|posted on 7-Dec-2001 3:56:36 PM|
|I started the sequel to this fic which I plan to post on this board but seeing how I doubt you guys have read it I thought it would be best to post this fic first |
Please post feedback. Thanks.
Nobody's a virgin 'cause the world screws us all.
I read that somewhere. Maybe it was on a bathroom stall at some rest stop or one of those profiles you get off the internet, you know, where the people put useless facts about themselves like their hobbies and interests.
Like someone out there actually cares.
But it's not that important. The only reason I mentioned it was to break the ice, find common ground. We all get fucked, there's no way around it.
You may think your life is going perfectly, you have everything planned out and nothing can go wrong. That's when it hits you. This force that throws your life into a tailspin and you lose control of everything you had been holding onto.
Take me for example, Liz Parker. I had the perfect life, at least that's what I thought.
I grew up in New York City, my parents were well off so I attended a nice rich high school with my best friend Tammy and loving boyfriend Sam. I was popular, not enough to be consider the queen slut or anything but I had enough power to get people to do what I wanted. Yep, I was your typical spoiled bitch.
I had my future planned out. Once I graduated from high school Tammy and I were going to open one of those trendy coffee shops and Sam and I were going to get married.
At least until the last month of our junior year, when he dumped me because I wouldn't put out. But like I said earlier, I was a spoiled bitch who was used to getting what she wanted and I wanted Sam. I was sure I could get him back.
Denial is a very powerful thing.
"So he called you last night," Tammy asked, as she re-applied her eyeliner.
"Not exactly," I said, leaning against the bathroom stall.
"What do you mean?" she said, catching my look in the mirror.
"Well, I called him," I said. "But we talked for like two hours. I really think things are going to work out between us."
"He broke up with you, Liz," Tammy rudely pointed out. "Accept reality. It's over between the two of you."
"God, can you be a bigger bitch!" I shot at her. "And he didn't break up with me. We're separated."
"Liz, you can't be separated, that's what married people do," she pointed out. "And anyways, separation is the same thing as a divorce. It's just doesn't have lawsuits and shit."
"He said he needed space, time to think," I defended.
"And when Tim broke up with me he said that he needed time to a grow as a person and that he just needed some time to himself," Tammy said, putting her eyeliner into her purse. "And you know how that turned out."
"Sam's different," I said.
"All men are the same," she replied.
"Come on, we're going to be late for class and I don't feel like afternoon detention," I said, walking towards the door.
Tammy raced after me as I walked out the door. I had only taken three steps before my body locked. Tammy, not paying attention as usual, crashed into me.
"What the hell?" Tammy said. I paid no attention to Tammy, my eyes where locked on one thing. Sam, my Sam, all over Lisa McFields, the biggest slut in the entire school. And I say that in the nicest way, honestly.
I should have listened to Tammy, she was right about men. She was always right, I was just to thickheaded to ever listen.
So I catch the so-called "love of my life" groping the school slut and I spent the next hour crying in the bathroom, feeling bad for myself. Pathetic
The day couldn't possibly get worse, right.
"I told you all men are jerks," Tammy whispered in second hour English. "You talking about Sam Johnson?" The girl in front of me whispered without turning around. I think her name was Nicole or Niki or something that started with N.
"Yeah," Tammy said. "Can you believe he's going with Lisa now, I mean, does he even know where's she's been?"
"I've heard he's been sleeping with her for weeks," she said.
And another pathetic trip to the ladies room to cry about my cheating, jackass of a ex.
"It'll be all right, Liz. Sam was a jerk anyway," Tammy said, as she pulled in front of my apartment building.
"I guess you're right, I mean, what else could go wrong?" I replied.
Famous last words.
I stormed into our apartment, almost knocking over the small table next to the door,
"I hate all men!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Needless to say I had alot of pent up anger and I needed a way to release it that would not involve a court case and body bag.
If I hadn't been so upset I would have probably noticed something was wrong, both my parents were sitting in our small living waiting for me, something they have never done.
But I was ready to lock myself in my room, blare some "all men are scum" cd's left over from my last breakup and write down about a million reasons why Lisa is a life-sucking bitch.
"Honey," My mother said snapping me back to the reality where it was illegal to do any bodily harm to Lisa. "We need to talk."
"You're not getting a divorce, are you?" I asked, finally noticing the weird situation I had walked into.
"No, of course not," My father said, shocked at my question.
"That's good, because I have had the worst possible dry," I said falling onto the couch.
"Well, we have a surprise for you," My mother said smiling.
"What?" I asked, maybe today wouldn't be that bad afterwards.
"We're moving!" My mother cried.
"What? You mean to a bigger apartment or something?" I asked fearfully.
"No, dear. We're moving to Roswell, New Mexico!" My father cried.
It was official, this was the worse day of my entire life
I told you life screws us all.
Anyway, that's how I ended up here, in Roswell, New Mexico. Daughter of the new proud owners of the Crashdown. Yeap, this just keeps getting better and better.
Turns out my Mom's Aunt Jen, whom I've never met, let alone heard of, owned the place. At least until she died a few months ago. And left the place to my mom.
Thanks Aunt Jen.
My parents saw this as the perfect opportunity to get out of New York City. So we packed up everything we owned and left the comforts of home, Starbucks and my friends to move here, the alien capital of the country.
"Mom, did you even consider what kind of people live here?" I questioned, as we drove along the main drag of Roswell. Yes, I have now been forced to use the word drag.
"Just because these people don't live in some large city doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them," my mother said.
"This is Roswell, Mom. All the freaks migrate here for alien conspiracy and Area 51," I protested.
"I grew up here and I'm not a freak," my mother said.
"You're moving me to the middle of nowhere!" I cried, as the car pulled up in front of a small restaurant.
"We're here," my father said, parking the car. I rolled down my window and stared at the small building. I felt my heart sinking in my chest.
"You have to be kidding me," I whined. "Here?"
"Yeah," my mother said, smiling and jumping out the car unfazed by my obvious disappointment.
"Did you even consider where we're going to live?" I asked, climbing out the car after my parents.
"Didn't we tell you?" my mother asked**comma** looking back at me.
"Tell me what?" I asked, as my father began to pull suitcases out of the trunk. "What is he doing?"
"We're going to be living here," my mother said smiling.
"At the Crashdown!?" I cried.
"No, above it silly," my mother said pointing towards the small apartment above the it. "There's an apartment up there."
"Classy," I said.
"You must be Mr. and Mrs. Parker," a chubby man said running out of the building. "I'm Mr. Darson, we spoke on the phone."
"Yes, of course," my mother greeted him. "Liz, this is Mr. Darson. He's been taking care of the Crashdown for us ever since you Great Aunt Jen passed away."
"It was no problem at all," Mr. Darson said.
"Hey, could someone give me a hand," my dad called from the trunk.
"Of course honey," my mom said running to him.
"We've arranged for the Crashdown to be closed to tonight," Mr. Darson said. "In order to make it easier for you move your furniture up to the apartment."
"Thank you, that's very kind," my mother said lifting two bags off the ground.
"Could we possibly get inside before I pass before I pass out from this heat," I said fanning myself. My mom shot me evil glance and looked away. I really didn't need this right now.
"Grab your luggage and we'll go inside," my father said throwing my two bags to the ground. I moaned softly and picked up my bags.
"Ready or not," I said as Mr. Darson opened the door and I walked into the crashdown.
Now, I really tried to prepare myself for the worse. But nothing could prepare for what I walked into.
"Oh God," I moaned softly as we walked in.
What was the first thing I noticed about my new home. Well, that's easy. The smell. Hamburgers, fries and grease.
"It smells horrible in here," I moaned to my mother.
"You'll get used to it, after all you'll be working here," my father said.
*Thump* I dropped my bags to the floor.
"What?" I questioned.
"Your father and I thought it would be a good idea for you to get some work experience," my mother said looking around the the restaurant dreamily.
"So you'll be working here this summer," my father finished.
"No," I said.
"What did you say?" My mother said in her little sing-a-long voice.
"I said no," I repeated, catching the attention of the few customers.
People always say that first impression are always the most important.
Well, I was about to make one hell of an impression.
My father sensed the storm that brewing and grabbed the bags I had dropped.
"Mr. Darson, why don't you show me to the apartment," I father said almost dragging the man from the restaurant.
"You will do as I say," my mother said, turning to follow my father and Mr. Darson.
"No I won't," I said and she my mother stopped cold. She turned around slowly. "You dragged me across the country from my home, my friends and my life to this hellhole. You obviously don't give a fuck about what I want because if you did I would in New York City drinking Starbucks at a coffee house with Tammy right now. I would be with normal people. I would have a life."
How's that for a first impression.
"Go to your room," my mother hissed and I became aware of the small group of people staring at me. I stormed past my mother almost knocking her over and ran up the stairs.
Home Sweet Home
So I made my first impression on Rosewell.
Judging by the size of this town it'll spread like wildfire that a spoiled bitch moved into the crashdown. Like I care what these people think of me.
I don't, really.
"I can't believe you! How could you do that to us! To me!" my mother yelled as she chased me into our apartment.
"Do you really need to ask?" I said looking around the small apartment.
"I know you're not happy about being here," my mother started.
"That's an understatement," I interrupted.
"But that's no reason to embarass us in front of our neighbors and your future co-workers," my mother finished.
"I told you I'm not working there," I said looking around. "Where's my bedroom. I have a bedroom, right? Not some couch or something."
"Of course you have a bedroom and don't talk to me like that!" my mother yelled. "And you are working there, you don't have a choice."
"Whatever," I said finding my bags in a small room the size of a closet. "I take it this is my room."
"Yes," my mother said, trying to contain her anger.
"Thanks," I said, slamming the door.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I think my actions where justified. I mean, they can't do this to me.
I grew up in New York City. I am not some small town girl. Needless to say this isn't just any small town but that only makes it worse.
I am not equiped to deal with this. You don't release a house cat into the wild and expect it to survive. My parents are killing me! I have the right to be angery.
But I've been doing alot of complaining, you probably think I'm a complete bitch. Well, don't feel bad, I am.
So, I'm going to try and be positive. Bare with me, I'm not used to this.
Ok, every cloud has a silver lining, right? Well, this hellhole of an apartment has one, I guess.
My room has a balcony. It doesn't have much a view, nothing here does, but it's better than nothing.
I climbed up on the railing and dangeled my legs over the edge. For half a millisecond I considered letting myself fall. I doubted it would kill me but maybe it would be enough to convince my parents to take me back to New York, where I belonged.
I heard my door open and moaned.
"Go away," I hissed.
"I'm sorry," a unfamilar female voice said, and I spun around to see a blond girl standing in my doorway.
"No, I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else," I said and she stopped.
"Your mom?" she asked walking into the room and closing the door behind her.
"Yeah," I said noticing the Crashdown uniform. "You work here?"
"Yeah," she said, climbing up onto the balconey. "I'm Maria"
"I'm Liz," I said, pulling out a pack of cigerattes. "You smoke?"
"No," she said, sitting next to me. "But I don't mind."
"I really should quit, stupid ex got me started," I said, lighting a cigeratte.
"Did you break up because of the move?" Maria asked.
"No," I said. Maria must have sensed the anger in my voice because she immediately switched subjects.
"So, you're from New York City, I've always wanted to go there," she said.
"I miss it already," I said, staring off into the distance.
"It's not so bad here," Maria said.
"Really?" I asked, half mockingly.
"You'll get used to it," she added.
"I don't have to, a year from now I'm back in New York City, where I belong," I said inhaling deeply.
"A year's a long time, you'll need someone to talk to, make work less shitty," Maria said and for the first time all day I smiled.
So my first friendship in Rosewell was formed. Of course she was no Tammy, no fashionsense and small town but it was better than nothing.
See, I can be a positive.
"Liz," my mother said as she walked in the room. I flung the cigeratte in my hand to the street below. "Do you smell smoke?"
"No," I answered.
"Your father and I have to make a trip back to New York tonight," my mother said. "We're leaving you in charge of the Crashdown. We're leaving after we get more or less unpacked."
"Why are you going back to New York?" I asked, jealous that I was being left behind.
"Just some loose ends, we'll only be gone a few days," my mother said. "We'd love to take you with us but Mr. Darson has plans to leave."
