posted on 11-Dec-2001 4:29:08 PM
Liz Guerine: Designation One of Three.
Lopaka Tanu
Rating: NC-17 H for Humor
Summary: Liz Guerine speaks on the joys of mother hood.
Author's note: AU fic UC Mi/L Mi/Mx K/I Warning there is some slash.

Too all you who requested a Sequel. Just remember you asked for it. So I am going to let you have it. Oh Brutder here we go again.- B. Bunny

Part 1 Married with Children, We are not the Bundys, we have three children and a Dog... um Max.

"AHHHH" Liza was on Maxer giving him a purple nurple. "Say it say it."

"Mom, Liza won't leave me alone. OOOWWWW"

Max popped hi head in the room. "Liza get off of Maxer."

Liza jumped up. "But Mom he started it."

"Don't call me mom. I am your father." I smile at him. Yes the kids did learn to call you mom from me. I am evil.

Max looked at me and sneered. "Bitchy today aren't we?"

"How many times have I told you not to let them call me mom. You insist on them doing it only serves to make them more enthusiastic about it. What if some one heard them?"

Thats Max for you. Always the responsible mother hen. Bitch. Thats right, I called him a bitch. He is one of the biggest bitches I know. He raggs on every thing we do. Don't leave me at home to take care of the kids, I am not a mothe.. ooowwww stop biting my nipples you brat. I am not saying we should not look for a new home in another state. I am just wondering why we have to leave roswell when the kids grew up here. Why do you have to go to colledge, we are capable of supporting ourselves on the money we earn. Don't start at a high school you won't earn enough. Like I said Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch. Thats all he ever does.

So I am getting ready for my first day at the High school. I teach Biology. I am the first teacher this school has had new in almost ten years. God the other teachers are going to make my life hell. I should have listened to Max, if you tell him I will have to kill you.

I call the kids to go to school. Mickey is the first one down. "Oh no you don't young man. Get that earing out now, or I will remove it for you."

"Mo'om, Trish says I look good with it."

"Why in hell are you basing your opinion on that skank. She has more hole in her than swiss chees. And enough metal filling them to plug up the hoover dam." He looks at me with a stupid face. With a swipe of my hand his face is stuck that way. He can't see because his eyes are rolled back. His mouth is hanging open and drool is coming out. "You going to remove that hunk of metal?" He shakes his head yes. I leave his face the way it is just to remind him I am still the big bitch around here, no matter what he learns from mom version 2.0.

Note to self get Max back later. By the time I unfreeze his face the other two are down on the floor laughing at him. It's not easy for a teen who is about to legally turn eightteen. Thats right Mickey is graduating and the other two are Sophmores. We changed our birthdays and now the adults are twelve years older.

Ten minutes later we are on our way to high school. I pull up out back and let the kids out as I park. Let them suffer to be seen with their mom. I walk in to the school much to the happiness of Mickey's friends. I keep a mental note of who they are and decide that Dream walking is not a lost artform. A little tweeking and they are making love to Bertha the lunch lady from black lagoon, the same place her food comes from.

As I reach my classroom with the help of an over eager Teacher. I gently remind him that I am married. Okay slime ball have it your way. A gentle breeze and there goes his tribble. When he goes to pick it up I make it scream at him. What he was the one with the road kill on his head.

The scene draws attention of some of the students in my first hour. I look up to see all three of my kids looking at me. Shit, caught by my own kids. Max is going to eat me alive. I look at them in the sternest way possible. They only laugh at me. Then I get the Psycho Liz look. Their laughs turn to nervous giggles. I notice the whole class stopped when I got the look. Oh joy, now they know my secret identity.


Okay so what is your ohnest opinion. No BS about how it sucked or how it rocked. Ohnesty is always the best policy. I will not take people calling my charcters sanity in question. They are all insane.

Thanks Lizzie Boppers,
Lopaka Tanu

[ edited 10time(s), last at 17-Feb-2002 12:33:00 AM ]
posted on 18-Dec-2001 2:05:05 AM

Part 2 Hy ya and Wy ya, Waaaa Kaya. - Bruce lee

I sat in my chair watching my students. They were glaring at me, first day and I had assigned homework. Three of my students knew better than to do it but still did it any ways. So I turned back in to Psycho Liz. So you want to play do you little shits. I grinned at them enough to make them cringe. Ah so nice to see that I am good at intimidation. You can not let them walk all over you. They think I am a bitch now wait until I am Mad.

I stand and walk around the room slowly and deliberatly. I turn to Maxers and he gulps, I smile. Yes my baby feel the fear. Can you smell that, oh yeah that sweet perfume. Fear of me. God I love being a teacher. I turn towards them all. "Since you seem to delight in the pain of others I am going to make you feel their pain. Starting now you will all bring in a diary of what you feel over the night. I want you to read it aloud to the class. I want it to be truthful. I will know if you are Lying, I can smell it." Actually I know by their body language and their voices. People are so easy to read.

I know I am evil. My kids seem to think so. I love watching them squirm under my gaze.

Thats when I noticed that my fear was being placed some where else. It came dropping slowly along it's string. "Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider and sat down besider and said what ya got in the bowl bitch? And then her reply of things she will deny. I prefer things blue but I guess I can eat you too." They turned pale as I grabbed the spider and supposedly put it in my mouth. When I swallowed half the class ran for the door hands over mouths. Damn I am good. The spider however did invaid my territory so with a little alien magic, I fried it's little ass.

My kids looked at me funnily and I smiled my inoocent smile and showed them the ash of the spider. Liza laughed as Mickey and Maxers shivered. They were too much like their dads. My heart beat with anticipation as I watched the class return. Then the bell rung so they fled for their lives. "Fly fly my prettys."

I think if they had spent another minute in my class they would have become Lizzie boppers. You know people who do what ever I tell them. Yes they will make good drones uh um I mean they will make good people. Go away you did not hear a thing I said.

