|posted on 15-Nov-2002 11:08:31 PM|
|Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Roswell.|
Author Notes: I thought that if Liz has a Journal why not let Max have one. I plan to make a journal for Isabel, Alex, Michael, Maria, Tess, & Kyle. Also make a new one for Liz
Feedback: Pretty Please....
August 22nd 2000
It’s been 99 days 2 hours and 43 minutes since I since saw Liz. I wonder what she’s doing? Does she miss me ? Does she regret walking away? It’s now been 99 days 2 hours and 44 minutes….
October 9th 2000
Yesterday I held somebody’s dead skin in my hands. Geez, that was creepy, Maria gave me a boon “Top 100 ways for an alien to reclaim his human love”. I think it’s working! At the Crashdown I told Liz I was coming fore HER. That was tip 58 in the book. Tip 59…. Tell her that she makes you see her soul…hmmmmm…
December 2nd 2000
I still have feelings for Liz. I know she says she slept with Kyle but I just don’t believe it. It’s something in her eyes. Why is she doing this to me? I know she wouldn’t warned me about the granolith unless she cared. How did she even know about it? Lonnie and Rath could still be on the loose. If I ever get my hands on them…I can’t believe I allowed myself to be fooled by them. Nicholas is still around too. All these worries as a King and I have a stupid test tomorrow.
January 1st 2001
I thought I had Liz back but I must have been wrong. When I saw her with Kyle….I could have killed him. What right has he to take away the love of my life. I know that before I came into the picture that he and Liz were together but that gives him no right to sleep with her. But I just don’t understand why Liz would sleep with him. She told me that she loved me. And I still think she does with the way she protects me and is always there for me. But I can’t understand why she would sleep with Kyle if she loved me. There’s no sense in it all. I dunno. I love her still. I will always love her. I know I am destined to be with Tess and everything but no one can compare with Liz. Tess is nice and everything but she’s not Liz. I wish she would get with Kyle so that kyle will leave my Liz alone. I can forgive Liz I guess but I dunno I just can’t believe that Liz would do that to me I dunno. I just get this feeling that something wasn’t right about that. Beside the fact that it was Liz and kyle instead if Liz and me. Well I will figure something out….I hope.
March 21st 2001
The weirdest thing happened to me the other day. I took off to Las Vegas with the whole crew, but after an argument with Michael, I decided to come home. The thing was, as I was about to enter a cab. I turned and saw this couple who had just been married. All of a sudden I saw Liz and I in that position. I don’t understand why I would see that unless it was meant to be. I love her, I don’t care what she did. Why can’t see just come back to me? Why can’t I go back to her? Oh right, she slept with kyle….. There seems to be something wrong with that entire situation. Something is up with it, but I don’t know what. Maybe soon I will.
March 27th 2001
Man …I’ve been so jealous of Michael lately. He has his own motorcycle. I wish I had my own motorcycle. Man…I’d look so fine. I wonder if Liz would think I was fine. Nah…she’d probably picture Kyle on the back or something. You know what’s weird I can’t find my lucky horseshoe anywhere. Maybe I’m paranoid because I broke into Liz’s house and stole her pillow. It just smells like her shampoo. Mmmm vanilla. Ok.. I’ve depressed myself now.
Please help me Buddha.
P.S. I wonder how Nasdeo never noticed Congresswoman Whitaker was a skin. They did get the groove thing on quite a lot. That’s always bugged me.
March 30th 2001
I feel so lonely now, that Liz doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw her in her bedroom window in bed with Kyle. I thought my eyes where playing tricks on me but I guess they weren’t. God, I just want her back. My heartache is driving me crazy. I just feel so helpless. It took everything to get her back and now she sleeps with Kyle. Please God help me!!!!!!!!
April 5th 2001
I’ve been sitting home with a lot on my mind. These past few weeks have been hard on me and everyone else too. I don’t understand what is going on because it appears that the present is not what it was suppose to be. Strange, I know, but anything is possible.
April 7th 2001
And away we go again. I was walking down the street the other day with Michael and I saw Liz on the other side. Her and Maria were looking in the shop window at clothes. I don’t think she saw me though. It was so hard to see her and not to be able to go to her and whisper into her ear. It’s just so horrible.
