Title: Leave
Author: ChrissyP47 aka Shannon
Catagory: Kyle/Liz angst
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: None of this is mine. All Roswell characters belong to their owners and then song "Leave" by Matchbox Twenty belongs to them. No infrigment intended.
Summary: Post-Destiny

Author's Note: Just a quick one parter I wrote at 3 in the morning. It's a little different than anything else I have ever written, but I wanted a little change and this was it.

leave

Banner by me! ( And its the first banner I ever made for my own fics!! *big* )

It's amazing,
How you make your face just like a wall?
How you take your heart and turn it off?
How I turn my head and lose it all?

It's unnerving,
How just one move puts me by myself?
There you go just trusting someone else,
Now I know I put us both through hell.

I'm not saying,
There wasn't nothing wrong,
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me.
I'm not saying,
We ever had the right to hold on,
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me.

But if that's how it's gonna leave.
Straight out from underneath,
Then we'll see who's sorry now.
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been depending on,
The one you're leaving now.
The one you're leaving out

It's aggravating
How you threw me on,
And you tore me out
How your good intentions turn to hell.
The way you needed time to sort it out.

I'm not saying,
There wasn't nothing wrong,
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me.
I'm not saying,
We ever had the right to hold on,
I just didn't couldn’t ever let it get away from me.

But if that's how it's gonna leave.
Straight out from underneath,
Then we'll see who's sorry now.
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been depending on,
The one you're leaving now.
The one you're leaving out.

The one you're leaving now.
The one you're leaving out.

I'm not saying,
There wasn't nothing wrong,
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me.
I'm not saying,
We ever had the right to hold on,
I just didn't couldn’t ever let it get away from me.

But if that's how it's gonna leave.
Straight out from underneath,
Then we'll see who's sorry now.
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been depending on,
The one you're leaving now.

Tell me is that how it's going to end
When you know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you’re leaving out
I’m the one you’re leaving now
The one you’re leaving out


It was late; the sun had already disappeared from the sky, leaving a black darkness to settle over the house to match my mood. Fate reared its ugly head, as clouds covered the ebony sky, making the only optimistic light from the stars, be put to death.

Death. Something that many feared. No one wanted to die. We lived in terror of the moment the grim reaper would appear at our window and rip our souls from our ailing bodies. People mourned for the loss of loved ones when the icy cold grip of death took them away from earth and to an unimaginable place.

I feared death until that afternoon. It was hard to fear something you had experienced. Having that coldness come over you, it was a comfort, I had nearly excepted that I was dying and then a flash of life came across my face and I was given life again.

It wasn’t that I wanted to die. I had plans for my life, goals, aspirations, but in that moment, that moment where death was your only plan, it was my only life, and I was at peace with it. There was a better place out there that I would be going to, but I was brought back, to a world that was cold and dreary.

Rain had begun to fall and lighting flashed through my room, accenting my point. It wasn’t that I wasn’t grateful for the life I had been given back, or that I now had a hatred for life. It was everything that came with life.

Max Evans had placed his worn hand on me and healed the bullet hole in my chest. My life was now changed. Not only am I being forced to deal with life after a short death, I also am being forced to accept that he isn’t normal. That my enemy, who is now my life giver, is something unnatural and I have to be grateful, I have to be understanding, hell I have to be supportive. This is not what I asked for in my life. Being apart of an alien invasion had not been on my top ten things I wanted to do with my life. Now I was stuck with it. I would just turn in that bastard’s ass, but my dad told me to be thankful, and that these ‘aliens’ were really good people.

Of course I’m also not turning him in for Liz’s sake. Sure she dumped me for that loser, but I still care about her. She obviously was left with an obligation to trust Max. It was probably the reason she broke up with me in the first place, because she needed to support Max in everything he did. In turn I will support Liz, which means supporting Max.

Thunder and Lighting crashed again and I crushed the pillow over my ear. All I wanted to do was shut the world away, to make it disappear, fade into nothing. I don’t want to be apart of this world where everything I have ever known was a lie. The world isn’t perfect yes, but my existence was damn near perfect and I don’t want to change that for people I despise. If it weren’t for Liz…

A knock on my door dragged me from my thoughts. It couldn’t be my father since he was out for some ‘reflecting time’. Which basically meant he was at the local bar getting plastered so he didn’t have to think about how he almost ‘lost me’ as he had put it so well only hours before.