Now time for round two. Was a cackle to much for their first impression of me? They never knew what hit them. The hour rushed by in a blur. When I gave them home work they were grateful for the time to think. So I pushed them a little hard, I heard no complaining. May be it was the Whip I had pulled out of my brief case.

By the time lunch rolled around my name was synonomus with Satan himself. I walked in the cafeteria and the room went quiet. Damn, I wanted to sneak up on them. I noticed that there were still a few Pam Troys who thought they were tuff shit. I put on my best Psycho Liz face when one of them came up to me.

"You know you may scare the others but I have you next hour and you aint that scary. So try your damnedest I will not be affraid. Oh and who taught you how to dress my god you are a fashion disastor."

I love it when they play hard to get. I grinned at her and started to laugh Meniachly. She started to cower. "Listen to me you little bimbo, if you try any thing in my class I will throw your ass so fast you will think it was the most natural thing in the world. Now get out of my face before you regret it."

She just stood her ground. The next thing she new an electric volt zapped her from behind. She yelped and danced around while holding her ass. The lunch crowd scooted away from me. Cowards. I got my lunch and joined my kids. They looked supreamly embarrassed. I sighed my mission was complete.

We ate in silence as I thought of what to do next. Oh yeah they still had their pride. I was glad, they are more prcious to me than my life. But that does not mean I will not make them pay for the pleasure of my company. Mickey's friends were a little friendly in their overtures.

Damn brats thats when I noticed a freshmen jock looking at me. Blue eyes and bright brown hair. He was built like his father but looked like his mother. Where was his twin sister? I noticed her come sit by him but he only had eyes for me. I am going to kill his horne dog father. "So where is your parents Kyla?" She looked at me and went pale.

"How do you know my name?"

I smiled a genuine smile. "The same way I know Jim there. Your parents are my brother and sister-in-law."

Jim turned bright red. "You knew who I was and yet you said nothing about me?"

"If you remember the stories you know I like to watch people squirm. I have you both next hour so I expect you to be on your best behavior. If you don't I will make your lives as much a hell as I do with Maxers, Liza, and Mickey." My kids waved as their names were mentioned. How are your little brothers and sisters. Last I heard there were fourteen of you."

Kyla frowned. "There are now Seventeen. Mom kept on threating if she had one more even number of births she will kill him. So they got drunk and then came Isobelle, Laren, and Jo anne. I swear if she gets pregnant one more time I am moving in with grand pa Jim and Grand ma Marylin. I know he is a rocker and she a stripper but they have way more room than our house. God until the triplets came along we each had our own rooms."

Kyle was a copy machine. If he needed money he could create a thousand with the wave of his hand over a sheet of paper. Isabelle was mad at first but they needed it. She gets pregnant at the drop of a hat. I swear they make Michael and I look like we are celibate. Just call me Sister Psycho and him Father Bi. Max, well max acts more like a mother superior.

After school I hurry home because Max and Michael said they had an anouncement. If Max is pregnant again I will kill Michael and castrate Max. When we are sitting around the living room Max stands up and shows us the seam in his belly. Michael screams as I pull out the whip from my brief case.

posted on 19-Dec-2001 9:01:21 PM
Part 3 Bend over, put your head between your legs, and kiss your ass good bye.

SHwoompap. One crack of the whip and Max sat down gulping. "Alrighty now what were you going to say?"

I sit in Michael's lap while Max starts again. "I um, I am pregnant again."

I smile, Max cringes. "Thats great who is the father?"

"Uh I'm, I'm not sure." Max takes in a breath and swallows again.

"Don't lie to me. You are making me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry." I reach a hand behind me between Michael's legs.

Max breaths deeply. "Uh um uh uh Michael is."

"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRHHHHHHH" I smirk the kids are cheering hugging their mommy. Michael is getting a massage. Yes I am squeezing Michael hard, but only little Michael not his hangers-on. He will be in need of them tonight.

"I thought we agreed no more kids until Maxers and Liza were out of the house and we could move again. What could you not keep it in your pants Michael?" They all stared at me. "This is not a time for celebration. Why did you do this?"

Okay so the shit hit the fan and we're covered in it. I did the only thing I could think of, I hugged Max. Only not in the since that you think. I mean Max's eyes bugged out.

"Ma'am leave Max alone." Oh no he didn't. Yeah he did. Mickey looked at me. "Wrong Michael Mom."

Max hit the floor. "You god damn pervert he is only six years old. I otta kill you..." That was the last thing I remember because it took Michael and Mickey to knock me out.

When I came to a few hours later I saw Mickey sitting beside me. I was restrained in my own bed. Damn Michael and his kinky fetishes. "Why did you do it?"

"Mom, he is only elevin years older than me. Your seven years older than dad." So the little shit did his home work. I was still pissed. "Look it just happened. We got drunk one night and we just..."

"You what?!? Where the hell did you get alcohol? Don't tell me, you got it from Max?" Damn him did he not learn a thing about the last time? "I will not get angry. I will remain calm. I am a leaf in the wind. I ammmmm free." Mickey was a little slow for a boy his age. With one swipe he was over my knees. He may be as big as his father and twice as Muscular but I can still whip his ass. Mickey will not forget this humiliation for a while.

When I was through Mickey was crying and I was hugging him. Damn this bleeding heart. He was saying he was sorry. I wa saying he should be. Then I asked him, "Are you gay?"

He shook his head yes.

"Do you like girls?"

He shook his head yes.

"What the hell is it with you Bi aliens. If Isabelle come on to me I am laying her out flat."

"Mom I did not know that you swung that way."

I smiled at him. "Mickey I swing only one way. A left hook. Ther is only room in my life for one alien Mate. You're dad. I have nineteen Alien nieces and nephews. You have two siblings and seventeen cousins. Now you are going to be a dad. Twins no less. And with the biggest whore I know."