April 11th 2001
I can’t believe it I am really gorgeous and good looking but why is she fooling round with Maria’s cousin or whatever he is. He’s been in jail maybe that’s what Liz wants a mysterious and dangerous guy. A real bad boy maybe I’ll try to be one. I’ll go out and buy some really gangster clothes and totally change my look. Maybe I’ll ask Isabel seen as she’s the fashion expert. Write in here later.
April 20th 2001
I just made a big fat mistake! I kissed Tess. Now nothing can ever be the same again with Liz. I’m so mad at myself!!!!!!! I don’t even like Tess as a person so I don’t know why I even kissed her. I feel so guilty, but I can’t tell Liz. She said it would break her if I told her that I was with Tess. But I’m not with Tess, I just kissed her. Arrrrrrghh!!!!
Early April 21st 2001
I HATE Sean! I want to kill him so badly! I envy him with every single on of my cells. Why do I suddenly have an urge to kick the living crap out of him? This is why! I was walking down the streets of Roswell trying to clear my head (the day after prom) and I looked across the street to find him touching and kissing MY Liz! She was even smiling that breath taking and stunning smile of hers1 she was giving him the smile of hers! She was giving him the smile that she only ever gave to me! I am the only one who is supposed to do that with her! I probably sound insane because thing are.
Late April 21st 2001
Just got back from prom tonight. The weirdest thing happened. I kissed Tess. I couldn’t believe it. One minute I was depressing over Liz and I, and the next Tess and I were kissing. Afterwards I went and looked for Liz, but I couldn’t find her. So I went down the Crashdown to see if I could find her, but she wasn’t there. I really hope she didn’t see what I think she might have. I didn’t want to kiss here, but it was like something was making me. I like Tess and all my heart belongs to Liz. I can’t help it. I have a destiny to be with Tess, but I feel it should be with Liz. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I never saved Liz that day in the Crashdown. The thing is I can’t really imagine not saving her. Lately I don’t feel like myself. I’m making decisions I don’t want to make. I don’t understand myself.
Early April 22nd 2001
Dear Log, I think it is finally over between Liz and I. I mean we danced once at the prom and she pretty much told me that she can’t take the fact that Tess and I are destined to be together. So afterwards I went out in the hall to think. Tess came out to talk to me and we ended up kissing. I can’t believe it. I don’t even know how it happened. It’s not like I wanted to because even now after it happened I know still that I have no feelings for Tess the way I do for Liz. So after we kissed I went and looked for Liz. I couldn’t find her anywhere so then I went by the Crashdown and she wasn’t there either. I hope she didn’t see Tess and I kiss. I wouldn’t know how to explain it to her. I can’t even explain it to myself. Yes, I have a destiny with Tess, but my heart belongs to Liz. I can’t explain it, but it does. There has always been something about Liz that just pulls me to her. I can’t explain that either. Maybe one day I can.
Early April 24th 2001
Dear Log, My responsibilities, as they are, make my life as it is miserable. It seems that, in order to make one person happy, I have to make someone else suffer. Nothing is clear as I wish it could be. Alex has died. I feel numb with loss, and with the knowledge that it is so easy to lose the ones I love. I went in the van to heal him; I opened the body bag, and I saw him. I closed my eyes as I placed my hand on his mangled chest. It was horrible. I could not even look at him. I could feel the energy go through my palm, but in my heart, I knew that there was no possibility of my being able to bring him back. As I left the van, I saw all of my friends… The look on their faces just killed me. Never in all my lives, will I ever forget the pain on Isabel’s face. I ran after her, but there was no comfort I was able to give. Liz came to my room, and I felt a light dawn, but her grief, that she hides, comes out as anger. She left me eating, with the knowledge that she knew Tess and I kissed….I can’t even react to that. She said that it’s good that I’ve moved on….but I haven’t, and I never will. All I ever see, is Liz, even in Tess, and I can’t ever let go. I saw the file that Valenti written up on Alex. The evidence is convincing…I saw it in the file that it was more likely than anything that he was depressed…But we all saw him…and he wasn’t like that. The funeral was terrible. At the reception at his house, in his bedroom, Liz said some things that really was out of line, and I got so mad that I left alone with Tess, Isabel, and Michael…For some reason I feel that everything is really starting to fall apart at the seams, and worse, I think we all being separated by secrets and lies. Tess is there for me, more often than not, and I am compelled top go to her for release of all my burdens….but I know it wouldn’t be fair. It’s my responsibility…I will handle it, and one day, everything will be back to as it should be, whatever that is…
April 28th 2001
Okay, being a leader sucks…I know that’s not a word I use often, but I feel it’s appropriate now. This role sucks. And I’ve been thinking, about the whole Alex thing and….maybe if Liz is right, maybe I’m just afraid that I would be responsible for Alex’s death. I’ve just got so much more on my shoulders right now, and this wasn’t exactly the best time. Alex didn’t deserve that, and I know, as my role as a leader, I shouldn’t have let them get involved. That was one decision I screwed up on. But I didn’t really know I was a leader the either. I’ve got to start making the right decision now. No more humans involved, no more helping…even if that means no more Liz. God, I hate to say that, but she’s right, and we both have to move on. Michael can still do what he wants with Maria. It’s not like I can stop him. But even if he’s dating her, they can’t be in danger anymore, no more involving. I’m a leader, and I have to make the right decisions, starting now.