I jumped off my bed, trying to figure out who had taken the liberty to come through my front door, only to knock on my bedroom door. Clearing my head, I threw the door open and was greeted with the only sight that could ever pierce my heart with sadness. Liz crying.

“Liz? Liz what’s wrong?” I asked her, I had never seen her look that upset before.

“I just.” She sniffled and wiped at her tears with the sleeves on her very long coat. “I need someone to talk to right now. I can’t go to Maria and Alex because they’ll freak out and well I need you.”

The three most powerful worlds that could ever come out of Liz Parker’s mouth.

I need you.

How could I possibly say no to that desperate plea? If you were me you wouldn’t be able to say no to her. No one could ever say no to her when she looked so helpless and so vulnerable.

“Come in.” I led her into my room and turned on one of the lamps. It didn’t give enough light to fill the room completely, but it did put a calming intimacy in the air. Shutting the door behind me, I watched as she striped off her heavy wet jacket and threw it on the floor. I don’t think she ever truly realized how beautiful she is.

Liz sat on my bed and a long sigh came from her.

“I… I don’t even know where to start.” She stammered, obviously still stunned by what happened to her.

“Why don’t you try from the beginning?” I offered as I sat next to her. She smiled at me then. It was a smile laced with sadness, but it was still a smile none-the-less.

“We went to this cave where Max and the others were born. They needed to use these healing stones to bring that shape-shifter guy back to life. Alex had declined to be apart of it, knowing that Isabel needed some space, Michael didn’t want to endanger Maria anymore so he let her go, but I stayed by Max. We ended up at this cave and they decided to activate these orb things that Max and I had found one night.” Tears were trailing down her face and it broke my head. I wanted to reach across and wipe her tears away, but I kept my distance. I didn’t know how she would react to me doing such a thing.

“There was this message from their mother. God, Max was married to Tess in another life. He was king and she was his queen. They ruled together until they were killed and they were sent her to reunite their people. Max said that things hadn’t changed, but they have, I know it, so I walked away from him. I love him, but I left him.” Her cries came louder and I did the only thing I could. I pulled her into my arms and held her as tightly as possible.

How could that bastard lead her on? He must have known! He had been stringing poor Liz along for the ride and she had willingly given her heart to him and god knows what else, and now it turns out that he is ‘married’ to another. Granted I don’t understand all this alien crap, but I know common decency. I know he treated her like a jerk. I heard through the grape vine, that Max kissed Tess while he was dating Liz. How could he do that do her? I’m a lot of things, I’m not the best boy friend, but I would never cheat on a girl I loved. Especially a girl like Liz. She pulled back slightly, but not too far. She was still in my arms, but we were able to look at each other now.

“Thank you Kyle. You always seem to be there and protecting me when I need you.”

“Not like I have anything better to do.” I joked. “Just call me your fairy godmother.”

Liz smiled. “Does that mean you can change my rags to a gown and make me so beautiful that any guy would want me?”

“You’re already that beautiful.” I said without thinking. In all the time we were dating I had never once called her beautiful. I was such an ass to her back then, so afraid she would reject me, which she had.

Liz stared at me for a minute, as though she were processing everything I had said. Then, in an instant, before I even had time to react, her lips were pressed firmly against mine.

Thunder stuck again and it forced me to break off the kiss I had been wishing for, since our last.

“Liz, this isn’t right, you just lost Max.”

“I don’t care.” She whispered. “Being with Max was wrong. I should have known that from the beginning. I never should I let you go. I need you.”

Did I already mention that those were the three most powerful words she could ever say to me?

I pulled her back to my body and brought my lips back up to caress hers. It was instantaneous, our lips moved together in unison, like they used to, so many months ago. Her mouth opened slightly and I felt her hot tongue run along my lips, hesitantly. A moan escaped from my lips, while another part of me grew painfully hard.

Kissing Liz had been the best thing in my life. I had never wanted to kiss anyone again after her. I never told her that and I should have.

“Liz.” I moaned, as her lips broke from mine to kiss my jaw and work its way down my neck. “I love your lips.”

She just moaned as she brought her lips back to mine. We both moaned when her tongue ran across my lips again. My mouth opened slowly and I felt her tongue enter my mouth. Never have I felt that kind of passion as her hot and sweet tongue ran across mine very provocatively.