"Mom! Why do you think we aliens as you like to call us are the way we are?"

"You know I have a therory. The book was fucked up. Tess was never supposed to get pregnant by your uncle. Thats why I think Naceto was insane. He screwed with their heads making them think that they were supposed to be together. I think your father's people seems how they are shape shifters can be either sex. They did not have to be with one another. Infact I would not be surprised if Your dad was the real queen."

posted on 19-Dec-2001 10:56:08 PM
How dare you think Liz would hurt her grand babies. No she has got a hell of a lot planned for Max. Next Chapter is entitled ooh hell is a place on earth.
posted on 21-Dec-2001 11:32:09 PM
part 4 I scream you scream we all scream for I scream.

Slowly oh so slowly I undo the straps on my arms. I smile as Mickey looks me in the eyes. Thats right watch my eyes. Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh na na nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh. Follow the flute like the good little cobra you are. There I am free. I strike first, Mickey is down with out a sound. Sleep baby sleep go and close your eyes.

One down three to go and then it is me and big mamma. I stlked silently outof th room down to the twins rooms. They are fighting as usual. I step in and in a few seconds they are to late to notice the energy bolts that knock them out. Now on to Michael. I sneak out slowly I see him walking towards the stairs. I zap him and he slumps to the floor quietly. Now on to big bitch.

I slowly move down stairs. Looking around I see no sign of Max. Damn him and his need to keep the house clean. I start to head out back when I hear some thing in the kitchen. Bingo. I chare in and attack Max. I jump on his back taking him down. I pick him up off the floor and body slam him. With one foot on his chest I bang my chest. Ouch shit forgot about those.

I look down on him and smile. I am Liz, I am Psycho, I AM PSYCHO LIZ. No one messes with me and expects to get away with it. Watching as his eyes fill with tears it happens. Damn it no. He is the enemy, he is the Max beast. I sit next to him and hold him in my arms. Oh no I am not rocking him. Damn it no. Let him go. I said let him go. Damn you body do you have no shame?

Max is actually crying on my sdhoulder and asking myh forgiveness. Don't you say it damn you. Don't you say it. "Its okay Max we will get through this." Thats it, I am fucking leaving. You stupid bitch I told you not to say it. Good bye forever Liz you are on your own.

Max and I hug for the third time since I body slammed him. Its amazing how much abuse a relationship can take. I look him in the eyes and say the next thing that comes to mind. "If you ever touch Mickey again I will remove your little Max and his two buddies is that clear?"

Max looks me in the eye and nods. Is that fear I see? I love it when he cringes. Max smiles at me in fear and nervous laughter escapes from his lips. I smile as I hold him closer. I am back. I pull him close and hug him again. Yelps of pain erupt from his lips. This is fun so I squeeze harder.

"What ever you do, don't sqeeze the Charmine." I turn to find Michael rubbing the back of his head.

"Ah my favorite punching bag. Here let me let go of this sqeeze box and I will come play with you." Michael bolts from the room. I love a good chase. "Now you be good or when I get back a certain pregnant alien will get a spanking."

"Promise," Max should never ask stupid questions. You would think he would learn by now. Screams of pain could be heard through out the house as Max got what he asked for. Ah life is good.

posted on 22-Dec-2001 6:10:51 PM
I guess I can answer that question for you. Pandas2001 had a question that had the same answer. That is why she was going after Michael. Too bad Max wanted to get kinky in his thinking. Now Liz had to teach him a lesson about being a gutter rat.
posted on 24-Dec-2001 2:51:28 AM
For Morbid Bunney Thanks for being the Beta now go fight with the other betas my money is on the one with the red tail.

Part 5 Crocodile Lizzie

Okay so 'ere we go after another goanna. He is a
trickey booger, so we have set a trap of our own. 'Ere
'e comes now. The Michael goanna is the slickest of
all animals. The female of the species has to catch
'im in order to mate successfully. 'E does not like
being caught but once the mating ritual has started 'e
is quick to respond. Almost got 'im, just a lil' bit
further. Oh no he sees the trap. I got to catch 'im by

I jump over the bed and land on top of a fleeing
Michael. He tries to escape but I wrap my body around
his. He is up but I am still clinging to his back like
a monkey. Ride 'em cowgirl. Michael tries to shake me
off but I am too much for him to handle. He is back on
the floor with me on bottom. He rolls over and grinds
him self in to me.

With a wave of my hand we are both naked. He cries out
as my magic fingers find his magic wand. Like a
heat-seeking missile he crashes into me. We are
rolling again and I am on top. Yes, the dominant
position, I love it. I feel like I am on a trampoline.
One bounce, two bounce, three. Yes, yes, yes! More,
more, more! He is screaming in pain and pleasure as I
ride him to the moon. Once past Saturn we come down at
a blinding speed. Two hours after we start I am back
in my own body. A slight glowing lets me know the
mission was a success.

Now after the mating the female goanna is extremely
hungry. Though she is not a cannibal she has been
known to bite 'er mate in such instances. Scientists
believe that this is to signal that the male needs to
feed 'er. Slowly and painfully the Michael goanna
rises from 'is position on the floor. Unfortunately
that is not the only thing that rises to the occasion.
Soon the Michael goanna is pinned beneath the female
for another coupling.

A few hours later and several pleas to be killed, by
Michael, I am sitting in the kitchen eating a set of
sandwiches and Tabasco sauce. Liza, and Maxers come
home from their friends house and ask why I am eating
so much. I smile and dust the crumbs off my glowing
stomach. That's when it hits them they are getting a
sibling. Liza is overjoyed and rushes me while Maxers
stays back.
I look at him and ask, "are you not happy to be
getting a sibling?"
"No, no, I am happy it's just that mom is a real bitch
when it comes to getting hugs. He says that his boobs
hurt then he starts to cry about having them. No,
thank you, I will stay back here and smile." With a
flick of my wrist Maxers is being dragged to me.
I give him a hug and pat his back. "Don't take it
personally your mom is a bitch all the time."
"Thanks for reminding me Aunt Liz. Now I think I will
go be depressed in my room. If you need me just send
my step father to be." I smile and hug him again.

