Title: The Boatman
Disclaimer: Characters created by Melinda Metz/ Jason Katims (I only own the characters I create.
Author’s Note: I was supposed to be writing a mythology paper and this is what happened. I just put this out there never expecting anyone to like it. This wasn’t supposed to go any farther than part one.
Whoever said it was better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all obviously never lost his love.
I loved. I lost. How is this better? Knowing what I have truly lost. Knowing I’ll never be truly alive again. Knowing I extinguished the light in his amber gaze. I’ll never hear his voice whispering in my ear powerful enough to shatter my body with a word. Never again will I feel his touch the only balm for my soul. His arms will never hold me in the only home I’ve ever known.
I ache for the other half of my soul. What was left behind has withered and died. Nothing to fill the gaping hole inside. Innocence can’t be recaptured once it has been destroyed. It is gone forever. I destroyed his innocence, his love.
I found my soul only to destroy it. How can a person live without a soul? The living dead I’ve become.
I was shot. I died. He healed me. I’ve lived on borrowed time long enough. The boatman has arrived. It is time to pay the boatman. I cross his palm with silver.
Part 2 should probably go under the header of pre-quell. BTW some of the geography has changed. The cliff with the Pod chamber is now right next to the water where they used to meet at.
How can I keep the rest of my family safe? Or together? Some leader I am I don’t know what to do. In my heart I know his death was related to us in some way. The humans haven’t blamed us but the distance is growing with the silence.
How do I break the silence? Isabel has withdrawn from everyone blaming herself. Kyle says nothing but avoids us like the plague. Maria is the only one who cries but now with fear in her eyes.
Liz is dead inside. All I can see in her eyes is defeat and resignation. She seems to be waiting for the inevitable. I just don’t know what it is. I want to talk to her but I don’t know how. She goes through the motions never saying a word.
Why does Max continue to torture us like this? Maria and I hold onto each other never wanting to let go. Only Maria’s soft cries break the silence. Isabel leans against the same rock looking into the same sky for answers she will never find. Tess doesn’t really care but “comforts” and “encourages” Max to be the leader.
And Liz stands in the same spot at the edge of the cliff looking at the water. She always keeps her back turned to all of us. Liz is rigid in her stance never betraying a flicker of movement at anything said. She knows something but won’t speak a word.
Yet another meeting at the cliffs dwelling on Alex’s death. Was it an accident or not. It is all Max seems to think about. I want to know if Alex knew how much I truly loved him. The time I wasted because of fear. He saw through the façade and loved me unconditionally. I was so scared I didn’t know how to love. I pushed him away hurt him so many times.
I never expected to receive the one thing I craved and feared the most…love.
“Max I think we’ve had enough for today let’s go home.” I help Maria to stand. I need to get her out of here. In the background I can hear Max calling Liz’s name. She stands there ignoring him.
Maria whispers, “something’s wrong.” She begins to move towards her.
The cliff where all hope died. I listen to the wind blow. Ravens cry my name.
The summons has arrived. Silver in hand I become one with the wind waiting for the water’s sweet kiss.
Everything appears in slow motion. Liz dives off the cliff. I run as if I could catch her. Her name echoes through my mind with everyone’s cries. I stand at the cliff’s edge helpless watching her in a perfect swan dive.
The cliff where all hope died. I listen to the wind blow carrying the raven’s cries.
The summons has arrived. Silver in hand I become with the wind waiting for the waters sweet kiss.
an unleveling field of black
against this I stand to be judged.
Can my soul carry this burden?
Will I forgive
Will the scale rise or fall
Either desire or despair
will result upon the weight of a
heart against a feather
"She stopped she's hovering over the water somehow!" Max is already running down the cliffside. I watch her progress as she slowly floats towards the shore.
We stop abruptly behind Max. A man stands before us with his arm stretched out. Liz is floating towards him. Max starts to move toward them but I stop him. He looks at me questionly but stands still. Liz reaches the shore and starts screaming.