My mother was never any good at lying. It was obvious that she was leaving me behind because of my little "outburst" earlier.
"Why don't you have your new friend stay with you," my mother said.
"That'd be cool," Maria said, and I reluctantly nodded.
|posted on 7-Dec-2001 3:59:14 PM|
Less than one day in Rosewell and I'm having a sleepover. Oh how the mighty have fallen.
And the sad thing is I'm actually enjoying myself, you know, in that nothing-better-to-do way.
"So, do you believe in aliens?" I said, grabbing handful of popcorn out of the bowl.
Maria and I had spent the last hour dragging the couch and tv into place. Followed by another half hour of attempting to hook up the cable and VCR without instructions.
"What?" Maria asked, grabbing the bowl from me.
"Aliens, do you believe in them. I mean, this is Rosewell after all," I said.
"No, it's all for the tourist," she said flipping through the channels.
"I figured as much," I said. "You got a boyfriend?"
"Yeah, his name's Michael. You might have seen him, he was working with me here today," she said stopping on some latenight movie.
"How long you two been dating?" I asked.
"About a year and a half, on and off," she answered.
"I never understood the point of those on and off again relationships. I mean, if you're going to break up again why bother going out?
"Because, maybe one of these times we won't break up," Maria replied defensly.
"Whatever you say, I learned the hard way things don't always work out," I said.
Dear God, was I having a girltalk?
This town is going to to destroy me.
"Found it!" I said, ripping open a cardboard box.
"Are you sure your parents won't notice?" Maria questioned as I pulled out a six-pack of beer.
"No way, Tammy and I used to get into these all the time," I said handing her a beer. "You have drunk before, right?"
"Yeah," she said, as I opened my own. "Once."
"Well, this makes twice," I said, as she opened her own.
"Here goes nothing," she said, taking a sip. "Kinda warm."
"Obviously, they've been in this box, not a fridge," I said taking a long sip. "Drink up, it'll have the same effect, warm or cold."
"That's what I'm worried about," she said, taking another small sip.
"If you're going to be my friend, you have to loosen up. We're not driving anywhere. Nothing bad is going to happen," I said.
"You sure?" she questioned.
"Positive" I replied, and Maria took a long drink out of the can.
Leave it to me to corrupt the first person in Roswell I come in contact with. But, it's for her own good. She needs to live alittle. And with her under my wing, she'll live alot.
I'm being selfless.
"You said nothing bad would happen!" Maria yelled from the bathroom.
"Well, it could be worse," I defended from outside the door.
"I have never thrown up this much in my entire life," she cried.
"Oh please, I have seen much worse, at least you're concious," I added.
"I am not some big city partier," she yelled, and heaving sounds filled the room.
"Ew, could you try to do that a little quieter," I moaned.
"Sorry," she hissed. "I mean, it's not like this is your fault or anything!"
I moaned and walked over to the tv. Nothing good was ever on at 2 am. But it was better than listening to Maria puke her guts up.
She wasn't even that drunk. We each had three beers and I was barely buzzed. Although, my drinking record was larger than hers but stil...
Ok, it's not like I knew she was going to spend half an hour puking. I had an idea but...
Alright, it was a crappy thing to do. But I don't like to drink by myself and the girl will never be able to handle her liquor without me.
"My head hurts," Maria moaned, as she climbed onto the pull out.
"Wait to the morning," I said and Maria moaned.
"Don't worry, I'll fish out some coffee and aspirin for you first thing," I said, cuddling into my pillow.
"Thanks," she mummbled, on the verge of passing out.
I jerked up in bed. Silence echoed though the small apartment.
"Maria," I hissed.
"mmmm," she mummbled.
"Did you hear that," I said shaking her.
"Go away," she said, trying to hit at me.
"Damn it," I hissed, crawling out of bed. "Maria, I heard something downstairs, in the Crashdown."
"Sleep," she mumbled.
"Maria!" I hissed, but she had already passed out again.
"Ok, I can do this," I said slipping on a pair of scandals and creeping down the stairs.
Alright, I'm stupid. Let's leave it at that
"Do you think we woke her up?" A male voice echoed though the room.
I slipped around the counter and saw three figures standing in the corner.
"I don't think so," a female voice added.
"Michael, could you just grab your jacket so we can get out of here," another voice added.
"Michael?" I whispered to myself. Wasn't that's Maria's boyfriend?
This was great, I woke up in the middle of the night and snuck downstairs to find that some stupid employee broke into the restaurant to steal his own jacket.
"Nobody move," a strong voice echoed through the resturante.
"What the..." a voice, I think it was Michael's, said.
"Give me your money," He said. Even though the darkness I noticed the man had a gun and was aiming at the three intruders.
"We don't have anything, we just came for his jacket," the other boy said.
"Don't lie to me," the man said, getting angry. I slowly rose and began to back towards the stairs.
"We're not," the girl cried.
"I'll use this," he said swinging the gun in my diretion.
Do you want to know what it's like to die?
Ok, where did we leave off? Oh yeah. I'm on the floor bleeding to death.
I spent almost 17 years in New York City and never even came in contact with a gun. I spend one day in Roswell and I have a bullet in my gut. Picture the cruel irony of that.
"Oh my God!" the girl cried.
"Shit, I didn't see her!" the criminal yelled, and made a mad dash to the door.
"What are we going to do?" Michael asked.
I always heard that right before you die there's a white light, a long hallway, Angels, shit like that.
"Max, you have to do something!" the girl cried.
"I..." Max mumbled.
You want the truth, about what it's like right before you die.
"Max, you have to save her," Michael demanded.
"You can do it Max," the girl hissed.
It's nothing like that at all. It's pain and darkness and blood. Lots and lots of blood.
I felt Max's hand press down on my stomach.
"Is it working?" Michael demanded.
And everything goes blurry and than there's nothing....
"Liz, wake up!" Maria said, shaking my shoulder.
"What the...?" I said sitting up in bed.
"You promised me coffee. And aspirin," she moaned as she crawled out of bed.
"I'm alive...," I whispered.
"Yeah, and I'm half dead so get me my damn coffee," she complained, rubbing her head.
Ok, I die and she's complaining about a head ache....
Excuse me for a moment where I don't give a crap
"Last night, did I wake you up?" I asked,rubbing my stomach where the bullet had entered.
"I don't remember," she said, digging through a open box.
"How the hell can you not remember? I either woke you up or I didn't!" I yelled.
"Calm down," she whined, as she fished a bottle of asprin out of the box. "Everything about last night is a blur."
"This doesn't make sense," I said
"What?" Maria asked, pouring several pills into her hand.
Decision time. Do I tell Maria the truth that I was shot last night and now magically healed or do I play it off as a bad dream....do I want to be consider sane or insane.
You make the call.
"Nothing, I just had a bad dream, that's all," I lied. That's when I noticed it, my proof that I wasn't crazy. There was dried blood under my finger nails.
"Who's working today at the Crashdown?" I asked.
"Just Michael, me and you I guess," Maria moaned.
"Take the day off," I said, climbing out of bed.
"What?" Maria asked.
"Take the day off, I'm in charge and I give you the day off. I got you drunk and you need to rest."
"Really?" she asked, already crawling back towards the bed.
Yep," I answered.
"You're a good friend," she moaned, into the pillow.
I'm a much better lier than my mom, people actually believe me.
Truth is Michael and I need to have a little talk. But I'm sure you figured that out already.
"So, who are some of the people you hang with?" I asked, trying to figure out who the other person was last night. I already knew Michael and Max but the girl I was clueless about.
"Alex," she mumbled.
"What about Michael," I asked, not getting anywhere.
"He's pretty close to Max and Iz," she answered. "Why?"
"Just getting info about people here," I lied, throwing on the hideous uniform.
"Feel better," I said, before walking out of the apartment.
I walked down into the Crashdown to find it completely empty except for Michael behind the counter.
"I hope you don't mind, I opened," he said.
"No problem, I'm Liz," I introduced.
"Michael," he said.
"I know," I said, walking behind the counter.
"How?" he asked.
"Maria told me about you," I said.
So what if I like to play with the prey a little bit. It makes the hunt that much more fun.
I was going to get the truth out of him if it killed me.
"Oh," he answered.
"Did you work yesterday?" I asked.
"Yeah, why?" he asked.
"You left your coat," I said, trying to hide a smile.
"Yeah, I got it this morning," he answered.
"That's good,I hope it didn't cause any problems," I replied.
"No," he said. I could tell he was becoming suspicous.
"You know something really weird happened last night," I said.
"Really," he replied, eyeing me.
"Yeah, Maria and I had a sleepover, now doesn't that sound like fun?" I said half mocking.
"Lots," he replied.
Ok, games over. Now's truth time.
"And I had the weirdest dream," I said.
"Yeah, you, your friend Max and Iz broke into the restaurant to get your jacket back. A robber or someone came and shot me. And then I magically wake up fine, isn't that the weirdest thing," I said and Michael freezes.
"What? You honestly thought I would forget that or pass it off as a dream. I'm not stupid Michael. I want to know the truth. What did you do to me?" I asked, and he looked at me with cold eyes.
"What are you?" I asked.
"This is Rosewell, haven't you figured it out?" he asked and turned away to wash dishs.
"I have now." I said.
So Michael, Max and Iz are aliens. I really should be suprised or going ooo or something like that.
But I'm not.
"Where's Maria?" Michael asked.
"I gave her the day off," I answered, as I wiped down the counter.
"Why, Maria never takes a day off," Michael said.
"Well, she's hung over and needed some rest," I answered and Michael froze.
"Maria's hung over?" he asked.
"Yep," I replied, and Michael shook his head.
"Does she know?" I asked.
"No," he replied, going back to washing dishes.
"You've never told her?" I asked.
"No, and she's not going to find out," he defended.
"Like she would believe me anyways," I said half laughing. "Maria, yeah I met Michael, nice guy, attitude problem but he seems alright, you know except for that whole alien thing."
*ding* The small bell over the door rattled as an elderly couple walked in. They made their way to a small booth.
"What are you waiting for," Michael asked, nudging me.
"What?" I answered.
"I'm the cook, Maria was the waitress, seeing how you gave her the day off, so...," he said and I glared at him.
"Fine," I said, walking over to them.
You know what, we're going to skip my sad attempt at being a waitress. It's to painful to revisit.
Just know it didn't go well.
"Come back again," I said, as the elderly couple exited the restaurant. Michael's laughter met my ears and I spun to face him.
"That was pathetic," he said.
"Shut up," I yelled, storming behind the counter. "I told my parents I couldn't do this. I can't...work."
"Obivously, seeing how you're a spoiled bitch," he said.
"I said shut up," I hissed.
"Are you going to throw another hissy fit?" Michael mocked. "I know your type. Probably one of the queens of your school, everyone bowed down at your feet and you never had to lift a finger because everything was given to you. Well, it's time to wake up princess, you're in the real world now."
That was it, I didn't give a crap that he and his little alien friends had saved my life. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't have even been shot.
*smash* The frying pan went flying across the room and crashed into the wall a foot from Michael's head.
"Holy shit," he yelled.
"I hate this place, I hate my life and I hate you!" I screamed.
What? Nobody has ever treated me like this.
"Chill out," he said, retrieving the pan from the floor.
"I do not know how Maria can stand you!" I yelled.
"The feelings mutal," he commented, throwing the pan into the sink. "But if we're going to be working together, than no more throwing pans."
*ding* My attention was caught by the door and I moaned.
"Oh great," I said, when I saw who it was.
"Hey Michael," Max said, as he walked over to the back booth, followed by Iz.
"Liz, why don't I show you the freezer," Michae said, roughly grabbing my arm and pulling me into the back.
"What the hell," I asked, rubbing my arm. "That really hurt you bastard."
"And I don't really care," he shot.
Ouch, like that really hurt...
at least not that much.
"What is your problem?" I asked.
"You can't tell them," he demanded.
"About what? The alien thing," I questioned. "I would think they knew..."
"Shut up, I don't have time for this," he said and I shut up. "You can't let them know that you know what we are."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because Max has this problem with not letting anyone find out," he said. "He would freak and I don't really want to deal with that. Keep your mouth shut and everything will be fine."
"Ok, just let me cancel the newspaper article," I shot back and headed out of the backroom.