I am so proud of them, they are my perfect revenge on
Max. Every time I look at them I am reminded of how
wonderful Karma really is. Before I can tell them
this, the door rings. All right who interrupted my
meeting with my lackeys.

I quickly release Maxers and storm over to the door.
Standing there is a boy a little older than Mickey.
His face and hair is totally like his fathers. I smile
my psycho Liz smile, and he cringes. With a hand I
drag his tall ass in the house and slam the door. I am
going to kill Max, his kids are coming out of the wood

"So who are you?" I walk around the boy like an
interrogator as he sits at my kitchen table. "Are you
from some fling or did you come from the great blue

The boy looked at Maxers and Liza for help they merely
held up their hands and shrugged their shoulders.
Perfect lackeys like I said. He turns back to me and
fear runs through his face. "I am not going to speak
until my father gets here."

"Well too bad your father is out with my son taking a
Lamaze class. Who the hell are you?"
The boy gulped. "My name is Max, Max Harding."

The boy faints as I smile an evil smile, and pull out
a large knife. Yes fear me boy. When you come to the
real interrogation will start. I am going to find your
mother and then I am going to get my revenge. Oh
whatever is out there, thank you, thank you!

But for now it is time to start dinner I use the knife
to cut the steaks in to cubes for frying and whistle
while I work.
posted on 26-Dec-2001 9:07:09 PM

Part 6 Tonight lets paint the town blood red.

Max walked in the house complaining (oh there is some
thing new). He sits on his fat ass and whines about
how hot it is. Oh get over it. God he is such a
bitch. Please shoot me if I complain about this much.
Scratch that.

I get tired of hearing about how painful it is to be
two weeks pregnant so I walk over with my wooden spoon
and crack him on the ass. He yelps in pain jumping up
doing the snoopy dance. You know the one where it
looks like he is holding his butt while bouncing

"Settle down moron. We have a guest. Of course you
would know this if you actually paid attention." I
walk back over to stir my sauce and he looks around
the room.

Against the table is a mini Max. That's right Max
Harding. I am going to have to change that boy's
name. I think Bastard Child might do, or how about
Son of the Bitch. Do you think that makes me sound

Well I am, the little brat is a reminder to every
thing I used to hold dear. That is until I discovered
a certain rocket to the moon. I don't call him
Sasquatch for nothing. Big and hairy, that is until
he made me mad, now he is just big. Back to Damien, Max Jr.

He sat there with a hopeful look in his eyes. I swear
if he turns those things on me, I will knock them out
of their sockets. Max walks over and looks down upon
his sin, I mean son. The boy does not rise to greet
him. Gee, I wonder what little hybrid melded his pants
to the seat. I look at Liza, nah, she is mine in
namesake only. Maxers is looking every which way but
at him. Ah, sibling rivalry.

Max grabs his son, chair and all and holds him close.
It always brings me to tears when I see a family
reunion. Yes, tears of joy, this means I get to crack
one at their expense here goes nothing.

"Max let the boy go, remember what happened last time
you held a hybrid to tight." Max glares at me, I
smile. Two points, nothing but net.

We ate dinner talking about how we lived ever since
the day the bitch left. Every one kept glaring at me.
I decided to play nice and be the good hostess. Big

"So Max two, what is going on with the bitch, I mean
your mother. Is she still hissing at the neighbors or
has she moved on to digging through their trash and
baying at the moon. What I asked a simple question,
you don't have to look at me that way."

Needless to say the little shit said nothing about his
mother. I decided if he was not going to tell us,
then I would rip it from his mind. Nothing a little
connection could not cure. When every one was heading
to the room I grabbed him and kissed him. What? It is
the fastest and second strongest connection, and I was
not about to jump the boy in front of the crowd.

I learned he had never made it home. That psycho
bitch was still on earth. Her ship was some how
sabotaged. Gee, wondered what that crystal was for that
I took from the granolith. He lived in squalor. Max
two was now going to live with us. I was not
sentencing him to that hell or that demon. I got the
address from his mind and closed him down for
twenty-four hours. I let him fall in to his father's
arms as Max looked like he wanted to kill me.

"See you don't like it either when some one messes
with your son do you?" I made a big scene caused a
big argument then bowed out gracefully. I grabbed my
coat and broom, uh, car keys. Soon I was on my way to
hell. I got you now you bitch, there is no escape.
While I drove I sang aloud to the witches theme from
The Wizard of Oz.

"Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh, nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh, Nah nah
nah." With a cackle I pulled down her street. Lights
off, I pulled up into her driveway. "I'll get you my
pretty and your little dog too, Ah ha ha ha." Show


posted on 3-Jan-2002 3:21:49 AM
Part 7 HellRaiser Plus

Have you ever seen HellRaiser? Then you know what a Cenobite. Thats right those creatures that came from the cube. Now imagine if you will if some one was insane enough to recreat that movie in the real world. They would need a hell of a lot of time, Money and Machinery to even come close, or at least alien magic.

I like all those wonderful charcters, they were sacarier than hell when I first saw them. From what I remember of Max two's thoughts Tess never saw the movies. I get in to place and ready my self. First of all the lights.

The power goes dead for the whole block. I toss in a cube I just made in the shape of the original. With a little telekinesis the cube reforms in front of a frozen Tess.

"Who is there. Come out or I will call the police." My crazy laughter plus a flashlight floating behind the cracks in the walls make it a scene from the movie. Tess goes even paler.