Still….being leader sucks….
April 29th 2001
Dear Log, I have been having the worst dreams lately. I don’t even understand them…I see mist, everything is cloudy, and images seem to go so fast in every direction that I can’t slow them down to make any sense in them. I tried to dream walk Isabel, but she has shut me out. I know I will never be able to have her ability, but I have been able to contact her with concentration. Alex’s death, I feel, has made her shut down. I can’t bear to see her that way. It really concerns me that Is won’t let me in, she has an iron grip on her mind, and I can’t help her. I wish Alex never died. I wish I could go back in time, and stop all these terrible things form happening.
May 2nd 2001
Okay , when did I become the one everyone hates? When did everything I know switch around? I mean here I am, and the only one I can get to agree with me is Tess. Isabel, what is she thinking???? Can’t she see that leaving will kill us all? Is she forgetting who we really are? That collage won’t make everything go away? What if we need her? I know I sound like a big jerk, but I am making the right decision here. It’s too risky for her to leave. And Liz we did a full 360 turn. I feel like I don’t even know her anymore. What went wrong? Where did we say the wrong things? Does she truly feel like this? The same words just keep repeating in my head: Is it really over? Funny Tess is the only here for me through this. And it’s amazing I used to want nothing to do with her. But it still fells a little uncomfortable kissing her, holding her…not the way Liz used to. Is Tess forcing me though? No, I can’t think like that now. She’s the only one I have left. But still could she? And when do all these questions get answered?
May 8th 2001
I’m still in shock I think. I mean, it was only 1 night and now I’m going to be a father. I’m scared and proud all at the same time. Does this truly mean that Tess is my Destiny? If we can go home, will we? I mean, when it comes down to it. Do I want to leave here to go there? I’m so confused. Deep in my heart, I know I still love Liz, but my responsibilities lie with Tess now, Liz, Maria, Kyle, Valenti even Alex have had such a huge impact on our lives here. It will be hard it that’s what we decide to do. All I know is that we must decide together. Here in this decoded mess of papers are all the answers we ever wanted. Part of me is filled with joy. The answers to our problems. The other part of me is wrecked with guilt, because Liz was right. I am responsible for Alex.
May 21st 2001
So much has happen today, going after Leanne, telling Liz everything. Going to the Granolith. Hearing Tess’s betrayal. I don’t know how I ever fell in love with her. I probably didn’t. She probably brain warped me into thinking that I did. She’s a betrayer, and I will never forget everything she’s done to us all. Manipulating us to get what she wants, because of a DEAL that Nasdeo made forty years ago. My son is in danger. He wasn’t in danger on Earth, he was in danger with Tess. How could’ve I never saw that? She really hated Liz, she wasn’t the person I thought she was. I can hardly even think straight right now. But Liz was there at the rocks, she was the one who figured out that Tess was doing the brain warping. Once again, Liz saved us. How could I ever try to forget my love for her? She didn’t ever sleep with Kyle, I knew it. I love Liz. I told her so at the rocks, as we saw Tess leave this planet. I will never forget, and I will never let Liz go again.