"Hi, I'm Liz," I said, walking over to Max and Iz.
"Hi, I'm Iz and this is my brother Max," Iz introduced.
"Hi," Max said.
"Hi," I smiled, and he extended his hand. I wrapped my hand into his. "Nice to meet you." I said and dazed off into looking into his eyes.
Ok, he was an alien but he had nice eyes
And he didn't seem to be like Michael, he actually appeared to be nice.
********* *Crash* I pulled my hand away quickly and spun to find Michael had dropped several pans onto the floor.
"Sorry," he said.
"Um, what would you like to order," I asked.
"The usual, Michael will know what it is," Max said, and I nodded and walked into the back.
"The usual," I said
This was going to be one long year
|posted on 7-Dec-2001 4:00:55 PM|
In theory they're the easiest thing to keep. You just don't tell anybody. Simple as that.
But like I said, that's in theory.
"Hey," I said, as I walked into the apartment. "I brought coffee."
"Thanks," Maria said, taking the cup from me.
"Feeling better?" I asked, sitting next to her.
"A little," she said, taking a sip of coffee. "How's your first day going?"
"It's been interesting," I said. "I met Michael."
"So, what do you think?" Maria asked, with a smile.
"He's different," I said, carefully.
"The two of you aren't getting along, are you?" she asked.
"I threw a frying pan at his head," I said, and Maria smiled.
"He's a jerk to everyone at first," she said. "Give him time. He can be really sweet."
"Maria, there's something you should know," I said, looking away. "About Michael."
I know I told Michael I wouldn't tell Maria about him but she is his girlfriend. Am I wrong to think she has the right to know that she's dating ET's cousin?
"What?" Maria asked.
"Liz, your breaks over!" Michael yelled, up the stairs into the apartment.
"Crap," I hissed under my breath and rose from the couch. "I'll be back later."
"Wait," Maria called after me. "What about Michael?"
"He's clumsy," I lied, and Maria laughed.
I know what your thinking. I didn't do it for Michael. Or even Maria. I did it for me.
Maria wouldn't have believe me. I sure as hell wouldn't.
And she's the closet thing to a friend that I have here. I don't want to screw that up.
"Did you tell her?" Michael asked, as I re-entered the kitchen.
"Whatever happened to hello?" I asked.
"Hello," Michael said coldly. "Now, did you tell her?"
"What do you think?" I snapped.
"Good," he said, turning his attention back to the food he was preparing.
"They're brother and sister, right?' I asked, motioning to Max and Iz.
"Why?" Michael asked.
"I was just wondering, if the three of you are all aliens, and they're siblings," I said, turning my gaze to Michael's back. "Why aren't your their brother?
"We're adopted," he said, painfully. "They were both adopted by the same people.
"Did Max say anything about me?" I asked.
"No," Michael said coldly.
"Oh," I said.
"He has a girlfriend," Michael said.
"That's never stopped me before," I said, not taking my eyes off him.
"Then I guess that makes you a slut," Michael snapped.
"Shut up Michael," I said.
Maria told me to give him time. Let him warm up. I don't think that's possible.
This boy is ice cold.
"Maria get home all right?" I asked, as Michael walked >back into the Crashdown.
"Yeah," Michael answered.
"Thanks for coming back, I've never closed anything before." I said.
"No problem," he replied.
"What's it like?" I asked, cleaning off the corner booth.
"What?" Michael asked.
"Being an alien," I answered.
"Why do you even care?" Michael snapped.
*Crash* I slammed the plates down onto the table.
"Look Michael. I know you don't exactly like me. Don't feel bad, I'm not to fond of you either. I'm just trying to make it more pleasant for the both of us, ok?" I snapped.
Michael and I worked in a awkward silence for several minutes.
"It's hard to explain," he finally said, and I looked over at him.
"Try," I encouraged.
"That you don't really belong, like something's missing..." he started.
"Like you're not complete. Like you're not where you're supposed to be," I finished. He turned to me and I smiled. "You're not the only one that feels that way."
"What do you mean?" Michael said, sitting down at the counter.
"My parents adopted me," I said, sitting across from him. "I know it's different than being an alien but I feel..."
"Empty," Michael finished for me and I nodded.
"Yeah," I said. "That's one of the reason's why I'm such a bitch. When I was little I always felt alone and like I was missing. My parents would do whatever they could for me, gave me whatever I wanted."
"How do you feel now?" Michael asked.
"Like I'm not so alone anymore," I answered.
Who saw this coming, Michael and I getting along. Who would have thought?
Don't look at me, I didn't see this thing coming either.
All I know is that the whole conversation felt weird, like it had happened before.
Maybe I'm just crazy. Hell, I probably am. I'm living in Roswell, New Mexico with a bunch of aliens talking about my childhood trauma with one of the biggest jerks I have ever met. And feeling right about it.
It's official. I'm completely insane
All right, Michael and I had a moment. Big deal. He's still a big jerk. I just don't hate him as much anymore and he's made working at the Crashdown a little bit less unpleasant.
Anyway, my next few days in Roswell were rather dull although it is kind of hard to be surprised after you die and find out your co-worker's an alien. The need-to-know is basically that Maria introduced me to Alex and Kyle and I was more or less accepted into the gang.
Which brings us to today, Friday. My first weekend in Roswell has begun.
This is what Maria described as a "typical Friday afternoon." Basically, Max, Iz, Kyle and Alex spend the afternoon in the corner booth waiting for Michael and Maria, and now me, to get off of work. Fun, huh?
Oh yeah, Max has seems to have taken to take a liking to me, despite his girlfriend. Whom I have yet to meet.
"So, what are we doing tonight?" Kyle asked, as he leaned back in the booth.
"You mean you do something other than eat?" I joked, as I placed a new plate of fries and hamburgers in front of him.
"Hey," Kyle defended himself, and Max pulled me down into his lap, laughing.
"She has a point Kyle, you had like three meals today," Iz laughed, and Alex wrapped his arm around her.
"I'm trying out for the football team, I need to keep my energy up," Kyle explained.
"I'm going on break!" Maria yelled, as she pulled a chair up to the table. "But what are we doing tonight?"
"How about we let Liz decide," Max suggested, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"I don't really care, I don't even know what there is to do in this town," I said.
"Well, it's no New York," Iz joked. "But we find ways to entertain ourselves."
"We could take her to the crash site," Alex suggested.
"I doubt Liz wants to spend her first weekend doing that, I mean, it's a rock," Iz explained. "Besides, she'll see it next week anyway."
"What's next week?" I asked.
"Crash Party," Kyle answered, between bites.
"What's that?" I said, suddenly feeling dumb.
"It's a big party they have the day of the crash. They have one every year," Max said.
"We go every year, it sounds lame but it's actually pretty cool," Iz said.
"Yeah, we all dress up in costumes and party at the crash site," Alex finished.
"Cool," I said.
What can I say. Roswell was growing on me.
And the gang. They were pretty cool. I mean, other than Tammy, they were the first real friends I had ever had. Friends that wouldn't stab me in the back the first chance they got.
"Liz, your break's over!" Michael yelled from behind the counter.
"Fine!" I yelled back, and rose from Max's lap. I made my way across the empty Crashdown.
"Here," Michael said, throwing me a towel and I joined him at the sink.
"Great, I get to wash dishes now," I said.
"Dry actually," Michael said.
"Oh, well, that makes a world of a difference," I joked.
"Don't even think about it," he said, handing me a wet plate.
"About what? Washing dishes?" I jokingly asked.
"About Max," he said.
"I know he has a girlfriend and all but I think he really..." I started.
"It's too dangerous," he interrupted.
"What?" I asked.
"It's not safe for you to be that close to us, if anybody ever found out what we really are...," Michael said, looking at the ground. "I can't let you get involved in our fucked up lives."
"I'm already involved, Michael," I said.
"Not if you walk away," he said.
"But I'm not. I know what I'm getting into," I said.
"No, you don't. I'm not going to be responsible if anything happens to you!" Michael hissed.
"Like you're responsible for Maria? And like how Iz is responsible for Alex. And Max for whatever slut he already is with?" I demanded.
"They don't know anything," he snapped. "You do!"
"But no one knows that! Not even Iz or Max," I snapped.
"But I do!" Michael defended.
Silence filled the room and we worked in silence for several minutes.
"I don't want to see anything happen to you," Michael finally said.
"Why?" I asked.
"I don't know, I just do," he said, and there were several more minutes of silence.
"Why doesn't his girlfriend ever come here?" I asked.
"She's a stuck-up bitch," Michael said.
"Like me?" I said, only half joking.
"No," Michael whispered.
"I'm not a bitch?" I asked, smiling.
"No, you're a bitch," he said, returning my smile. "But you're a nice bitch."
"Thanks, I think," I laughed.
Yep, Michael and I have one really fucked up relationship. But what else would you expect?
"How long till our shift is over?" I asked, as I put the last dish away.
"About five minutes," Michael answered.
"Thank God," I said.
"Great, another customer. Figures," I mumbled.
"Max, I figured I'd find you here," a female voice said.
"Is that..." I started.
"Yeah, it's his girlfriend," Michael answered, looking away.
"Really?" I asked, anxious to see my competition. I start walking out of the kitchen when Michael grabbed my arm.
"Don't," he said.
"God," I said, shaking my arm free. "I'm not going to say anything to her, I just want to know what she looks like," I explained. "I bet she's a blond barbie."
I should have listen to Michael.
I was met by the sight of a blond, anorexic looking girl draped over Max.
"I thought we could go see a movie or something tonight," she cooned into his ear.
"Did I call it or what?" I asked, without emotions.
"Come on," Michael said, as he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the back.
"She's pretty," I said.
"Yeah, I guess, but she's as dumb as they come," Michael said. "The only reason he dates her is because there's no threat of her ever finding out the truth."
"And her clear skin, perky breasts and hair dye number 15 have nothing to do with it, right?" I asked, looking at the ground.
"He's missing out," Michael said, putting his hand under my chin and lifting my face up.
And then it happened. Michael kissed me.
If I had known what that kiss started, I would have never let it happen. Ok, it probably would have still happened. But who would think that one small kiss could cause the life I had built around myself, everything I had ever known and believed in, everything I had thought I was, to come crashing down around me
Michael kissed me.
God damnit, I should have pushed him away and yelled that he was slime and how could he do this to Maria...
Oh God, Maria! I don't even want to think about her right now. I wasn't even in town for a week and I was making out with her boyfriend.
No, he kissed me!
And I let him.
This isn't me! I'm not like this! Damnit, I know I said that a guy having a girlfriend never stopped me before but I meant breaking them up, not this!
I should have just walked away from this.
But I didn't.
"Michael," I whispered, as Michael pulled his lips from mine. He pressed his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes. I relaxed in his arms and listened to him breath for several minutes, like this was something we had done a million times before.
I knew this was stupid, the gang was only a few feet away from us. If any of them walked in, it wouldn't take a brain surgeon to figure out what was going on, but at that moment I didn't care.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have..."
I pressed my lips against his before he could go on. I didn't want to hear this, not now.
That's when it happened, the single event that would forever affect my entire life.
One moment, one memory, one flash.
It's hard to explain exactly what the flash was, you really have to live one to understand it, but I'll try my best.
It's like you blink and you're in another world. You know that it can't be real but it feels that way, like your reliving a memory from long ago. You can feel and see but you don't control the body you're in.
And in my case, it was still my own body, at least the one I had when I was 13 years old.
"Come along," an old woman demanded, roughly grabbing my arm and pulling me down a long hallway.
"No, I want to go home! I want my parents!" I screamed, anger and pain washing over me.
"You are home," the woman said, not looking back at me.
"I don't want to live in this stupid palace! I want to go home!" I screamed. "I won't stay here!"
"You do not have a choice," the woman said, spinning around to face me. "You are one of the four, you have been since birth. Now shut up and come along."
"No!" I screamed. I just wanted to go home and get away from this horrible, cold place. "Let go!" I screamed, and the old woman was thrown across the hall and crashed into the stone wall.
I didn't wait to see if she was all right. All I wanted was to go home, to my own house and my family. I couldn't see anything good about this place, it was cold and empty and alone.