The doors in the house start their swinging. I rattle the chain I made from her fence. When the hooks come flying from all directions she screams. Her clothes are caught and removed from her body. She screams bloody murder.

The flashing halogen bulbs in the walls speed up their pusling rythim. I alter my outer appearance and am ready for my entrance. I walk with my leather skirt dragging the floor. The wounds on my chest look real enough and my shortened and remolded hair looks real. Thats right I am Pinhead.

The wall s ilumintate the door way I am coming through. Tess sees me and screams. I laugh at her. My voice exactly like Pin heads. I have had plenty of practice hoping for this day to come.

"Well now what have we here? A simple snivering mortal." I laugh again.

"Who are you and what do you want?"

"I am Pin head and I am here because you called me." Tess shakes her head furiously no. "Yes my child you did. The box, ah the beautiful box. It's magic has been summoning me for centuries. You have played the game and solved the box. Now is the time for your reward. Come, you will be apart of us in hell."

"I did not open the box. You will leave now or I will kill you." Tess stands to face me. "Go now!" She launches an energy ball at me.

I raise my hand and absorb it. "Come now child enough with these games. You will not escape me. Your pain will be exquisit. Your fear is my drink and your screams will food. I will consume all of you and make you mine."

Tess screamed at me and fired at me again and again. Each blast was absorbed in the energy field. Like I said I have been practicing. Her fear was palpable. I enjoyed watching as the tears ran down her face as each step closer she backed up. When she was against the walls the chains shot at her. They busted through the wall accross her form holding her agianst the wall.

I hold out my hand and the box comes to me. Energy bolts start to fly shape like lighting. The whole room starts to glow as Tess screams her head off. I reform the box in to the diamond shape and levitate it towards her face at fifty miles per hour. It stops just short of hitting her.

Her screams begin again as the tip opens. Out poors blood colored water. It coats her face and body like a shower. Her screams continue as the blood stops. I laugh again as she struggles and pleads to be set free.

"Child I will set you free. Death is the ultimate release." A wave of terror causes her body to go in to shock. "There that is better child. The pain will make you gorget about your humanity. I will personally make you forget who you were."

Her head gets sucked back against the wall as her hair merges with it. She screams as the wall starts to devour her. As the last part of her body is swallowed I laugh again and the effects stop. I wave my hand and the chains disappear. My appearance remains the same. Can't have her remembering who did this to her and if there was any witnesses let them know who I am.

By now tess has stopped her screaming and passed out. I move quickly to take care of her. Little alterations here and there and she is done. I smile at my work. One last thing to do before I am done. I press my hand to her forehead and remove her powers. Can't have her harming her handlers. I hear sirens off in the distance. Time to bid my nemisis adieu. I write in bold letters on the cieling. Viva Le Alexander. It will be the first thing she sees when she wakes up. That and the police.

As I drive my hurse dow the road I watch as the police run in. A few minutes later a screaming Pinhead is dragged out in cuffs. I smirk at him as he notices the hurse. I am in his original form. I know looking like Tess gives me the willies too. He screams at the police and lunges at my car. She has no idea who or what I am. She can not ever be Tess again. Thanks to the modifications I did to her DNA she is not a plain and simple human. She will be tested by a psychiatrist and found insane. Sorry HE will be found insane. Tess will have disappeared and her son adopted by this nice couple in the next county.

My revenge has only just begun you bitch. Round two will begin soon.


posted on 4-Jan-2002 4:56:19 AM
Is any body out there? Please respond.
posted on 24-Jan-2002 7:23:47 AM

Part 8 Impersonation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Two weeks after the sanity hearing for John Doe, aka Pin Head.

I have been given maternity leave and not a moment to soon. I am a month and a half along and I am already bulging out as big as a house. Well not that badly but damn near it. Yeah I know watch the language but you should hear his highnass the Queen of Antar. Now there is a whiney self absorbed totally (Do to graphic part of this sentence the rest of this paragraph has been edited by the narrator.)

I feel better, now on with the show. I was given five months leave, more than enough for me. The problem is I do not have any thing to do while at home other than listen to that Bitch whine. So I decided I needed a Hobby. Guess what came to mind. That's right, Tess.

I decided that a little trouble her way would be the best way to go. A little mischief here a little paint there and wammo. Total bad name.

You know it is amazing the things you can do with spray paint. That IRS guy did not like my artistic license. His auto shop guy loved it. Well lets see he over charged me on my taxes for the past year. He made passes at me at every occasion. And the guy has a comb over, can we say eww.

Next was mister Tribble. He saw the short stacked blond come up to him and goose him in front of the teachers lounge. The only problem was what she said. "You know I thought only men lost their hair. Who knew women did too." I know who would have thought that a Lesbian would sink so low as to wear a toupee. Well that is not right. She was not a Lesbian until 'Tess' touched him. Ah those magic fingers.

This was not enough for me. So I decided flashing construction workers was the next step. That was until that poor guy nearly got ran over. Yes it was regular event for them and it did my heart some good to know that Tess's image was being put to good use. Even this got old after the police photographers.

I needed some thing to fill my time. Some way to get back at Tess. It had to be imaginative and it had to be personal. I looked at her prison schedule and smiled. Twice a day she had an appointment with a shrink. Yes impersonations I was good at.

Our first session went like this.

"I tell you I am not pin head. My name is Tess Harding."

"Ah yes, the back stabbing bitch from Mars."

"What did you call me?"

I look her in the eyes. "It says here on your papers that you are the back stabbing bitch from Mars. Well that and much more. Let's see you have been diagnosed with fifteen personalities. All ranging from a Nymphomaniac Slut from Pluto to a Cenobite from hell. Which one are you now?"

Out rage is clear in her eyes. "I am none of those. I want my lawyer. You will get me a lawyer."

"I do not take orders from the mentally unstable." I smile at her. Time for a little Mind Warp.

