.

“Lie down.” Liz ordered gently.

“What?” Max asked, confused.

“Lie down.” Liz repeated, patting her lap in a welcoming gesture.

Max shrugged his shoulders uncertainly and followed her instructions, lying down with his head resting in her lap like a pillow. He stared straight up at her, while Liz tilted her head down and grinned at him, before slowly combing her fingers through his hair…it had been a long time since she had played with his hair, and it was much shorter before. Liz occupied herself for a few moments just discovering the new length and studying it, finally deciding that she liked it better short. She suddenly remembered Future Max’s long, graying trestles of hair, and shuddered, returning to the subject at hand.

“This is how Maria and I comfort each other when one of us is down.” Liz explained. “One of us holds the other’s head, while they pour their heart out.”

“Liz…” Max sighed sadly. “I can’t…”

“Shhh…” Liz hushed him gently. “That’s how Maria and I comfort each other, but you’re not Maria. With you all the rules are different, Max. I don’t want you to tell me what’s bothering you because I already know…we’re so in tune with each other that I don’t even need to ask, okay? I’m going to tell you what’s bothering you, and then I’m going to comfort you and make it all better.”

“Liz…I don’t think you can make it all better.” Max admitted slowly. “It’s my problem…I just have to learn to accept things as they are.”

“Don’t be so sure about that.” Liz corrected him. “Everything is fixable in some way or another, whether it’s just by talking it out, or actually fixing something that’s broken. Anyways…at least give me a chance here. I can guarantee, Max, that when I’m done, you’re going to feel a hundred percent better.”

Max found himself intrigued by Liz’s words…it always seemed like something was going on with her this past year…something more than met the eye. He had always desired to know, but never believed that she would ever tell him…it seemed that his dream was finally going to come true. He nodded for her to continue.

“Okay.” Liz sighed with a sad, pained look on her face. “You’re upset because you’re remembering the night of the Gomez concert, and you can’t seem to let go what you saw here that night, no matter how much you want to.”

Max sat up and turned away from her, embarrassed that he was that obvious to her. His eyes dropped, as suddenly he found the carpet by his feet very interesting.

“See.” Liz pointed out. “I told you I’d know…and I don’t blame you for feeling this way. Not in the slightest. We pretty much did everything we could to mess you up, didn’t we?”

“We?” Max asked, finally meeting her eyes. “You mean you and Kyle?”

“No…Kyle had nothing to do with it.” Liz swore, sighing as she continued. “Listen, Max…a lot was going on that night that you don’t know about. It had nothing to do with me wanting to hurt you, and everything to do with me loving you. And, Max…absolutely nothing that went on in that room had anything to do with Kyle. I used him.”

“You used him for sex?” Max asked wildly.

Liz’s reaction shocked Max, as at his words she looked sadder than he had ever seen her in his life…like a porcelain doll that could break at any moment.

“Is that what your heart tells you, Max? That I would use Kyle for sex?”

Max saw the raw pain, standing out in Liz’s eyes, and knew that his response, whatever it may be, would mean the world to her…quite possibly, it could mean the difference between the two of them being forever…or the end of them. For the first time, Max began to realize that all of this had been just as hard on Liz as on him…her own heart had broken right alongside his…and Max knew, for certain, that they needed to heal each other’s pain.

“Liz.” He started gently. “I can’t believe you would actually believe that I’d feel that way.”

“The words came from you, Max.” Liz replied in a distant voice.

“Yes, the words came from me…but I’m working with the little that I know right now, most of which came right out of your mouth, Liz.”

“Forget the words, Max. Words mean nothing. They can be manipulated into lies or dishonesty, to mean whatever is necessary to serve the purpose at hand. You can never trust words, Max. What does your heart tell you?”

So sit on top of the world and tell me how you’re feeling
What you feel now is what I feel for you
Take my hand and if I’m lying to you
I’ll always be alone if I’m lying to you


Max took a deep breath, mustering up every ounce of courage in his heart, before continuing.

“My heart tells me the same thing it has always told me…that you are mine completely: heart, mind, body, and soul. And I don’t believe that you could ever give yourself away to anyone else.”

Liz’s eyes softened lovingly, and she gestured for Max to lie back down. Once again, his head rested in her lap, and her hand rubbed through his hair, and she continued speaking.

“My Grandma Claudia used to always tell me to follow my hear. She believed that your heart is the only thing you can ever really trust…it sees more clearly than your eyes, understands more than your mind. Your heart knows everything as it truly is, without the rest of the world getting in the way.”

Liz dropped silent, her mind floating back and remembering the dozens of times that her grandmother had spoken those words to her, each and every one Liz remembered clearly. So many times she had given Liz that advice, and Liz had always followed it…until Max’s destiny had gotten in the way. Suddenly her heart seemed to be telling her all the wrong things…and Liz had strayed from the path that her heart had guided her on.

Now that she had found the path again, she never wanted to leave it again.

“I didn’t sleep with Kyle, Max.”

The silence that fell after she spoke the simple truth surprised Liz, and made her slightly uncomfortable. She expected something out of Max…anything. A thank you, or a why, or an I love you…something. But instead there was just pure silence.

Liz peeked down awkwardly at Max, waiting patiently for a response, even though her heart was pounding wildly in anticipation. What she saw in his face though, instantly quenched her fears and calmed her nerves.

Max lay, his head resting in her lap, with his eyes closed almost reverently, the slightest hint of a smile gracing his face, so that Liz knew without a doubt, that she had healed his broken heart, just with those six simple words.

“My heart always knew it…” Max finally admitted. “But still…you have no idea how good it feels to hear it right from your mouth.”

Liz giggled softly. “It felt really good to say it too.”

The smile slipped off of Liz’s face though, knowing that this was really no laughing matter. She had to make Max understand what had really happened that night.

“I couldn’t stand lying to you Max…it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

Max sat up and turned to face her, cupping one hand around her jaw, and gently stroking her cheek in a loving gesture.

“It’s okay, Liz. It doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters is that we’re together and we’re happy. Everything else is over…it’s in the past.”

Liz nodded. “Yes…it is. But Max…you still deserve more of an explanation why. I destroyed you by doing that.”

“Well…I can’t deny that I want to know why…but I don’t want to make you talk about anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Liz smiled at Max’s thoughtfulness…he was always like that, putting her first.

“Max…like you said. It’s in the past. And I want to tell you…you deserve to know.”

Max nodded, gesturing for her to continue.

Liz took a deep breath, and soon the whole story came out. Max sat there in shock, absorbing everything that Liz told him, about Future Max, and the life that they would have lived, and the granolith. Finally he began to understand what Liz meant, when she said that everything that she did was about loving him. She did it all for him.

See my eyes they carry your reflection
Watch my lips and hear the words I’m telling you
Give your trust to me and look into my heart
And show me, show me what you’re doing


Both of them had tears shining brightly in their eyes as Liz finished, and Max was moved beyond words at the sacrifices that Liz was willing to make for him…it blew him away that anyone could love him that much.

Sliding closer to Liz, Max stared at her in absolute amazement and awe. The tears in her eyes were slowly growing thicker, and soon they were slipping down her face as she cried openly.

“God, I’ve wanted to tell you for so long.” Liz sniffed, as Max gathered her up into his arms, and gently lifted her into his lap, wrapping both arms around her tiny, petite body, as he engulfed her with love.

“Thank you.” He whispered passionately. “Thank you for loving me that much.”

Tremors began to shake through Liz’s tiny body, as Max surrounded her protectively. The realization hit her for the first time that he had never stopped loving her, not once in the past year. After all that they had been through, he was still completely devoted to her, and her to him.

Liz suddenly noticed a wetness on the back of her neck, where Max’s face was buried, and she realized that he was crying too.

She tightened her grip on him, trying to pull herself even closer to him for comfort, as together, they cried openly, all wrapped up together on Liz’s bedroom floor. Together they cried for the time that they had lost together, and for the agonizing future that they would have suffered through if not for Liz’s sacrifice. They cried, happy tears as well, relief filling both of them at the realization that it was all over with, that they were finally together for real. And they cried knowing that no one would ever break them up or come between them ever again.

Soon their tears began to subside, and they untangled each other slightly, just enough for them to plant tiny kisses all over each other’s faces, kissing away the salty remains of the tears that just moments before had consumed both of them.

Max found himself loving Liz more powerfully than he ever had before…suddenly his love for her had developed into a deep magnetic pull…he desired her so much it ached deep inside of him, he wanted to be near her every second of the day…and the idea of climbing back down her balcony and going home terrified Max…he didn’t want to be away from her…ever again.

Unable to resist any longer, Max’s tiny kissed moved closer to Liz’s lips, eventually plunging down on her, kissing her hungrily, passionately, as their connection opened up, and their feelings and emotions swept over each other. Max moaned into Liz’s mouth, as suddenly a kiss didn’t feel like enough to him. He wanted more…he wanted to feel their bodies together, he wanted to be buried deep within the walls of Liz’s body, pouring all of his love into her.

Quickly, Max ripped his mouth away from Liz’s, pulling back quickly, as he knew that he was getting into dangerous territory, just with thoughts like this. He couldn’t let himself abandon all control…and he knew that it was totally possible for him to give in, and make love to Liz right here on her bedroom floor, with her parents just in the next room over.

“I should go.” Max sighed in frustration, lifting Liz out of his lap, and helping her to her feet, before pushing himself to a stand. “I’ll see you tomorrow…I love you.”

Before he could even begin to argue with himself, and follow the magnetic pull of his body back to hers, Max quickly climbed out the window, and down the ladder, each step painful, like he was ripping himself into two pieces.

So sit on top of the world and tell me how you’re feeling
What you feel is what I feel for you
Take my hand and if I’m lying to you
I’ll always be alone if I’m lying to you


Liz stood there in her bedroom, her fingers pressed to her lips, as she watched Max’s hasty departure with a confused sigh.

They had been connected until Max had ripped his lips away from her own, and Liz had been able to feel every last sensation flowing through Max’s body. It had blown her away, to feel the depths of his need for her, and had left her standing there aching with a desire that she didn’t recognize, that she wasn’t used to. Max had wanted so much more from her, and if he had taken a minute to ignore his own needs and focus on hers, he would have realized that she wanted it just as much as he did.

Making a quick decision, Liz pulled her shoes out of her closet and slipped them on, before sliding out her window and heading on the short walk across town to Max’s house.

So sit on top of the world and tell me how you’re feeling
What you feel is what I feel for you
Take my hand and if I’m lying to you
I’ll always be alone if I’m lying to you


Max paced around his bedroom with a frustrated sigh. He had only been home for a few minutes…long enough to park the jeep, hug his mother, and retire to his bedroom, claiming to be exhausted.

Once safe in the privacy of his own room, Max wanted to scream with frustration…sexual frustration to be exact. His body was still humming with desire for Liz, and he was barely able to mask the effects of it when he faced his parents. Now, though, he was alone, pacing back and forth across his bedroom floor, his mind consumed with thoughts of the object of his affection…and Max’s ache was just getting worse.

As far as he could tell, Max had a number of options, floating through his mind. 1. He could take a cold shower and desperately pray that it would help calm his body down…the problem of course being that this would bring unnecessary attention on himself…no one in his family ever took showers at midnight. 2. He could take care of it himself…another very unattractive option…even the thought of it made Max feel like he was being disloyal to Liz. 3. He could climb right back out his window and…no! It wasn’t even an option…he wasn’t about to do the things he wanted to do to Liz in her bedroom with her parents around. 4. He could get into bed and desperately try to forget about it…hoping that maybe he could cool off on his own. Option 4 was the least attractive to him, but it was also the only real option.

Sighing, Max stripped down to his boxers, and tossed them into his laundry pile in the corner of his closet. As he stepped back into his room, suddenly he felt his whole body begin to buzz in excitement.

Touch my skin and tell me what you’re thinking
Take my hand and show me where we’re going
Lie down next to me look into my eyes
And tell me, oh tell me what you’re seeing


His eyes snapped to the window, where Liz stood right outside, watching him with hungry eyes that took Max’s breath away. She had been standing there for a few moments…just long enough to watch as Max pulled his shirt over his head, revealing his beautiful tanned body to her, causing all the feelings of desire inside of her to intensify to a new level.

Slowly, Max made his way towards the window, and unlocked it, offering her a hand as he helped her slide in the window.

As she took his hand, Max felt a fire inside of his skin, that started on the tips of his fingers where their hands touched, and quickly spread like a wildfire all through his body, making his eyes darken with desire, and his body shiver slightly as it reacted to her nearness.

After making sure she was steady on the ground inside his room, Liz slid her hand up his arm, wrapping it around his neck where her other arm joined the first. Staring up into Max’s eyes, Liz pressed her lips up against his own, trying to kiss him lightly and lovingly, but in an instant it had taken a life of its own, growing passionate and hungry, to mimic the feeling surging through them both.

Their matching desire was surging over each other’s minds, and Max could feel what Liz had come here for…and he was blown away by the intensity of it. He knew that Liz loved him…he felt it in his heart every time he looked into her eyes, and he could feel it in his mind every time they kissed. Never before had it occurred to Max that her love included a physical desire, at least not as strong as his was. It had been hard enough for him to believe that Liz could love an alien…but to know that she desired an alien…it was just mind blowing to him…and incredibly arousing.

Once they started kissing, they just couldn’t stop. Their mouths fused together desperately, never apart for more than a few seconds, as if one set of lips couldn’t survive without the other’s there against them.

Max couldn’t get close enough to Liz…he wanted to be inside of her, but he couldn’t stop kissing her long enough to get her sweats off, so instead he just kept pulling her closer to him, as their bodies pressed against each others’ desperately, trying to relieve the ache inside of them both.

