Title: Until the End
Summary: Best friends till the end…that is until Kyle realizes his true feelings for his best friend and begins to try and find ways to deal with his new found feelings. Can Max and Kyle maintain their vow of true friendship…or will Max push Kyle away once his true feelings are reveled…read below to found out.
I watch him as he stands before the class…watch as he speaks in confidant tones from the cards that he holds before him and I can’t help but smile. He is my best friend in the whole wide world…he is the one that as he lay in a hospital bed after having his first round of chemotherapy we vowed to the death to be best friend for always. We have been through hell and back the two of us…but I wouldn’t give up any of it for that vow means more to me that anything else in my fucked up life. I can go on and complain about how I hate my life and everything in it…but it is nothing compared to what my best friend has had to endue since he came into this world. Max was born with cancer of the kidney and most of his childhood was spent in one hospital or another. It wouldn’t take much for Max to get sick and end up spending another few months in intensive care. We almost lost him a few times…but Max is tough and he fought like a tiger to survive and on his fourteenth birthday he was given the best present of all…a new kidney and his life has been as normal as possible ever since.
Yes we are best friends to the end…but lately I must admit something has changed…something that upsets me to my very core and then at the same time…thrills me beyond anything that I can even begin to explain. I have been having certain feelings towards Max…feelings that I shouldn’t be having…feelings that if I would have paid more attention a few years ago…make all the sense in the world now. I keep having these dreams of the two of us being together…more then just as friends if you must know and I don’t know how or what I should…if I should do anything about them. I mean my revelation as to the true extent of my feelings for him could fuck up everything that we have built together over the years. Hell…not only that but our home and school lives as well. It doesn’t help that we are the most popular guys in all of West Roswell High…doesn’t help that our families are well respected and high profile in the small town of Roswell New Mexico. It would devastate the whole balance of their fucked up lives as well as his and mine and yet I would give it all up in a second if it meant that he would return my affections by just a fraction of what I feel for him.
“Did my speech bore you that much” I hear him laugh as he makes his way past me…sitting in the seat besides me. I can feel my cheeks redden at his words and I curse myself for not having the self control needed to remain aloof.
“Nah…you just bore me” I counter…as I attempt to avoid the fist coming towards me in a playful way…giving me that thousand-watt smile once he comes in contact with his intended target. Momentarily I pull my gaze away from the handsome man besides me as I pretend to pay attention to Maria as she drones on and on about the affects of global warming…however it is as if I have no control of my own as my eyes gravitate back towards my best friend and the man that I have grown to love with an unyielding passion. I can see why the women all love him…he is really one hell of a gorgeous man…but asides from the cosmetic aspect of Max Evans there is so much more to love about him. He is the most caring person that I have ever met in my lifetime. There isn’t a person that he has met that doesn’t consider him a friend and despite the fact that we belong to the most popular click in school…he knows each and every student on a personal level. Me however…I couldn’t tell you who anyone is out of our circle. Shallow…probably…but I am not the open person that Max is…not even close and in truth I don’t want to be…because I like being popular…like being the one that everyone envies all year long and I am ok with this.
The ring of the bell pulls me out of my thoughts as I watch him pull his muscular frame from the desk as he makes his way towards the front of the class. “I’ll meet you in gym class” I hear him holler over the students rushing to leave our boring class. “I forgot my gym bag in my locker” Nodding…I quickly turn and remove my books from the rack on the bottom of my chair…once again cursing myself for I can feel the heat rise into my cheeks.
“Get a grip on yourself Valenti” I scold myself…nearly jumping out of my skin as I feel a hand lay upon my arm. “Kyle are you ok” I hear a dreaded voice speak with utter concern dripping from her words. Turning I come face to face with the beauty that is known as Liz Parker. “Fine…” I grumble nastily as I push my way past her…exiting the room as if her touch has burned me. I know that I should feel bad for the way that I have treated her…but I push all thought of her aside as I make my way towards gym class. I know your wondering why it is that I have such hostility towards Liz. Well to put it plainly I hate her. I hate the fact that she is so beautiful…hate the fact that she is so sweet…but most importantly I hate the fact that she is the long time girl friend of Max. She is one of my best friends in the whole world…but I hate her with an undying passion that some times I find it almost impossible to be in the same room with her…without having horrible thoughts as to how to get her away from the man that I long to be with more then I can breath and yet I know that it is not her fault. Max loves her…loves her with an undying passion that breaks my heart in two each and every time that I look upon it. He has loved her for as long and I can remember and everyone that looks upon her beautiful face can see that she reciprocates that love ten times over.