Three little kittens came running in with out mittens. They jump on her biting and scratching at her face. Well at least she thinks they are. "Get off me you damn cats. Leave me alone. HhhSSSSSS HHHHHHHSSSSSSSSSS."

"What are you doing?"

"I am hissing at these damn cats they won't leave me alone."

"What cats?"

"They are every where. SHHHHH they are watching us as we speak."

"Oh look at that our time is up." I stand and go to the door. "See you tomorrow Pin head. Viva Le Alexander."

She screams and rages at me like a psycho. No sooner than I am out of there than the real psychiatrist walks in. A few minutes later several orderlies are taking her out of there. I am conveniently shaped and dressed like the original Tess in a doctor's out fit.

I walk up to the psychiatrist. "So what happened?"

"He claims I am an Alien sent to make him go mad. He even claims that I just left not a minute before calling him this Pin head character. I swear he is delusional."

I shake my head and try not to smile. "From the violent way he has been acting I would recommend low voltage shock therapy. Nothing to high, just enough to cause a nervous tic."

"You know that might just work. I will have to give it some thought. What is your name?"

"I am Kivar Atarian, please tell him I hope he recovers soon. Oh and give him this for me." I give him a piece of paper with three words scrawled on it. 'Viva Le Alexander.'



Part 9 Let's get ready to Rumble.

Day Two of the Psycho Therapist.

Thanks to some slight modifications to her DNA and body chemistry Tess can hold a charge the equivalent of a twelve volt battery. Now when ever the power goes out they just hook up a cable to Tess. Oh the wonders of science.

Now on to my story. Day two in the life of a psycho therapist. Yes those are two words. I am not a psychiatrist. Well not in this form any ways. So I have caused our good friend the real doctor to be called away again.

I sit here with pin head across from me. He is glaring at me and twitching ever so slightly from the face. That's right I put that smile upon your face. Now it is a frown, now a smile, now a frown, now a smile. Oh what a wonderful habit.

"Good day Pin head. How are we today? Still having your delusions?"

He glares at me. "I am not having delusions. Who are you?"

"I am your Doctor, who else would I be? Oh that's right I am that alien sent to cause you to go insane. Well dear to be frank, you all ready are. Why else would you be here?" I look at her puzzled.

"Who are you? Were you sent by Kivar? I did what I was told to do. We had a deal. I got the brat, what more did he want?"

My anger flares at this. "You betrayed your own kind hybrid. I was sent here to punish you you psycho bitch. If your protector were still alive he would be in here beside you." OOOPPPPSSSS, I let her get the better of me. "Of coarse they will never know that. I have taken care of every one in here and the recording devices are all gone. They would not work around you any ways Energizer."

"Who are you? Why are you tormenting me? If you worked for Kivar I would not be here."

"Well that's where you are wrong my dear. I do work for him. You failed and for that you were placed here under my tender mercies. I am every where you are my dear. You can not hide." That's right make her paranoid.

"What do you want?"

"I want to eat you. I hear hybrid flesh is especially moist." I lick my lips and start towards her. The horror in her eyes as she screams is too much for me.

I look at the time and fill with dread. I am late. I growl at her and to come to my aid so does my stomach. She passes out like one of those old maidens from one of the movies. I shift to Tess in the nick of time. The Doctor walks in smiles at me.

"Hello Dr. Antar. How is our patient today?"

I smile at him. "He thinks his name is Clariece the Bagel. he likes it when you make comments about how he will taste. Please could you humor him when he awakes."

I start to walk out when I hear groaning from the couch. I open the door to hide my face.

The doctor smiles, I smile. Tess wakes up.

"Well hello Clariece, you are looking delicious today. I could just eat you all up. So rich and creamy, I feel hungry just thinking about you." The screams coming from the room barely cover my laughs.


Author's Note: I posted a challenge on this board and others I would Like your opinion. Would it make a good story? If so May be some one could write it. I may even do it if no one else wants to.


part 10 The Vulcan Mind Meld from Hell.

Hello my Lizzie boppers. Welcome back to that's my life. Before we begin today, can any one tell me what has happened so far. I take it from the sound of the crickets no on is going to come forward. Thanks for the sour persimmons cousin.

Now on with our show.

I am sad, the doctor told me that this was the last week I can go out on my own. So I decided to make one last trip to the asylum to visit old Pin Head. The surgery to remove the pins has still yet to be scheduled. So I get to play one last trick on her before I leave.

Today is the day of the final psychiatric evaluation. With extra security of the event I needed to use the Mind Warp. I know it is dangerous when used to much, but I have developed it to the point where it is virtually harmless.

Now that I have my plan all set up I need to pick out my disguise. Ah I have the perfect one. Say good bye Liz and hello Alex. God how do you tall people walk with out hitting your head on things.

Picture it, the psych room. A chair in the center. Three chairs in front of this person in an arc formation. Two guards at the doors directly behind the doctors and two behind the patient. Above them is an observation lounge for teaching purposes. Today class, you will be observing the bitch from hell. She will prove once and for all that Karma is not only a music store.

I stand in the center of the room. No one but Tess can see me. I scowl at her, she freaks.

"Their are cameras here you know," She calls out to me. "They will see you."

"My dear, even a camera can not see me. A little trick I picked up from years of practice. It's called being dead." I smile at her as they restrain her like Hannibal Ector. Ever since that trying to bite the therapist incident she was been treated like that. Her new nickname is Hannibal the Cannibal.

"Mr. Pin Head could you please settle down."

"I am not Pin Head. I am Tess Harding."

"Well who ever you are settle down or I will have you sedated." When Tess settled down they began. "Who is our current President?"

"How the hell should I know, do I look like I vote?"

"Tone down your answers." The woman in the center went next. "How long have you looked this way, Tess?"

"Since the night the arrested me in my own home." So she decided to play nice.