"You are one of the four, you have been since birth," echoed over and over again in my head, each time louder than the time before. I didn't want to be one of them, I wanted to be me, I wanted to be normal! Was that to much to ask?!
I ran around the corner and smashed into someone. With a cry of pain, I tumbled to the ground and silently prayed that it wasn't a guard. Why wouldn't they let me leave this horrible place?
"Ow," I heard from behind me. With a sigh I turned to face my victim. Instead of the guard I expected, I was met with by a young boy leaning against the wall. He was looking down and rubbing his head.
"Watch were you're...," he started, obviously pissed off. He looked up and our eyes met. "...going," he finished, softly.
"Sorry," I said. His eyes, they were amazing. Calm washed over me and I smiled.
I jumped away from Michael's embrace as I returned to reality.
"What the fuck was that?!" I demanded.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, looking away.
"You're telling me you didn't see that?" I cried.
"I didn't see anything," he mumbled, looking at the ground.
"Look me in the eye when you say that," I said, and Michael raised his head to look at me. Our eyes locked and I stepped back. His eyes were the same as the boys from the flash. "It was you."
"I told you, I don't know what you're talking about," he said, backing away.
"Don't lie to me Michael!" I yelled.
"Is everything ok?" Maria asked, walking into the kitchen.
"Maria," I whispered, guilt washing over me.
"Yeah, everything's fine," Michael lied.
"Ok," Maria said, obviously not quite believing him. "Anyway, we finally decided on what we're doing tonight. We're all going meet up at Max's house, seeing how his parents are out of town for the weekend. We'll work on our costumes and watch movies."
"Sounds like a plan," I said.
"Well, our shifts over so I'm going to head home and change," Maria said, punching out. "See you at Max's?"
"Yeah," I mumbled, looking at the ground.
"You sure everything is ok?" Maria asked, stopping on her way out of the kitchen.
"Everything's fine," Michael said.
"Ok," Maria said, more to herself than to me and Michael.
"What did you do to me?" I demanded, and Michael began to move away from me.
"I didn't do anything," he defended.
"Why did I see that? I mean that was me, when I was 13. In that horrible palace and that mean old bitch and her horrible voice over and over again in my head. ''You are one of the four, you have been since birth'" I said, and Michael froze. He spun around quickly and grabbed my arm.
"What the hell are you doing?" I asked, as he dragged up the stairs into my apartment.
"What old woman?" he asked, after he shut the door behind him.
"The old woman from the flash, the one that wouldn't let me leave the palace," I said.
"You had a different flash," Michael mumbled.
"So you admit it," I cried. "I knew it."
"Shut up, Liz. This is important," he said. "What exactly happened in your flash?"
"I was in some palace. It was horrible, cold and empty. There was this bitchy lady who said something about me being one of the four. I screamed for her to let me go and she was thrown across the room. I ran into you while I was trying to get away," I said. "Isn't that what you saw?"
"No, I mean. The end, with you crashing into me was the same but...," Michael mumbled to himself.
Don't ask me what's going on, I'm as clueless as the next person to what was going on in my own life.
"This is all your fault," I said.
"What?" Michael demanded.
"I said this is all your fault. If you had never kissed me none of this would have ever happened!" I yelled.
"What about the second kiss, that was your doing," Michael argued.
"Oh my God," a voice whimpered and I spun to around.
"Maria," I whispered, seeing her standing in the doorway, close to tears.
You don't have to say it, I'm a slut, a bitch and a lousy friend and I deserve everything I get.
|posted on 7-Dec-2001 4:02:33 PM|
Maria found out that Michael kissed me.
And I feel like shit.
Maria was the first friend I made here. God, if it wasn't for her I doubt I would have ever been accepted into the gang. They would have only seen me as the selfish bitch I was. Maria saved me from that image.
And now I did this to her.
If I was religious, I would say I was going to hell.
"I wasn't sure if you knew where Max lived," Maria whispered.
"Maria," Michael said, taking a step forward and reaching for her.
"Don't," she said, emotionless, stepping back, away from his touch.
"Maria, I'm so sorry," I whispered, guilt over taking me.
Maria didn't answer. She just turned and walked out the door, leaving Michael and me in silence. I had never felt that so horrible in my entire life. She hadn't yelled, or screamed, or attacked me. Any of that would have helped me feel better about what Michael had done, what we had done.
"My parents should have never listened to that dumb therapist," I snapped, more to myself than Michael.
"What?" Michael asked.
"The Crashdown wasn't the only reason we moved to Roswell," I said, climbing through the window out onto the balcony. "It was actually the least of our reasons," I muttered, lighting up a cigarette.
"Then why the hell did you move here?" Michael asked.
"Like I said, my therapist told my parents it would be a good idea," I said, not looking at him.
"You see a therapist?" Michael asked. "Why doesn't that surprise me."
"Shut up. Yes, I see a therapist. Big deal, a lot of normal people see them," I snapped.
"But you're not normal," Michael shot back.
"Fuck you, Michael," I said, throwing my cigarette off the roof and spinning to go back inside. Michael grabbed my arm and stopped me.
"I didn't mean it in a bad way," Michael said, and I froze, looking into his eyes. "Why did he tell your parents it was a good idea to move you here?" he asked.
"He thought it would help spark my memory being here," I said, looking down.
"Your memory?' Michael asked, confused.
"You know how I said I was adopted," I asked, and Michael nodded. "Well, I wasn't adopted until I was six years old."
"So?' Michael asked.
"Those first six years of my life, before I was adopted. I have no memory of them," I said. "The only thing I know for sure was that my mother, whoever the crack-addict bitch was, abandoned me to die."
"What does this have to do with Roswell," Michael asked.
"My therapist thought being back here would help me break through whatever block I had put up," I said. "You see, I was found in the desert a few miles from here by a police officer on patrol."
"Oh my God," Michael whispered, as if he had suddenly realized something.
"What?" I asked, becoming nervous.
I just confessed my deepest, darkest secret to Michael and I get this reaction?
"You're the fourth," Michael whispered.
"God, you sound like the woman from the flash," I complained.
"We have to go to Max's," Michael said, pulling me into my room.
"Yeah, because I really want to have social time right now," I bitched.
"This is important, Liz," Michael said, turning to face me. "Trust me," he said, locking his eyes with mine.
His eyes, they really were amazing. You could get lost in them if you wanted to.
"Ok," I agreed, and we left the apartment.
"Will you please just tell me what's going on," I asked, as Michael led me down the street.
"You'll find out once we get to Max's," Michael said.
"When will that be?" I asked, tired from walking.
"Now," he said, as we stopped in front of a two story house. "Come on." he said, pulling me up the driveway.
We reached the door and Michael didn't bother to knock. He opened the door and walked in to find Iz comforting a crying Maria.
"Look who showed up," Kyle said, walking towards us.
"Get out," Michael said, not moving,
"What?" Kyle demanded.
"I said get out," Michael said, staring at Kyle. "We have to talk to Max and Iz."
"We're not going anywhere," Alex said, joining Kyle. I backed up against the wall.
For the first time in my entire life I was hurting. I never let myself hurt, not once did I show weakness. It didn't get you anywhere, just harmed you.
But I was hurting, horribly, painfully, and I had no one else to blame but myself
"Alex," Iz said, raising from the couch and placing her hand on his shoulder. "We'll call you tomorrow."
"What?" Kyle demanded.
"Just go," Max said.
"I can't believe this!" Kyle demanded, grabbing his coat off the wall and storming out the door.
"Come on, I'll walk you home," Alex said, helping a still upset Maria off the couch. Alex shot us a dirty look as he walked past us, but I couldn't bring myself to look at Maria.
"Call me later, honey," Max's girlfriend said, attempting to kiss him on her way out
"I will," Max said, pulling away from her.
"Ok," she said, confused, as she left the house.
"Did you see what you did to Maria?!" Iz demanded, pushing Michael.
"Iz, don't," Max said, and Isabel spun around.
"How can you say that? God, you saw how upset Maria was! And you," Iz said, spinning to me. "You're nothing more than a skank."
"Isabel! Max snapped.
"Screw you, Max," Iz said, coldy.
"Will the both of you shut up!" Michael demanded. "This is important."
"What?" Max asked, while Iz stormed across the room.
"She's the fourth," Michael said, and Iz came to a dead stop.
"What?" she asked, turning to face me.
"You heard me," Michael said.
"She can't be," Max defended.
"She was adopted at age six, she doesn't remember anything before then and she was found in the desert a few miles from here," Michael said, and Iz fell to the couch. "And when we kissed..." Michael started, looking down.
"Don't even try justifying what you did, Michael," Iz snapped.
"Just shut up," Max snapped at Isabel.
"There was a flash," Michael whispered.
"Will someone please tell me what's going on?!" I asked.
"The three of us," Max said, motioning to Michael and Iz. "We came out of pods in the spaceship that crashed."
"So?" I demanded.
"There were four pods," Michael said. "You're one of us."
I told you that little kiss would change my entire life. If I had never had that kiss, the flash would have never happened. And I would have never told Michael about my lack of memory and I would be living a normal life in the land of denial.
But Michael kissed me and my life changed
I'm one of them.
I'm human, I'm normal and I belong in New York City with people like me.
I am not an alien.
"What?" I demanded.
"You're the one we lost," Michael said.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said, backing towards the door. "I'm not an alien, I'm human."
"Liz, try to understand," Max begged.
"No I won't try to understand because this is crazy!" I said. "I'm leaving."
"Liz," Michael said, grabbing my arm.
"Let her go, Michael," Iz said, from the couch. "We can't make her believe us."
"Iz, you're not helping," Max said, turning to face her.
"What, if the bitch doesn't want to believe the truth than that's her fault," Iz said, standing up. "She can live in her little land of denial for as long as she wants. We've made it eleven years without her, we don't need her now."
"Iz, she could be the key we've been looking for," Michael snapped.
"I'm not some fucking key, ok? Leave me alone!" I screamed, breaking from Michael's grasp and running out the door.
"Liz!" Michael yelled, after me but I just kept running. I didn't want to believe this, I mean, it was obviously a lie. It had to be.
Remember when I told you that denial was a very powerful thing. I think it was when we first met, when I was telling you about my dreams of a perfect future and shit like that.
Here's another example, wanting to believe that you're normal, that everything around you is still the truth, and that the little voice in the back of your head, the one telling you that maybe they're right, maybe you are one of them, is lying.
I spent the rest of the night walking around my room trying to convince myself that they were wrong, that I was human.
But I couldn't.
"Hi," I heard Max say, and I opened my eyes to see him through a cloud of cigarette smoke, climbing up onto my balcony.
"What?" I asked.
"Will you please just listen?" Max asked, sitting down in a **I would say one of the cheap lawn charis my parents had put on the balcony.
"No," I answered, coldly.
"God, why are you so against this?" Max demanded.
"Because it's shit," I said.
"Then it won't hurt to listen," Max suggested.
"Will it get you to go away?" I asked.
"Yeah," Max answered.
"Fine," I agreed, and Max smiled. "Talk."
"Well, we don't know very much about where we come from," Max started.
"That reminds me, if I'm one of you, then why don't I know any of this and you do," I asked, half mockingly.
"Because you haven't been around us," Max answered, as if that explained everything.
"So, basically, you haven't driven me to the point of insanity?" I asked.
"No," Max answered, ignoring my sarcasm. "The only reason we know that we're aliens is because of the flashes."
"Like the one I had with Michael," I asked.
"Yeah," Max said. "But they're not all caused by kissing. Anything that involves high levels of passion involving the four of us can trigger memories of our life before we came to earth."
"But I was 13 in the flash," I stated. "I was on earth when I was 13."
"Will you just let me explain," Max asked. "It would make everything a lot simpler."
"Fine," I hissed.
"Thank you," Max said, and I held back a laugh. "All we know about our life on our home planet is that we were the royal four."
"Royal four? God, I keep hearing that. What the hell does it mean?" I interrupted.
"From what we can figure out it means that we were going to be the ruling four," Max explained.
"You mean, like kings and queens?" I asked.
"Basically," Max said. "As I was saying, there was a war when we were about eighteen and we were sent to Earth. We were supposed to stay here until the war was over and then return home when it was safe."
"Ok, that makes no sense, we're seventeen," I said.