See my eyes they carry your reflection
Watch my lips and hear the words I’m telling you
Give your trust to me and look into my heart
And show me, show me what you’re doing


Somehow they had managed to move towards Max’s bed, and he lowered her down on her back, crawling up over her as he stared down at her lovingly. Finally he was able to find enough control slow their kisses to soft and loving, as he slipped his hands under the hem of her sweatshirt, pulling it up over her head. She was bare beneath it, making Max stop and pull back, awed by the beauty beneath him.

“God I love you so much.” Max cried out, pulling Liz up against him, and holding her close to his heart for a few moments, just listening to her heart beat, as they clung to each other.

Pulling away slightly, Liz leaned up and pressed her lips gently against his.

“I love you too, Max.” She replied softly, before smirking at him. “But if you don’t keep going I may have to strangle you.”

Max chuckled, flashing her his infamous half-smile, before hooking his fingers into the elastic waste of her sweats, and pulled both the sweats and her underwear down in one swift motion.

Again, Max felt himself pulling back, his eyes worshipping the beauty lying before him, although this time, she didn’t give him a chance to slow them down. Liz leaned up after him, and quickly gripped his boxers, pulling them down his hard thighs to his ankles, where Max immediately shifted his weight in order to remove them.

Positioning himself over her, Liz finally allowed Max a moment to cherish her, as Max gently ran his fingers in a feather-light caress from her shoulders, all the way down to her hips, and back up again. Just the lightest touch of Max’s fingers pushed Liz to the brink of insanity, as she moaned and arched upwards, bringing Max in contact with her heat for the first time. They both shivered unconsciously at the sensation, and realized that it was time for the two of them to finally be complete together.

Cupping one hand against Liz’s face, Max focused deeply into her eyes, and connected their minds.

“Liz…love.” He gasped out loud as he felt her need pour over his mind. “Stay with me, love. Keep your eyes on mine. I want us to be together every step of the way.”

Liz nodded, never once removing her eyes from his own, as he slowly lowered himself, parting her folds as he slowly slid into her, inch by agonizing inch. The pleasure was unmeasureable, the sensations indescribable, as Max felt himself slowly becoming one with Liz, through both her body’s reactions, and his own, through her emotions, and his own feelings, all fusing together into one.

So sit on top of the world and tell me how you’re feeling
What you feel is what I feel for you
Take my hand and if I’m lying to you
I’ll always be alone if I’m lying to you


Suddenly, Max’s journey into Liz was stopped, halted by the boundary of her womanhood. Tears filled Max’s eyes as he froze.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He whispered.

“It’s okay, Max…it’s a normal part of this.” Liz insisted, begging him with her eyes. Max could feel through the connection that she felt no fear…but he still couldn’t do it.

“I can’t, Liz.” Max cried…right as a realization hit him. “But I know what I can do…”

Sliding one hand down between them, Max rested it lightly on her lower abdomen, concentrating as his hand started glowing. Liz sighed happily, feeling a warm feeling deep inside her body as she felt Max’s power probe her, finally dissolving her tissue away.

Unable to wait any longer, with a single thrust Max sheathed himself within her to the hilt, throwing his head back as he did so, overwhelmed by the pure pleasure emitting from both of them inside his body and mind.

Relaxing against Liz, his forehead pressed against her own, as he stared deep into her eyes, they lay there motionless for a moment, as both Max and Liz adjusted to the new sensations that their bodies were just beginning to discover for the first time.

With a gentle rocking of his hips, Max made the first move, while Liz moaned softly as the delight her body felt from the tension of Max moving within her. He filled her so completely that Liz truly felt that at this moment, they were one, particularly as she heard Max’s moans echoing her own, as he set a slow rhythm within her, gently pulling out and thrusting back within her, over and over again, in the tender dance of two lovers, as they found true happiness within each other for the first time.

The tension continued to build, the air electric and heavy with the growing spicy scent of love, as Max continued the steady rhythm he had set that was slowly pushing both him and Liz to the brink of insanity.

Together they plunged over the edge, falling hard against one another as they poured all of their love into each other, kissing each other deeply while they exploded. Their minds screaming promises of eternal love to each other, before they slowed, and collapsed beside each other.

It took Max a few moments to bring himself out of the daze that he fell into after their lovemaking. When he finally came back to reality, he propped himself up on his elbow, peering down into Liz’s face only to find her fast asleep.

Never once did it occur to him, that they forgot to use protection.

Take your time if I’m lying to you
I know you’ll find that you believe me, you believe me
Feel the sun on your face and tell me what you’re thinking
Catch the snow on your tongue and show me how it tastes
Take my hand and if I’m lying to you
I’ll always be alone if I’m lying to you
Take your time and if I’m lying to you
I know you’ll find that you believe me, you believe



You forget, I go to college! Translation: Drunken orgies with occasional Cliff Notes."
We are feedback junkies! It's like crack only harder to get! -EMK
posted on 14-Sep-2001 4:13:14 PM

Title: Breathing
Author: AnneB.
E-mail: dreambehr⊕yahoo.com
Rating: R
Category: M/L (duh…who’s the author?)
Summary:
Disclaimer: As much as I’d love to take creative control of the show Roswell and end all of our pain…sadly none of this belongs to me…Roswell belongs to the WB, Jason Katims, and all of those producer people, and Melinda Metz…please don’t sue me…you’ve caused me enough pain already! The song Breathing is by Lifehouse. I don’t own that either, surprise, surprise!


Breathing


I’m finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don’t really know what
I’m going to do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back in the arms of grace



It was a warm spring evening, the kind of perfect temperature that came in that wonderful period stuck right between the cold nights of winter, and the painfully hot desert nights of the summer, when everything seemed just as it was supposed to be.

Inside Max’s bedroom though, it was hot, murky…the lingering scent of lovemaking gracing the air with a spicy scent. The window sat ajar, forgotten after Max had let her in just an hour earlier, and now a cool breeze came floating through the window, whisking gently over the two lovers, as they lay beside each other in bed, just a light sheet shielding the view of their naked bodies from any unfortunate witnesses…not that there would be any. It was late, three in the morning…the time of night when the whole world was still and asleep.

The whole world except Max Evans it seemed.

I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don’t want to speak tonight
That’s all right, all right with me
‘Cause I want nothing more than
To sit outside heaven’s door
And listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be


Max lay awake, rolled over onto one side, where he rested propped up on one elbow, so that he could stare over the snowy white skin of Liz’s bare shoulder, to study her beautiful face, as she lay in a restful, deep slumber.

She looked like an angel to him…some sort of heavenly creature that was somehow sent from above to grace him with her love. How, or why, Max had no idea. He did nothing to deserve the precious gift that he had been given in this doe eyed beauty that rested beside him…but somehow, he had ended up with her just the same.

His eyes were glued to the outline of where the sheet covered Liz’s beautiful body, shielding it from his gaze. Slowly the sheet rose and fell, up and down, over and over again in the steady rhythm that came with a heavy, restful sleep.


I am looking past the shadows of my mind
Into the truth and I’m
Trying to identify the voices in my head
God, which one’s you
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off of me
One more time



Max couldn’t help hoping that she was dreaming of him. Their lives together had seemed like a nightmare up until this point, and Max knew that both of their sleeps had been plagued countless nights with dark, fearsome premonitions of their deepest, darkest fears…some of which had even come to life before their very eyes.

Now thought, there was nothing to fear…they were free to live the happy lives that they dreamed about on the good nights. Staring down to study the soft smile gracing Liz’s features in her sleep, Max knew that tonight, like hopefully every night to come from here on out, would be one of the good nights.

It had been a long difficult path to the moment where they were right then. No couple in existence had suffered through quite as much as they had. At times everything had seemed hopeless…like there was no way that they could ever possibly make it.

The worst of these were in the past year, when they had been forced into a painful separation. At times it felt like without each other, life wasn’t even worth living…but then Max would see Liz in the hallway at school, or walking into the Crashdown, and although he didn’t have the freedom to kiss her, embrace her, like his whole being desperately needed him to do, Max still found himself just taking comfort in the sight of his love, in her presence.

It had all worked out in the end…everything they had suffered through had led right up to this very moment…this very intimate act, and now Max knew for certain that it was all worth it.


I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don’t want to speak tonight
That’s all right, all right with me
‘Cause I want nothing more than
To sit outside heaven’s door
And listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be



It had been their first time making love…and the whole experience had been mind blowing. Max Evans never thought that he could find more love for Liz Parker inside of his heart…he had already captivated every ounce of his being: his heart, his mind, his soul…but somehow it had happened. The love he felt deep inside of himself, as he examined the peaceful form of his love lying close beside him, had depths that seemed beyond anything Max could have ever imagined.

Something had changed between them as they had physically given in to all their body’s desires, pledging their love to each other. Their actions said everything, through the gentle way they consumed each other…their light, loving touches…the way their eyes met right before their joined explosion.

There was no more doubt between them. The time had finally come for them to be together forever. Tonight, regardless of the fact that they were just seventeen, regardless of the fact that they were juniors in high school…regardless of any of the consequences that they both knew they’d eventually have to face…they had given their bodies to each other, pledged their hearts to each other. No matter what human law dictated to them, Liz and Max’s world was much bigger than just here on earth, and they both knew that according to Antaran law they had married each other this night.

Finally, they had the freedom to be together. Officially, they had been a couple for only a week now…this time at least. Unofficially, their hearts had belonged to each other alone since the Crashdown shooting…a year and a half earlier. In that time, they had been together and apart so many times that it seemed ridiculous…particularly for two people who loved each other as much as they did.

A week earlier, the small, weak force of skins that remained after Tess’s ambush had been quenched. Together, not the four aliens, but the eight allies had fought together and finally destroyed what remained of them…even Kivar, who had come to earth in an attempt to destroy Max. Their destiny fulfilled, Max, Michael, Isabel, and Tess had all refused the invitation by their people to return home…instead deciding to stay in Roswell with their human counterparts. With no more danger, nothing left to fight, finally Max and Liz had given into their love, reestablishing their relationship slowly for the last week.

Liz had finally opened up to him earlier that evening, and told him the story of Future Max, and the end of the world. Finally knowing the truth about the night of the Gomez concert, Max found that he loved Liz even more, awed by her strength, and the full depths of her love for him. It was all Max could do to not take her and make love to her right there in her bedroom…instead he just ravished her mouth, and thanked her with all of her heart.

In that kiss though, Liz had seen inside of his mind, and known just what he wanted…and a few hours later, she was knocking on his window, begging him to fulfill both of their deepest desires. Finally, their relationship had been cemented.

Staring down at Liz’s angelic face, glowing slightly from the dim light of a street lamp outside, Max knew that it was all worth it…everything that they had been though…all that they had suffered. All of it was over…it didn’t matter. He was right where he wanted to be, buried deep in Liz’s world.

All of his life, this was all Max had wanted. Liz was all he wanted. Since the first time he laid his eyes on her, Max knew that she was the one for him. She didn’t know it at the time, but that shy smile she had passed him from across the playground had captured him for life.

I don’t want a thing from you
Bet you’re tired of me
Waiting for the straps to fall
Off your table to the ground
I just want to be here now


Max smiled softly as she slowly began to stir, her eyes slowly fluttering open.

There was a split second of confusion in her eyes, before they settled into a loving glow of happiness. She was so beautiful, Max couldn’t resist…one hand slowly snaked out and began gently stroking her silky soft hair, as he leaned down and kissed her bare shoulder in a gesture loaded down with worship.

Liz flipped herself around so that she could face Max, snuggling up close to his warm, hard body.

“Hi.” She murmured, as she peeked up to meet his loving gaze, with an equally dreamy one of her own.

“Hey.” He responded just as affectionately, as he slipped one arm around her and gently stroked her back in a light caress.

“Have you been awake all this time?” Liz asked him curiously.

“Yeah…” Max admitted. “I was watching you sleep.”

“Hmmm, really?” Liz asked, with a twinkle in her eye. “Well did you see anything special?”

“Just you…” Max responded instantly. “The light was shining down right on your face…you looked like you were glowing. You looked so peaceful, so happy…I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look quite so beautiful.”

“Really?” Liz asked, dropping her eyes from his shyly.

“Liz...honey.” Max murmured as he gently slid a finger under her chin, sliding her eyes back up to his. “Thank you…for tonight…for everything…for just being you. I’ve dreamed of this for so long…and none of my dreams came even close to the reality of being with you. I love you…so much.”

Liz opened her mouth to return his love, but before she had a chance, she found his lips pressing softly against her own, halting all words, and instead showing her just how much she meant to him.

Gasping a quick breath against his mouth as Liz felt the weight of his love crash down over her mind, she kissed him back slowly, languidly, while his hands moved all over her, stroking every inch of her soft, milky white skin.

Neither of them noticed the soft glow emitting deep from inside Liz’s lower abdomen as his hand gently found refuge, resting lightly on her small, tight stomach.

I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don’t want to speak tonight
That’s all right, all right with me
‘Cause I want nothing more than
To sit outside heaven’s door
And listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be



You forget, I go to college! Translation: Drunken orgies with occasional Cliff Notes."
We are feedback junkies! It's like crack only harder to get! -EMK
posted on 14-Sep-2001 4:14:21 PM
Title: Betrayals and Lies
Summary: Max fic…what’s going on in his head right now.
Background: Post Wipe Out. Max has just found out that Michael and Isabel have betrayed him.
Category: Max…M/L…you know what I write.
Rating: Probably just PG-13…unless I feel creative later.
Author: Anne
E-mail: dreambehr⊕yahoo.com
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. The characters of Roswell belong to Melinda Metz, the WB, Jason Katims, and all the wonderful people who we all love for starting this wonderful story. I’m just borrowing them!