May 22nd 2001
I knew it! I knew she didn’t sleep with Kyle. Deep down in my heart I didn’t want to believe it. This is just a sign that we were meant to be together. How could I have slept with Tess? How will I be able to live with the fact that the mother of my son is a murderer. What type of person do you have to be to kill an innocent person like that. I wonder now what Kavir will do since she didn’t meet her end of the deal? She did not, nor will not deliver us to him. I will save my son, no matter what. All I can focus on now is Liz. Will she take me back? will things be different between us because of Tess. Only time will tell.
June 1st 2001
Okay so Liz is playing on my mind! I cannot eat or sleep I feel sick when I think of Tess. I’m not going to let this ruined my life though, I mean Kyle hasn’t left his house since we got back from the rock’s. Isabel seems very worried, she also seems very angry inside and I’m worried about her. Michael and Maria are they have everything they want each other! I may go and see Liz and talk to her, it felt right when I kissed her and I do love her. I just need time to get my get my thoughts together.
June 4th 2001
I yelled at Liz, what am I thinking?? Liz came over and she’s been talking to Michael who’s advised her to come and tell me how she felt. She came in and all I could think about was how much Tess had hurt her and us and I took it out on her!! I’m a idiot. I called Liz and told her to come over again. I haven’t really talked to anyone just Michael and Isabel but Isabel is worried about Kyle and is having fun with Maria. Liz is here and I don’t know what to say
June 4th 2001Later
I still can’t believe all that has happened. Every night, I toss and turn, thinking of Tess and the way she used us. How could she kill Alex? She ruined like months of my life with Liz. I’ve loved her since I laid eyes on her, and I always will, how could I ever think otherwise? Liz did put me through a lot of pain with the whole Kyle thing but she only did it because she knew my destiny was Tess. God, I can barely even write that. Its hard for me to even think about last year, and how close Liz and I were. I love her so much, and I still do, but we’ve missed so much time together, and now that I slept with Tess, and have a son…I wonder if she will ever feel the way she used to about me. Who am I kidding? It was me who ruined my relationship with Liz, not Tess. I know that it isn’t ruined, she knows that I love her, and I will love her, till the end of the world. I need to fix it all, I’m going to go talk to her. I just, I just want to protect her, to comfort her, to love her. We will get back together, its inevitable. We are soul mates, there is no way I would’ve found her and end up losing her. She and I are meant to be, I know it, I’ve always known it.
June 5th 2001
Me and Liz may finally be in a place we were two years ago. A new friendship and a new beginning!!!! I hope we will come though with fate on our side! Tomorrow I’m going out with Michael to play basketball while the girls go shopping! I’m going to the beach with others next week which will be fun and maybe meant some open wounds that have been made by Tess and Alex. Life has to go on and I’m going to live it the best I can! With My sister, My friends and the girl I love.
June 7th 2001
So tonight was fun Liz wasn’t there but I think she has a fever or that’s what Maria told me! We went over Maria’s place and watched the Blair Witch Project which scared the living crap out of Maria! She was hiding her face from the TV all night, Michael and I’m pleased. Michael was hugging her and saying we should turn it off but Maria said no. Michael has become a new man since he met Maria and I’m pleased. Michael put Maria to bed die to her falling asleep when we started watching sixth sense and Kyle went and put rock’s in her room!!!! Michael didn’t know and just as me and Isabel were leaving we heard a scream, Michael went running into Maria’s room and Kyle started laughing. Maria beat the crap out of Kyle while Michael watched on with a slight smile. God for once it felt like were just normal teenagers having fun!
June 14th 2001
Liz and I are really getting along and I was so thankful that we got talk on our trip to the beach! Michael and Maria and Isabel and Kyle enjoyed themselves which we all needed. Me and Liz walked and talked for a long time and were finally not letting Tess ruined our lives. I am determined to find if I have a son because I will find him and not let him. I will find a way to get him if he exists. Liz said she’ll be behind me 100% which I’m happy about. I’m going to have a shower because I have sand in my hair.
June 16th 2001
WOW! Liz and I are actually back together. We talked for hours last night and we apologized for all those mean things we said to each other. I can’t believe I could’ve lost her forever. Tess is going to pay for what she did to Alex. Liz is behind me on this, but I don’t know what Liz will do when she finally sees Tess. Well, none of that matters now, what matters is that I have Liz and I actually know that we belong together. She is my TRUE DESTINY, I knew that ever since I saved her life, but will many things change because it was to Tess that I lost my virginity? Iiiiiii!!!!!! To Tess. I can’t believe it, I love Liz with all my heart and we will leave each other’s sides ever again.