Thunder boomed through the room, and the lights blinked before going out, covering us in darkness. Neither of us noticed the power outage, as she forced me back and climbed atop me, straddling my waist. Nothing was more arousing than her in that moment. We broke the kiss to stare at each other. Her skin had taken on a pinkish tone and her eyes were glazed over in passion and determination. Staring up at her I wondered for a brief moment if I should stop it before it went any farther, but the look in her eyes told me no. She needed it. Like she said. She needed me. I couldn’t deny her. I would never deny her anything.

Liz began to rock her hips into mine and I couldn’t stop the groan from escaping my parted lips. I wanted her; I never wanted a woman so badly in my life. I had never wanted a woman period, but with the way her hips were grinding into mine, I couldn’t not want her.

“Kyle.” She moaned. Just hearing her moan my name made me harder than I ever thought possible. If she decided to quit, I would probably die, very painfully.

“I need you.” I heard her speak. Some how the words felt a little weird, like I wasn’t understanding them completely through the fog of passion that settled over my brain, but I nodded just the same. She needed me.

Time stood still as she lifted her green shirt over her head and threw it on the ground, where her long forgotten soaked coat lay.

Her white bra seemed so much brighter in the darkness. I wanted to reach up and touch her, but I let her lead. This was what she wanted and I would give her anything.

Her tiny hands reached for my zipper and as she pulled it down, the sound echoed throughout the room. Those same beautiful hands reached inside my pants, through my blue boxers and right to my straining flesh.

A hiss came from my lips again and I arched back, letting my head fall back against the pillows. With some form of strength, I managed to sit up, with her still holding me. I threw off my black shirt as quickly as possible before lying back down. Then she started to stroke me, something no woman had ever done before. Every kind of moan and groan came from me as she stroked me faster. In the back of my mind I had a feeling Liz had never done that before, but it felt so damn good I didn’t want to stop her.

She leaned forward and her hardened nipples, raked across my flesh even through the fabric of her cotton bra. I need to feel all of her skin. I went to unclasp her bra, but she stopped me. I don’t know why but she did.

Instead she leaned back up and stopped her ministrations. For a brief, horrible moment I thought she was regretting it, but when she stood and I saw her slipping her jeans and then her panties off her body, my world went spinning. Liz was so beautiful, how could she ever doubt that. She had this beauty about her that I had never once appreciated. I would now. I planed to worship it.

Liz left her bra on, but only that as she pulled my pants and boxers down my legs. I was practically unable to move. If you were in my position you wouldn’t be able to move either. She tossed the clothes on the ground and straddled my hips again. Our sexes came into contact and we both moaned. The sounds she made in passion were so surreal. The passion that would come from her sexy voice was something to be cherished.

I knew we needed protection, but Liz must have thought otherwise. She impaled herself on me without a second though. I felt my thick shaft break through something and heard the strangled cry of pain tear from her lips. She arched back and I had to hold her hips to keep her from falling backwards and off the bed.

This was her first time. This was mine. We were sharing something together. I couldn’t be prouder.

A minute later, passion coursed through my veins as she began to lift herself off me and then came crashing back down. The feelings were euphoric; there was no other way to describe it. We were both experiencing something new, and it was rapture.

She was struggling. Her body was trembling and I could tell she couldn’t keep the pace anymore. I brought my hands to her hips and began to help her lift up and then bring her forcefully back down. Liz began to cry out in pleasure as she threw her head back. I knew she was going to reach her climax soon. You could feel it in the air.

I took a moment to memorize her face and the way she looked in the throes of pleasure, before I began to thrust my hips upward, frantically, meeting hers. We came together in a flash of pleasure that coursed through my veins and danced across my eyelids. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before.

Her body collapsed on top mine and I heard her sigh in satisfaction. A similar sigh came from me as I brushed a strand of sweaty hair away from her flushed face. She buried her head in the crook of my neck and I pulled the covers over us. We needed sleep after the energy we just exerted. My conscious started to feel guilty for just making love to Liz after obviously she had broken up with the guy she thought she loved. But I couldn’t say no to her. She needed me.

*****

I woke in the morning and reached for the warm body that had been with me all night. All I found was a cold piece of paper.

Kyle,

Thank you for last night. I needed that. I’m sorry I left you, but I needed to get home before my parents went looking for me. Don’t call me. I’ll call you later.

