|posted on 26-Dec-2001 4:10:31 AM|
|Title: She Can’t do Everything|
Summary: Ava’s response to the Liz we met in “The Masks We Wear”
Author’s Note: Once again I began writing this before season three began.
This is the much-requested sequel to “The Masks We Wear.” viewthread?forum=dreamer-fanfiction&id=29778
My poor Liz, she carries so much guilt and tries to always stay so strong. She puts on an act and I can’t help but wonder who it’s for. Is it for Max who claims to love her while always finding a way to hurt her. Maybe it’s for Michael and Maria, the two she wants to be able to open up to again but for some reason can’t. It could even be for Isabel who she thinks blames her for Alex’s death. I’ve tried explaining to her no one blames her for his death but herself. She doesn’t believe me.
It amazes me her strength. She works eight hours a day then we train for four to six hours every night. I keep telling her we can save training for her days off but she insists she wants to learn as much as she can before the others find out I’m here. She’s an incredible student. She doesn’t give up no matter how hard the task is. And she not only can use her powers but she’s figuring out how the powers work with all the science shit she’s so smart with.
We’ve been living in our apartment for thirteen days now. Michael still doesn’t know I’m here. He’s seen Liz but never me. We’ve had some close calls though. Thankfully the secrecy is almost over. School starts again in four days. I have to finish school. I can’t believe I’m here to stay in Roswell and actually finishing high school here. It’s almost like some bizarre nightmare. Except I have Liz and I admit to only you, I need her just as much as she needs me.
Of course her needs are emotional while I just need a friend I can trust. Every night she breaks down and amidst tears tells me the guilt she feels. In her mind everything that has happened since the shooting has been her fault. She’s hiding just as well as we all have. Her mask she tells me is beginning to suffocate her. She tells me every night as she cries out everything while I hold her that what we’re doing is letting her breath so she can make it through the next day.
It’s sad to see someone everyone’s always labeled the stable one in such a state. But if it’s what she needs to make it through each day then I’ll be here to catch her tears every time they fall, that’s what friends are for after all and Liz and I are more then friends, we’re lost souls, we’re roommates, we’re family.
I worry about her a lot though. She’s a danger to herself and I fear she may do damage one day. She’s not going to be emotionally stable until she gets over Max. She’s not going to be emotionally stable until she put the blame for Alex’s death where it really belongs then truly grieves for her lost friend. She’s not going to be emotionally stable until she admits in life sometimes she can’t do everything by herself. But most of all she’s not going to be emotionally stable until she quits wishing her own death upon herself, until she finds her will to live again.
She’ll find it out there someday. And someday she’ll realize that her last words to Alex, to be strong, were probably the best piece of advice anybody can give someone the truly love. Be strong because life is going to give you a lot of shit and after all the strong are the ones who survive, in life and beyond.