Max Evans lay on his bed staring up at his bedroom ceiling, a cold look etched into his stony face.

It was late, dark…the only light in the room was the soft red glow of the numbers on his alarm clock. 3:21…3:22…3:23…the minutes passed slowly. The world was silent…asleep…but Max lay awake, another restless night filled with dark thoughts that plagued his mind.

To sleep would be to find peace, and that was something that Max didn’t think he could understand anymore.

He remembered what peace was like…back before Tess came to town, and the whole destiny fiasco began.

Peace was Liz Parker’s embrace.

Peace was trust in his friends.

Peace was gone.

Suddenly it seemed as though his entire world was filled with nothing except lies and betrayals.

Lies from Liz.

Lies from Isabel.

Betrayed by Michael.

Who was left for him to trust? Tess? No. He couldn’t trust her. She was the one who started all of this mess. Maria? No…she was Liz’s friend first and foremost.

He had nobody…no one was left for him to count on.

It was amazing how quickly everything could fall apart. Two years earlier, alone was just a part of who Max was. He had Michael and Isabel…but his world was empty…meaningless. He would spend each day going through the motions of a life, but never really living…never getting involved…never caring about anything.

Then there was the shooting, and he had Liz. Suddenly the dark, lonely cavern that had been Max’s world opened up, and the light that was Liz Parker suddenly streamed inside. His world became so beautiful. Max knew then and there that he could never be trapped away in his cave again.

Alex and Maria had found their way into his little world, and together, as a group they had learned to lean on each other…to rely on each other. They formed a family.

It was wonderful.

And now it had all gone to hell.

First Tess came, and she had cracked and eventually shattered everything that had developed between he and Liz. He had pushed Liz, begged her to come back to him, but she never relented. Although he never voiced it aloud…Max blamed Tess. He decided to try being her friend…who knew what could happen? But deep down inside, Max would never stop resenting Tess for the rift she had created between him and the love of his life.

Liz…

His heart ached at the thought of her, and all of the still young pain inside of him came rushing back to the surface. A haunted look flew into Max’s eyes, and a single, lonely tear slipped down his cheek, as the image of her and Kyle flashed into his mind’s eye.

First she broke his heart, betrayed him for one night with Kyle, and now she continued to lie to him about it.

Max knew it could never be true. He knew it!

Max knew Liz better than anyone. He knew her soul intimately, because it was the same as his own. She would never, could never be with anyone besides him, just like he could never be with Tess.

There was something going on with her. Someone or something must have scared her into doing this to him. As angry as Max was with her, as hurt and betrayed as he felt, Max was scared for her, for her safety. He desperately wished that she would talk to him. Maybe together they could work through it.

But she lied.

Everything was a lie.

His world ended the day that Liz Parker started lying to him.

And then Isabel started acting strangely too, and things grew even worse, if that was even possible.

The Vilandra Project.

Vilandra…

Isabel was Vilandra.

What did all of this mean? What was the skin’s interest in Vilandra? What did they know that Max didn’t?

Max knew one thing for certain. Isabel abandoned him in a time of crisis. She betrayed him to the skins. She could have gotten them all killed.

Max couldn’t remember ever being this angry with her before.

And this hurt…

She had betrayed him.

And then there was Michael. Michael was just stupid. There was no other way to put it.

Michael put his trust in a skin. He divulged information to a skin that should have stayed among the group. They couldn’t trust anyone else.

Michael risked all of their lives by trusting Courtney.

Michael…who had been like a brother to Max, who he had always trusted.

Michael betrayed him.

Betrayals…lies…was that all that his world consisted of anymore?

TBC…

Part 2

“Max…honey?” Diane Evans poked her head into her son’s bedroom. “What are you doing awake? It’s 5 a.m.!”

Max looked up and met his adoptive mother’s weary eyes.

“I couldn’t sleep.” He explained softly. “So I thought I’d read ahead in my history book…might as well take advantage of the time.”

Max could see the hesitation in his mother’s eyes, before she stepped all the way into Max’s bedroom, and shut the door behind her.

“Max…can I talk to you for a moment?”

Max closed his textbook with a sigh, and turned to face her.

“Sure mom…go ahead.”

Diane walked over and seated herself on the end of Max’s bed, so that she was directly opposite from where he sat at the desk. She hesitated again before starting to speak.

“Max…honey. I know that you’re a very private person. I understand that and I’ve always tried to respect that…but right now I’m very worried about you.”

“I’m fine, mom.” Max lied.

“You’re not sleeping at night. At all. I’ve noticed, Max. We’ve all noticed. You never leave your room unless you absolutely have to. You won’t even talk to your sister. There’s obviously something going on with you, Max. I’d have to be blind not to notice. Please…talk to me about what’s bothering you.”

“I’m fine mom.” Max lied again, a little more lamely this time.

His mother sat there silently for a few minutes, her eyes piercing into his own, penetrating, trying to break him open and see what was inside. Max returned her gaze flatly, unwilling to be the first to break away.

Diane finally sighed, pulling her gaze from Max’s.

“Maybe I’m not the person you want to open up to right now, but there must be someone out there that you trust whole heartedly. Please…open up to somebody, Max. Anybody. The longer you keep this bottled up inside, the harder it will be to let it all out. Please think about it, Max.”

Max nodded. “I will.”

As his mom got up and left him along, Max turned back to his history book. He tried to concentrate on it, but all of the words seemed to blur together into nothingness. Not a single word was penetrating.

Max slammed his book shut angrily and stood up, pacing around his room in frustration.

All of the anger and pain had been bottled up inside of him for so long that Max felt like he was about to explode.

Max desperately wanted to do something to release it all…he had to hold himself back so that he wouldn’t punch a hole in the wall.

Why did his mother have to try and interfere?

The answer lurked in the back of his mind, even though he tried to ignore it.

Because she loves him.

Max swore mentally at the thought. She loves him. But would she love him if she knew the truth about him?

Max pushed the thought down the moment it emerged. He didn’t even want to do there. She didn’t know about him and she never would know about him. It wasn’t even an issue.

Max thought back to what she had just said. “There must be someone out there that you trust whole heartedly.” But was there really?

Liz had always been that person to him. She knew his soul. Liz had seen his darkest thoughts and feelings, and still loved him for them.

Loved being the operative word there.

She didn’t seem to love him anymore.

“No!” Max mentally argued with himself. That just wasn’t true. She still loved him. He could see it in her eyes while she lied to him. He could feel it with every bone in his body when she was near. The spark was still humming strong between them. It was only a matter of time before it flamed up again.

She could lie to him every day if she wanted, but she couldn’t lie to herself.

Liz was a good, honest person. She hated lying. She hated it! Soon all of this lying would begin to eat at her, until she couldn’t do it anymore.

But until then…Max wasn’t sure if he could trust her whole heartedly anymore.

Whenever Max had something he couldn’t go to Liz about, Isabel was always his back up.

But Isabel had betrayed him.

He couldn’t trust Isabel anymore.

A slight knocking on his bedroom door interrupted Max’s thoughts.

“What?” He groaned out, stopping his pacing to turn to the door.

His gaze hardened as Isabel stepped into his room.

“Max, can I talk to you?” She asked him hesitantly.

“Leave me alone.” He replied shortly.

“Please, Max.”

“Please what?” He exploded suddenly, turning on Isabel with all of the fury bottled up inside of him. “Do you want to explain to me why you betrayed me? Why you disobeyed a direct order? You nearly got us all killed Isabel. And you were lying to me! You lied! I can’t even stand to look at you right now! I thought I could trust you.”

Tears welled up in Isabel’s eyes, and she slumped against the door as if she had been punched, and slid down to sit against the door, staring up at Max as she sobbed openly.

“I know…and I’m so sorry Max. I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry isn’t enough this time.” Max shot back angrily. “Courtney’s dead! Imagine if that was me, or Michael, or Tess. They could have killed you Isabel! We can’t afford to loose anyone right now.”

“I know…and I’m so sorry. I just thought I could help. It was me they wanted…not you.”

“The Vilandra Project.” Max whispered, the realization hitting him.

“They came here for me, Max. They said…oh God…they said the most awful things, Max. They said that I betrayed you in our past lives. They said that I was in love with their leader, and I gave you all up, got you all killed, to be with him. I wanted to prove them wrong, Max. I wanted to prove that I was loyal to you to the end. I wanted to get them for you. But instead I just made it all worse… I’m so sorry.”

Max slumped onto his bed, running his hand through his hair as Isabel’s words penetrated into his mind.

“Can you just…leave me alone?” Max asked quietly. “I need time…to think…”

Isabel nodded, and got up. “I’m sorry.” She whispered one last time before closing the door behind her.

Part 3

Isabel betrayed him. Vilandra betrayed him.

Isabel betrayed him. Vilandra betrayed him.

The two thoughts repeated themselves over and over again through Max's head as Isabel disappeared behind his closing bedroom door.

"Isabel isn't Vilandra anymore." A logical voice in the back of Max's mind reminded him.

"Just because Vilandra betrayed you for the skins doesn't mean that Isabel will."

But she did.

Isabel got them all captured. If it hadn't been for whatever Tess did, they'd all be dead right now.

"Would that be so bad?" Another voice spoke up, whispering in his mind. "At least in death there would be no more lies."

Max ignored that voice.

A few days earlier, he would have never even questioned Isabel's loyalty…but now…

Max knew that Isabel was sorry…but was sorry enough this time?

------------

Max cut school the next day, hiding out in the desert all day climbing rocks and exploring caves. Desperately, he threw himself into whatever challenge came upon him. Anything…if he could keep his mind off of Liz, Isabel, and Michael.

None of it worked.

When he returned home late that evening, Max went straight to his bedroom, without a word to his family. He slumped onto the floor in the corner of his bedroom, and buried his face in his hands.

Max wasn't sure if he could take the pain anymore. It was all too much.

Max was sick of the lies. He was sick of wondering who he could trust, and who was going to betray him.

He just wanted the pain to stop.

One sole tear slipped out of Max's eye, and traveled the distance down his face, finally hitting the floor silently.

No…he wouldn't cry.

His body didn't listen to his mind. Once one tear was freed, the rest followed without question, and a river of tears flowed down his face in a rush, as sobs racked through his body.

"Stop crying!" He ordered himself, taking deep breaths to control his body again.

A soft knocking on his bedroom door startled Max.

"What." He asked in a weary, pain ridden voice.

The door opened, and someone stepped inside, silently shutting the door behind them.

Max didn't even want to look at anyone. He kept his face buried in his arms, as he began to speak, his voice cracking with emotion.

"Look…I don't want to hear any more lectured on how I need to open up to someone. I don't want to hear any more about how sorry Isabel is." He looked up to meet the eyes of the intruder, and found himself meeting the last eyes he expected to see…the beautiful doe brown of Liz Parker's eyes. "And I don't want to hear any more lies." He finished softly, staring at her in agony. "If you're just going to spout out more lies about how you don't love me and you wouldn't die for me, then just leave. I don't want to hear them."

"No lies." Liz replied softly. "I just want to talk to you… And for the record, I've never denied that I love you. I could never do that."

"So instead you just go off and pretend to sleep with Kyle…that's really showing your love, Liz." He cried out bitterly. "So what do you really want?"

Liz hesitated. "Are you…do you want to listen? I can leave…I'm sorry… Your mom let me in…I suppose she thought maybe I could help."

"Can you?" Max asked softly, suddenly sounding like a weak, scared little boy.

"I hope so." Liz responded.

She slowly walked over to where Max sat in the far corner of the room, and settled herself sitting opposite him, legs crossed beneath her. Max's eyes never left her, as he studied her, half of his mind preparing him for the worst, while the other part of him prayed that he would finally hear the truth that he needed to hear.

Liz started speaking, her voice wavering under her words.

"Everything that just happened, with the skins, and everyone disappearing…it really shook me up. We had no idea what was happening, Max. Whether our parents and friends were alive. Whether we were going to live…I was so scared. And the only thing keeping me sane was knowing that you were okay. And then…we left to go try to fix everything…and I just…I cracked, Max. I was so scared that I was going to disappear, that I was going to die. I thought I would never see you again…and it killed me to think that I could die and you would never know the truth."

"The truth about what, Liz."

"The truth about why I did everything that I did. But I came to a realization, Max. Screw the consequences. I can't lie to you anymore. There has to be another way."

"Another way to do what?"

"Another way…" Liz paused and took a deep breath, before looking meaningfully into Max's eyes. "Another way to stop the end of the world."

"What?" Max gasped out.

Liz took a deep breath, trying to gather her strength to continue. "I know it sounds crazy…but just, listen to me. I swear to you, I'm through lying to you, Max."

"Okay." Max agreed softly.

"Okay. I had a…visitor…a few weeks ago, Max. It was…well, it was you. An older version of you, who traveled back in time through the granolith to see me. I know it sounds crazy, but he proved it to me, Max. It was you. He needed my help…he needed me to push you away, because our love brought the end of the world."

"What?" Max gasped. "How could…"

Liz cut him off. "Just listen. Without his interference, you would have kept pursuing me to go to Gomez with you. Finally you were going to come to my room that night…and I was finally going to give in. We were going to take our relationship to the next level."
Liz stopped talking and drew her eyes to Max's deep, dark pools of emotion meaningfully, loosing herself in them for a moment. She flustered, realizing what she was doing, and continued.

"Anyways, because of the new direction our relationship took, you pushed Tess away. She left Roswell, and we never saw her again. But without Tess you were weaker, and eventually the skins took over…"

"Bringing about the end of the world." Max finished for her.