“Hey baby…you coming over tonight” I hear my own girl friend Maria DeLucca whisper behind me as she wraps her arms around my waist…laying her chin upon my shoulder. Powerful guilt bolts throughout my whole body as I turn around and pull her into my embrace. Maria and I have been dating for the last eight months and with each passing day I find it harder and harder to look into her beautiful green eyes. She really cares for me…I can feel it radiating from her body each time that I hold her in my arms and yet I continue to think of another each time. I started dating her in hopes that the strange feelings that I had been developing for Max would go away…but I knew deep in my heart that it would not…that in fact I would only continue to fall more in love with him each and every day. “Sure babe…” I reply…giving her a quick kiss upon her ample lips before running off in the direction of the class that I am now late for.
My breath catches in my throat as I enter the gym ten minutes late and find Max running power drills…shirtless. I can see the sweat as it trickles down his perfectly chiseled chest…can see those very same muscles flex and pull with each exerted step and I feel as if I may faint from the shock of it all. “Kyle…” I hear him call out to me as he runs in the direction of where I am standing…but I know that I must leave with haste for my body has betrayed me in the worst possible of ways…in the form of a fully raging hard on. With a final glance I sprint down the hallway…ignoring him as he continues to call out to me. I have no idea where I am going as I jump into my car and speed out of the student parking lot…that is until I find myself sitting in his deserted driveway.
I know that I shouldn’t be doing what I am doing…but it is as if I have no control of my own as I quickly locate the spare key that his parents keep hidden in a fake rock along the flower bed. With lightening speed I enter his home…rushing down the hallway and into his immaculate bedroom. I let the breath that I didn’t even know that I was holding escape my air-starved lungs as I fall heavily into his computer chair. I have no idea why I am here…have no clue as to what I expect to uncover here as I look around the spotless resting place of Max Evans and I find that it is yet another thing that the two of us don’t have in common. Everything in this room is neat and tidy and always in place…where I am a complete slob and I can’t help but smile. Getting up I make my way over to the tank holding the tarantula that I gave him as a gift after one of his many hospital visits. I can’t remember how long ago I gave it to him…but it has to be at least five or six years. Turing from “Dirty Harry” I nearly knock over the shelf holding what seems to be a mountain of medicine bottles. Each lined up in neat piles…each needed to keep the man that I adore unlike any other alive and well. I can’t stop the small shivers that invade my body at the thought of not having Max in my life any longer. I have almost lost him on more the one occasion and know all about the possibilities of future complications all due to his kidney disease and that thought alone frightens me to my very core.
Pushing all thoughts of possible death aside I continue my explorations as I look upon the wall above his dresser littered with hundreds of photos. Each photo tells a different story of Max and in just about every one of them I am present. Fishing trips…boy scouts…baseball camp…school functions…you name it and the two of us were together. I cherish each and every memory and know that I will till the day that I die. A smile once again captures my face as I think back to the days of old…and yet just as soon as it appears it disappears as my eyes settle on the shire of Liz. Granted there are only a few pictures of the raven-haired beauty…and tons of pictures of Max and myself…but in each one with her he has the look of utter happiness so readable upon his handsome face.
As I continue along with my exploration I find myself before his closet. Opening the sliding doors I stand before the oodles of clothes that he owns…each one perfectly tailored to accentuate his perfect body. If you must know…Max is a total clotheshorse and again yet another thing that we don’t have in common. Where he prefers to wear the latest style…I opt for a more casual look. Tight blue jeans and western shirts are my fave…but since dating Maria I have had to retire the western look to make her happy and settle for polo and rugby shirts. It was a long tiresome battle…but in the end we came to this compromise and I guess that I am a better person for it…or so she keeps telling me. To the left I find his dirty clothes hamper and casually draped across it is the black t-shirt that he played ball in just yesterday afternoon. Picking it up I bring it to my nose…inhaling the scent that is only Max. It is a mixture of musty manliness…mixed with the slightest hint of his cologne. I love the smell of him…love the way that it emanates from his glorious body and makes me drunk with want of him…and yet I have to continuously control me lust for him until I feel that I may go mad from it all.