"Damn you Max! I've done everything you've wanted. I AM NOT doing anymore! I gave up everything for you my future, my happiness, my sanity, my husband. Alex died because of the choices WE MADE! If you would have just let me die... I was supposed to die not Alex."
"I wish you had never saved me. Why the hell can't you just let me die? I'm tired of living. I've already saved the damned world Max! I just want to be at peace. Please Max, peace that's all I want." Liz stops speaking falling to the ground sobbing. Max kneels and gathers Liz into his arms.
"Maria she's calling that man Max but I'm right here. Who is this guy and what has he made Liz do?"
"Max you are looking at a future version of yourself." I can see the confusion in their faces. "Remember when Liz warned you about the granolith. It is because it can be used as a time machine."
Astonished Max asks, "Maria how do you know this?"
"Because this isn't his first visit."
Isabel cuts in "Why does she think she is responsible for Alex's death?"
"Liz made a decision to change the future to save our lives. She paid the price for your lives. In the other timeline Alex was still alive at this time. Liz feels responsible because the choice she made killed Alex. The guilt has been eating her alive."
"Maria what did she do to change the future?"
"Max I can't tell you. I don't know what affect it will have. Liz will tell you if you are allowed to know."
"Allowed to know? It's our future we have the right to know!"
"Michael, no one should know their future look what it has driven Liz to."
I turn to Liz and Future Max. "Why are you back?"
"We just figured out how to use the granolith as a time machine again. I had to come back to save Liz and Alex."
Liz softly asks, "What if I don't want to be saved? I'm not supposed to be alive now. I've been living on borrowed time and the price I've paid has been too high. The pain is too much please Max let me go!"
Can my soul carry this burden?
Will I forgive
“Beloved… Beloved… Beloved…” Max repeats like a mantra holding me tightly. Liz, I’ve never been able to let you go. How could I give up part of my soul? I drove you to this. I’ve never been able to forgive myself for losing the one person who made it all worthwhile.”
“Maria brought me back from the brink by letting me read your journal. I had hope like never before. I knew I could come back and stop you. I was almost too late again. My heart stopped for a second time.“
“I asked too much of you. I put you through so much pain. Can you forgive me? Can you let me love you again? Please let me show you and if you still want to go I will not stop you.”
His strong hand gently cups my face. I stare into the loving eyes I never thought to see again. A rush of images flies by. Me jumping off the cliff. Funeral. White roses. Anguish. Anger. Guilt. Madness. My journal. Disbelief that I could love him that much. Awe at my courage and strength to do it all alone. Our marriage that he desperately wished would’ve taken place. Hatred for Future Max for what he gave up and at himself for what he lost. How he believed his thoughtless actions with Tess finally made me snap. How responsible he felt for causing my death. The utter horror at having killed his soulmate.
He let’s me see how the future unfolds without me. He then gives me the choice.
The cliff where all hope died. I listen to the wind blow. The ravens no longer cry my name.
We stand up the future in our hands. Maria runs into my arms we hug each other fiercely. She breaks down in my arms. I try to soothe her letting her know everything is going to be all right. Michael and Iz come and join our hug fest. They hold onto me so tightly realizing how very close we came to losing everything. They cry and scold me at the same time.
Future Max calls Tess to his side leaving Max to stand alone. “Tess to see you so young again without the burdens hanging over us. Come here and let me see my beautiful young bride.”
Tess is exultant. I knew Max and I were destined to be together and this proves it! He loves me. He is seeing it with his own eyes. He can deny me no longer. He is MINE! His arms are wide open waiting for me his love!
Tess walks into Future Max’s arms. He holds her close. She is beaming with victory.
I throw a large rock at her back and she becomes dust.
The dust floats on the wind. Clearing the cliff where all hope died. For once the Boatman calls he cannot be denied.
While everyone else gasps I smile in satisfaction. The traitorous bitch from hell has gone home. And the future begins again with a blank slate.