"Yes." Liz affirmed for him.

"So you did all of this for me." Max realized suddenly. "Because I asked you to."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"It was you…I love you." They lost themselves in each other's eyes again, just basking in the presence of each other for a moment, before Liz began to speak again.

"Max…everything I said to you, everything I did…it was all a lie. None of it was true. I'd die for you in an instant. I'd do anything you ask. I could never be with anyone else. You're my heart, my soul…my whole existence. Please don't tell me that things are unrepairable between us."

Max rocked himself forward onto his knees, so he could lean over and stroke the soft, warm skin of Liz's cheek. She shivered under his touch after being absent from it for so long.

"No…" Max breathed. "I don't things could ever be unrepairable between us."

"You'll give me another chance?" Liz begged him softly, though her mind was still focused on the feeling of Max's hand against her skin.

"I'll give you more than another chance." Max replied.

Suddenly she was in his arms, and his lips were pressed up against her own desperately, and they kissed with a fiery passion that was burning from months apart. They abandoned themselves completely to one another, unable to get enough of each other, never wanting to stop the feeling of being completely and totally lost in their embrace.

It seemed to Liz as though Max's hands were everywhere at once…on her face, her hair, her arms…he couldn't stop touching her. And she never wanted him to stop.

As his hands cupped her face, a connection opened between them, and their thoughts and feelings poured openly into each other's minds.

Liz could feel Max's pain, first initiated by Liz, and then eventually growing to include Isabel and Michael's betrayal. She almost cried out as his pain swept over her…it was so strong. Liz desperately wanted to take that pain away…ease it all into nothingness. It would take some work, but Liz knew that things could be repaired between her love and his family.

At the same time, Liz also realized that as much as she hurt Max…he had never stopped loving her. She swam in that love, letting it flow through her in waves. Liz couldn't get enough of it.

As Liz was experiencing all of this, Max saw everything that had happened to Liz, as she encountered the future version of himself, and saw him begging her for help. Max felt Liz's agony after every encounter with him, and realized just how much she didn't want to hurt him, but in turn, did it out of necessity. His Liz was so strong.

Together they felt complete devotion to each other, and swore, in that moment, to never loose faith in each other again.

No more lies…no more betrayals.

There was something more powerful than either of these things….love.

The End


You forget, I go to college! Translation: Drunken orgies with occasional Cliff Notes."
We are feedback junkies! It's like crack only harder to get! -EMK
posted on 14-Sep-2001 4:15:20 PM
Title: Wounded
Summary: Max and Liz have been forced apart (via. End of the World). Will they ever come back to one another?
Background: Takes place after End of the World, at least what I think will happen via spoilers.
Category: M/L
Rating: PG-13
Author: Anne
E-mail: dreambehr⊕yahoo.com
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. The characters of Roswell belong to Melinda Metz, the WB, Jason Katims, and all the wonderful people who we all love for starting this wonderful story. I’m just borrowing them! Wounded is by Third Eye Blind off of their album Blue.


The guy who put his hands on you
Has got nothing to do with me
And the bruises that you feel will heal
And I hope you come around again
Cause we're missing you
You used to speak so easy
Now you're afraid to talk to me
It's like walking with the wounded
Carrying that weight way too far
The concrete pulled you down so hard
Out there with the wounded
Missing you
Well I never claimed to understand what happens after dark
But my fingers catch the sparks at the thought of touching you
But you're wounded




Max Evans wandered the hallways of West Roswell High School, a stormy air surrounding him to all who laid eyes on him. Max had always been known as the mysterious, brooding guy at school, but lately the brooding had deepened, settling into a darkness that filled his whole being.

Max had changed lately, ever since he and Liz Parker had broken up three weeks earlier…permanently. No one knew exactly what had happened between them, but everyone saw the changes in Max. He was now bitter, angry, sarcastic…all traits that never could have been associated with him before. Only a select few knew what had actually happened between the two, although both Max and Liz were telling a different story, neither of which was the truth. It was general knowledge though that this was the single most dramatic, nasty break up in West Roswell High School’s history.

Liz and Max had been in love. No one ever questioned it. You could see it, feel it, emanating from deep within them. They belonged together. Whatever had happened between them had to be terrible…the ultimate betrayal.

Max froze before his destination, hesitating before entering, staring at it with a stony look on his face. The eraser room… It was filled with memories, of long serious talks with Liz, of passionate kisses… Max didn’t want to go in there. He knew he would relive all of it, and all the pain of the breakup would just go shooting right back into his heart. He’d break down again…and Max couldn’t afford that. He needed to stay strong.

Damn his teacher for making him clean the stupid erasers.

Max took a deep breath, summoning all of his strength, and stepped inside, turning immediately to the cleaner beside the door, and refusing to look anywhere else in the room. He turned it on, quickly starting on the first eraser as he listened to the low humming of the machine.

His heart pounded painfully in his chest, remembering their constant visits to this room, and he ached at the memories. Why did she do what she did? Why did Liz just throw him away? After all that they had been through, all that they had experienced together…did it all really mean nothing to her?

A low sound interrupted Max’s thoughts, and he focused again on the machine beneath his hand. The machine wasn’t making the noise…it was another sound coming from behind him. It was a soft, agonizing whimpering sound.

Max sighed in frustration. Great…someone was in here. He just wanted to be alone. He turned around, and almost stumbled over at the sight.

Liz Parker was sitting in the back corner of the eraser room, curled up with her arms wrapped around her knees, rocking back and forth as tears streamed down her face from her bloodshot eyes, down her bright puffy cheeks. She had obviously been going at it for some time. The tears were agonizing…like they came from a broken heart.

“Get in a fight with Kyle?” Max lashed out bitterly.

If it was even possible, Liz started crying harder at his words. She whimpered again, a little louder this time, before tucking her head into her arms and beginning to shake violently.

Max couldn’t help it. She had broken his heart, destroyed his life, stolen all hope away from him, but he still loved her, and his heart went out to her at this moment. She was his everything…and now that he didn’t have her anymore he was just a bitter angry shell of his old self.

Whatever Kyle did, he was an idiot. Max would have never hurt her like this.

Max turned off the cleaner, and sat down across the room from her.

“Look, I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair of me. Do you want me to leave?”

“No, I deserved that.” Liz mumbled out, as she took deep breaths and tried to calm herself down.

“Do you want me to go?” Max repeated.

“No.”

Her response startled Max. What in the world was going on with her?

“Okay…do you want to talk about it?”

“Desperately.” Liz looked up at Max, and her bloodshot, red eyes pierced Max’s own with a haunted look. “But there are some things I can’t talk to you about.”

“You won’t talk to me about it.”

“No, I would if I could. I can’t talk to you about it.”

“Is this about Kyle? Did he break your heart?” Max asked, bitterness slipping into his tone again.

The tears started to fall again, and Max regretted mentioning it.

“God I can’t believe you.” Liz mumbled. “None of this has anything to do with Kyle.”

“Well, you’re obviously suffering from something here. Who broke your heart? It wasn’t me. Who else is there?”

“Me.” Liz responded sadly. “I broke my own heart when I broke yours.”

“Well then, why did you do it?”

Liz was silent for a long time before responding.

“You’ve always had this incredible image of me, Max, until recently that is. You think I’m so strong, like I can do anything. But I’m not strong, Max. I’m weak and scared. I’m terrified of being alone forever, but I just wished that own fate on me. I can’t resist you, Max. You convinced me to break your heart, and here I am, and I can’t stick to it. I need you too much.”

“Liz, what are you talking about? You’re not making any sense.”

“I know.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “You came to visit me from 14 years in the future, because you needed my help. You brought two pieces of news for me. One was amazing, and one initiated everything that is tearing us apart.”

Max nodded. “Go on.”

“In the future, we’re married. Or at least we were. With our marriage came consequences. Tess went insane and killed Michael and Isabel, and I was next on her hit list.” Liz rushed on before Max could respond. “So you asked me to break your heart, betray you, and push you towards Tess, so that we could prevent this from happening. So I did it…for you. And now I’ve destroyed it.”

“God Liz, why didn’t you just come to me. Maybe by us talking about it and being aware of it we could have worked it all out, done something to stop the future from coming true.”

“How? By killing Tess? You have no idea what it was like, Max. You didn’t see his face. I didn’t think I had any other choice! It broke my heart, killed me, to do it, but I had to!”

“Why? You asked me to do this, knowing what it would do to you, but I’m the one who has to watch you change, Max. It’s destroying me to see what this is doing to you. You don’t deserve it, or me.”

“Liz, you’re right. I don’t deserve you. You deserve so much better than anything I could ever offer you.”

“Don’t say that Max.”

“It’s true, Liz! Ever since I’ve entered your life, it’s just been completely screwed up. You deserve a nice, normal life without having to worry about galactic wars, or alien babies, or any of this.”

“Max…I wouldn’t change my life with you for anything. I love you. No one else. Ever.”

“I feel exactly the same, Liz.”

“What about Tess? She’s your destined mate.”

“We make our own destinies, Liz. And I’ll be honest with you. She’s changed these last few weeks. She’s not hounding me about our destiny anymore. Ever since she saw how much you destroyed me, it’s like she finally let go, Liz. She says that she sees how much I love you now, and she knows that she can’t compete.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Liz. Maybe we already changed things, just by what’s already happened.”

“Maybe… Max? I’m sorry…for everything. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Shh…you were hurt too, Liz. You shouldn’t apologize. We’re even. And we can start fresh now. Just you and me, Max and Liz, alone in the eraser room.”

“God Max…you’re too good to me. Most guys wouldn’t ever forgive me for what I did.”

“Well, I’m not exactly most guys, Liz. Or haven’t you noticed?”

Max inched over and sat directly in front of Liz, cupping her face in his hands. At his touch her cheeks started to glow, and the connection flared up between them, as Max gently kissed her, softly caressing her lips with his own. The spark was still there…it could never die.

He pulled away slightly. “Liz, just promise me one thing?”

“Anything.”

“No more secrets between us. You can’t be afraid to talk to me about anything.”

“I promise.” Liz whispered, pressing her lips against his again, no more uncertainty in either of their actions, as she wrapped her arms around his neck, and slid into his lap.

“That’s the way a future marriage has to work.” Max grinned, eyeing the woman he knew had to be his bride one day.

Liz laughed, and nuzzled her face against his again. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too…”

“MR. EVANS!”

Max and Liz leapt apart in shock, and stared up at Mr. Redmond standing over them.

“I believe I asked you to clean my erasers, not make out with your girlfriend!”

Max nodded slightly, attempting to look ashamed, but he couldn’t help grinning at Liz under his gaze. Liz’s eyes laughed back, and the audience behind the teacher began to cheer. Max and Liz were back together. Things were back to normal, set on their true path. And nothing could step in their way again.

The End


You forget, I go to college! Translation: Drunken orgies with occasional Cliff Notes."
We are feedback junkies! It's like crack only harder to get! -EMK
posted on 14-Sep-2001 4:16:43 PM
Title: Together Forever
Category: M/L
Summary: M/L see each other for the first time after destiny.
Author: Anne
E-mail: dreambehr⊕yahoo.com
Disclaimer: They're not mine. The characters of Roswell belong to Melinda Metz, the WB, Jason Katims, and all the wonderful people who we all love for starting this wonderful story. I'm just borrowing them!


It was a cool September evening when he walked around the streets of his town, trying to walk off all the miseries and loneliness that he felt deep inside his heart.

Nothing had been the same for him since she had left. He felt like a big empty shell, going through the motions of his life, day by day, but not actually feeling anything. She had taken his heart away with her. Now, without her, he wasn't even living. She was a part of him, like a vital organ that he couldn't survive without. With her gone, he wasn't complete. Something was missing from his life, and he knew, without a doubt inside him, that it was her.

He walked a few more blocks, and then turned the corner, only to be stopped dead in his tracks. It seemed as though there was a light at the end of the tunnel, that the sun was finally starting to peak out from behind the clouds.

There she stood, halfway down the next block, peering through the windows of a closed shop. She looked like an angel of mercy, standing there looking as beautiful as she did that one miserable day, the day that she ran away from him. He hadn't seen her since that day, until now that is.

He started towards her, his quick, determined footsteps alerting her to his presence. She turned and met his eyes, hers wild and nervous for an instant, before settling into a calm straight face. She didn't want any emotion showing through when she talked to him. That was impossible of course, he knew her every thought, and could read her face like an open book.

"Liz..." He said her name reverently, like a soft prayer.

"Max..." She responded as softly. "How are you?"

"I miss you." He admitted to her bluntly. "Nothing in my life feels right without you as a part of it."

Her breath escaped from her lips with a soft hiss as she sighed, "I miss you too, Max, but it doesn't change anything. You still have your destiny, and we still can't be together."

"I don't care about my destiny. All I care about is you."

"Don't say that. It's not true. You know that as well as I do. We have that connection, Max, the one that makes us see each other and know each other completely in every way. I know you down to your sense of responsibility, Max, and I know that once you let yourself let go of me, you'll remember that a whole world of people are counting on you to come and save them. Then you'll get passionate about it, and put everything into it. Nothing will stop you from helping them, and then you're going to fina a whole new world with your people. Regardless of how you feel about it now, Max, it IS your destiny."

"I can't do it without you."

"Yes you can."

"NO, I can't. Asking me to do it without you is like asking me to do it without my left arm. You said it yourself, Liz. We have this connection between us, and it holds us together. Don't even try to deny that you've felt empty these past 3 months. We've become a part of each other, Liz. We need each other. I mean, God, without you I've barely been able to function. I have to remind myself to to everything: to get out of bed each morning, to shower, to get dressed, to go to work. Nothing comes naturally to me without you in my life."