With shirt in hand I make my way towards his bed…sitting upon the creaseless comforter. Laying back my head hits the pillow and once again I can’t help but inhale his scent as I run my face over its softness. Anger begins to consume me…an anger that visits me each and every time that I do this and yes I have done this before…several times before in fact. Anger for being who I am…anger for falling in love with the truest friend that I have been blessed from above with. Anger for the love that he is oblivious to…but instead shares with another. So much anger and yet I have no one or no place to dispel it for now one knows the real and true Kyle Valenti and if I have anything to do with it they never will and yet my anger continues to consume me. I am tired…tired of the secrets that I have to hide…tired of the pretending that I do each and every day. So fucking tired as I roll over onto my stomach face first into his pillow as I unknowing allow slumber to over take me.
“Kyle…” I hear a voice whisper angelically out to me as the melody of it pulls me from my sleep. “Kyle…wake up” I open my eyes to find him laying beside me with nothing but that beautiful smile upon his face. He wears not a stitch of clothing as he lies down besides me…staring into my shocked eyes with his sparkling hazel ones.
“Ma…Max” I stutter…nearly jumping out of my skin as his hand comes in contact with my flushed face. “What…what are you doing here” I continue to speak like a stupid moron as I try to control my every hardening dick.
“This is my room” he chuckles easily as he continues with his exploration of my face…now tracing my quivering lips with the softness of his fingertips. I can feel the raging blush as it cascades over my rapidly over heating body as I begin to find it almost impossible to breath.
“I…I know…but…this…” my uttering continue…pointing in the direction of the hand that has now found its way down the nape of my neck as he gently messages my tender skin.
“It’s time for the truth to be know Kyle. It’s time for all the lies to pass. You love me and I love you and…”
“I love you” he continues playfully as he pinches me lightly upon my scorching skin. “The time for games is over. I don’t want to play anymore…don’t want to hide the love that I feel for you any longer. I want to shout it from the roof tops just how much you mean to me. I want to…”
“Max” I cut him off mid sentence.
“Yes…” he answers in a teasing tone.
“Just kiss me already” I reply lustfully as I quickly bridges the gap between the two of us. His lips are heaven as they caress my own…gently urging them open for his wondrous tongue. I feel as if I may come right here and now as he continues to tongue fuck my mouth with his…but it is nothing compared to the feeling of his large hand as it grips my swollen member. “Holy fuck” I cry out in wonderment as he begins to stroke me for all that I am worth. “Max…max…max” I moan need fully as he continues with his ministrations…urging me closer towards my impending release. “Oh Max…I…I”
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE” I hear someone screech painfully loud around me…jerking me from one of my better wet dreams of Max and I together. Ripping my eyes open I try to decipher where the wailing banshee is located…and in truth it doesn’t take long for me to figure out it is the one person that I dislike above all. “I said what the fuck are you doing in here Kyle”
[ edited 1 time(s), last at 9-Jan-2003 9:19:49 PM ]
posted on 9-Jan-2003 9:19:30 PM
“What the fuck do you think I am doing here” I counter evilly…rolling over onto my side…my eyes almost popping out of my head as I come in contact with the shirt that I had been sleeping with.
“Don’t you have you own fucking bed to sleep in. Hell…if I didn’t know any better I would think that you were in here doing other things by the size of the hard on you have there”
I want to die…want the blueness of the comforter to swallow me up as I attempt to pull needed air into my shocked lungs…while trying to get control of my dream induced hard on. “Your fucking sick Isabel” I scream at my Ex…pulling my knees into my chest in an attempt to hide my obvious erection as well as the shirt. Yes I said ex. Isabel and I dated off and on last year…much to Max’s disagreement. He warned me that she was an ice princess…but I didn’t care for dating her insured that I could spend even more time with my true love…or so I thought. Isabel proved to be so demanding of my time that I rarely got to spend any time with Max…much less anyone else for that matter. It was always about her and her needs and nothing else. She was constantly trying to seduce me to sleep with her…and most teenage boys would jump at the chance to sleep with a raving beauty…but not this one. I wanted to sleep with the gorgeous hunk of man known as her brother and yet I let the charade continue until I could no longer tolerate the forsaking of my life. It was an ugly breakup…but as expected Max defended me before his sister and that was when I knew that I would love him for always.
