|posted on 1-Jan-2003 12:21:01 PM|
|A prologue to my untitled fic. It's two single pieces, with my other fic as the sequel and following parts.|
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell or it's characters.
I remember you. I remember your face the most though, the way you used to smile or frown. I remember the way your eyes would light up with excitement or anger. I remember the way you would have the utmost confidence in everything and everyone. Yes, I could see that in your face too. I remember it all. I remember your voice too. I always admired the way you could speak so smoothly, and always have a comeback to anything I said. I always knew that you had more to say than what you let on. I remember the arguments, and how you allowed me to win the verbal battles, though it was obvious you should have won. That I had to have the last word.
I wish I could just go back to that point in time, but you choose not to remember me. Sweet, sweet Liz, why must you choose to forget me? I no longer know where to go. You were my home, yet you have changed the locks, and hidden the key. You have pulled down the shutters, and allowed the outward appearance to live for you. God, why have you changed so much? You have become the ice princess that Isabel used to pride herself on, only you have shut everyone out.
Another man is in your bed, or so you think. I hate the way you now drown yourself in meaningless sex. So I have done the only thing I could accept, I became those men. Most of them at least. I have gained some control over my abilities, though you yourself don’t even know it. If you only knew appearance is only an illusion, for you see only what the other wants you to see, nothing more and nothing less. If only you knew what awaited you on the other side of the locked door, I wonder if you would open it then. A molecular change is nothing compared to what is inside. You don’t open yourself up, or you would know it is me.
I see you look around every time you go out, but if you really did look, you would see me everywhere you were as well. I know you cry my name every time we have sex, and I know you see the true me, if only for a split second, but then you refuse to look again. You think that could not possibly be true. If only you knew. If only you knew that I am cursed to hide myself until the enemy is no longer a danger. If only you knew that if I told you who I really was, then I would find myself even more lost than I was before you. You must find out for yourself, I’m afraid. God, find me soon, my sweet. It will be torture to wait even another day for me to hide behind my disguises. I can wait for you only for so long, for the enemy is close. Time on this planet is precious, and it goes by faster than you think.
I remember you, or at least who you used to be. You may never be that girl again, but you cannot continue to be the woman you are now. I know someday you will come fully into your own powers, yet I hope it is sooner than later. I really don’t want to wait another day. You are to be my savior, but you must first find yourself. If only you knew what was at stake. I can only hope and wait. Until then, my sweet...
Every day, I wonder where you have gone. Are you on another planet, another country, another state? Could it be, that when I turn around, you will be standing right behind me with your arms opened wide? I wish it could be true, but I know it’s not. I’ve been burned one too many times by love, by supposed undying devotion. It’s killing me, slowly. If love truly existed, why have you not come back to me?
I crave your touch. Do you know this? Every night, I dread the thought of going to my cold bed, alone. I wish I could reach out, and touch you. Sometimes, I swear I can feel you near. When I turn around, though, it is another face that I find. The first time...the first time I was drunk. I turned to Kyle. I’ve regretted it ever since. My friendship with him has been shot to hell. After that, well, it was easier to pretend, to pretend that a stranger’s face was yours. They always had an aspect that screamed ‘Michael!’, your hair, your nose, the shape of your face. Even your eyes, which I thought no one else could ever possess, were sometimes there.
Sometimes, I swear I see you. Sometimes, I think that you are those men. When I think that you could be the man that I am fucking, I can’t help but scream your name. I know it is wrong, though. I am surprised that none of the dozens of men that I have encountered have never put a second thought to it. All but Kyle, that is. I never meant to hurt him.
If you ever came back, what would you think of me? Would you think of me as a whore? A slut? Or could you look past all of that, and accept me back? Would I want you to? What am I saying? I couldn’t not take you back. Would you want me though? Could you ever love the shell of a woman that I have become? No one cares for me, not anymore. No longer do I have friends, and I have not spoken to my parents in years.
I have so much to tell you, I don’t even know where to start. I have a daughter, we have a daughter. Well, not that I have the right to call myself her mother. Our last night together, a week before graduation, three before the six of us split apart, she was conceived. If I was certain of one thing, she is most definitely yours. My aunt takes care of her now. I wasn’t able to bring myself to straddling my parents with that sort of burden, as a reminder to them of a daughter they used to know. I visit on occasion, and call often. She is still too young to understand my not being there, but soon, she will resent me.
There is more, though. I have powers, and that is why I knew I had to give her up. I couldn’t bear to hurt her. Of course, you knew I had powers, but you have no idea to the extent they reach. It’s because I’m human. The powers of the human mind are unbelievable. I don’t get tired, and they reach out further than I ever thought they might. All you have to do is ask, and I’ll join in your fight. Despite what you might say, I need to join the fight, to be by your side, to know that my daughter, our daughter, won’t have to face your enemies someday.
Others may think I am cold and calloused, but I am only waiting for you to return from your war. There is only so much that I can take, before I must force myself to give you up. Our daughter needs us, but she may have to settle for a broken mother. Until I can even think of abandoning you, of abandoning my hope, I will continue to travel the world. I will follow the strange sightings, and study them, hoping to link them back to you. Do they even link back to you? Or are you far away, oblivious to what happens on earth?
You are the other half to my heart, and I cannot live life without you. Come back to me soon, before I can no longer tread the waters that threaten to pull me into their depths. Please.
I hope you like.