"I know what you mean." Liz whispered passionately, her eyes shining with the tears that were threatening to fall.

"I need you in my life, Liz, and I'm going to bet that you need me too. Please just let go of your stubbornness, Liz. Let us do what feels right, and just be with me."

"What about your destiny, Max?"

"We'll deal with it when it comes, together. And when it does come, we'll be ready for it."

"What about Tess?"

"What about the gerbil? She has nothing to do with what goes on between you and me."

"She's your wife, Max."

"Maybe in another life when I was another person, but Max Evans has never taken any marriage vows, and if he ever does it's only going to be with one girl...you."

"Really?" Liz gasped.

"You're the only one, Liz. The only one there can ever be for me. The connection, Liz. How often does something like that happen between two people? It's not by accident. We were meant to be together, Liz. I've known it since the first time I laid my eyes on you. I've loved you since that moment, Liz. With all my heart."

The tears began to flood out of her eyes now, as they ran down her cheeks like a flowing river. He hated seeing her cry. It tore him up inside to watch her suffer. What he realized this time, though, was that they weren't tears of sadness, but tears of joy and acceptance.

"Shh, don't cry." He whispered lovingly, bringing his hands up to cup her face, and gently wiping her tears away with his thumbs. His eyes fell to her beautifully sculptured lips, and he couldn't resist any longer. Slowly, reverently, his lips found hers, and with their first joining, they both knew that they had come home.

As their lips melded together, the connection between them flared up and intensified, and they shared their every thoughts and feelings with one another.

She felt the emptiness inside of Max that was now being refilled, and his longing for her for every day that she had been away.

He, in return felt how much she had missed him, and her fear at seeing him again. Deep inside, she was terrified to return to find that he had done as she had asked of him, and followed his destiny to Tess. Now, of course, she knew how wrong she was, and the love that she felt for him at that moment was unsurpassed by any other.

"I love you too, Max." She whispered passionately in his ear, as their lips broke apart.

"We'll always be connected, Liz. That connection will always keep us together, if not in body, then always in spirit."

"We don't need it. We'll always be together. No matter where you go, no matter how far, no matter how dangerous, I'll always stay by your side. I swear it."

"And I'll never let you go. We'll be together forever, Liz. I promise."


You forget, I go to college! Translation: Drunken orgies with occasional Cliff Notes."
We are feedback junkies! It's like crack only harder to get! -EMK
posted on 14-Sep-2001 4:19:10 PM
Title: Never Let You Go
Summary: Liz steps out of Max’s life to let him fulfill his destiny, but is that what they both want?
Background: This is a post-Destiny fic that I wrote before seeing Destiny.
Author: Anne
E-mail: dreambehr⊕yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Actually you know what? They are mine. I own them. In my ideal fantasy world, when I go upstairs Max will be lying in my bed. But it’s all just one big wild fantasy that doesn’t really exist. But the WB and Jason Katims and Melinda Metz have given me a very happy fantasy world! Lol! Music: Here With Me by Dido; Full of Grace by Sarah McLachlan, and Lucky by Bif Naked. Guess what? I don’t own them either!

Part 1: Max’s POV: I Cannot Be

I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memories

Oh, I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

I don't want to call my friends
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been

Oh I am what I am
I do what I want
But I can't hide
I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me



I could feel hands holding me back, preventing me from chasing the most important thing in the world to me. “Let her go, Maxwell. You’ve gotta let her go.”

So I stood there, watching, as the only woman I would ever, could ever love rushed away from me. She paused, and I could see her body shaking violently as the sobs racked through her body. I couldn’t see her face, but it appeared clearly in my mind at that moment, her usually vibrant eyes screaming pain and loss at me. I could feel her usually soft, silky cheeks, sticky with the tears which were already beginning to dry, as if they were my own. I could feel our hearts, as they simultaneously broke into a million pieces, as though they were one.

It was wrong! All of this was wrong! I’m meant to be with Liz, not Tess. Just Liz… Liz owns my heart, Liz knows me better than anyone else. Liz is my other half. Without Liz I’m nothing. I love Liz! Not Tess…never Tess.

I felt stung, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think. My mind just kept addressing the fact that I lost Liz…. How did that happen? We were so happy…so together. The van…

I didn’t know this much pain was possible.

Somewhere inside of me, my brain registered the fact that I was moving. Michael and Isabel had helped me into the jeep, and we were heading home to Roswell. Yes…Roswell. Roswell was home. Whatever was out there…the planet, the war…that wasn’t his home. Home was wherever Liz was. And that was Roswell.

Liz…oh God! Liz… The pain began to flare up inside of me again.

My mind registered the fact that the jeep had stopped, and they were trying to get me into the house. I followed. What else was I supposed to do?

Isabel was shaking me. “Max! Max! You’ve got to snap out of it. Mom and Dad are going to have questions. You haven’t been home in three days. Have you even thought about what you’re going to tell them?”

“It doesn’t matter.” I mumble. My voice sounds dead. I’m dead… Without Liz is life even worth living?

The door opened, and Mom was there in front of me, pulling me against her in a tight hug. My real mother, but still not my real mother…at the same time. How is that possible?

She was crying, I suddenly realized. Why am I not crying? I should be crying. My entire world has just fallen apart. I’ve never known that this kind of pain existed. But I can’t cry…

She’s speaking at me. I try to focus on her so that the words will register.

“…you been? Max? Where were you? We were so scared!” She pulled away from me and I could feel her eyes searching mine out for answers. I allowed myself to meet her eyes briefly, and saw her recoil back in shock, probably at the complete devastation that I knew lay there. I was dead…and she saw it in my eyes.

I dragged my eyes away from hers…anywhere but hers. I didn’t want her to see anymore of what lay there. In the past three days I had been kidnapped, tortured, almost killed, given my life back, and that just to have it taken away just as quickly. No one should have to endure that all at once…but I was.

My eyes fell on the couch in the living room, and I pushed past her, and stumbled towards it.

Suddenly, I was exhausted. Every muscle in my body ached with the same intensity that I felt in my heart.

I collapsed on the couch, and let my head fall back against a pillow.

I closed my eyes, but quickly ripped them open again at the sight which was stuck in my mind. Liz leaving me, Liz running away. It was burned in my mind’s eye…a constant reminder of what I was. I hate myself at the moment. If I were human, Liz wouldn’t be hurting, crying somewhere.

If I were human Liz would be dead. The logical part of my brain reminded me that, and I sighed in frustration. It didn’t help…

“Liz…” I whispered her name aloud, as if calling her would bring her back to me. It didn’t. I knew it wouldn’t, but it was worth a try. I whimpered slightly in anguish before falling silent once more, my eyes staring off into nothingness.

I could hear them whispering across the room about me.

“Isabel, what’s wrong with him? I’ve never seen him like this before! Where was he? What happened to him?”

What happened to me? Isn’t it fairly obvious? I lost…everything.

“I don’t know, mom. He won’t talk to anyone.”

My mother…my real mother? Or not? She turns back to me. “Max, honey? Please tell me where you’ve been? What happened to you?”

“It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore.”

Hours slipped by, and I didn’t move. I couldn’t drag myself away from that spot on the couch. It was late…day had become night, and everyone else had gone to bed, but I just lay there, my eyes centered on a spot on the ceiling, my mind reeling from the events of the day.

Liz…she’s all that matters. My whole world, my whole life… Without her, I’m nothing. I need her…

I curse myself for letting her run away. Why did I let Michael hold me back? Why? She’s my life…the meaning of my existence…my destiny, and I just stood there and watched as she walked out of my life.

Nothing matters anymore. It’s over. Or is it? Was it really too late? If I give up then it’s over, but what if I didn’t give up. What if I fight for her, win her back? Show her how much I love her.

Suddenly it felt as though the life had flown back into me. I was reenergized…ready to go out and take a chance.

I made a mistake earlier for watching her go, but I wouldn’t keep feeding that mistake. I would beg her to reconsider. I would make her see how much I love her.

I leapt to my feet and shot out the front door.

I was a warrior in my past life? Well then I’m going to keep on fighting…for Liz.

Part 2: Liz’s POV: Full of Grace

Full of Grace

The winter here's cold, and bitter
It’s chilled us to the bone
We haven't seen the sun for weeks
To long too far from home
I feel just like I'm sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go

If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love

So it's better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we said and did
Hurts us all the more
It’s just that we stayed, too long
In the same old sickly skin
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go

If all of the strength
And all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love


His destiny…oh God! Tess was his destiny! No! But Max loves me…not her…he said that I was his destiny. We belong together.

But we just heard his mother…God his mother! She told us otherwise.

I love him so much.

I have to let him go. I can’t stand in the way of his destiny. And I know that if I did ask him to stay with me…if I tried…he would follow me, because he loves me just as much as I love him.

That’s why I have to let him go. Because I love him.

“Goodbye Max.” I whisper to him. I can already feel the tears beginning to plague my eyes. I can’t let him see me cry. I have to be strong, otherwise I’ll never make it…I’ll never get away from him.

So I turn and walk away…because I know that if I stay that I’ll never leave him, and he’ll never leave me. As wonderful as that sounds, I know it’s not right. It’s not what destiny wants from Max Evans.

I hear him start to follow me, but something stops him. God, Max…please follow me. Don’t stop. Please?

But he doesn’t, and I have to keep going. I have to be strong. I have to let him go.

Because I love him…

Oh God…I do…I love him so much…and I’m walking away from him forever. The realization of what I’m doing hits me with a thud, and my control slips. I can no longer hide my tears. They stream down my face in a never-ending storm, and my sobs are deafening. I start to shake.

Dammit! I curse myself. Why do I have to be so weak? Why couldn’t I have waited just a little longer, at least until he can’t still see me. I pause for a moment, attempting to compose myself. I failed again, and the sobs come harder, louder. It is then that I realize that I can feel his heart breaking, right alongside mine.

It’s our connection. I’ve always loved our connection. It’s incredible knowing someone so completely. I hate it now, though. It kills me to know how much I am hurting him…even if I’m doing the right thing.

I am…I’m doing the right thing. I have to remind myself, but I do know it for certain, so I push myself forward at a jog…force myself away from him.

I arrive home much later, and I’m facing my parents for the first time. The tears have left me now, but the sadness and the desperation stands out clearly in my eyes. I know it, even if I can’t see it.

“Where have you been?” They demand to know. “We’ve been worried!”

“At Maria’s.” I mumble. The lie stands out blatantly to us all, but they accept it, and they don’t try to push me further. I tell them I’m tired and head upstairs.

I am tired…so tired…but I can’t sleep. I can’t let myself, because I know what my dreams will bring: another storm of emotions, either happy dreams of Max or sad dreams of Max, but dreams of Max…that I know for certain. He’s consumed my whole life, both awake and asleep. I don’t know who I am without him anymore.

My life used to be so simple: days consumed with school and work. It was a straight path to success. I’m a straight-A student. Did I have plans for the future? Harvard…that I knew for certain. Molecular biology at Harvard was my destiny.

But then Max saved my life, and everything changed. Suddenly my stable, certain plans for the future weren’t so stable anymore. Max was all that mattered. We were in love.

Now it all comes crashing down on me. What do I do now? Should I go back to my life as it was before Max? No…that just wasn’t possible. I’m a different person than that Liz Parker now.

But life without Max Evans in it? It is just unthinkable for me. I have no idea what to expect from myself, what to do.

As hard as it’s going to be, I have to try to move forward, to go on with my life as if none of this had ever happened with Max. I have to change.

But I want him so much… I want to be with him. I love him.

I settle myself down to write in my journal, but the words don’t come. I can’t describe in words what I’m feeling right now, and even if I tried, it wouldn’t even be comprehendible. My mind is so jumbled; my feelings so mixed up. I’m so confused. Every one thought that passes through my mind completely contradicts the next.

Only three words appear on the page in front of me, and they explain everything that I’m feeling, but still nothing at all.

I love him…

I sit there and hug my journal to my chest, and raise my eyes to stare at the stars.

I laugh bitterly at the joke that has become my life.

“Why?” I ask the stars. “Why are you doing this to me?”

They don’t answer. They just twinkle back at me as if they’re laughing at me. Suddenly I am angry…

“You sent him here, thousands of light years away from his true home, to my town! You allow us to fall madly in love, only to tear him away from me now? Why do you hate me so much? Why are you doing this to me? WHY?”

I yell out to the universe, screaming as if fate can hear me.

I can feel the tears re-filling my eyes. Shit…I thought I had run out.

“Why do you have to take him away from me?” I whimper one last time, before falling silent.

I never expected fate to send me a response, but somehow she does. An answer comes from behind me, making me jump and whirl around to face my destiny. I take a deep breath in shock, processing the site before me, and the world spoken.

“No one could ever take me away from you.” Destiny tells me as I face him, and once again the tears fall freely down my face…

Part 3: Lucky

It was a Monday, when my lover told me,
"Never pay the Reaper with love only."
What could I say to you, except, "I Love You."
And "I'd give my life for your's."

I know we are - we are the lucky ones.
I know we are - we are the lucky ones.
I know we are - we are the lucky ones, dear.

Remember the time we made love in the roses?
And you took my picture in all sorts of poses
How could I ever get over you, when I'd give my life for your's

I know we are - we are the lucky ones.
I know we are - we are the lucky ones.
I know we are - we are the lucky ones, dear.

