|posted on 10-Apr-2002 11:09:52 PM|
|Let's move along, shall we? K |
January 29, 2006
“Sitting here, bored as hell.”
“You don’t have any work you could do?”
“Naw, I finished my work hours ago. I’m fast like that.”
“I wish you were here so you could do some of the work I got piled up in here,” I sigh.
“Now if I was there, do you really think that any work would be getting done?”
I giggle at Zan’s comment and let my head sink back on the bed. It’s about 7:15 my time, and we are having one of our daily conversations. He’s been gone for three months and I miss him more than words could ever express, but I would be a liar if I said that I hadn’t been managing well without him. I hate to say it, but I’m actually kind of glad he’s gone: school has been kicking my ass. With the stress of midterms and finals right around the corner, I’m afraid that Zan wouldn’t have been getting that much attention at this point. It seems that I only have time to eat, sleep (barely), and study. Well, that’s not true. I always make time for my honey.
“So you still hate California?” I ask while wrapping the phone cord around my fingers.
“I hate anywhere that you aren’t with me.”
“Zan.” He sighs.
“It’s not that I hate California, I just miss New York, ya know? Like…ok, look out your window and tell me what you see.”
“I see snow. Tons and tons of snow,” I tell him.
“See, that’s what I mean. It’s damn near 85 degrees out here. People are walking around wearing shorts and T-shirts and shit. I want to get bundled up and go outside and throw snowballs. Damn it, I want a snow cone,” he complains.
“Would you listen to yourself? Anybody in his or her right mind would be jumping up and down for such beautiful weather and you have the nerve to complain. Hell, I wouldn’t mind going to the beach right now, or laying out in the sun. What’s wrong with you, man? Are you mental?” I kid him.
“No, I just miss you,” he whispers and a little part of me melts into Liz goo.
“Baby, I miss you too.” Silence. “I got my plane ticket today.”
“Sweets, don’t play with my emotions,” he exclaims excitedly, and I giggle.
“I’m serious. I will be landing at John Wayne Airport at 3:35 p.m. on February the second.”
Zan lets out a whoop so loud that I have to hold the phone away from my ear. I’m pretty sure the coworkers outside his office are wondering what the hell is wrong with him, but from the continued yelling and chanting, I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t care. Hell, I’m happy enough to whoop and holler my damn self, particularly if this upcoming weekend is anything like the last weekend we spent together. I swear the way that man was loving me, it was enough to make me scratch the walls and beg for mercy. Literally.
“Hey Space Cowboy, you calm down yet?” I laugh into the phone.
“Yes, Unicorn Goddess, I’m cool,” he replies and we both let out a chuckle.
“Where the hell did you come up with that name for me anyway? Why do I have to be the keeper of the mystical animals?”
“Hey, it was your idea to do the role playing in the bedroom, not mine” he smirks through the phone and I blush at the memory.
“So how’s Lisa adjusting to everything?” I ask trying to change the subject. He chuckles at me.
“I’m not sure Lisa even knows where she is half the time,” he laughs. “Let’s just say that she checks out and goes to Planet Alex quite often.”
“So everything is cool with them? I mean, they’re getting along well?” Zan laughs again.
“Let’s just say that they are almost as bad as you and me. The sweetness that they exude is almost enough to make your teeth hurt, literally.”
“Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack.” He pauses and sighs.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. It’s just…I miss being able to be that way with you when I want.”
“I know, I miss it too,” I state sadly. “Truth is, I’m starting to miss you even more now that it’s almost V Day.”
“Yeah, I know, but at least we’ll see each other this weekend. We’ll just have to celebrate early this year.”
“Yeah, why do you ask?”
“You kinda zoned out on me for a second there. Everything cool?”
“Uh huh. Just mentally counting the days until our separation is over for good, and we can be together without 3,000 some odd miles between us.”
“Hmm” is all he says and immediately my forehead creases together in a frown.
“Okay, now what’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing, just thinking.”
“Of course you are, darling, what else would you be thinking about?” I giggle.
“No, seriously. I was just thinking about you and us and what the future has for us after you graduate.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, like what are you going to do after you graduate from college?”
“Come to California and live with the man of my dreams.”
“Besides that, sweets,” he laughs softly.
“What do you mean?”
“I haven’t forgot about you and your dreams, babe. I know that before you met me, you had your own dreams of grandeur and aspirations to do big things. I just don’t want you to give up on that.”
“Who says I would be giving up on anything, Zan?” He pauses and sighs before beginning again.
“Coming to California and taking this gig is my dream, Liz. It always has been. I know that you want to come out here and be with me, but I also know that you got dreams of your own and shit that you want to fulfill. I haven’t forgotten about the molecular biology shit, Liz, and I know that you haven’t either. I love you, and nothing will ever change that. But the thing is I want you to do your thing, too. I don’t want you to feel forced or obligated to come out here just because I’m here and you think you have to. I want you to be happy and…”
I’m not listening anymore, because tears are running down my face and my mental capacities have shut down. What did I do to deserve this sweet, thoughtful, considerate man? This man who would risk his own personal happiness just so I could fulfill my dreams and personal happiness of my own? God, if I could just show him an iota of how much he means to me, or what his actions make me feel. It’s times like these that I truly realize how blessed I am to have Zan in my life, loving me.
“Sweets, let me finish.”
“No. I have something I want to tell you.” He falls silent and I proceed. “You are right when you say that I have dreams and aspirations that I want to fulfill, mainly the one of being a molecular biologist. But you have to understand that sometimes plans change, and in this case they have. When I come to California, it’s not going to be because I feel obligated to do so, or I’m doing it to somehow prove something to you. I’m coming to California because you are the ultimate dream and aspiration, the supreme fantasy that I long to fulfill. Being with you is my heart’s desire, Zan. Everything else takes a backseat to that.”
“But what about your career, babe? You just said yourself that you still want it.”
“I did, and I do. But who says that I can’t have a career once I get to California? Believe me, Zan, I plan on having my cake and eating it, too.”
“Shhh, there are no buts when it comes to us,” I cut in. “When all is said and done, it’s going to be me and you, our careers, and our lives. If I have to sell my soul to make sure it works it, then so be it. I love you, love us, too much to have it any other way.”
“You sure about all that, sweets?” You talking pretty big there,” he gently teases over the phone.
“I’m positive,” I smile. My eyes come in contact with my watch and I see that it’s almost 8:00 p.m. my time. “Hey Zan?”
“Shouldn’t you be leaving now? Isn’t it five out there?”
“You see why I love you? Not only are you beautiful, but you can tell time, too,” he states seriously and I burst out laughing. “I’ll call you when I get home.”
“You better, or you’ll have hell to pay, Mr. Evans.” He chuckles.
“I love you, sweets.”
“Love you, too. Bye.”