June 22nd 2001
I had a great day today, Liz and I went out for dinner, it was really special and I felt the happiest I have for as long time. I know she is the one I am beginning to stop feeling so hurt over Tess’s betrayal. I am now focused on my relationship with Liz and I know, some day I will have my son. Liz would be a great mom. I wonder what it would be like now if we had got married, seeing as Tess has gone away anyway? Well I suppose I should just focus on the future , my future with Liz, oh and Liz and I are going out with Michael and Maria tomorrow night. Lets hope this double date is not a disastrous as the last one.
June 25th 2001
My date with Liz was great. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her, she looked so beautiful. In fact I have only just got home, her parents were out of town and I went back to her house. We had this great long talk and she said that if I ever found my son again she would support me all the way. She said she couldn’t bare to lose me again and if it meant she had to be a mother to my son, then so be a mother to my son, then so be it. She is so great. I LOVE her.
June 29th 2001
Liz, Isabel, and all had a sleepover last night. Everyone knows that girls talk, about guys, about Michael, Kyle, and me. So when Isabel got home from Maria’s this morning, I asked her what they talked about, and what Liz talked about. She wouldn’t tell me. Maria won’t tell me either. Liz and I are together now, but I still want to know what they said. I think Izzy just needed to have some fun with messing with my mind.
July 1st 2001
I had a date with Liz last night. I was boring at first. We went to some fancy restaurant, because Isabel told me that it’s what girls like. Apparently Liz is no ordinary girl, because she looked bored too. So I asked her if she wanted to go someplace else. We broke into a blowing alley. This is not like Liz, but she said that’s where she wanted to go. We took off our shoes and slid on the bowling alley. It was actually fun. Then we went to her house and had food at the Crashdown. We had to be quite though, or her parents would’ve thought someone snuck in.
July 3rd 2001
I know how Liz knew how to break into the bowling alley. I overheard her telling Maria and Isabel at the Crashdown. Sean showed her how. Man I want to kick his ass for thinking he could date my Liz. And he seems to think he can still be with her as he was hitting on her at Maria’s sleepover (I overheard that as well). Michael thinks I should go round and punch him, maybe I will, but Liz wouldn’t like me doing that. I told Michael this and he said he would do it for me, which I would have accepted until he remembered that Sean was Maria’s cousin and she would probably with-hold a few.
July 5th 2001
Well, Well. Last night was a big surprise. The girls surprise attacked us. Liz nailed me with shaving foam and I tickled her! LOTS OF TIMES! I kissed her and she got shaving foam on her face. She looked funny! I didn’t tell her that though! ; ) Today we pop firecrackers. I’m going to get one that’s personalized. Shh, it’s a secret, I’m going to get one that says, + Liz you are my dream girl! + She’ll love it. Gotta go. Max
July 12th 2001
Liz, Michael, Maria, Kyle, Isabel and I have decided to go away for a week. My dad has noticed how stressed Isabel and I have looked recently and he decided to do something about it. He talked to Liz’s parents, Kyle’s dad and Maria’s mom and they all agreed that we should have a holiday. They all noticed how refreshed we looked after coming back from the beach so they have rented us a log cabin in the mountains about four hours away from Roswell. We are going away for a whole week on our own, how exciting is that. Not that we haven’t gone away on our own before, but this time we won’t be running after evil aliens. Plus, I get Liz to myself for a week. I can’t wait. We go tomorrow and I have packed my bag already. I know I’ll go and see Liz.
2 HOURS LATER
I’m just back from Liz’s she is really excited as well. I was helping her pack.
July 13th 2001
Liz and I were kissing under the balcony, that our cabin has, and Kyle, Isabel, Michael, and Maria, were on top of the balcony and they dumped a bucket of freezing cold water on us. So later, the rest of the gang was under the balcony looking at the ocean, and Liz and I were on the balcony, with another bucket of water, and we dumped it on them, and Liz and I +high-five+ each other. LOL. It was soooo funny. Ciao, I’m still wet, I never changed, after getting soaking wet.