“You never did answer my question” she snarls…throwing herself on the bed besides me. “What are you doing here”
I want to reach out and strangle her…want to smack the shit-eating grin that now covers her face as she looks at with those eyes that tell me that she may know my secret. “You know Kyle the whole time we were dating it was almost impossible for you to get an erection and yet here you are today in my brothers room…laying on his bed with his smelly shirt tucked under your body with the hugest hard on I have ever seen. Now…it kind of makes me wonder as to what the true reason for you being here is” she snides…as she reaches under the bulk of my frame…jerking the shirt I was trying to hide out into the open. “All the pieces are falling into place now”
“Shut the fuck up Isabel” I scream as I pull my self off the bed…now towering before her in an attempt to scare her…but it is no good for nothing and no one scares Isabel Evans.
“I knew that you didn’t break up with me so you could go out with the pip squeak Maria. No…there was another reason wasn’t there Kyle. Hell you have been dating Maria for almost a year and the two of you still haven’t done the deed. So tell me Kyle…when exactly did you realize that you were gay and in love with my brother”
I don’t know what came over me…but at the point in time I snapped. Grabbing her by the throat I yanked her from the bed she was lounging on…slamming her into the wall located besides her. “You shut the fuck up” I scream madly…tightening the hold that I have on her throat. I can hear her gasp for breath before me…can feel her struggle to break the vice like lock that I have upon her tender throat…but I don’t care. I want her to hurt…want to take out all my pain and frustrations on her…want to make her feel the way that I do. “Kyle…pl…please” she puffs crazily…her face turning a strange shade of blue. “Can’t…breath” I know that I should let her go…know that if I don’t let go in a matter of seconds that there is a possibility that she may die and yet I am so afraid to release her that I continue to hold her as her eyes begin to droop heavily in front of me.
“ISABEL” I hear his voice scream out shocked behind me as I feel his hands grab me painfully by my shoulder…throwing me to the floor below as he pulls her into his arms before she falls to the floor along side me. “Kyle…WTF” his cries of out right shock continue to echo around me…but I can’t speak a word as I stare into stunned and stupefied eyes…momentarily losing my coherent train of thought. “He…he…tried to kill me” I hear Isabel rasp crazily as she struggles to bring life giving breath into her air starved lungs. Again I know that I should feel bad for what I have just done…but again I don’t as I give her the deadliest look of warning before jerking myself off the floor as I race out of her room and into the cooling evening air. I find that his car blocks me and so I forgo my ride as I run like a fucking maniac down the street going god only knows where as tears flow in torrents down my anger red face.
“Kyle…what are you doing here” I hear the surprised voice of my girlfriend question me as I stand before her window. Her surprise turns to that of concern at the realization of my tears and look of pain upon my face as she opens her window enough for me to enter…gathering me into her warm and loving arms as she tries to sooth the hurt and the pain away. “Shhh…” she whispers lovingly against my ear as she leads me towards her bed…laying down besides me as she maneuvers me into a laying position…never once breaking the contact she has with my body. “I’m here for you. It’s ok Kyle…just let it out” she continues to sooth me as I cry unlike I have ever cried before.
For what seems like forever she holds me as I try to get some semblance of my sanity back…only to fail as I lose what little I have left. I don’t know what it is that I am doing…what it is that I am trying to prove as I crush her beautiful lips under my own…kissing her so fiercely that she cries out from the shock and the pain of it. “I want to make love to you Maria” I speak determinedly as I once again capture her stunned mouth with my own as I rip the tiny shirt that is covering her heaving breasts from her body. My hands are everywhere…but I feel nothing as she struggles to remove herself from where I have pinned her under the bulk of my frame as I try to block out the images of Max’s face before I ran off like the coward I am.