My dear,
It's time to say I thank god for you.
I thank god for you in each and every single way.
And I know ... I know ... I know ... I know ...it's time
To let you know. Time to let you know.
Time to let you know. Time to sit here and say:

I know we are - we are the lucky ones.
I know we are - we are the lucky ones.
I know we are - we are the lucky ones.
I know we are - we are the lucky ones, dear.
We are the lucky ones, dear



I stand at the bottom of the ladder, my heart thumping in my chest in anticipation as I looked upwards towards the sky.

She was up there on her balcony. I could feel her presence from where I was standing. I was practically drowning in it…it was so sweet, so wonderful. Liz’s presence…it was heaven.

I took a deep breath, and pushed myself forward…up the ladder…to her.

I could see her sitting there, her back to me, as she hugged her journal close to her breast, and stared upwards at the stars.

I sat on the ledge and watched her. She was so beautiful. I was mesmerized by her presence, glued to my seat, unable to make a motion or even a sound. I felt her essence surrounding me. It felt as though I was drowning in it…in her. Could she feel my presence as I could feel her? Does she know that I’m here?

I was startled when she started to speak.

“Why? Why are you doing this to me?”

For the first time all day I allow the tears to fill my eyes, as I listen to my love cry out in pain.

“You sent him here thousands of miles from his home, to my town. You allow us to fall madly in love, only to tear him away from me now? Why do you hate me so much? Why are you doing this to me? WHY?”

I listen to her words, and they tear at my heart, the way that they echo my own questions as Pierce tortured me. Another tear slips down my cheek, as I realize what my destiny is doing to her. Its torturing her…us both…in the same way as Pierce had done to me.

“Why do you have to take him away from me?” She whimpers, and I realize that she’s crying too. The sound of her pain destroys me, and I cannot sit there silently anymore. I stand and begin to move towards her.

“No one could ever take me away from you.” I swear to her.


My heart flares up with excitement at his words, but my mind is screaming warnings at me as I watch him slowly approach me.

I’m a walking contradiction…one big huge walking contradiction. My heart is begging him to come closer, while my mind is begging me to run away again.

“What are you doing here Max?” My own voice surprised me. I had never known myself to be so dry and void of emotions before.

“I couldn’t just let it end like that, Liz. I love you.”

“I love you too Max, but that’s why I have to let you go. I love you so much that I have to let you follow your destiny.” My voice is so dead when compared to his emotion filled voice. What has happened to me?

“And I love you too much to let you go.” Max responded immediately, firmly. “I need you in my life, Liz, and if my destiny means that I can’t have you, then screw destiny.”

His words shock me back to reality, and I gasp aloud. “Max, you can’t actually mean that! You’re willing to let your entire race live out an eternity in bondage…you parents…just to be with me? You can’t do that!”


Her words hit me like a punch in the gut, and I stand there in silence. For once I don’t have an easy response to what she’s saying.

“You’re right.” I slowly respond. “I’m not going to abandon my people like that.”

“I know.” She whispered, finally letting the emotion stream into her. “I know you Max. You’re too good of a person to do that. You have to do the right thing here, Max, and that means to let go of us.”

“No.” I responded stubbornly. “We’re talking about two different issues here, Liz. Where does it say that I have to be with Tess in order to save my people? It doesn’t, Liz. Anywhere. It may say that we were spouses in a previous life, and I can’t do anything to change that, but I’m not that person, I have no vows to Tess, and my heart already belongs to the most beautiful girl in the universe. Nothing is going to change that. I can still be with you, Liz, and do what I have to do. In fact…” Fear fills my heart, and I slowly meet her eyes to make sure that my point comes across loud and clear. “…I’m not sure if I can do it without you, Liz. I need you in my life. Without you, I’m nothing.”


His desperate words startle me. He pleads at me with his eyes, begging me to reconsider. Damn him. Does he know what that look does to me? Suddenly I don’t feel like a rock…in fact, I feel like a mudslide, slipping and sliding myself back down to his level. I know that my softening is blatant in my eyes.

Max can see it too, and he takes a slow step towards me. “Please Liz.” He begs.

For the first time I begin to realize just how terrified I am. This is all so much! It’s so big. The boy I am in love with is really the reincarnated leader of an alien race who is destined to deliver his people from bondage. It sounds like something out of mythology or something. Something that isn’t really real. And it’s not just that stuff either. There’s something else that I’m afraid of too…

What happens when he’s ready to go home? Will he just leave me?

I couldn’t deal with him leaving me. Maybe that’s why I decided to be the one to leave him, because my biggest fear in the world is rejection from Max.

I know that the fear has slipped into my eyes, and he stares at me, obviously concerned.

“It’ll never last, Max. If you can’t take separation from me now, how will you deal with it when we don’t have a choice in the matter.”

But we do have a choice, Liz. We can be together forever if we want. Please let me prove it to you.”

I sigh with frustration. He doesn’t get it. “You have to go home eventually, Max.”

Realization and understanding sweep into his eyes. “I know.”

“So you’ll just leave me.”

“What if you came with me, Liz?”

His words startle me. I never even considered that possibility. “Come with you?” I stammer. “Is that even possible, Max?”

“It has to be possible, Liz. What have we found out the past few days? I’m mostly human, Liz. I have a human body. It’s just my blood that’s alien. If I can physically handle space travel, so can you.”

It makes sense, I realize. We aren’t as different as we always thought.

“How do you do that Max?”

“Do what?”

“Come up with all the answers like that.”

“Because I love you, and I’ll do anything to be with you. Please Liz, don’t run away from this. We belong together. Stay with me, be with me, and leave with me when it’s time.”

I stare up into the eyes of the only man that I will ever love, and I know that this is real. Everything that he’s saying, everything that we’re feeling. We do belong together. We were lucky enough to find our hearts in each other…running from these feelings was impossible.

I smile up at him for the first time since he heard his destiny, a smile which was loaded with possibility for the future. I step to his side, and take his hand. At the first touch, a connection is formed between the two of us, and with our minds and our hearts completely open to each other, we swore to stand by each other’s side, to never let go of us, for the rest of our lives.


You forget, I go to college! Translation: Drunken orgies with occasional Cliff Notes."
We are feedback junkies! It's like crack only harder to get! -EMK
posted on 14-Sep-2001 4:20:31 PM
Title: Max and Liz’s Dreamy Reunion
Author: Anne
E-mail: dreambehr⊕yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13
Background: It’s a Blind Date fic! I was bugged by the end of the episode. I felt that we needed more closure between Liz and Max, so I took the story from the kiss and continued it!
Disclaimer: They’re not mine as much as I want Jason Behr to be ;) Roswell belongs to the WB and Melinda Metz and Jason Katims, and all those other wonderful people. Please don’t sue me!
Dedication: To all you craxy dream girls out there who are also counting the days until Max and Liz’s dreamy reunion. Here’s one for ya! Also to Linda and Jennifer and everyone else who’s really supported me with my fanfic. You guys are awesome, and without you I would have never had the guts to keep writing!

“…All right, well, convince her Max!” Max took one look at Liz, pushed the microphone away, and grasped her face, pulling her closely for a deep passionate kiss. As they kissed, they connected, for the second time, both of them seeing the course of their relationship in flashed, from that fateful day in the diner, straight through until their first kiss and date. As they slowly, reluctantly pulled apart, Max met her eyes again, and everything slowly came back into focus. Where was he? How did he get on that stage in front of all those people? And Liz… he was kissing Liz again. God she looked beautiful, but what happened? How did he get there?

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I… I’m sorry.” Max saw the smile slip from her face, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He turned and ran down the stairway into the crowd.

Liz stood there shocked for a moment, watching him go. She wanted to cry. Liz knew that this was going to happen. He was talking out of the beer bottle, but she was stupid and let herself believe him. She couldn’t let it end there. She needed to know the truth, whether he meant everything he said or not.

She chased him down the stairs and into the audience

“Max. Wait, Max. Did you really mean everything you said when we were alone tonight?” *Please, God! Please don’t say no. I don’t know if I could take it if he said no.*

Max stood there and stared at her confused for a moment. God, what did he miss? How much had happened? The agony he felt inside him was overwhelming. And the look of pain in Liz’s eyes was killing him.

“I don’t remember. What did I say?” Max had no idea what was going on, but he did know one thing. Liz had finally been given a chance to have some happiness. She had an opportunity to be with a nice, normal, human guy, and apparently he had taken all of that away from her, only to stick to the whole step back thing now. He wished there were some way to take it all back. Everything that had happened. He knew that no matter what it was, whatever he said now just wouldn’t be enough.

“I’m didn’t mean to ruin your night.” Max turned and fled the concert. God, what had he done?

Liz watched him go, and could barely hold back the first tears which were building up in her eyes.

“You didn’t…” She whispered as he pushed open the exit door, and left the building.

Liz stood there for a moment in shock. The night had been like a dream for her. Max had done everything, and said everything that she had always wanted him to say.

She knew from the start that he was drunk, but when the person who possesses your heart and soul says things like that, you just can’t ignore them. Liz had tried to stop it early on, but she couldn’t, and before she knew it, they were in too deep.

Liz smiled inwardly for a moment, thinking about how Max had just let it all out, and gone completely crazy on her. She had always wanted to see him like that. Tonight, he had made her laugh, he had touched her heart in a way that no one else could. The things he said and did…

She looked up at the exit sign. Liz couldn’t just let it go, not after all that had happened that night. It had been too perfect, too much of a dream. He may not remember it all, but she needed to try and make him remember, and find out if it had all been the lies of a drunk, or whether Max had been truly opening his heart to her.

As Maria began to croon a soft song behind her, Liz ran out the exit door, and scanned the alleyway outside for Max Evans.

She found him sitting on the edge of the sidewalk, his feet kicking at the muck in the gutter, his head in his hands.

--------

Max was desperately trying to remember what had happened between them, but it was all so foggy. He remembered watching that guy kiss Liz, and then Kyle offering him the alcohol, and then nothing. Everything was blurry after that. Until he had kissed Liz, that is. The kiss had come in loud and clear for him. What had he done to her? He was lower than the muck in the gutter, the way he was playing games with her heart. She probably never wanted to see him again, and he didn’t blame her. Max wished that he could go away, far away. Give her even more space than he already was, so that maybe she could forget about him and get on with her life.

But even as he thought that, Max knew he was lying to himself. He didn’t want to go away. No, wait, he DID want to go away, he just didn’t want to go away without her. More than once, Max had thought about what a dream it would be for the two of them to just pick up and run away together. Far away to a place where no one believed in aliens, and Roswell was just a town which people heard about on bad science fiction shows. To a place where there was no FBI, and no Sheriff Valenti’s who were constantly watching him.

Deep inside of his heart, all Max Evans wanted in the world was to be with Liz.

But he couldn’t do that. To run off with Liz would be to let down everyone else in his life: Michael, Isabel, and his parents. He was obligated to stay here, and to help Michael in his never-ending quest to find their origins. He had to be there for his family. It would destroy them to loose him.

For the first time in years, Max Evans let a tear slip down his cheek. He felt like he had lost control of his life. There was only one thing in the world that he wanted, and he couldn’t have it because of his obligation to everyone else. He always had to be the strong one, the level headed one. It was what everyone always expected of him. But right now he couldn’t even think clearly enough to even figure out how he was going to get home from there, let alone lead his friends.

Max gave in to his feelings of agony, and let the tears fall freely. They dripped down his cheeks, and fell to the gutter, where they joined the rest of the waste finding refuge there.


Liz reached out slowly, and tapped his shoulder. When Max whipped his face around, and she saw his bloodshot, tear stained eyes, she began to really wonder again what was going on inside of him. Did she make the right decision by coming out and trying to talk to him, or should she just be leaving him alone.

“Can I… Is it okay if I join you?” Liz asked him hesitantly.

“No. Don’t… It’s a mess down here. You’ll ruin your dress.”

“It can be washed.” Liz replied as she sat down beside him, the hem of her dress hanging in the sewage.

“Listen, Liz. I don’t know what happened out there tonight. I have no idea what I said to you or anything, but I’m sorry. It wasn’t fair of me to do this to you, to tear your heart up like this. You deserve better, someone who can commit to you safely. Maybe that guy in there. Of course, I probably ruined any chance you had with him.”

“Max, you didn’t ruin anything tonight.” She laughed, “If anyone ruined the date, it was that damn deejay. And for your information, the date wasn’t even all that fun. He wasn’t that interesting. He wasn’t you.” She laughed again. “That’s what you’ve done to me, Max Evans. You’ve made my life so exciting that no one else is good enough for me anymore.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh, God. I wasn’t blaming you for anything. I like my life the way it is right now, with the excitement and all. There’s only one thing that I’m not getting enough of right now, one thing that’s making me unhappy, and that’s not being with you.”

“Liz, it isn’t safe…”

“Don’t start that again, Max. I don’t want to hear it. What I do want to hear, is what’s really going on with you. Did you really mean everything you said tonight, or was it all just lies?”

“I already told you that I don’t remember what I said.”

“I think you do, Max. If you look into your heart. I know you better than anyone else. Maybe even better than Michael and Isabel at times. I can tell when you’re lying to yourself. You were lying to yourself just then when you said that it wasn’t safe. And I could tell that you weren’t lying to me tonight. I think you were speaking straight from your heart, Max. So look into your heart, Max. Find what’s written there, and tell me that you really meant it. You owe me that much.”

Max felt the fear deep inside of himself. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t tell Liz what he was feeling. If he did, it would tear the rest of his world apart.

“I’m sorry, Liz.”

Liz studied him for a few moments, waiting to see if that was his final answer. When he said nothing further, Liz sighed and stood up, lifting herself out of the gutter.