"I know," Max said. "That's what we can't figure out."
"All right, that's really going to help you convince me," I said.
"All we know about what happened after the crash was that we came out of the pods in some rock at the crashsite." Max said, ignoring me.
"Then where the hell was I?" I demanded.
"We didn't know," Max said, looking down. "When we came out of the pods, yours was empty."
"Once again, not helping your side of this argument." I said.
"For years we were sure you somehow came out of your pod before we did and you got picked up by some family and you were alive somewhere," Max said, still not looking at me. "When we got older, we realized you mostly likely had died somewhere in the desert, even though we never said it out loud. We never thought we would find you."
"But here I am, or so you say," I said, throwing my cigarette off the roof. "This talk has really opened my mind. I remember everything, I am one of you," I said, coldy.
"God, Iz was right about you," Max said, getting up from the chair. "Stay in your delusional world as long as you want."
"Stop," I said, as Max started climbing down the ladder.
Ok, maybe I was starting to believe him.
Just a little.
"Why don't I have powers like you?" I asked.
"Because you haven't learned how to use them yet," Max explained.
"How did you learn?" I asked.
"Flashes," Max said, coolly.
"Oh," I answered, looking up into the sky. What could be my true home. "Do you really believe I'm the fourth?"
"Yeah," Max said, staring at me.
"How can you be so sure?" I asked.
"To start with, you had a flash, no one other than the three of us have ever had one," Max started. "Also, when we were six we were found in the desert the same way you were with no memory of the previous six years."
"Maybe my mom heard about the three of you and thought it would be a good time to ditch me in the desert without calling too much attention to herself." I said.
"You really don't believe that, do you?" Max asked
"I'm not sure what I believe anymore," I said.
"You were to be wife," Max finally said.
"What?" I said, my attention caught.
"We were engaged, before we came here. So were Iz and Michael, but they were never in love," Max explained.
"Then why were they engaged?" I asked.
"The prophecy that told of the royal four said you and I were to be married, along with Iz and Michael," Max said.
"And us?" I asked.
"We were different," Max said, smiling.
"Give me time to think," I said, and Max nodded and climbed down the ladder.
I leaned against the brick wall and closed my eyes. Maybe they were right. Maybe my entire life had been a lie.
I heard Max climb back onto the balcony.
"Max, I told you I needed time," I said, opening my eyes.
"Michael," I whispered, as he stood in front of me.
So, Max and I had been in love and even engaged.
But if that was true, then why did I kiss Michael?
I knew that moving to Roswell would change my life.
I just didn't know how much.
I mean, I haven't even been here for a week, and everything I believed to be true in my life turned out to be lie.
And then their's me and Michael? I have no idea what the hell is happening between us.
I thought that my life was fucked up before I moved to Roswell, I don't know how much more of this I can take.
"Michael," I whispered, feeling my heart skip a beat. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm actually not sure," Michael said.
"Well, if you're here to try and convince me that I'm one of you, you're a little too late," I said.
"What?" Michael asked, stepping towards me.
"Max was here a few minutes ago, he told me everything you guys knew," I said.
"Oh," Michael said, looking at the ground. "Do you believe us now?"
"I'm not sure what I believe anymore," I said, honestly. "Everything is just so fucked up right now."
"Tell me about it," Michael said.
"What the hell do you know about it," I demanded. "I mean, God, you've always known about this! You didn't have this thrown at you!"
"You think that makes a difference?" Michael demanded. "You at least got to live a normal teenage life! I mean, what do you think we got!? We've had to live with this for our entire life, knowing that we didn't belong here. At least you got to pretend for awhile."
"Yeah, well, my 'pretend' life wasn't all that great! You have no idea how fucked up my life really is!" I shouted.
"Please, you lived the golden life, princess. You wouldn't survive one day in my life," Michael said, turning to leave.
"That doesn't make you a better person!" I screamed.
"I never said it did," Michael said, not turning around.
"What's so horrible about your life?" I asked.
"You don't want to hear about it," Michael said.
"Yeah, I do," I whispered, and Michael turned to face me.
"My stepdad, he's a complete jackass," Michael said, sitting down in the same chair Max had sat in only minutes earlier.
"He can't be that bad," I said, forcing a smile.
"Yeah, he is," Michael said, looking away. "The only reason he adopted me was for the monthly check. We live in a God-damn trailer, he spends his days drunk and passes out every night. And the fights...," Michael trailed off.
"Michael, I'm so sorry," I whispered, placing my hand on his shoulder.
"Don't be," Michael said, jumping from the chair. "I don't need someone to feel sorry for me."
"Sometimes you need to let people in," I said, walking towards him.
"Yeah, right. This coming from you," Michael snapped.
"Fuck you, Michael," I said, stepping away from him.
"Oh, did I hurt the princess's feelings," Michael mocked.
"You should leave," I hissed.
"That's the smartest thing you've said all night," Michael said, climbing over the ledge.
He was leaving.
That was what I wanted. I should be happy.
I mean, I went out on a limb and tried to be nice to the jackass, something I never do, and this is how he repays me?
"God, what did I do to you?" I demanded, and Michael stopped. "I mean, you've been a jerk ever since you came here."
"Maybe I just don't give a crap about you," Michael said, coldly.
"I don't fucking believe that!" I screamed. "If you didn't give a crap about me you wouldn't be here right now!"
"I just want to make sure you accept what you really are so we can all get out of this hellhole and go home!" Michael yelled.
"Then explain the kiss?" I demanded, feeling tears burning in my eyes.
"Moment of weakness," Michael said, looking away.
"Bullshit," I said. "You can't even look me in the eye when you say that! You know that kiss meant something."
"Shut up, princess," Michael snapped. "You're starting to sound real dumb. I mean, I'm sure in your little make-believe world that kiss meant something but to me it was just another kiss."
"Just stop lying!" I screamed, refusing to let my tears fall in front of him.
"Trust me, it's better this way," Michael said. "I mean, what would Max say, right?"
"What?" I demanded.
"Oh, come one. You don't think he would be a little upset if the love of his life was with me?" Michael snapped.
"That has nothing to do with us!" I screamed.
"It has everything to do with us!" Michael said. "I have to be the man and walk away from this. You never were any good at that."
"Fine, walk away!" I snapped. Before Michael could say anything I jumped through the window and slammed it shut.
Things are really fucked up.
I mean, I'm supposed to be "in love" with Max, I'm hung up over the jackass Michael, Maria hasn't spoken a word to me since Friday, as far as I can tell I blew any chance of friendship between me and the gang, and I spent my first weekend, home, alone.
"So, that'll be two eggs, three slices of toast, and a cup of coffee," I said, marking down the man's order.
"Yeah," he nodded, and I headed back to the kitchen. "I hate my life," I mumbled.
"Great, another customer," I mumbled under my breath and turned towards the door. "Maria," I whispered, seeing her standing inside the door.
"Hey Liz," she said, looking at the ground.
"Maria, I'm so sorry," I said, walking towards her.
"You don't need to apologize. I got enough of that yesterday," Maria said.
"I have a break, do you want to go talk up in my apartment?" I asked.
"No, this will only take a minute," Maria said, not meeting my eyes. "I just wanted to let you know that Michael came over yesterday."
"Oh," I whispered, feeling my heart drop.
"Between his million apologies he explained what happened," Maria said. "He told me that neither of you meant for it to happen."
"We didn't, honestly Maria," I said.
"I believe you," Maria said, and I forced a smile. "He told me that you had been upset about how Max was acting. I don't blame you for that, hanging all over you and than forgetting you the second his girlfriend shows up."
"But she was his girlfriend, if anything, she should be upset," I said.
"I guess," Maria said. "He said that the kiss was only supposed to be platonic but...but it turned into something more."
"Maria..." I started.
"Don't say anything," Maria said, finally looking into my eyes and I could see how badly she was hurting. "He said that you both felt horrible about what you had done and I believe that too."
"So, are the two of you back together," I asked, looking at the ground. The pain in her eyes was to much to bear.
"No," Maria said, painfully.
"Oh," I whispered, feeling slightly better.
"I wanted to work things out," Maria said, and I looked up at her. "I really love him. But he said that it would be best for both of us if we didn't..."
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"Don't be, I mean, this is probably for the best, right?" Maria asked, more to herself than me.
"Yeah," I agreed. "I want you to know I had nothing to do with that."
"I know," Maria nodded. "I don't know if that's good or bad. I mean, if he had broken up with me for you, I would hurt a lot more than this, but at the same time, I would be able to hate you."
"You don't hate me?" I asked.
"No," Maria said.
"I guess that doesn't surprise me," I said, smiling. "I mean, you don't seem like a hating person. Now me, that's a completely different story."
"I just came here to tell you I'm not going to try and ruin things here for you," Maria said.
"God, I'm so glad you're being so understanding, I mean, you're the first real friend I've made here..." I started.
"No," Maria said, returning her gaze to the floor.
"What?" I asked, feeling dread wash over me.
"I said no," Maria repeated. "I may forgive you, I may try and fix things between you and the rest of the gang but we're not friends."
"Maria," I begged, as she turned to leave.
"No, Liz," she said, firmly. "I can't be your friend, I'm sorry." she said, and walked out the door.
"Um, miss? Where's my coffee?" the man who's order I had taken asked.
"Go get your own fucking coffee," I snapped and stormed off.
I had just lost my only real friend here.
And all because I was a bitch and a slut and a horrible person
|posted on 7-Dec-2001 4:04:45 PM|
What happened to me?
Back in New York I was stone-cold, nothing could hurt me. I don't even remember the last time I cried, I mean, really cried. I was untouchable.
And now look at me.
I'm hurting over what Maria said to me. I was in pain because I had hurt her. I should have told her to fuck off and that I didn't need her. That's what I would I have done if I was the same person I was just a week ago.
But the thing is I'm not.
"Hey," Michael said, as he walked out onto the balcony.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, legs dangling over the railing, staring into the night sky.
"Checking on you. One of the guys working mentioned Maria's visit," Michael said, sitting next to me. "You been up here all day?"
"Yeah, except for the occasional trip for one of these," I said, motioning towards the empty beer bottle next to me.
"Trying to drink your problems away?" Michael asked.
"You know, I'm really not in the mood to fight with you, okay?" I snapped.
"Whatever," Michael said, turning his gaze to the sky. We stayed like that for several minutes, not speaking, not moving, just sitting. It was oddly reassuring, just having him there.
"Your parents not home from New York yet?" Michael finally asked.
"Nope," I said, pain lingering in my words.
"I thought they were coming back Friday night," Michael said.
"So did I," I said. "I got a message on the answering machine Friday night from my Mom. She said they were having problems with the apartment. Something about damages."
"You don't believe her?" Michael asked, as if he had read my thoughts.
"Not for a second," I said. "She said that they would call on Saturday."
"Did they?" Michael asked.
"No," I answered. "I mean, it's not like I actually believed her."
"But you wanted her to," Michael said.
"Not her. I gave up believing anything she said a long time ago but my dad..," I said, and Michael returned his gaze to me with a questioning look. "I may appear to be without emotions at times but my Dad and I get along really well."
"So you're a daddy's girl," Michael said.
"Shut up," I said, trying to smile. "So what if I am?"
"Nothing, you just don't come across as one," Michael said. "You never talk about him. Or any of your family."
"I told you I was adopted," I said, not looking at him.
"Yeah," Michael acknowledged. "But why won't you tell me about your family."
"Because you don't care," I said.
"I do," Michael said, and I finally looked at him.
"You remember how I told you that when I was younger my parents bought me whatever I wanted, anything to make me happy?" I asked, after several minutes of silence.
"Yeah," Michael answered.
"I lied. My Dad was the only one that ever gave a crap about me. My mom's a real bitch. Never really wanted me," I said. "When they originally found me they needed a place for me to stay for a couple of weeks. You know, while they looked for my family and searched for anyone that could be my mother. My dad fell in love with me and when no record of me was found he adopted me."
"And what about your mother?" Michael asked. "And now?"
"She makes all the decisions and he's along for the ride," I said, bitterly. "She's keeping the two of them in New York as long as possible. Anything to stay away from me. She's counting the days to until I leave for college."
"That explains a lot," Michael said.
"Like what?" I asked, sharply.