Liz


That was good enough for me. I pulled the covers back over my head and decided I wanted more sleep. Suddenly life seemed like a gift again and not a burden.

*****

I waited for her. Three days went by and I still hadn’t heard from her. She never seemed to be working any time I went in and Maria never seemed to know where she was. Around the fourth day Alex mentioned to me that Max had taken off with Tess for a few days so they could talk things out and Liz still hadn’t left her room.

It all made sense; she was still a little upset about him leaving her. I could understand that she had just broken up with him and was hurting. She would come back to me when she needed me right now. Then our relationship would grow. We would be together again, like we should have been, we never should have ended. It was perfect.

*****

A week later I saw him talking to Liz. He was holding her and trying to tell her something, but she just kept trying to pull away. I wanted to do something to keep him from hurting her anymore, but I kept my distance. Liz was a strong girl, she was probably telling him about us and he being as arrogant as he is and wasn’t listening to a word she was saying. I would stay back and she would come to me.

And come to me she did.

*****

Liz came to me one night. She tried to tell me that being together was wrong, that it had to stop, that she was in pain and needed it to end. How could this be wrong, when it feels so good?

I tried to explain to her that everything was fine. That she needed me, that it was ok. She told me that her good intension had gone to hell, that she needed freedom. But after her long speech she jumped into my arms and once again, like so many times before, we made love into the night and she disappeared by the morn.

*****

It’s not an affair. That’s what I keep telling myself, but I know I am just fooling my heart. Liz and I aren’t together in public. I don’t get to hold her hand and walk down the street together. We meet in secret, sometimes my place, sometimes hers. We make love till the morning and then she either kicks me out or leaves me while I sleep.

I don’t want it to be an affair. We have been together all summer and I love her. I’m not saying there isn’t anything wrong with the situation. She doesn’t talk to me as much as she did before. We don’t share deep conversations like we should. It’s purely physical. For any other high school boy it would be enough, but I want more. I want her to love me now.

She makes her face just like a wall now; she can take her heart and turn it off. I want the old Liz back. It’s because she is holding back from what we could have, she is still hurting from Max. I can see it in the way she looks at him from across the room. I saw them talking once; tears were falling from her cheeks. Later that night we made love so fierce that I thought the sheets were going to burn.

Liz keeps saying she needs me, that she depends on me, but she keeps leaving me out. I need her now too. She needed me these three months, and now I need her just as much. I need a connection.

I walked through the Crashdown and straight for the back room. Everything faded into the background, the sounds of the grill, the little baby that was screaming all of it faded into nothing as I walked through the back door and saw Liz crying. In Max’s arms.

All I saw was red. I wanted him dead. I was the one she trusted, I was the one she came to, and I was the one that let her cry on my shoulder.

Max shot a look of death at me. He held Liz tighter and I could tell he wanted me dead, but chose to hold her closer instead.

I was by myself now, she trusts someone else. She trusts Max again.

Her head turned up to look at me and there was fear in her eyes.

“Liz.” I took a step closer to her, but Max placed himself between her and me.

“Kyle, stay away from her.” Max said in this leader tone, that I probably should have feared, but all I cared about was Liz.

“Liz what happened?” I asked, looking around Max to see her.

“Kyle please. It’s over, everyone knows.” Liz cried.

“Knows what?” I asked in aggravation.

“That I used you!” She screamed before making a break for the stairs. I ran after her and somehow managed to escape Max’s grab for me.

“Used me? What the fuck are you talking about Liz? We’re together, you left Max and we got back together.” I screamed back at her.

She started crying harder and I wanted to make her stop. Make her see.

“No Kyle. I said I needed to use you. I needed to feel something other than pain. You didn’t listen to me. I feel dirty now. I gave myself to someone I don’t love. Please leave me alone.”

Max pulled me away from her and I went crashing to the ground. That one move put me by myself.

Liz ran away from me, leaving me there, while Max went after her to make sure she was ok. I really didn’t think she would ever get tired and leave.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Tess standing next to me.

“Are you ok?” Tess asked.

“Yeah. I’ll be fine. I just need someone to talk to right now and well…”

It was then I realized it was over. We never had the right to hold on. All this time all I did was put us both through hell.

“I need you.”

The End


[ edited 3 time(s), last at 5-Sep-2002 9:38:42 PM ]