“Okay Max, if that’s the way you want to be. Do you want to know what you said? You told me that you were going crazy without me. You said that I was your dream girl. You told me that when we were together it was like magic, and that even if you woke up tomorrow and the magic was gone, we’d still have each other. I said that it could never be normal, and you said that you wouldn’t want it to be. You asked me to run away with you, far away from Roswell, and never go back. And when I told you that you were only saying this because you were drunk, you insisted that you were telling the truth. Now I want you to think about that as you sit here alone in the gutter, Max, and I hope that you can finally figure out what you want. I’m going to go home now.”

And Liz walked away, while Max just stared after her in shock.


It’s February 9th. I’m Liz Parker, and tonight has been, well, interesting to say the least. I finally did it. I finally tried to date another guy, and I failed miserably, in the process realizing once again that only Max Evans possesses my heart. I don’t think I could ever care for anyone else romantically again. It just wouldn’t feel right to me. So, here’s what I’m thinking. Unless Max finally gets his act together and realizes that we belong together, I’m destined for a long, miserable life alone…

Liz sat on her balcony writing in her diary. She stopped writing, and hugged her diary close to her. Life alone…it just wasn’t something she had ever expected her future to hold. The tears that she had been holding back all night finally broke free, rushing down her face and over her nose as she let them loose. She looked up and saw the heart on the wall. M.E. + L.P. It didn’t help her at all, and she cried harder, shaking and sniffling. She just lost control and let all the pain out.

Liz was crying so hard that she didn’t even see Max swing over the wall by the ladder, and walk towards her. He kneeled down next to her, and put his arms around her, pulling her close.

“Shhh.” Max whispered. “It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay, Liz.” Max rocked her gently. She cried freely for a few more minutes, before finally taking a few deep breaths and calming herself down.

Liz looked up into Max’s eyes, and noticed that they were still red from his breakdown earlier that day.

“God, we’re a couple of lovesick fools,” She whispered. Max reached up, and placed one of his fingers over her lips.

“Shh…let me talk for once.” Liz nodded. “I meant every word of it, Liz. You were right. For once I was letting myself speak straight from the heart.”

“I knew that, Max. That’s what made it so special to me, even though you were horribly drunk.” She giggled.

“Yeah, I was, wasn’t I? Jeez, I can’t believe I did that,” Max gestured to the huge iridescent heart on the wall.

Liz giggled, “It was pretty out there, even for you space boy.”

“Seriously though, Liz. There’s something I need you to understand. Everything that I said to you today came straight from my heart, down to the whole running away together thing. I can’t deny that I’ve wanted to do that more than once. But the thing is that I have to be there for Michael and Isabel, and I can’t let anything get in the way of that. And when I’m with you I can’t think of anything but you, because in my heart, you’re all that matters in the world. That was why I took a step back, Liz. I need to find a way that we can be together without compromising my life with Michael and Isabel.”

“We’ll find a way, Max. Running away together would just be the easy way out.”

“its going to be tough, Liz. Michael and Isabel aren’t thrilled with our relationship.”

“Well, they’re just going to have to get used to it then, won’t they.”

“Yeah.”

“Max, I understand that sometimes they’re going to have to come first. You may think that this is something that is unique to you because of your position, but it’s not. Sometimes Alex and Maria are going to have to come ahead of you, too. I mean, admittedly, it may happen more often to you, and it may be for more serious reasons, but it’s a two edged sword, Max. And it’s something we’ll adjust to.”

“We’ll make it work, Liz. I promise.”

“Max, no matter what we go through, it’ll all be worth while for me, because we’re together.” Max grinned. “We will make it work, Max. We just have to be prepared for whatever obstacles lie ahead. And I think that with the exception of us, that’s you and me, we’ve done a pretty good job with everything so far. I mean, we got the FBI off your back. We’ve learned so much. And we’ll keep going as we have. The only difference, is that we’ll get to do this once in a while.”

This time it was Liz’s turn to grab Max’s face, and pull his lips to hers. They kissed with a fiery passion that neither of them knew that they had in them.

“I love you, Max.”

“I love you, Liz. We’ll make it work.”


You forget, I go to college! Translation: Drunken orgies with occasional Cliff Notes."
We are feedback junkies! It's like crack only harder to get! -EMK
posted on 15-Oct-2001 12:44:18 PM
Title: Another Ditch in the Road
Background: Post-Busted
Category: Max POV
Rating: PG-13
Author: Anne
E-mail: dreambehr⊕yahoo.com
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. The characters of Roswell belong to Melinda Metz, the WB, Jason Katims, and all the wonderful people who we all love for starting this wonderful story. I’m just borrowing them! Two Beds and A Coffee Machine is by Savage Garden…not me.

Another ditch in the road you keep moving
Another stop sign you keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through?

It's strange, coming back to school after a week like this. After having my whole world turned upside down so completely, doing something as simple as class seems…unnatural.

Of course over the years I've become a master of disguise in a sense. No one could tell by looking at me how awkward I'm feeling…because of who I am, what I am… I've practically made a career out of hiding over the years…and I'm doing it right now, as I lean back in my chair, pretending to relax, and chew on the end of my pen, my eyes wandering the room…

I've heard the whispers in the hallway as I walk by. Being an alien does have certain benefits, like heightened hearing, and I know the whole school is talking. Everyone noticed our disappearance, and there's a million different theories going around about where we were…about why two top of the class students missed the first week of school. The most popular theory of course was that we ran off together to have a torrid love affair…and if that's what people want to think, I won't try to stop them. After all, in a sense it's true.

Everything that we did this week was for love. I did it for the love of my son. Liz did it for me…because she loves me. My heart flames at the thought, as my eyes find her, sitting two rows over in the front row. I don't even try to doubt it anymore…I've given up on trying to understand how I got so lucky to find a girl like her. I just accept the fact that I'm the luckiest alien on earth, and plan to enjoy every minute I have of her…even if it's just moments like this…watching her from across the classroom.

A torrid love affair is of course the biggest rumor…but there's a million other ones too…one in particular that makes my heart flutter nervously. Someone said in the hallway as I walked past that they overheard Maria and Liz talking in the girl's bathroom…and that Liz's parents have forbid her to see me anymore. That's one rumor I pray will never be true.

I haven't been able to talk to Liz since we got home from Utah yesterday. She wasn't around before school, which was unusual for her. The first time I've seen her since Utah was just fifteen minutes earlier, when she had walked into class on time, and approached me with a soft smile that made my heart race with excitement. Kissing me lightly on cheek, she leaned over and whispered in my ear: "I need to talk to you in private after class."

My eyes scan her from across the room, raking up and down her slender form. She's the exact opposite of me in so many ways…her cells not included. We both get top grades…but watching us in class you'd never know. I sit in the back, my attention drifting, my body language uncaring…while Liz is in the front row, at the edge of her seat, eagerly taking notes.

I love her enthusiasm.

I love her energy just as much as I love the way the light catches in her hair…it's practically begging me to come over and run my fingers through her silky locks. I sigh…desperately wishing my thoughts wouldn't go there…but they of course, don't listen. Suddenly I'm remembering how perfect it feels when her body is pressed up against mind, when our lips hungrily duel…I've barely been able to keep my hands off of her lately…and it's not because I want her body or anything…it's not about her body. It's about her…Liz. It's been so long since I've had her…God, I've missed it so much. And I'm desperate to reexplore every inch of her, both physically, and emotionally.

It's amazing…Liz and I…together again. That's what everyone is saying right now.

"So…you and Liz are back together, huh?"

"It's good to finally get her back, isn't it Max?"

But that's what nobody understands. It's not the same again…I'm not getting anything back… What we've done is start over. Everything is new this time, different. It isn't any better and it isn't any worse. Before…when we were a couple for the first time, everything was brand new, innocent. It was my first relationship…it was Liz's first time in love, and even as we were falling in love, they were also just getting to know each other for the first time. Everything had an innocent tinge to it.

We've both been through so much since then…this time there's nothing innocent about either of us. There had been so much pain, so much struggle…the world is a different place…and it's almost as if Liz and I are totally different people.

I feel like I've lost so much time, all the same. As I spend more and more time with her…on the road, on our mission…or even just now, as I watch her take notes…I know how much I've missed. She's changed…and even as I naively think that I know everything there is to know about her, she still manages to take me by surprise…and I love it.

Before our relationship was shy, naïve, innocent. Now there's excitement around every corner…and not just because we've broken a number of laws together in the past three months. For me it's because I'm rediscovering the one thing I've always wanted…and it's amazing.

Class can't end fast enough. When the bell rings I quickly throw my pen and notebook into my backpack, slinging it over my shoulder, as I rush over to Liz. She smiles happily up at me, but doesn't say anything as I take her by the hand, and quickly rush towards the Eraser Room.

I can barely get the door shut fast enough, as I turn and wrap my arms around her waste, lowering my lips to hers hungrily. Watching her in class did not help my attention span…and after not being able to touch her like this since before the robbery…my fingers have been burning in anticipation of this moment.

"Max…" Liz moans, as my lips slide to her neck. "Max…we don't have much time and I need to talk to you." She insisted. "God…I want this too, but I need to tell you…"

I pull back, searching her eyes nervously, as I take a few deep breaths to calm my racing heart. I can't not touch her…not after the week we've had, so I cup her cheek with one hand, while rubbing her arm comfortingly with the other.

"Tell me what?" I ask, trying to get my fuzzy brain to refocus on her words.

"My parents…" Liz started breathlessly. I grin, knowing that it was my kisses that effected her so strongly. She took a deep breath and started again. "My parents…they told me that I can't see you anymore. I think…they really mean it, Max."

Suddenly the whole world freezes, as the cold hand of fear clenches my heart. I can tell by the look in Liz's eyes that my eyes have given away all my fears and doubts. I swallow, and close my eyes, stepping back and turning from her, running my hands through my hair.

Fear fades away and frustration seeps in instead. Why can't anything ever go right between me and Liz? There always seems to be something standing in our way…another ditch in the road, another obstacle to overcome.

"Max…" Liz murmurs in a soothing voice. "Max…it's going to be okay. We'll find a way. I'm not going to give you up now that I've just gotten you back. We're just going to have to find a way to work around it."

I turn around and look at her with a fiery gaze. "I'm not going to be ashamed of our relationship, Liz. I don't want to have to sneak around and hide what we have."

"I don't want to either Max." Liz agreed. "And we don't have to. We just can't let my parents find out. Which basically means they can't see you at the Crashdown…ever."

I drop my eyes again. After all of this time it has come down to this. Nothing can ever be normal…I can't even take Liz out on a normal date anymore. What are my days going to be like if I can't sit in the Crashdown after school, linger in her presence? It's the most comforting feeling in the world.

"I know it's going to be hard, Max…but we don't have any other choices. We can still see each other every day at school. My parents told me not to talk to you, but they can't watch me here. And we can still go out…we'll just have to plan it properly…we can meet each other places or I could pretend I'm going out with Maria…" Liz's voice trailed off, and suddenly I noticed the black lines under her eyes, the weariness in her eyes.

"Liz…are you okay?" I ask softly.

Liz nodded slowly. "I'm just so tired of all of this. I've been fighting on it non-stop, Max…and they just won't budge."

"I wish I could go back, Liz…think things through more thoroughly before we went into that store…I just…I can't figure out what went wrong. By all logical reasoning we should have had more time…we shouldn't have gotten caught."

"Max…it's over. You can't take it back."

"I know." I sigh.

"All we can do is deal with the reality we've been dealt Max…and we'll make it work."

Liz reaches up and wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me down closer to her. My skin tingles from her touch…and I sigh in contentment, knowing that I'd do anything, just as she would, to keep this. My arms link behind her again, and I press my forehead to her, closing my eyes, and just allowing myself to feel. We're pressed together so close to one another, that it feels like we're sharing the same space, not even air is getting between us…except for in the inches between our lips, where we share the same air…strange, how Liz's air seems so much more electric than my own.

Finally I close the space, only lightly brushing my lips against hers, before pulling away.

"We should probably get to class." I sigh. "They'll notice if we don't show today."

"Yeah." Liz whispered reluctantly. She turns and reaches for the door, but suddenly hesitates, turning back to me with a hopeful smile. "Will you meet me for lunch?"

I grin, amused by her simple request. "You know I will."

"Good…I think I can last another 3 classes. Bye Max." She slips out the door, leaving me standing there alone in the dark room.

----- ----- ----- ------

Lunchtime comes quickly, and Liz and I manage to sneak away to an empty corner of the school. We relax into one another, as I lean back against the school wall, Liz nestled between my legs, her head tucked against my chest. We eat silently for about 10 minutes, before Liz breaks it with a soft question.

"So what about you?"

Her question takes me by surprise.

"What do you mean?" I ask in confusion.

"I don't think you've told me the whole story yet. How did your dad get me out? And you can't seriously tell me that your parents are just going to let this go. You know how my parents reacted to all of this…what about you?"

I sigh, trembling slightly. I've been avoiding dealing with my own problems since leaving Utah, and I know that I'll have to make some decisions soon...I don't even know where to start.

I know that Liz notices my hesitation because she glances up to me with concern in her eyes.

"Max?" She asks softly.

"After I came to see you, I went back to the store…"

I relay the whole story to her about the ship's disappearance, the toxins that remained, and the deal I cut with the FBI…leaving everything about my father out of the story. I think that Liz can sense this, because she asks me again.

"So that explains how you got me out…but what about your parents, Max?"

I hesitate again…Liz has enough troubles of her own to have to deal with mine, but I know she deserves to know, so I let it all pour out.

"My dad followed me back to the store, when I found the ship missing. He knows that something's up, Liz, and he demanded to know why we did it. I refused to tell him. He…well, he wouldn't accept my silence, so I basically…I had to leave home, Liz."