"Like the way you cut yourself off from emotions and won't let anyone get close to you," Michael answered.
"Um, hello, I had a boyfriend I thought I was going to marry back in New York," I pointed out bitterly.
"Yeah, but you never were really close to him, he was possession to you," Michael answered.
"That's bullshit," I snapped, crossing my arms to prevent any bodily harm to Michael.
"That's what scars you so much about being here, about losing Maria's friendship" Michael said.
"Explain Mr. Know-it-all," I demanded.
"This was the first time you ever really opened yourself up to anyone," Michael answered.
"And I got hurt, hurrah for emotional attachments," I snapped.
More silence filled the air and finally Michael rose to leave.
"You know, this was where I met Maria," I said, and Michael stopped. "First day in Roswell. I thought my life was over."
"Because of the fight with your mom?" Michael asked.
"Because of everything," I said. "I was sitting here and debating whether or not to jump. I thought the fall wouldn't be high enough to actually kill me but it would get the message across. I thought if I did something drastic like that my father would finally take action and move me back to New York."
"Liz," Michael said, concern evident in his voice.
"I was wrong, about the fall," I said, standing up on the railing. "If you twisted just right, landed on your head, snap. It would all be over."
"Liz, shut up," Michael said, grabbing my wrist and pulling me off.
"What's the matter, did I scare you?" I asked, Michael still holding onto my wrist.
"I don't want to fight," Michael said.
"Don't worry," I said, trying to break away from him but he pulled me up against him. "I scare myself sometimes."
"I swear to God that you get off on this," Michael snapped, backing away from me.
"Yeah, this really floats my boat," I said, coldly, lighting a cigarette.
"You know that's bad for you," Michael said, motioning towards my cigarette.
"Thank you Mr. Obvious," I said, blowing smoke into his face. "Like you give a crap about me. But than again if I do die you would lose your key."
"You are so full of yourself!" Michael shouted.
"What the matter? Did I hit a nerve or something? I mean, that is what you called me," I asked, trying to meet his gaze.
"I don't want to fight with you," Michael whispered.
"You already said that," I pointed out. "And it's to late for that."
"I'm sorry," Michael said, barely above a whisper.
"What?" I asked.
"I said I was sorry and now I'm leaving," Michael said.
"You don't have to go," I said and Michael let a small smile shine through. "As long as you explain exactly what you meant when you said I was the key."
"Deal," Michael said.
"Ok, I'm waiting," I urged, impatiently.
"You know about the flashes and memories," Michael began. "A few weeks ago Iz had a flash."
"And what does that have to do with me?" I asked.
"In it she was talking to this guy, she said she was was talking to the head of space travel or something like that. It must have been only days before we left to come here. She was asking him about how we were going to get home if the spaceship crashed."
"Which it did," I added.
"Obviously," Michael agreed. "Anyway, he explained the whole flashes of memory thing to her and he said that when the four of us were together we would remember where and when to meet the ship."
"The one that would take you home," I asked.
"Yeah," Michael answered. "I started referring to you as the key because we needed you to get home, you joining us would..."
"Unlock the answer," I finished. "Never knew I was that important."
I'd only had a few days to go over the whole alien thing in my head.
I mean, honestly it wasn't fair. Max, Michael and Isabelle had their entire life to deal with this, what they really were and going home.
The thing was, as much as I understood what they were saying, I never really accepted it until this moment.
The idea that I was really an alien and someday we were going home to a world that I couldn't even remember. It hadn't seemed real before, like it was some kind of dream.
And the honest truth is, it scares me to death.
I never believed it was important.
Tammy told me that when you fall in love for the first time it's like the entire world slows down and you're the only two people on Earth.
But she was 16 and the guy she claimed to love left her.
I told her love was bullshit, that you would be better off living your life without it. And love never lasted, someone always left.
I was scared of it.
I still am.
"You know, you can leave now," I said, as I stumbled into the kitchen.
"I know," Michael said, stepping between me and the fridge.
"Move," I demanded.
"No, you have already had way too much to drink tonight," Michael said, with a small smile on his lips.
"I'm not getting a beer! I'm hungry" I snapped, pushing him out of the way. "Besides, I know my limit better than you do and I'm far from it."
"I'm sure," Michael said, not taking his eyes off of me as I fished a pint of Peanut Butter Cup ice-cream out of the freezer.
"Want some?" I asked, lifting myself up onto the counter.
"Nah," Michael said, leaning against the counter across from me.
"Your loss, hand me a spoon," I requested.
"Which drawer?" Michael asked, finally looking away from me.
"The one to your left," I said, taking the top off my ice cream.
"Here," Michael said, handing me a spoon. I stared at myself momentarily in the silver reflection before slipping it into the cold ice cream.
"Are you going to stay here all night?" I asked, not letting my eyes raise from the cup of ice cream.
"Do you want me to?" Michael asked.
"Oh yeah, that's exactly what I want," I said, trying to drown out the warmth of my beating heart out with artificial coldness.
"I think you do," Michael said, sounding half-surprised
"You think?" I mocked, putting a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.
"Of you," Michael answered, and I shivered, and it didn't have anything to do with the ice-cream that was melting in my throat.
I don't know why I let him get to me like this.
Nobody should have this kind of power over me! He says two words and I'm about melt faster than an ice cube on the fourth of July.
It's not supposed to be like this.
"Correction, you think about the key that you need to get home," I said, taking the spoon out of my mouth.
"Correction," Michael said, deeply, passionately. His eyes locked with mine and he walked across the kitchen towards me. It probably only took a few seconds but it was like the entire world was slowing down. Tammy's words about love and time standing still flew into my mind and I forced them out. "I think of you," Michael whispered, stopping inches in front of me. He took the cup of ice-cream from me and I let the spoon slip from my fingers. I barely heard the metallic cling as it hit the counter.
"What about Maria?" I asked, as our eyes locked. He leaned in closer and I could feel his breath on my lips.
"Just you," Michael said, letting his hand drift up my side.
I should have stopped it there. It would have been easy.
All I would have had to do was knock him away from me and it would be the end of the story.
But how can you stop something that you can't control?
Something you want with more passion than you thought possible?
"What is happening?" I asked, as Michael's other hand rose to rub small circles over my cheek.
"I don't know," Michael answered. It was becoming unbearable, being this close to him. My eyes traveled over his face. His eyes, his nose, his red lips that were just screaming to be kissed.
"I've never felt like this before. It's overpowering," I whispered, breaking my eyes away from his beautiful lips.
"I know," he said. I let my hands slide over his shoulder as his hands trailed to the small of my back.
"Does this have to do with the alien thing?" I asked, shivering at his touch. I was sure that if we stopped talking there would be nothing holding our lips apart.
"Maybe," Michael answered, as he closed his eyes.
Pure and sweet.
"I should go," Michael said, finally breaking the heavy cloak of silence that had fallen over us.
"Yeah," I agreed, but neither of us moved. I was almost afraid I would break if I lost his touch.
"I don't want to let you go," Michael whispered.
"Then don't," I whispered, my heart winning over my mind.
"You sure that's not the alcohol talking?" Michael asked, a last desperate attempt to lighten the mood.
"I'll let you in on a secret," I whispered, leaning in so my lips brushed against his ears. "I'm sober enough to know what I'm doing."
"You know you have real issues, right?" Michael asked, and I returned his smile.
"And you don't?" I asked, letting my hand trail up the back of his neck.
"I never said that," Michael whispered, as he tightened his grip around my waist.
"I thought you were leaving?" I asked, softly.
"You told me not to," Michael answered.
"Since when do you listen to me?" I asked.
I never got a answer because at that moment Michael pressed his lips desperately against mine. It took me about half a second before I began to respond, letting myself get lost in this moment.
Our first kiss, it had been so fast, it had just happened. It was over before it started.
This one, it wasn't just a kiss that overwhelmed me. It was everything.
I mean, it was the words that lead up to it.
It was the darkness that surrounded us because I had forgotten to turn on the lights when we came.
It was the melting Peanut Butter Cup ice cream that sat abandoned inches away.
It was that silver spoon that had held my attention only moments earlier.
It was the intensity that filled the entire room, electrifying everything that it touched.
I wasn't supposed to do this again.
I'm a good person. Honestly.
It was just so easy to get lost in that moment.
And I wouldn't take it back for the life of me
I know this is the part were I do my whole little introduction thing. Give you a little clue about what's to come.
But you know what? It's not going to happen this time.
I have so much shit to deal with right now I don't think I can handle it.
I mean, God, Michael and I kissed again and it was beyond amazing. And the strange thing is I don't even know why we kissed. It was like we were just overtaken by emotions.
It probably had something to do with the whole alien thing. It's already screwed my life up, what's one more thing to add to the list.
But if it did have to do with the alien thing shouldn't I be with Max? I mean, I was supposed to be in love and engaged to Max yet all my attention seems to have drifted to Michael.
Why is this so fucked up? Why am I feeling this way for the wrong man?
"Oh my God," I whispered, as I finally pulled my lips away from Michaels.
"That was...," Michael started, his breath heavy.
"Intense," I finished, and he nodded.
"We shouldn't have done that," Michael said, breaking his eyes away from mine.
"I know, it was wrong," I agreed. "But you know what?"
"What?" Michael asked, looking up at me.
"I like to be bad," I said, with a half smile before pressing my lips against his again.
You think I would learn. I mean, last time I returned one of Michael's kisses it ended with one of those weird flashes.
And, what a surprise, look what happens next.
"So, how do I look?" I asked, as I twirled around in front of a long mirror.
"You look beautiful," a sixteen year old Isabel said, sitting across the room.
"You really think so? I mean, does my hair look all right?" I asked, staring at my reflection.
"How many times do I have to tell, everything looks fine," she smiled. "Now, will you tell me why you are all dressed up?"
"Well, you know Max's birthday is next weekend and I want to make sure he likes my outfit. I mean, I will be sitting with him at the table and all," I said, feeling my face turn red.
"Unless of course, Tess happens to join the two of you," Isabelle said.
"I told you not to say her name!" I yelled, and Isabelle looked at me shocked.
"Sorry," she said.
"No, I'm sorry. It's just I want everything to be perfect. And after he sees me in this outfit, Tess will be out of the picture," I said, sure of myself.
"You're lucky to love your fiancee," Isabel said. "Even if he doesn't love you back."
"He will, I have faith one day he will realize just how beautiful and perfect the two of us will be together," I said, rubbing red gel over my lips. "And besides, your future husband isn't so bad either."
"You're just saying that because he's your best friend," Isabel pointed out, jealously lingering on her voice.
"You know, you should try not to let jealously show. Emotions are so unflattering," I pointed out.
"Coming from stalker girl!" Isabel laughed.
"Well, I'm off. Wish me luck," I smiled, as I ran out the door. Max was probably down on the beach, he loved it there. I couldn't blame him, the wind, the waves, the sand. It was like your own personal heaven.
I rounded a corner to his favorite spot. I had found him here a lot lately. I stopped when the image in front of me began to unfolded. Max was laughing, his arms wrapped around her tiny little waist, his lips pressing down on hers.
"No," I whispered, as softly as I could. I wouldn't let him see me this way. I turned and ran. "Michael," I whispered. "I have to talk to him."
I crashed into his room several minutes later, tears streaming down my face.
"Liz, what's the matter?" he asked, as he placed the book he had been reading down onto the dresser.
"I hate him!" I screamed.
"Liz," Michael repeated, and I fell into his arms on the bed.
"He was with her, that slut Tess," I cried.
"You knew he was seeing her," Michael pointed out. "The entire castle knows that."
"But I never saw him with her. Until then it was just words, nothing important. Now it's...," I started, but my tears prevented me from finishing.
"Real?" Michael suggested and I nodded.
"I hate him," I whispered.
"He doesn't deserve you," Michael said. I looked up into his eyes. I could always count on Michael. He was always there when I needed him, he would never let me down like Max had.
"Thanks," I whispered.
"For what?" He asked.
"Everything," I said, pressing my lips against his.
And the plot thickens
"Shit," I whispered, breaking away from Michael.
"You saw it to?" Michael asked.
"Obviously. God, can we have at least one kiss were we're not zapped back to never never land?!" I demanded.
"Liz, we really need to talk about this," Michael said.