Well I decided to play dirty.

The next question from the same woman. "Please tell us how these looks came to be. If you can give us the details of your transformation."

"I was sitting in my home after a long hard days work. I am always working hard to make sure that my friends and family are happy."

"Oh please you murdered me you skanky bitch. Like you were looking out for my well being then." I smirk as she glares at me. They think she is looking at the wall.

"As I was saying was I work hard. That night I was really tired and was not expecting my son home until late. He had told me that he was going over to a friends house for a while. I was going to wait until he got home to make diner but as it got late I started with out him. I was in my kitchen when all hell broke loose. The lights went out and the house shook.

"Light flooded in from the cracks in the walls and floor. I heard a booming voice as I was backing for the door. It said..."

"Welcome to McHell, now serving murderer number two million fifty thousand. Would you like to get fried with that?"

"Shut up you sick son of a bitch. I know you are not Alex. He is dead. I personally saw to that..." Tess realized her first mistake.

"TSSSSSS ouch your on fire babe. Theys gonna deep fry yor ass like a chicken at KFC."

"I'm gonna get you. You will all die for this. You hear me. I will kill you for this." It took all four guards to restrain her. They drugged her and pulled her still screaming out the door.

"Bye bitch, next time any one sees you they will be applying the BarbQ sauce." I waited until they had her restrained and she had passed out. When that was done I slipped in to her cell and made my modifications to her pins.

When she awoke there were nearly one hundred aliens on her head singing the theme song to chilies. "I want my baby back, baby back, baby back ribs. Chilies, baby back ribs." With the electric flow they would work for the next month until the surgery was performed. Tess is now a permanent resident of the Hill Crest Asylum.


posted on 11-Feb-2002 11:51:44 PM
Part 11 Sex Wars.

"Okay here we go. Last time on Roswell Liz had the bitch Liz committed permanently. Max got pregnant by Mickey and Liz went insane. Michael got Liz pregnant and Liz went insane. We learned that Isabelle is pregnant and that Liz is insane. Any questions, okay why am I doing the opining session is a good question. You see it goes like this..."

That will be quite enough from the Bitch Maria, this aint the Vagina Monologs. Okay this may be the last time I say it so Hello my Lizzie Boppers. I am now a mother for a second time in this miserable existence. Okay so it's not half bad but I am getting tired of all the lip from Mother Hubbard aka Max. That fat Bitch has been in labor for two days. I know what you are thinking and no I am not sticking my hand in there. Once was enough thank you. Nope it's not that they are stuck they just aren't ready to come out.

So we sit here and wait for them to be ready. What does one do while they wait for a child to get ready? How about a story? Would you like to hear about how I am a slave to my husband, how he treats me like his property. He is such a cave alien. I mean one innocent comment about how much he acts like a primate and I am slung over his shoulder and take to *his* bed. There he rips off my clothes and Ravishes me several times. In the end he is screaming to be let go and I am just trying to get me some. He hates it when I tell him he is such a puss in the sack. I mean a girl just can't get a decent all day lay any more. Lately it's he gets off, I get the shaft. Well not tonight baby. Un uh I am riding this rocket to the moon.

Hold it, Hold it, I am getting ahead of myself. Back track three days ago. Picture it, the dinning room, I am sitting there with nothing to do wishing some thing would happen. Big mistake. A sudden cramp and whoosh the green fluid is gone. I am in labor. I scream and grab the table top. With each deep cramp my fingers dig in to the wood. When the family comes in the table is a lost cause, and the so is the rug.

Two hours later I am on the floor with towels underneath and Michael between my legs. Get that thought out of your head, he was holding up the head of his daughter. The little bitch had a head the size of a moose. Okay so it was not that bad but she was thirty inches long and weighed twelve pounds. As her arms came out she grabbed on to the nearest thigh and screamed. So did I. You may not know this but a baby has one hell of a grip and a swollen birthing canal is very sensitive. Oh did I forget to mention she had claws. I mean it, I have nails this little one had meat hooks.

Okay enough with the horror story. After the delivery, Michael handed her to me. Yep, she screamed. The more I tried to sooth her the more she screamed. I hand her over to Michael and the little (silently growls) girl shut up. She even started to smile and giggle. I have never heard a new born giggle. Turns out she was a normal alien baby. The little brat is just a daddies girl. Well that is some thing we agree upon. He is rather appealing. He is just so cute when he holds her.

Shortly after midnight we hear screaming similar to my own. Max has gone in to labor, oh joy. He is late by two weeks and is in great pain. I merely laugh until my little girl decided she wants to be aggressive while nursing. With a giggle she goes back to being the little brat she is. I swear I am going to enjoy embarrassing her in front of all her friends when she gets older.

So here we are the present. One little girl, a pissed Max, and one bad night of sex later. Needless to say I am pissed. They are all avoiding me. That is Until max junior decides he is home sick. I guess even Psychos are family. Hey no comments from the peanut gallery.

I decide to take pity on the poor fool and take him to see Pinhead. It has been a month and a half since I last saw her highness. She has had a change in her appearance. All those lovely aliens are gone and the grid map on her head has been sealed with some sort of tissue graft.

It is now midnight and we sneak in a prison of the criminally insane. Upon seeing his mother he starts to cry. Damn humans wait a minute I used to be human once. So I take pity on her and transform her from Pin head. Soon she looking like what she really is. She is a sharpie with blond curls. They both look at me and I Fein ignorance. So I do one better and give her horns and a tail. That earned me some real strong glares. That does it she gets the full Satan make over. Red skin and black eyes, the way it should be.

Max Jr. looks at me in anger. "Why are you doing his to her?"

"Two words Alex Whitman."

His eyes show his ignorance.

"Really Tess you should teach your kid about the past. He was murdered by the bitch you call a mom."

Max Jr. looks again at his satanic master I mean mother. "Is this true?"