“How did you know she was a skin?”
“Khivar planted Tess to divide and conquer from the inside. She got her hooks in my mind the night of the Kyle incident. I was devastated and not paying attention. Tess planted fake memories for us to remember together.”
Max turns me around to face him. “Beloved, she used the mind warp on you. She was deliberately trying to drive you insane. The whole pregnancy was a sham. I never slept with her she just made me believe I did. Ye gods did she succeed. I couldn’t protect you. I couldn’t even protect myself at that point. Tess was extremely successful in her mission. We lost our trust and faith in each other as individuals and as a group.”
“There are some things I have to tell you for me to finish my mission. First beloved you must tell them of my other visit. Second Ava must be found to complete the Four-Square. She is trustworthy and she can help you hone your powers. Third Nicholas has Alex in Oregon. I have given Liz the details. Khivar will not arrive for another six weeks. Khivar is planning on inhabiting Alex’s body so he is safe until Khivar arrives. As a precaution have Ava check Alex’s mind to be sure Nicholas hasn’t all ready done anything.”
“Most importantly Liz is the Queen. She has been and will always be our anchor. Her position is in the center. If you look at the drawings of the Four-Square all power emanates from the center. I know she has the capability of magnifying individual powers and the Four-Square. In our research we haven’t been able to find anything else about her position.“
“The eight of you are a complete unit balancing human and alien. Keeping the balance is the only way to succeed. You each play a vital role alien or human. Maria is the heart, Kyle the warrior, Alex the strategist, and Valenti the protector.”
“I have given you all that I can to rectify the future as I know it. The future of two worlds now lies on your shoulders.” Future Max starts to shimmer. He cries, “Beloved,” and disappears.
posted on 4-Oct-2001 2:20:28 PM
I'm just making a space in between stories!
posted on 4-Oct-2001 2:27:45 PM
I feel ancient beyond my mere 30 years. Eons should have past not mere decades. I reflect on the girl I used to be. I always had to have a plan. I was going to graduate high school, go to Harvard, and then become head of their Microbiology department. Big dreams for a small town girl. The one thing I never factored into the equation was falling in love. Not teenage puppy love but the once in a lifetime soul mate kind of love. So many people never receive this gift and I got it at 16.
It is amazing the affect one person can have on your life. For him I sacrificed everything including myself. We lived moment by moment never knowing which would be our last. It was exhilarating we loved hard and fought hard.
Minor skirmishes turned into all out war. Eight of us were the heartbeat; the lifeblood of the cause. We fought against overwhelming odds newcomers in the art of warfare. Our merry band never lost hope and in turn inspired others. After years of warfare the tide finally started to turn. We became so energized. We felt like gods, indestructible. The risks we took were sheer madness but in our heart of hearts we knew victory was ours.
If we would have known the cost of victory would we have paid it? One by one the eight began to fall. For our first brother to fall we built a memorial . Never did we realize how many of us would soon be finding eternal slumber on cold marble beds.
We lived lifetimes within such a short span of years. A few of us survived the carnage of the last battle. Those that were left were irrevocably changed. Looking at one another all we saw was the reflection of our losses. We couldn't comfort each other. The only comfort we sought was in death's arms. We had to wait until our final role was played.
A shell of a man left to bring a hollow peace to his homeworld. The rest scattered to the far corners of the universe. Only I stayed on the planet we once called home.
Today on the celebration of my 30th year I go to the place that holds my heart. I remember my brothers and sisters and the innocence we lost to soon. The sacrifices we made to be together as one. I have lived my life there is nothing left to replace what I lost. I will never be complete again until my essence has been rejoined with the others. I hear their whispers calling me home.
Some may see this act as the coward's way out. I have fought in a revolution freeing two worlds and in return I lost my soul. How can one live without one's soul. You can't. I do this to become one with my soul again.
I ask for no ones tears, pity, or forgiveness. For I have LOVED and I have LIVED.