"Now?" I whined.
"Yeah," Michael nodded.
"What first? The flash or the sudden rush of emotions," I asked, running his fingers though his hair.
"I think the two of them tied together. Both have to do with our past lives," Michael said.
"You know, not everything can be blamed on our alien blood," I pointed out.
"Those emotions...," Michael mumbled.
"Were real," I said, sternly, scared he was going to blame them on nothing more than some alien trigger to play the flashes. I didn't want Michael to ruin this moment for me. I had so few good memories. Although I had a sneaking feeling this would turn out bad.
"But where did they come from? Those emotions were of two people in love, we barley know each other" Michael pointed out.
"If they were from our previous life's shouldn't I be feeling this way towards Max?" I asked. Michael tensed slightly and looked away from me. "Michael, are you hiding something?" I demanded, memories of Max kissing that girl on the beach replaying in my mind.
"No," Michael answered, to fast.
"God, this figures!" I said, pushing Michael away from me. "I mean, I finally find someone that I actually believe I can connect to and I find out he's lying to me! I know that Max and I didn't have a good relationship! I saw what happened between him and that bitch in the flash!"
"I'm not lying to you. I have no idea what you're talking about," Michael said, trying to pull me back into his arms.
"You're hiding something. Michael, I know Max didn't love me the way he said he did," I said, coldly, pushing at him.
"Your relationship with Max wasn't exactly black and white," Michael said, fast and silence followed.
"What do you mean?," I asked, bitterness filling me.
"You both did love each other," Michael said. "Just at different times."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked.
"Well, we don't know that much...," Michael started.
"Will you guys please stop saying that! I mean, I'm not stupid. You don't have to tell me the same thing a million times!" I yelled.
"Sorry," Michael said, trying not to smile. "Anyway, when you first came to the castle and meet Max you fell in love with him. He was everything to you. I mean, you would have done anything to make him feel the same way for you."
"But he didn't?" I asked, confused.
"Not then. Max liked you and all but he liked other girls to. Especially this one blond girl. Her name was Tess and she lived in the castle,"
"The bitch from the flash, the one I saw him with at the beach," I added, and Michael nodded.
"Well, something happened around that time and your feelings for him died away," Michael explained.
"You mean, I got a brain?" I suggested.
"More or less," Michael said, with a half smile. "But it was around this time that Max fell for you."
"But it was to late," I added.
"Yeah, so when he remembered how badly he treated you he wanted a chance to make up all those years. He wanted the two of you to have a normal relationship," Michael explained.
"Do you think my falling out of love with him had anything to do with what I'm feeling for you?" I asked, slowly, almost afraid of the answer.
"I think that's exactly what happened." Michael answered.
Ok, this does not help me get past the whole self-loathing thing!
My supposed true love turned out to be bullshit like the rest of my life and my so-called best friend Michael may have actually been my lover.
I'm afraid to find out how Isabel plays out in the this
|posted on 7-Dec-2001 4:09:49 PM|
So Max broke my heart back on whatever planet we're from.
And Michael had been there to pick up the pieces.
And I don't know how I'm feeling.
I had told Maria that I wouldn't date Michael.
But I love him.
So, for the first time in years, I made a decision with my heart.
And Michael won.
I'm just praying I made the right decision.
"Do you want me to tell them?" Michael asked, as he handed me two trays with hamburgers and fries on them.
It was the morning after the peanut buttercup ice-cream kiss, and Michael and I had decided that as much as it hurt Maria, we wanted to be together and weren't going to hide it.
"No, I can tell them," I said, forcing myself to smile. This was the part of the decision I dreaded. I didn't know how Max or Isabel were going to react to this news. Isabel was already angry at me for what I did to Maria and I don't blame her. But I doubted it would make her any more furious. Now Max, that was a different story.
"Here you go," I said, sitting their plates in front of them.
"When do you go on break?" Max asked me, and pain flashed through my heart.
"In a few minutes," I answered, forcing myself to breath.
"Meet me outside the Crashdown, ok?" Max asked, and Isabel snorted. Max flashed a angry look at her but it didn't seem to faze her much.
"Actually, I need to talk to both of you," I said, and I felt Michael's eyes on my back giving me strength.
"About what?" Isabel said, coldly.
"I'll explain everything," I said, walking away. I had a sinking feeling winning over Isabel was going to be a harder job than I thought.
"You tell them?" Michael asked, as I slipped into the kitchen again.
"No," I said, as we slipped into the back, away from Max and Isabel's eyes.
"Then what took so long?" Michael asked, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"I told them that we needed to talk and I would meet them on my break. I'll tell them then," I said.
"I'm taking my break then to," Michael said, planting a soft kiss on my forehead.
"Michael, I told you I would tell them," I said, as his kisses trailed down my face sending shivers through my body.
"I know, but I want to be there, to give you support," he said, planting a kiss on my lips.
"You already are," I said, pulling away from his lips only long enough to mumble the words and wrap my arms around his neck. His kisses are amazing and if it was up to me I would never let his lips leave mine. But he finally pulls away from me.
"We should get back to work," Michael said, before giving me one last kiss. We slipped back into the kitchen as Kyle and Alex walked through the door. I inhaled quickly.
"Michael," I whispered, only loud enough for him to hear and motioned towards the two.
"It'll be all right. If they say anything to you I'll make sure they're sorry," Michael said, sending me a private smile. I walked around the counter and to their booth in the corner, forcing myself every step of the way.
"Can I take your orders?" I asked, not making eye contact with them.
This is just more proof on how Roswell has changed me.
I'm afraid of what they'll say to me. I'm afraid they'll hurt me.
If I was the same person I was before I came here I wouldn't be scared of what they are going to say.
But I would have made them sorry for attempting to hurt me.
But I'm different now.
And I still wasn't sure whether or not this was good.
"Liz, could you sit down for a minute?" Alex asked, almost nicely.
"I'm working," I said, paying way to much attention to my order-pad.
"Liz, the only two other people in this entire restaurant are Max and Isabel. Sit, we need to talk to you," Kyle said, and I finally let my eyes fall to his. He didn't seem mad and I let myself fall into the seat next to Alex.
"Make it fast," I said, trying to sound tough.
"We had a long talk with Maria the other night," Alex said. I played with the end of my waitress skirt.
"She told us that we shouldn't have been so hard on you. That you explained what happened and that you were sorry," Kyle explained. The stitching wasn't done very well, some of the stitches were different lengths and the white string had turned a muddy yellow from grease stains in some parts.
"We can tell you feel bad about what you did. And you should, it was a horrible thing to do to Maria. She's one of the sweetest girls we know," Alex said.
"I know," I whispered.
"If Maria can find it in her heart to forgive you then so can we," Kyle said, after several minutes of silence and I looked up at him.
"We decided that you deserve a second chance. A chance for you to prove that you're not this horrible person," Alex went on to say.
"Really?" I asked, afraid my voice would fail me.
"Yeah," Kyle said, forcing a smile.
"This doesn't make us friends again but it's a start," Alex said, and I nodded.
"It's more than I deserve," I said, honestly.
"We know," Kyle said, with a smirk.
"We're good people," Alex said with a laugh and I smiled.
"If you can prove to us that you're really not like that than we'll go back to the way things used to be. Call what a happened a fluke," Kyle said.
"I mean, we did come down on you kind of hard. It was just a kiss. I mean, it's not like you're dating him now or anything," Alex said, and my heart sank in my chest.
"Well, I have to get back to work," I said, standing back up, ready to make a mad dash back to the kitchen.
"Aren't you going to take our orders?" Alex asked.
"I'm sorry, what do you want?" I asked, forcing myself to smile and laugh like everything was all right.
I guess I haven't changed that much.
I still don't let people see what I'm really feeling.
"The usual and we're going to go sit with Iz and Max now. We just wanted to talk to you by ourselves first," Kyle explained.
"Ok," I said, turning to walk back to the kitchen.
"What did they want?" Michael asked, watching them as they crossed the crashdown to Max and Isabel's booth.
"The usual," I said, falling to a fold-out chair.
"I figured but what I meant was why were they talking to you?" Michael asked, still not taking his eyes off of them.
"They wanted to apologize for the way they treated me that night," I said, not meeting his eyes. I knew what I had to do. And I was dreading it more than telling Max about Michael and me.
"Good," Michael said, but he looked at me with concern. "You ok?"
"Yeah," I said, nodding.
"When I finish their orders we'll go talk to Max and Iz," Michael said, flipping several hamburgers.
"We can't," I blurted out, and Michael turned to face me.
"What?" he asked, as if he hadn't heard me.
"We can't tell them about us," I said, looking away from his eyes.
I didn't want it to be like this. You have to believe me.
I love Michael. I really do.
But I have to do this for me.
And I never was a person that put love in front of my own self interest
I know you're probably thinking I'm a bitch.
But I honestly do love Michael and I want to be with him.
It's just that I was a different person back on our home planet. I can feel it even after those two small flashes.
I was a better person and I want to become that person again.
I like that person.
And breaking Maria's heart and destroying Alex and Kyle's trust all over again. That won't help me be a good person again.
I'm doing this for the majority.
I read somewhere that love means never having to say you're sorry.
But whoever said that obviously wasn't risking the few real friends in their life.
"Liz, I know you're worried but they'll understand," Michael said, putting a hand of my shoulder.
"Michael, don't do this to me," I said, pushing his arm off of me.
"Do what?" Michael asked, confused.
"Make me feel bad about what I, we, have to do," I said, backing away.
"You don't have to feel bad about telling them we love each other," Michael said.
"That's not what I feel bad about," I said.
"Liz," Michael said, realizing what I was saying.
"Michael, I want to be with you. I will be with you. We just can't tell them right now," I said.
"And why not?' Michael said, coldly.
"Because I don't want to lose the people that are important to me," I said. God, he has to understand. I need him to understand.
"You will not lose me. I'll always be here with you," Michael said.
"I'm not talking about that," I said, become more and more scared he wasn't going to understand were I was coming from.
"You mean Kyle and Alex," Michael said, without emotion.
"They said that they would give me a second chance. That if I proved to them that I was good person they would forgive me and we could be friends again," I said.
"You don't need them," Michael said, locking eyes with me.
"You can not tell me what I do and do not need. And I say I need them," I hissed.
"So you would give me up for them?" Michael demanded.
"Michael, be quiet. They'll hear you," I hissed at him. Why won't he understand this. Isn't love supposed to mean sacrifices?
"And that would be so horrible," Michael said, with such coldness it sent** chills down my spine. And not the usual way.
"I never said I wouldn't stay with you," I said, feeling my eyes burning with tears.
"So you want us to sneak around and act like we don't give a crap about each other, right?" Michael demanded, and I only could bring myself to nod.
"I'm not going to do that," Michael snapped.
"Please Michael, we can't tell them," I begged.
"Fine," he said, and I felt myself relax.
"Thank you so much. I knew that you would understand. And in a few weeks when they have forgotten all about he kiss and I'm back in with them we can start dating openly," I said, with a smile on my face.
"No," Michael said, placing the hamburgers on the plates.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"I said no," Michael answered.
"But you said we weren't going to tell them," I repeated.
"We're not because there's nothing to tell," Michael said, without looking at me.
"What?" I said, feeling dread rush through my body.
"You chose them over me. I hope you're happy with Kyle and Alex," Michael said, coldness dripping in his voice.
"Michael, don't do this to me," I begged.
"You did this to yourself," Michael said.
"Michael, I love you," I whispered, tears burning in my eyes.
"I'm not going to sneak around and pretend that I'm not with you. It's over Liz, you blew it," Michael said, thrusting the two plates into my hands.
How can he be this cruel to me?
He knows that I do love him.
We are meant to be together.
What can't he understand that?
"Fine, we'll tell Max and Isabel," I said, desperately.
"It's too late," Michael said, turning his back to me.
"No, it's not. I'll go give them this food and then we'll sit down and we'll explain that we didn't mean for this to happen but it did. Then we'll tell them not to tell anyone because we don't want to hurt them anymore than we already have," I said, painfully.
"Liz, the food's getting cold," Michael said.
"You can't be serious about us being over?" I begged.
"I'm very serious," Michael said.
"I made a compromise," I said, my voice shivering.