She looks down at her hooves and shakes her head.

"Why, why would you do this to me, to dad?"

"It's not that simple. It was a way home. It was a way to end the war. we could have lived in peace." She tries to plea.

"No mother, you can not justify murder. I am sorry about your predicament but you taught me we must face our mistakes, no you must face yours. I love you, and good bye." He turned and walked out of the room.

Show time.

TBC in part of the end.

posted on 17-Feb-2002 12:33:39 AM

Part 12 The End of Innocence.

Back you unholy spawn of hell. Back in to the hole you crawled out of. Ouch damn never mind I just remembered where you came from. Damn child has a set of teeth on her like a piranha. Yes that is Marna Guerine. I named her because Michael came up with the name of his last children. Guys, go figure, not an imaginative bone in their body, or they come up with the dumbest names in the world. I mean Maxers Guerine-Evans, what the hell is that? One last name per person thank you. You don't see me with Liz Parker-Guerine, makes me sound like some damned hybrid dog.

"Ah yes and over here with have Liz she a mixture of Parker-Guerine..."

Hello people hyphenated names do not make you sound sophisticated or modern. In fact it makes you sound confused. In the words of George Carlin 'Pick a damn name.'

Okay now on with the story.

Show time.

Tess glares at me, eyes gone solid black. Oh looks like she retained some of her alieness after all. So I shift in to my true form. She takes a step forward and tries to get at me with her claws. One look and she goes flying backwards.

"Am I too assume you know who I am?"

"I know you any where Liz Parker."

"Not any more Tess. My real name is Liz Guerine. You see there were a few changes after your little mind games were discovered." I walk back and forth in a pacing manner and hold my hands behind my back. She looks a little worriedly me. "You see in the Six years you were gone I have had two kids and got married to your former brother. He has actively disavowed any relation to you."

That sets her off on a string of slur and curses.

"Silence," I roar at her. "You will not speak until spoken too." I glare her in to submission. "Now there are a few things that need to be discussed before I leave with your son never to return. He will not come to visit you and neither will any body else, unless I allow it. All who do not follow my rules are punished severely. You have broken my rules there for you are being punished.

"You will wear this guise until I change it for you. You will help these people in any way they ask for. You will cooperate with what ever they tell you to do. You will always be courteous and kind to people no matter what. You will never reveal our secrets to any one out side family, and you will take care of a special person who is coming this way now. Do these things and I will protect you and in time restore certain abilities to you."

Tess shook her head in agreement as a tear slid down her face. "What kind of care am I supposed to give to this person?"

"Any thing you see fit short of murder, rape, and near death experiences. slap her around a few times make sure she knows who is boss. Now play nice and Max jr. will come visit you again real soon." With that I disappear completely.

"Hey get your damn hands off me. How many times have I got to tell you I am not a hooker. I was singing on that street corner." Screeched a woman in big hair, nails, short leather skirt, trashy make up, popping bubblegum, halter top, fishnet stalking, and Six inch pumps.

The guard pushed her in the cell and locked her in with Tess. "Yeah right honey. Like I believe that. They said you tried to solicit an undercover cop. so shut up and sit back while they do a nice psych file on your ass or I will shut it for you." She glared at the young woman and left while the young woman started to whimper.

The young woman looked around the cell and noticed the devil in the corner and screamed. The devil walked up and bitch slapped her. The young woman stopped screaming as the devil held up one claw to her lips.

I walk around the side of the cell clapping. My eyes are solid black and my skin solid gray. "Very nicely done Tess. Now here is your reward." I remove her horns and hooves but leave the claws and red skin.

"Who the hell are you?" the girl whimpers.

"No sorry, wrong demon my dear. I see you got in to the business after all Maria."

"Who are you?"

"Tisk tisk, I would have thought you would remember me. The last time you saw me I chased you out the Crash Down with a Fly Swatter."


"Ah so you do remember." I smirk at her. "Oh well no time for pleasantry's, so lets get down to basics. You are going to be found incompetent and unfit for human society. You will be kept in this cell with Tess until I say so. Not a moment before or after will you be released. You will be nice to her or she will beat the shit out of you. be nice to the people and I will protect you from the nasties of this place. Tell no one our secrets or you will pay the price. Other than that do what you want." I wave good bye and start to walk away. I stop and look back at them. "Oh Tess I said not to rape her, but I never said you could make her your bitch. Toodles." I walked away to Maria screaming and Tess laughing.

I know I know, I am the crazed bitch from hell. So what. Maria deserved every once of lovin she got, it just so happens she is in the best *hands*. I still visit them to have some fun, not much but just a little.

Isabelle and Kyle moved next door to our new house. They are having another set of twins. Isn't life grand, Isabelle finally did it, she castrated Kyle. With Max's healing power he is back to normal. If you call a slightly high pitched voice normal. They have a grand total of twenty one kids and two on the way. God they hate me sooooo much. It's not my fault they are so blessed or is it? Science was my favorite skill after revenge. Isabelle and Max pissed me off one night long ago, how was I to know about all of my powers then. It turns out that, I altered their genetics to have twins or better every time. I am totally innocent, yeah right.

Max had twin boys, I love to spoil them rotten. My grand babies are my pride and joy after Marna and Mickey. Marna first because she never slept with Max.

I nearly castrated Michael last week. He came home drunk, and kissed me thoroughly. You know one taste is enough to get us drunk. Bastard. I woke up to a glowing handprint followed by another soon after the first appeared. Looks like Isabelle and Max discovered my involvement. Oh well I am making Michael pay and pay and pay and pay... well you get the drift.

Well baby girls it is time for me to say good bye and tell mommy I love her. Wish momma a happy birthday for me. Tell her I will be home around the first, don't tell daddy he will just go nuts.

Your Sister and Alien night mare,

Liz Parker-Guerine.

The last part is for all you confused people out there.