"What?" Liz gasps. She wiggles around to sit up on her knees, looking Max straight in the eyes. "Where did you go? What are you going to do?"

"I slept in my car last night…" I explain with a sigh. "I don't know what I'm going to do from here, though. I haven't really had time to figure it out. I told my dad I'd come by after school to pick up my things…but from there…" I trail off, not knowing what else to say.

Liz runs her hands across my face, gently clutching my head as she looks into my eyes sadly.

"Oh God, Max…" She moaned. "And I thought I had it bad…"

"It's going to be okay." I promise her gently. "I'll find a way to make it all work out. I'm going to be okay, Liz."

------ ------ ------- ------

Life can be a crazy place. I know…after all that I've been through these past two years, saying that is the understatement of the year…but even as many times as my life can spin out of my control, it still throws me for a loop when everything changes so fast.

I'm sitting in my car in front of the only home I've ever known…and regardless of my non-human status, it's not on a distant planet…it's a cozy home in small town Roswell. Even now, as I sit staring up at the huge glass windows, I think of how welcoming it looks…but the thing is, it's not anymore. Not unless I want to throw everything into still more uproar…and I can't risk it right now. I can't ever bring them into this. They deserve better.

So until then…I give them the one thing I can give them. Freedom…from me. It's probably for the best…if they don't know what I'm doing, they can't worry as much…they won't follow their suspicions. They can't, if they don't know where I am.

But the thought alone frightens me, as much as I don't want to admit it.

Yesterday I had a home…today I'm a pariah, cast out from the one place I know and forced to survive on my own.

It's as hard as I expected, coming to collect my few belongings. My parents are both there waiting for me. They open the door as I approach, and look at me expectantly, waiting eagerly for the apology or explanation that they're never going to get.

"I just came to get my things." I tell them evenly. I think they're surprised, although their faces stay even, as they step back and let me into the house. Isabel isn't home…it's probably for the best. I don't want to have to explain all this to her, even though I know she'll probably understand. It's easier…I just have to get everything and go.

Silently I go up down the hallway to my room.

I feel like a robot, just going through the motions, afraid to feel…because if I stopped for one moment to linger on what I'm doing, I don't know if I could go through it. I owe these people everything. They took me in from the cold…they gave me everything, and I'm abandoning them.

Stiffly, I take my duffel off the top shelf in my closet, stuffing it full of clothes, toiletries…all the human essentials, that an alien could probably survive without…but nothing has changed about me. I'm still Max Evans, and I'm still mostly human. I have to do something to make my life seem natural after all of this.

Even though my back is to the door, I can sense my father standing there watching me, my mother probably not far away.

"You don't have to do this son." He states firmly. "We don't want you to go."

I try to keep my voice steady. "No…you're wrong. I don't have a choice here."

My mother speaks up…I'm not surprised. "Yes, Max. You do have a choice. You can tell us what's going on with you. Try to make us understand, whatever it is, that you have a good reason for all of this."

Zipping up my duffel, I whirl around and meet their eyes, my gaze stony.

"I've already told both of you. I can't talk to you about this." My eyes drop, and I sigh, my voice wavering. "I understand where you're coming from." I admit carefully. "And I don't blame you in the slightest. I'd probably feel the same in your shoes…but you're asking too much for me. I cannot talk to you about this. And that's why I'm leaving…because it'll just be easier for both of us."

I step past them and out of my room, heading to the front door.

"Max!" My mother calls after me. I can hear in her voice that she's crying, and it rips into my heart. I never wanted it to be this way.

I turn back one last time, gentle eyes, a gentle voice.

"Goodbye mom. Bye dad."

Tossing my duffel into the passenger seat, I climb into my car, turning the key and letting the engine roar to life. As I pull onto the street, I look back one last time…they say that you're never supposed to look back, but I can't help it, because I do have regrets. I wish that this could be differently…but I can't change my ways. I am who I am. I am what I am. This is the way my life is. These are the things I have to do.

Uncertain where to go, I head back towards the pond where Liz and I had our second first date. I probably could sleep there again tonight, but it makes me feel closer to Liz…the quiet, peaceful air helps clear my head. Maybe from there I'll figure out where to go next.




posted on 23-Oct-2001 2:04:30 PM
Title: Change
Background: Post-Michael, The Guys, and The Great Snapple Caper
Category: Liz POV
Rating: PG-13
Author: Anne
E-mail: dreambehr⊕yahoo.com
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. The characters of Roswell belong to Melinda Metz, the WB, Jason Katims, and all the wonderful people who we all love for starting this wonderful story. I’m just borrowing them!

~~~~~~~~~~

Something has changed.

I haven't figured out exactly what yet…but I've been able to feel it ever since I woke up this morning. It's been electrifying the air, floating there all around me trying to tell me something…what, I have no idea.

Maybe it has something to do with last night…last night that was something out of my dreams. I never thought that when Max said he wanted to make my dreams come true, that he meant it so literally. It was amazing, exhilarating, flying through the sky with nothing except air beneath our feet.

And what made it all the more amazing was, it was with him.

It was like just for those few short hours, when we were flying through the air, we left all of our problems behind us. Tess and his son disappeared, my parents disappeared…it was just the two of us and anything was possible.

I can't wait to see him today.

That morning, I couldn't get to school fast enough…rushing out of the house with a huge grin on my face, and jumping into Maria's jetta without even saying goodbye to my parents. They probably thought I was just ignoring them because of the Max situation…well, it definitely has to do with Max…I desperately wanted to see him as soon as possible.

My heart was racing with excitement as I leaned back against my locker, laughing with Maria as I waited for Max's arrival…and waited…and waited.

My racing heart was slowing quickly. What was going on? Where is Max? He's never late to school anymore, now that he doesn't have to wait for Isabel to pamper herself. Did something…happen?

Suddenly I felt like I was dying…the electricity in the air didn't seem quite so wonderful and exciting anymore…maybe the change I was sensing was in Max…maybe something happened…maybe he found his son…maybe he left for his home in the middle of the night.

No…he wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. Maybe his car broke down.

Sighing, I headed to my first period class. Max was in my first period class, even if we couldn't sit together or talk to each other in it…my teachers were all watching us for my parents. It's so frustrating.

I breathed a sigh of relief when Max walked in five minutes after the tardy bell…but my relief was short lived when he walked right past my desk to his own, without even so much as glancing in my direction.

Even if we couldn't talk, he always sent me a secret smile…we had agreed that we weren't going to let my parents beat us.

What was going on with him?

That one question kept repeating over and over again in my head as I didn't even bother trying to pay attention to the lecture. What was going on with him? Why is he acting this way? What happened?

I decide to confront him after class…if they want to call my parents, that's fine by me…I just need to know why my heart suddenly feels like it's twisting in agony inside my chest…but I don't get a chance…Max is up and gone so fast that I can't even grab him…

I spend my second period class trying desperately to figure out what happened. This isn't like him at all. Someone must have said something to him…something that scared him, that convinced him to stay away from me. God knows it's been done before.

What I need is to get him to confide in me…to tell me what's happened. Maybe then we can work through it.

Our next class together is AP Biology, third period. This time I decide to get the upper hand on him. I walk in late, and Max is already in his seat when I arrive. We were lab partners, but at my father's request, we were switched to new seats. As I make my way to my lab table, I slide a note on top of his notebook, continuing to my seat without even looking at him.

The note is a simple, firm one liner.

What the hell is going on?

My eyes stay locked on Max's back, as I sit down two tabled behind him. I can tell he has read the note a few moments later when his back stiffens, like he's just sucked in a huge breath and knows he's been beaten.

All period I wait for a response from him, but it isn't coming. Class ends…the bell rings, and again, like in first period, he's gone before I can grab him…and he doesn't show up to our fourth period class.

Lunch finally comes around, with much to my dismay, no sign of Max. I head to my locker to drop off my books and meet Maria with a sad sigh.

Three quick twists of the combination, 26, 16, 7, and my locker opens. My breath catches in my throat as a folded note sits there, my name scrawled across the front in Max's handwriting. I pick it up, turning it over in my hands and staring at it for a few long moments, before closing my locker, and rushing off to an empty corner of the school yard.

Standing there, in the grass, beneath the trees, I pace back and forth nervously a few times, before unfolding the note quickly and beginning to read.

Dearest Liz…

God, I don't even know where to start. I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you today, but it's absolutely necessary for me to stay away from you right now. I know how much it's hurting you, and it's tearing me up inside…but I can't loose you any more than I already have…it's better to know you're here, and you're okay, than to have no idea where you are and what you're doing.

You're probably really confused right now…let me explain. Everything will come clear.

Last night after you went upstairs your father was waiting for me as I was leaving. We got caught, Liz, and he is not happy about it. He knows, Liz…he knows how dangerous it is for you to be with me…he knows that just being with me could put your life in jeopardy. That's why he's forbidding us to see each other…because he's afraid of loosing you. He doesn't know, Liz…he doesn't understand that I'd protect you with all the power I have…he doesn't know how I already have.

Liz…he threatened to send you away. He has registered you for a boarding school on the other side of the country, and if he catches us together again, if he gets a phone call from the school even, he's going to put you on a plane, simple as that.

I can't let that happen to you, my love. It's better to be here, to see you every day, and to know you're okay, even if we can't talk, can't touch, than for us to be so far apart. I can't risk loosing you like that…but I can't stand to hurt you the way I did this morning either.

We have to keep the distance, Liz. We have to stay apart…it's the only way.

I'm so sorry for all of this, Liz. I never expected…I'm sorry. I wish I could change things…but for now this is the way it has to be.

I love you…so much.

-Max


As I finished reading his letter, I felt my heart surging in anger, as I crunched the letter in my hands…as if the tension in my fists would make things better.

I didn’t know who to be angrier at…Max for coming to such a definite conclusion without talking to me first, or my parents for being so willing to destroy my life.

I knew one thing for certain…I couldn't do anything to change my parent's decisions…my father's talk with Max proved that much. However I could do something about Max.

Again, I decided to corner him…to not let him leave the school without talking to me…but this time it would be a little harder. I had to talk to him in person, and I couldn't let any teachers see us.

Sometimes it's incredibly convenient to be so tiny…

I managed to cut out early from my final class of the day, and rushed to the parking lot. Nobody was around yet, since class was still in session, so it was easy for me to find my way to Max's car without being seen…and even easier to crawl in and tuck myself into the small area on the floor of the front seat…no one would be able to see me as Max left school…except for him.

It was only a few minutes before the final bell rang, and quickly I heard Max's door open…just as I had predicted, he had raced straight to his car, hoping to avoid me.

He stared at me in shock for a moment, before crawling in.

"I'm not letting you get away without talking to me." I hissed at him. "Get us out of here…take me to the lake or something...somewhere private where no one will see us."

Max nodded quickly, and pulled out, keeping his eyes glued to the road to avoid suspicion. He didn't say a single word to me until we were far from town.

"It's safe to sit up now." He softly suggested, glancing down at me. He gave me a small smile. "You have some nerve, you know. That's got to have been uncomfortable."

"Yeah." I admitted, nodding my head, as I slid up, and onto the seat. "But it worked." I reminded him pointedly.

He turned the car off of the road, and parked beside the lake, climbing out, and coming around the car to open my door for me. I didn't let him, jumping out as soon as the car stopped. The second he approached me I shoved him hard in the chest. He stumbled backwards, his eyes widening in surprise.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I asked him angrily. "Do you really think you can make decisions like this for me? Do you honestly believe that I'll let you get away with it?"

"Liz…I…" He stammered, but I didn't let him continue.

"I just got you back, Max Evans, and there is no way I'm letting you go now, just because my parents are being pig headed and stupid. I love you too much to loose you now, don't you understand that?" My voice softened on my last words, and I could feel my eyes stinging with the potential of tears. I blinked a few times angrily, not wanting to completely break down in front of him.

I could tell my voice was sounding more and more defeated, as I continued, and I could see the sadness in my heart lingering in Max's eyes.

"You know…what ever happened to all that stuff you said before, Max…about how we'll make this work…about how easy it will be to sneak around behind my parent's backs. I thought you wanted to work for this, Max."

"I do, Liz!" He protested. "God I do…I just don't want to loose you again! Your dad meant every word he said to me, Liz. He will send you away if he catches us one more time."

"Then we won't let him catch us." Liz replied simply. "It'll be hard, Max. We'll have to be more careful than we have been. We have to follow some of the rules…you definitely can't come near the Crashdown, and we can't talk at school…but we can keep writing letters…we can have secret dates like this when I'm supposedly hanging out with Maria or at the library."

I pause a long moment, collecting my thoughts.

"Max…you were willing to let me go this time around because you didn't want to loose me altogether…well it's the same with me. I'm not willing to let you let me go, because I don't want to loose you. We can make this work, Max."

Max nodded silently, his eyes sadly searching mine. It wasn't the first time since I had gotten him back that I couldn't help wondering what he was thinking…he was a mystery to me this time around.

"Just…don't make decisions like this that effect me without talking to me first ever again." I told him firmly.

"I won't." Max agreed in that soft, gentle voice he saved only for me.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I stepped into his warm embrace, tucking my head against his chest as I wrapped my arms around him, snuggling as close to him as possible.

Change is a funny thing.

I woke up this morning sensing the change…and it came, for certain.

The change came in Max himself, in the way he was treating me…most of all in the amount of fear my father put in his heart last night.

But the change wasn't permanent…this change was something that was easily worked through, easily fixed.

And even as I find myself standing here at the end of the day, right where I want to be, in Max's loving arms…I can still sense that more change is coming, lingering in the distance, waiting to reveal myself.

I could only be so lucky if whatever is coming was as easy to fix as this was.