"I don't want a compromise. Last night you were ready to make this sacrifice for us," Michael said, turning back to face me.
"I still am, just not right now," I said.
"It's not a sacrifice then because you're not losing anything," Michael hissed.
"Then it's better than a sacrifice," I urged.
"No, it's not. Liz, just take them your their food and I'm sure Max would jump to take my place," Michael said.
"I don't want Max, I want you," I cried.
"Liz, it's over!"Michael hissed, and I felt four eyes land on us.
"I hate you!" I screamed, throwing the two plates I held at Michael before I turned and ran up the stairs to my apartment.
God, how could he do this to me?
"This is what I get for letting my heart decide for me!" I screamed into emptiness. I tore across the apartment. I tripped over the small end table and went flying into the wall.
"Ow!" I screamed, as I regained my balance and began to stumble towards the bathroom.
"I should have never believe him! He lied to me and he only wanted me so he could go home!" I screamed, as I whipped the medicine cupboard open.
My hand shot up and grabbed the bottle of painkillers that my dad had taken after his surgery a few months ago. He had taken some of them but there were enough left.
"I'm tired of being lied to!" I screamed, falling to the floor.
Don't hate me for what I'm about to do.
You think you know me, but you still don't.
There's still so much you haven't had a chance to learn.
I'm not as strong as I pretend to be.
I'm not as cold and bitter and evil as you may have thought I was.
And I don't always make the best decisions.
But just know this, I'm not doing this for revenge. I'm doing this because it's the only thing I can. Because the pain has become to much to bear.
And I'm not just doing this because of Michael. He's the straw that broke my back. The last thing I could bear.
Just don't hate me and think I'm selfish for this.
Because you don't know the real me.
I'm still hiding her. I have been ever since the night after my 16th birthday.
And she's more hurt and scared than you can begin to believe.
So just wait, and maybe you'll have a chance to learn what happened
Am I scaring you yet?
Or maybe you just don't give a crap what happens to me.
I'm not a very likable person, I know.
I'm the original stone cold bitch Goddess.
But I wasn't always like this.
And I'm not talking about my previous life on some distant plant.
"Liz!" Michael's voice echoed through the apartment.
I didn't move.
"Come on, Liz! We need to talk!" his voice neared the bathroom.
I didn't blink.
"Liz, I'm sorry!" he was inches away from the door, making his way through the blackness of the unlit apartment.
I didn't breath.
"Liz," he said, looking in the bathroom at me, leaning motionless against the cold wall.
"I couldn't do it," I whispered, not sure if I was talking to him or myself. My eyes never left the bottle of pills that sat on the counter, mocking me.
"What?" he asked, his voice echoing throughout the room.
You ever think about hell?
"I was to afraid," I whispered, and Michael followed my eyes to the bottle on the counter.
"Oh my God," Michael whispered, taking a step into the bathroom.
The first time I death's lips brushed against mine I didn't have time to think about it.
"I was afraid," I repeated, finally turning my head to look at Michael in confusion.
"Liz," he whispered, and the fear seemed to overrun his voice and I saw the terror in his eyes but it didn't register.
But I had time to think.
Consider what comes next.
"I'm never afraid. I'm not supposed to be afraid," I whisper.
"Baby," he whispered, falling next to me on the ground.
Heaven and Hell.
My entire life I always thought Heaven was where I would end up.
"Nothing was stopping me. I was just to afraid," I whispered again, returning my gaze to the bottle.
"Liz, I am so sorry," he whispered, resting his arm on my leg.
But as I lifted that first pill to my mouth I thought about it.
Not a lot of stuff scares me.
"Don't be," I whispered, looking back at him.
"I am. God, I know you have all this shit to deal with right now and I treat you like shit," Michael said, running his other hand through my hair.
And for the first time I didn't think Heaven was where I would end up.
"It wasn't just you," I whispered, forcing myself to smile.
"What do you mean?" Michael asked, leaning against the wall next to me.
I'm not a good person.
But it's not just that.
"I know I'm a bitch," I said, as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
"No, you're not," Michael urged.
I've done something really bad.
And as the first pill dropped onto my tongue, I was sure I didn't deserve Heaven.
"Don't lie to me," I whispered, pain rushing through me again.
"Ok, you don't come off as the nicest person but...," Michael started.
"Face it, I'm as cold as they come," I whispered, resting my head on his shoulder.
So I spit the pill out.
"You do have your good points," Michael said, forcing a smile.
"I wasn't always this mean," I said, closing my eyes.
"What do you mean?" Michael asked, pulling me closer.
You see, I never got forgiveness for what I did.
I didn't deserve it.
"I used to be a better person than this," I whispered.
"You weren't a bitch?" Michael said, forcing a laugh.
It was my fault it happened.
And I couldn't deal with the grief.
So I shut down.
"I was still a bitch, just a nicer one with emotions," I answered.
"What happened?" Michael asked.
Being one hundred percent honest with someone.
You open yourself up to be hurt.
And it's even harder when you still hate yourself for it.
And if you can't accept it, how the hell is anybody else?
I have to trust him, because I have had this inside me for to long.
And I do love him and I have to believe he'll love me after what I have to say.
My first decision I made with my heart didn't turn out to well.
Pray this one goes better.
Bad things happen.
And you hurt.
And you have two options afterwards.
You can accept it and work through it.
Sure, you hurt and it's hard, but afterwards you come out a better person.
Or you could shut down.
Turn off your emotions so you don't have to deal with it.
I chose the latter.
But I'm sure you already figured that out.
"Liz, what happened to you?" Michael asked, concerned.
"I did something bad," I whispered, pressing my face into Michael's shoulder.
"Liz, you can tell me," Michael whispered, into my hair.
"No, I can't. You'll hate me afterwards," I cried.
"I love you Liz, nothing will change that," Michael said, and I wanted to believe him so badly.
And I had kept this with me for to long.
I thought the only good thing about moving to Roswell would be getting away from it.
But I brought it with me.
"On my 16th birthday, my parents bought me this amazing red sports car," I started, pulling my face from Michael's shoulder.
"Wow, the best gift I ever got from my step-dad was a half drunken bottle of vodka," Michael said, and I could feel the pain that was wrapped around his words.
"I had wanted that car since I was 12 years old . And it wasn't even the car that made me so happy. I mean, I knew the only reason my mom went along with the idea was so she didn't have to drive me around anymore. But I was happy because my parents had remembered I loved it," I said, smiling softly at the memory of the short-lived happiness.
"What's so bad about that?" Michael asked.
"Then when I asked them how they knew I wanted it my so-called mother told me they had asked Tammy," I whispered, trying to hold back the tears for as long as I could.
"Ouch," Michael whispered.
"So the next night, Tammy, Anya and I went to this party at some senior's house and, of course, I drove my brand new car. Sure, my parents were worth shit but I had my car," I said.
"Who was Anya?" Michael asked, and I flinched as her name left his mouth.
"Anya, Tammy and I were best friends. Ever since first grade. She was supposed to open the coffee shop with me and Tammy after we got out of high school," I explained, my eyes burning.
"What happened?" Michael asked.
"I was hurting. I still had emotions then, I had let myself feel and I had been hurt so badly. So I drank. A lot. I was in no shape to drive home," I said, remembering the painful events of that night.
"But you did," Michael added.
"No, you see, Anya was a good friend. She did what she was supposed to and took my keys," I corrected him. Anya cared to much about me and Tammy to let anything like that happen.
"Then what happened?" Michael asked, carefully.
"She drove. Tammy had a few drinks too and she was the only sober one of the us. The ride itself is a blur, I remember we were laughing. We were having fun. Then it happened." I whispered.
"What?" Michael asked.
"I don't want to go on, it hurts to bad," I whispered.
"Liz, whatever this is you need to get it out," Michael assured me. "I won't hate you."
"It happened so fast I didn't even realize what was happening until it was over. I'm still not quite sure about the details but we must have hit an ice patch. I had been sitting shotgun and I was turned around in the seat talking to Tammy when I heard Anya scream. I spun around as the car lurched off the side of the highway and the next thing I knew we ran full speed into a tree," I said, in a voice barely above a whisper, as the horrible scene replayed in my mind.
"Oh my God," Michael whispered, but I could hardly hear his voice over the sound of crushing metal, shattering glass and the screams that still made my blood run cold.
"I must have only been knocked out for a second or two because, according to the witness, my screams started almost as soon they got out of their car," I whispered, reaching up to my throat that had been sore for weeks afterwards.
"Liz," Michael whispered, pulling me even closer to him.
"The first thing I did was turn around to see if Tammy was all right when I heard her moaning. She had hit her head pretty hard and was out but I could see her breathing. And then I began to feel the pain. My head was throbbing but the worst pain came from my side," I whispered, letting my hand slip to the spot which had caused me such pain.
"I had been drinking in the car, one of those glass beer bottles. It had shattered on impact and was lodged in my side,' I said, feeling the pain that was long forgotten.
"But other than that I was fine. Tammy and I had been wearing out seat belts," I said, remembering the inside of the car.
"What about Anya?" Michael asked.
"She never wore her seat belt. The impact, it had thrown her through the windshield. I remember seeing her, laying there, lifelessly. And then I started screaming.," I whispered, remembering her body that had lain so still only yards from that damn car.
"Oh God," Michael whispered, realizing what had happened.
"I was still screaming her name when they pulled me from the car. They told me she died on impact, that she didn't feel any pain but I mean, that's what they're supposed to tell us. It wouldn't do us any good to let us know that they she had been suffering," I whispered, as I finally let the tears fall down my face.
"Liz, I am so sorry," Michael whispered.
"I remember looking at her as they pulled me from the car. It was so horrible, Michael, seeing her like that. Covered in blood. And you know what I kept thinking?" I asked, finally.
"What?" Michael asked, although I wasn't sure if he really wanted to know.
"I kept thinking over and over that someone should get her a blanket, that she was cold. I mean, it was snowing and she didn't have her jacket. I didn't even realize she was dead, Michael. Not until the next morning when the doctors told me. God, she died because of me," I whispered, in pain.
"Liz, this wasn't your fault," Michael said, slipping one hand under my chin and forcing me to look in him in the eye.
"Yes, it was. I mean, if I hadn't drank that night I would have been the one driving the car," I said, wrapping my arms around myself. It had been so cold that night.
"Liz, you don't know if that would have changed anything. You said yourself she never wore a seat belt," Michael reasoned.
"But maybe if I had been driving I would have taken a different way and we would have never hit that patch of ice," I said, letting more tears fall from my eyes.
"Listen to me, you didn't know. What happened was horrible, there is no doubt about that, but you are not to blame for her death," Michael said.
"Michael, my best friend died because I was selfish. I felt sorry for myself because I let my parents hurt me again and I tried to drink my problems away and this happened! I was the reason she was driving that car that night Michael, so I blamed myself for her death," I screamed, and I heard my voice echo through the apartment.
"So you shut down emotionally to deal with her death," Michael said.
"My therapist told my parents it was only a phase, a way for me to deal with grief and I would eventually reattach myself with feelings. But do you want to know what the sick thing is?" I asked.
"What?" Michael asked.
"I hated her," I whispered, letting myself relax slightly in his arms.
"Why?" Michael asked.
"She had lied to me. We had made a promise that we would grow old and gray together, working in our little coffee shop. She lied, she left us," I whispered.
"And you thought I lied to you," Michael said, realizing the motives of my actions earlier that evening.
"Yeah," I whispered.
"Liz, why didn't you tell me?" Michael asked.
"I didn't want you to hate me," I whispered
"I could never hate you," Michael answered, pressing his lips against my lips.
"Don't leave me alone tonight," I begged.
"I won't," Michael assured.
Isn't it amazing how first impressions can be so far from the truth.
I bet you thought I was this selfish bitch who had everything.
But that's what you have to realize, nothing comes without a price.
I may have the cloths and the money and the popularity.
But I also had the horrible parents and my best friend die and the whole alien thing to deal with.
So maybe you learned something.
Maybe you didn't.
And maybe this is the end.
But than again, maybe it isn't.
Maybe it's just the start.
//PLEASE POST FEEDBACK
|posted on 8-Dec-2001 11:27:48 AM|
|Thanks for all the feedback. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm posting part one of the sequel, which is intitled FIRE, on the board.|