“Kyle…NO” I hear her scream out fearfully as she once again tries to push me away…but I am stronger and quicker as I capture them within my hands…pinning them above her head. I am becoming a monster. I can feel it as it takes control of my functions…rendering me useless as I snake my tongue down the soft juncture of her neck for no reason what so ever then to cause her more pain. Releasing her hands…I run mine down he taunt stomach…reaching her womanhood as I quickly spread her legs apart. I still feel nothing. No lust filled urges of wanton lust…nothing but mind numbing uselessness as I prepare to rape the women that has loved me without question for the last eight months. However…in my attempt to recover from my bout of madness Maria takes the few seconds I give her and bashes me across the face with some sort of womanly object…sending me crashing to the floor below. Stunned…I can only sit there rocking back and forth as I once again lose my mind. “Kyle…” she whispers fearfully through her own tears as she now kneels before me…attempting to once again comfort me even after what I have done to her.
“No…please no” I sob guiltily…as I pull myself off the floor. “Maria…I…I am so sorry” I gush between sobs of pain and confusion. “I…I never meant for this to get so out of control. I never meant to hurt you in anyway….but I can’t do this anymore”
“Kyle” she pleads…rushing forward as she captures me in her loving embrace. “It’s ok. I know that something is bothering you. I know that this was not you tonight. Just tell me what is wrong and we can try and figure out a solution”
I want to believe her that there is a solution to my problems…but that only solution is to leave her alone. I have dragged her though the ups and downs of my life for far to long. I know that I have to let her go so she can find love again. A love that will be able to give her things that she deserves to have. Someone that will love her more then anything else in the world and that someone is not I. “No…Maria” I sniffle through my tears as I make my way back out the window that I had climbed into before. “I can’t ever give you the love that you deserve to have. You are so beautiful…so loving and kind and you deserve to be treated the same way. I can never give you what you need and you know this to be true” I continued as I stood on the outside…looking in on the girl so racked with grief and pain that it causes my heart to shatter into a million pieces. “I am so sorry for the way that I have treated you tonight…but for always not being there in the ways that a man should be there for a women”
“Kyle…is that what this is all about…sex” she gushes…rushing forward as she attempts to climb out the window…only to have me thwart her advances.
“NO…” I speak firmly…instantly regretting it as she flinches in fear and confusion. “Maria…please” I speak a bit softer…cupping her beautiful face within my hand. “It isn’t just about the sex…although that is a huge part of being in a relationship. I can’t give you what you want me to give you…mentally or physically. I love you Maria…but I am not in love with you” My heart shatters even more…if that is possible as she pushes my hand away as if my touch has burned her…slamming the window in my face as she closes the drapes…leaving me alone yet again with my guilt and my shame.
I feel as if I am drunk…feel as if my whole perfect world has dissipated before my very eyes as I make my way in an exhausted state home. I have hurt the two people that mean the most to me in the world…hurt them with lies and my deceptions and I know that there is nothing that I can ever do to repair this damage. Finally I reach my home and pray to god that my father is not home since I really don’t want to have to explain to him the large gash wound on the side of my face from where Maria had hit me earlier…nor the look of absolute devastation that I know is so readable upon my face.
Wearily I open the door to the darkened house…sighing in relief as I find that he is in fact not home and will probably be out most of the night with one of his many girlfriends according to the note on the refrigerator. Slowly I drag myself into the bathroom where I proceed to clean up the cut that actually looks worse then it really is. The pain however is pretty severe…but it is nothing compared to the pain of my broken heart. Quickly I undress and pull my tired frame under the scorching waters of the shower…hoping that I can wash off some of the disgust that seems to be covering my entire body as I try to figure out just when I turned into the monster that I am. Answer pending…I reluctantly pull myself from the small area as I grab a towel from the shelf beside me…wrapping it around my waist as I make haste for the sanctuary of my room for there is nothing I want more then to lose myself in the realm of slumber…if that is even possible after all the shit that I have done tonight.
At first I don’t see him as he sits on the chair of my computer desk hiding silently in the shadows of my darkened room…but seconds later as I stand before him Behr chested and dripping…he makes his presence known. “Care to tell me just what the hell is going on with you” he asks…flipping the light switch of my desktop lamp…swathing the room with its blinding light.